Teach Me Tantra! Ch. 02

Chapter 2 -- Amanda Touches Herself

I gave Amanda my address and she agreed to meet me there later that evening.

When I got home, I prepared my bedroom for her arrival, took a shower and put on a long black robe.

My doorbell rang at 8 pm on the dot and I opened my door, still wearing my robe. Amanda was standing behind it with her hands together and her head down, looking at my bare feet.

"Good evening, Dirk," she said softly.

"Good evening, Amanda," I replied, smiling. "I wasn't completely sure that you would come, but I'm so glad you did. Please come in. Would you like some tea?"

She shook her head no and I led her into the living room where we could talk. I sat in an over-stuffed leather chair and she sat on the couch across from me.

"I'm still trying to figure you out," I admitted. "On one hand you seem a bit shy, but on the other hand you can speak very directly. You had the courage to come up to my table and tell me the details of your story. You seemed unfazed when you agreed to meet me and maybe even be intimate with me."

"Well, I'm already 24, Dirk," she began, her voice more assertive. "I feel like I keep getting older but I'm stuck. Like I've been missing out on something for a long time. Like every other women has figured this out already.

"I don't know if you noticed, but I was watching you for a few days before I worked myself up to approach you. I gave this a lot of thought before I made up my mind. I needed to be sure that this is what I really wanted. I needed to be sure that I was attracted to you and would feel comfortable with you.

"Maybe it was desperation that finally pushed me over to your table, but I am glad I did. You seem like a nice man. You're not ugly. Your voice is calm and soothing and you seem like you really care about women."

"Thank you, Amanda," I said. "I was moved by your story and you seem like a very sweet girl." I clasped my hands together, "Now, where should I begin? How about I tell you my story?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes, please. I want to know about everything."

"Okay, then. Since I was barely a teenager," I began, "I loved touching myself every chance I could and I would read anything I could find for inspiration. There was no internet back then, so I was limited to books, the underwear section of the Sears catalogue, and the occasional adult magazine I snuck from my dad's collection.

"One day I read a story about this thing called 'Tantric Sex'. There were images of Indian men and women, dressed in colourful clothes, locked in a loving embrace in all kinds of exotic sexual positions. The story said that they were doing this for hours.

"I loved the idea that they appeared to have no limits, that it might be possible to feel these beautiful feelings for a long, long time. I was instantly hooked on the concept.

"So I started reading everything I could find on the subject, which wasn't much. There were books written by Westerners along with some ancient Tantric sutras that were translated from Sanskrit to English.

"But the authentic texts didn't really talk about physical sex. They talked about a sacred union--not with your partner, but with 'the universe', with 'god'. In fact, some Tantric sects do not have physical sex with a partner at all. They are celibate. Their union is with the universe itself.

"The Western books usually include a copy of the Kama Sutra somewhere, with all those sexy positions, but I couldn't understand how the one connected to the other.

"I had a feeling that I was missing something, too. That there was some mysterious sutra out there that put all the pieces together. Making this connection took many years, but I was undaunted.

"One day I found a book on Taoist Sexuality. This information came from ancient Chinese sources, not Indian. It was written by a doctor. There was nothing in it about love, intimacy or mental attitudes. It was very clinical and straight-forward.

"It described the sexuality of the male and female body and techniques for maximising your pleasure during sex. It even showed how you could use sex to improve your health. It was full of claims that seemed impossible.

"My partner at the time and myself were sceptical, but open-minded. So we tried a few things that we thought we would like, if only to prove the book wrong.

"Time after time we found that things really worked the way the book claimed. At a minimum, we were unable to prove they were wrong.

"Finally! I thought. This was the missing piece. The missing sutra. The connection between mind and body that I had been missing for all of these years."

Amanda was sitting on the edge of the sofa. Her legs were crossed with her hands resting on her knees. She was fully engaged, looking right at me through her large glasses, nodding as I continued.

"After more experimentation, more trial and error, we found that something magical occurred when we merged the mental attitudes of the Indian teachings with the practical, physical techniques of the Chinese.

"I don't like to call it 'Tantric Sex', because it doesn't necessarily conform to the practices of any specific Tantric cults, but calling it the Tantric style seems like the best description.

"Sex is mainly in you head, Amanda, not your body. How you are thinking in the moment has a great deal to do with how fulfilling a sexual encounter can be.

"Two women may experience the same thing physically but have completely different mental attitudes about it. One woman may love it, look back on it fondly, try to recreate it. But another woman may think it is disgusting, even traumatic.

"Physically they are both experiencing the same thing. It is how their minds are interpreting it that can be very different.

"I think we should start with your attitude about yourself and your partner," I offered. "Let's go up to my bedroom. I want to show you something."

I gently took her hand and led her up to my bedroom. It was tidy and lit with a couple of small, warm lamps and the flicker of some scented candles. My king-sized bed was neatly made, with a large picture over the headboard. At the foot of the bed were two padded chairs with a small table between them.

I led her to one of the chairs and sat down on the other one. When she was settled, I directed her eyes to the picture over the bed. It showed a man and a woman, locked in a loving embrace, staring into each other's eyes.

"Some pictures objectify people, especially women," I continued. "Like that calendar in the janitor's room. It reduces them to body parts; an ass, a breast, a leg, a pussy.

"But we are not just a collection of parts. You cannot separate one part from another. We are all perfectly imperfect human beings. We may not have the best ass, or the best breasts, but taken together the result is always beautiful.

"The man in this picture is not a body-builder. The woman is not a runway model. They are real people. They are human. They are lovers, they are connected, they are one. They are not looking at each other's parts, judging them. They are gazing into each other's eyes. There is love in those eyes, respect, admiration, appreciation.

"In the Tantric tradition, your partner is more than just an imperfect human. He is a god. She is a goddess. He represents every man who has ever been born, or who will ever be born. And she represents every woman.

"In the moment, all they want to do is please each other, worship each other. There is no thought about what they did before that moment, or what they might do after that moment. There is just the moment. And they express their appreciation that this god or this goddess has graciously shared it with them.

"As part of this attitude you need to accept yourself as a goddess.

"This can be difficult for some. We can have a warped opinion of ourselves, our bodies. Sometimes we reject praise and accept criticism. We put our bodies under a microscope and hold them up to unobtainable, unrealistic images that make us feel inadequate, that make us feel like we need to change something.

"But we are all beautiful exactly the way we are. We look exactly the way we should look in this moment. We are all deserving of love, of respect. And our bodies are deserving of worship.

"So given all of this, there is no pain in the Tantric tradition, no punishment, no judgement, no degradation.

"Your environment should reflect this. It should be inviting. Appealing to all of your senses; sight, sound, smell, touch.

"Your room should be uncluttered and free of as many distractions as possible. The lighting should be soft. Any scents should be pleasing to your nose. This could be incense, scented oil or candles.

"A lot of perfume can be distracting and take away from your natural odours which can be intoxicating by themselves. So it is better to avoid strong perfumes and cologne and instead shower first so that your body is clean and presentable for your partner."

I got up from the chair and walked over to my closet. After some rummaging I pulled out a pink satin robe, with little white and yellow daisies embroidered down the lapel. I handed it to her and pointed towards the en-suite.

"To that point, I'd like you to take a quick shower, put on this robe and lie down on the bed. There are fresh towels by the tub."

She took the robe tentatively, holding it with her slender fingers and thought about it for a minute. She looked up at me, down to the robe and back at me again.

"Don't be nervous, sweetheart. I don't plan to touch you tonight. But if you are uncomfortable about anything, we can talk about it. And I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to do."

"Okay," she said finally, getting up from her chair and heading towards the bathroom.

While she was showering I turned down the bed and piled the pillows up by the headboard.

After a few minutes the bathroom door slowly opened and she emerged, the silky robe draped over her slender frame. A bit of a blush on her shy face. I was patiently waiting for her, sitting back in my chair, still wearing my robe.

"Like I said earlier," I began. "Sex is mainly in your head, so let's talk about your thoughts during sex.

"A lot of people reach into their archives for inspiration during sex so they can think about something that turns them on; a person, a situation, a fantasy. This is not the Tantric way. As I said before, Tantric practitioners view sex as a sacred, present moment meditation."

"I've heard about this present moment meditation before. What exactly is it?" Amanda asked.

"We all have two distinct aspects to ourselves, an Ego and a Spirit," I explained. "The ego is that inner voice you always hear in your head. It feels alone. It is afraid. Afraid of dying, afraid of being hurt. It appears logical in how it justifies itself, but it is not.

"Following this voice alone will not bring happiness into your life. It will keep you away from happiness. This is because moving from unhappiness to happiness is a change, and the ego does not like any change at all, good or bad.

"But this is not really 'your' voice. It is just a repeating program. The real 'you' is the thing that hears the voice and decides whether to listen to it or to ignore it.

"Your spirit doesn't have this type of voice. It lives in your gut, not in your head. It expresses itself with feelings, flashes of insight, not words. It is very wise and knows things that your ego doesn't. But it cannot explain logically why it knows them.

"Easterners believe this spirit is part of a universal spirit and the knowing is coming from a universal intelligence. Westerners believe that the spirit is their connection with God.

"But now I'm crossing into people's belief systems and that is a personal thing. From a purely scientific point of view, cultivating your 'spirit' does relax your body, quiet your mind and improve your immunity.

"But sadly this spirit is easily dominated by the ego. Although it is always there, it is often pushed down and drowned out by the ego, to the point that many don't even realise it is there. This makes us feel even more separated and alone.

"The ego lives in the past and in the future. It regrets things that happened in the past, things it wishes it didn't do, things it didn't do but wished it had. Reliving events over and over. And it worries about the future, imagining all the bad things that could happen, but in reality probably won't.

"However, the ego is usually silent in the present. This is the domain of the spirit. We rarely regret the things we are doing right now. We are rarely afraid of what is happening to us right now.

"By bringing our minds into the present moment we can quiet the egoic noise in our heads. This is what present moment meditation is all about.

"We can't stop our thoughts, this is part of being alive. But we can gently direct our thoughts to the present moment. When we have a thought about a past regret or a future worry we don't ignore it. We observe it, let it be heard, then let it go so we can return to the present.

"As the ego calms we can begin to get in touch with our spirit. The spirit never feels alone. It is connected to everything.

"With practice, this type of meditation calms all of those egoic thoughts, relaxes our bodies, strengthens our immune system and gives voice to our spirit. And that calmness carries into our everyday lives.

"So I would like you to take a deep breath, close your eyes and observe the present moment like a meditation."

Amanda inhaled deeply, closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillows, allowing her robe to open a little as she exhaled, revealing the smooth skin between her breasts and part of her slender legs.

"I want you to observe everything around you," I continued. "What are you hearing? What are you smelling? What are you feeling?

"Observe your breathing, but don't try to change it. Observe your heartbeat. If a thought about the past or present occurs, recognise the thought and then let it go.

"Yes, there is another person in the room. I am here, I am observing you too. But I am not observing you as an object. I am observing you as a beautiful, desirable person, a goddess. I only want you to feel safe, comfortable and fulfilled. I only want to support you."

I could see her small body sink into the bed as she began focusing on her surroundings.

"When you are feeling relaxed, I want you to touch yourself and see if you can give yourself an orgasm."

Her eyes snapped open and her jaw dropped in disbelief. "I don't know about that," she stammered. "Nobody has ever seen me touch myself like that before."

"It's Okay, sweetheart. This is important and I already told you I wasn't planning to touch you tonight. I want you to observe everything that is happening while you do it. I will stroke my cock a little in my chair to build some sexual energy in the room.

"See if you can feel my admiration of your body, my passion, my sexual energy across the room. Observe the lovely sensations you feel as you touch and stroke your body. Focus on the areas of your body that are feeling the best and try to expand those feelings across your body. Observe how your body begins to change as you approach your orgasm.

"Your clitoris is not disconnected from your body, it is part of it. Imagine where your clitoris starts on your body and where it ends. Why should touching one part feel better than touching any other part?

"See if you can expand that feeling beyond your clitoris to the rest of your body. Imagine that your entire body is one big clitoris, every patch of skin sensitive to just the slightest delicious touch."

Amanda closed her eyes and I could see her begin to relax again. After a while she moved her right hand down between her legs and began to gently brush her fingers against her inner thigh, allowing her robe to open a bit further. She took another deep breath and cracked a small smile as she continued to touch her body with her eyes still closed.

I find the sight of a woman touching herself to be very erotic. Especially a young woman with slender limbs and soft creamy skin. My cock began to stir as she continued touching herself and I grabbed it with my left hand and started gently stroking it, allowing my own robe to fall open. I made as little noise as possible so as not to distract her from her concentration.

She brought her right hand up to her lips and licked her fingers. Her robe opened further as she parted her legs, exposing her tiny shaved pussy before covering it with her hand to stroke the outer lips with her slippery fingers.

Then she lifted her left hand and began massaging her right breast under the robe, letting out a soft moan. She licked her fingers again and put them on her clitoris, rubbing it back and forth, up and down, tracing little circles around it, occasionally moving lower to stroke her pussy lips.

She continued this for some time, stroking her clitoris, massaging her breasts.

After a while her breath became quicker, shallower. She arched her back and pressed her head further into the pillows as her body stiffened and quivered with an orgasm.

Amanda lay back for a moment, relaxing. Her eyes were still closed and she had a contented smile on her face. Finally she let them flutter open and saw me sitting there with my hard cock in my hand.

Instantly her face turned red and she gasped.

"Oh my god," she blurted, quickly closing the robe over her body, "I can't believe I did that".

"I'm glad you did, sweetheart. It was beautiful and I feel honoured to have witnessed it. And as you can see," I said, covering my hard cock with my robe, "It made me very excited as well.

"So how did it feel?" I asked. "Were you observing your body? Were you observing the feelings in your body as you touched it? Could you feel my loving presence in the room? Could you feel your breath quickening, your heart pumping faster and harder as you approached your orgasm?"

"At first I was a bit nervous," she admitted. "I was feeling self-conscious. Frankly, I was wishing you weren't there.

"But then I remembered what you said, that you appreciated my body, with all of its flaws. That you were there to support me, not to judge me.

"After a while the thought that you were watching me and touching yourself began to turn me on more. I was less and less afraid that you were watching.

"And I started to pick up on your desire. The fact that I might be turning you on made me feel even more hot. I stopped trying to hide my body from you and instead felt as if I was offering it to you, knowing that you only wanted me to feel pleasure. I don't even know why I was so nervous when I started."

"That's wonderful, Amanda," I smiled back at her. "I think that's enough for tonight. Why don't you come back next week and we can continue the lessons?"

"I'd like that," she agreed, a little sheepishly as she went to the bathroom to dress.

When she was dressed, I walked her downstairs to the front door.

"If you are going to continue with these lessons, Amanda," I added, "There are two things I'd like you to do for your homework.

"First, I'd like you to continue to practice this by yourself. Create a loving environment in your place, uncluttered, soft lighting, minimal distractions.

"Close your eyes and observe everything that is happening in and around your body. Recognise your egoic thoughts when they come up and let them go. Observe the changes in your body as you approach your orgasm.

"Secondly, I'd like you to spend some time outdoors in nature. Our egos feel that we are above nature, separate from it. But we are not. We are a part of it and it is a part of us. There are subtle life energies all around us. Maybe we can't see them or haven't yet invented a detector to pick them up, but they are there.