Teacher. Lover. Friend.

Traci was sobbing now, and I knew it wasn't because we'd have to end our relationship. She and her husband, Greg, had been married for 27 years, and from the little bit she had said about him, it sounded like a great marriage, despite Greg's illness. They had tried to have children for a number of years, but apparently it was not to be, so the two were centered completely on each other.

Greg had been a medical supply salesman up until he had to stop working four years ago. They found the illness about six years ago, and he worked up until the point that maneuvering his wheelchair became a problem. The two of them had made good money until then and were financially ready for what was coming. The emotional toll, however, had to be devastating. I could only imagine how it would have affected my parents if it had been them.

Although we were both naked, the hug I gave Traci was purely supportive. My heart was breaking for her.

"If there's ever anything I can do for you two, ever, you just let me know. I'm there," I said with the utmost sincerity. "Mow your grass, wash your car ... I mean anything ...

"I don't know how to properly thank you for everything you've given me ... besides the gift of your body and your experience. The trust you've placed in me ... the trust you've both placed in me ..."

We got dressed in silence. We hugged before we opened the door and left the motel for what we both believed would be the last time.

My mother called me about six months later with the news that Greg Blackstone had died. Apparently she and Traci had become friends and kept in touch since my high school graduation. It's funny, Traci never mentioned to me that she had kept in touch with my mom, and my mom never said anything either.

I went to the funeral, sitting with my mom in the back row in the church. After the burial, we both paid our respects quickly and left.

One week later I was sitting in my apartment near the university taking in a ballgame on the television. I hadn't gone home for the summer because I was working at the local hospital on an internship. There was a knock at the door, and when I answered a well-dressed man of about 30 introduced himself as an attorney with Gluck & Stroh, a law firm in my hometown. He handed me a sealed manila envelope and had me sign something that looked like a fancy receipt book.

I pulled a beer out of the fridge and sat down in my La-Z-Boy. I slit the envelope open and pulled out a letter and a check -- holy shit a check for $50,000! It was made out to me, and signed by Leonard A. Roth, representative of Greg Blackstone. My mind started to reel, so I figured I'd better read the letter to figure out what was going on.

"Dear Mr. Jarrett,

"Although we never met while I was alive, we shared a connection that I believes bonds us forever. I know that you were my wife's lover for the past few years ... a lover that I encouraged and practically insisted she take. I was not able to provide for her from a sexual standpoint for the last several years, but I knew my vigorous, healthy wife would do nothing to disrespect me nor break our vows. While I totally trusted my wife to remain true to me, I was also afraid that with the stress of the situation, some unscrupulous person would be able to manipulate her into making a life-altering mistake ... for which she would feel guilty for the rest of her life. So I practically begged her to take a lover, knowing that she would choose one wisely and be discreet. And that would hopefully eliminate the possibility of that life-altering mistake happening.

"Traci and I never discussed potential lovers. The decision was completely hers. We also agreed not to talk about her relationship. I just asked for her respect and ultimate discretion.

"I must admit I was surprised and somewhat jealous when she chose an 18-year-old boy. At first I thought it was the very cuckold situation I was trying to avoid. But as you two moved into your relationship I realized that she chose a very special person to do a very special task. In essence, you did me the biggest favor one man could ask another, to take care of his wife in a special way with no hope of love ever becoming part of the equation, and yet being thoughtful, caring, and completely respectful. By respecting her completely and not treating her as merely a sex toy, you showed me the ultimate respect. I don't know how to properly thank you for that.

"Traci has no idea I even knew your identity. I had some of my people check you out completely. I needed to make sure my wife -- the love of my life -- was in good hands, so to speak.

"The check enclosed is just a small token of my appreciation for your consideration, respect, and kindness. Traci need never know about it. I know it will come in handy for school expenses.

"In closing, I again want to thank you for the respect and kindness you have shown both Traci and me. And if I may, I would ask you for two more additional favors. You have received this letter one week after my death. I know Traci will need a proper mourning period, but after that she is going to need you more than ever ... as much for who you are as well as the sex. And the first time you two again have sex, I ask that it be soft and gentle lovemaking ... and share your first kiss. Yes, I know she never let you kiss her before ... because in her mind that would have been crossing the line. But do it this time and tell her it's my special request.

"The second favor is for the future. Hopefully, Traci lives a long and fulfilling life, and finds someone to spend the rest of her life with. Regardless, when the end finally gets near and comes, I would ask that she not be alone ... that you be there for her with your physical presence and your being ... sort of like you would be leading her to the gate and handing her back to me, because, trust me, I will be waiting there most anxiously.

"I have leaned on you a lot more than you realize these last few years, and if I am correct about you, you will let me lean on you a little more. Again, thank you for everything."

"Most sincerely,

"Greg"

I called Traci once a week for more than six months, never chatting for more than 10 minutes at any single time. I was just checking in, and not trying to look like I was pressuring her to restart our sex. I really had no idea of everything she was dealing with, so I tried to give her space but show her I still cared. I know what we had together wasn't love, but I think our extraordinary arrangement pushed us past being just ordinary friends.

And then one day seemingly out of the blue, she called. We set up a dinner date for the next Saturday at a small Italian restaurant. The way our situation was, we had never been out to dinner before, so this was new territory for us.

I got back into town from the university a few hours early so I headed over to my parents' house to say hello first. They were happy to see me, and were happy to hear that Traci and I were going to spend the evening out. At one point, my mother sent my father to the convenience store to get something she said they needed for supper, and when he left the house she came over to me with what I could see was a look of concern.

"Is there something wrong, Mom?" I asked.

"Robert, dear, it's been a long rough patch for Traci ... and I just want to make sure you understand that this has been a very emotional time for her ... and I want to make sure you be very gentle and loving with her. She is a special, special woman."

I caught where this was going immediately, and I looked at my mom with what I know was a shocked look on my face. She blushed a little.

"Yes, dear, I know. I've known for some time now. Mothers know things, Dear. Traci owned up to it when I asked her. She explained the whole thing to me, and I've kept her confidence as well. Even your father doesn't know.

"And Traci was quick to point out that she would gladly step aside when you found someone you were serious about."

I know I was blushing profusely. Yet somehow it also made some sense to me.

My parents and I had a nice visit, then I went off to pick up Traci for our evening out. I noted to myself that this was the first time I had ever been to her home as in the past we used to drive separately to wherever it was that we were meeting.

The restaurant turned out to be a small place that Traci and Greg frequented on a regular basis before his sickness stopped him from going out. Everybody seemed to know Traci and said hello, and she introduced me to everyone as a friend of hers and Greg. Although she pretty much avoided the topic of Greg when she was with me in the past, now she overflowed with stories and anecdotes about him in such a warm way that I almost expected him to show up any minute.

The owner of the restaurant even stopped by for a few minutes, and they swapped a few stories about Greg.

"I can't tell you how much better I feel right now," Traci said when I dropped her off at her home. "Would you like to come in for a drink?"

I politely turned her down and she gave me a sweet yet sad smile. I just had the feeling that we, too, were ending something. After all, Traci was now a widow, and could openly date men. Why would she want a boy, I thought to myself.

"I'll call. I promise," she said.

Like most 21-year-olds, I am apparently a very bad judge of women's emotions. Two days later, Traci called, and asked if we could resume "the other part" of our relationship as well. I was somewhat baffled, but not about to turn down sex with an older goddess.

We met at one of our usual motels, like we used to, and I was good with that. I was hoping she wasn't going to want to move our trysts to her house, now that her husband was dead. That would have been creepy.

Right before we disrobed, I told her that I had something I needed to give her. I walked straight up to her and planted my best kiss solidly on her lips, before she slowly opened her mouth and accepted my tongue inside. She was an excellent kisser, and we stayed glued at the lips for probably two minutes.

"That was a gift from Greg," I half-whispered as we broke our embrace. "I made him a promise."

"But ... how could ..."

She broke down crying and set down on the end of the bed. I sat down with her and took her in my arms.

"I don't know how. But I promised him. I also promised him this."

We made slow and passionate love; so very different from what Traci and I had ever done before. Yes, in all of her teaching, there were lessons on lovemaking in addition to fucking, but on this night it was as much emotional as it was physical. I used all of my senses to try to pick up on any clues I could, and then I used them as best I could. I have to admit, when we were done, I was as drained emotionally as she was. It was quite the night.

We continued to see each other about twice a month through my last year in college and then when I stayed in the area after graduating. We both dated others from time to time, me much more so than her. But I never got serious until I met Mary Jo. I literally bumped into her at a Starbucks. She was right behind me in line, and I didn't see her when I turned around after getting my large black coffee ... yeah, I can never remember the Starbuck's term for large. Anyway, she was right there, I bumped into her and dropped my coffee, which naturally opened and spilled all over the floor. She bent down with me to try to clean up quickly with some napkins when I came upon the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. I sputtered, stuttered, and finally squeaked out an apology.

"Remind me not to give you anything I really like to hold in your hands, butterfingers!" she said sarcastically.

"Not even your small black heart?" I bantered back.

That apparently did the trick. After I bought both of us coffees, we sat down and talked for an hour, then I asked her out to dinner for the next Saturday. We became an item, and although we never talked about exclusivity, after a few months as far as I knew I was the only one she was dating, and she was the only one I was dating ... if you didn't count my arrangement with Traci.

Almost like my mother, Traci had this maternal sense about her and could just pick up on stuff when it came to me. I never hid the fact that I was dating from Traci, but it was not something we talked about much. Mary Jo and I had been dating for about six months before Traci finally spoke up.

"You've been with this one the longest I've ever seen," she said one night after we had finished having sex. "Maybe you need to consider putting an end to our arrangement and make her an honest woman."

The very thought of that hit me like a brick to the forehead. After all this time, I never considered that my arrangement with Traci would have to end if I wanted to continue on with Mary Jo.

"You're right as usual. I don't want either one of us to ever regret any of this for a single moment, so we need to do the right thing."

And just like that, my seven years as Traci's lover came to an end. We still remained friends -- more than friends -- but we never again touched as anything more than friends. Two months later, I asked Mary Jo to marry me, and eight months after that we tied the knot.

Traci continued to stay in my life as a very close friend and adviser, and she and Mary Jo grew close in time as well. In fact, she stayed so close to us that when Ariel was born three years later, Traci became an honorary grandma, and Ariel grew up calling her Grandma Traci. My parents already loved Traci as friends, and Mary Jo's parents also got to know her and like her, and didn't seem to have any problem adding in another grandma to the family mix.

Traci continued to teach until she was 65, then she retired and did some traveling with some other retired teacher friends. I know she dated some from time to time, but never really got herself a regular boyfriend, despite the fact that she had always taken good care of herself and was a pretty sexy Senior Citizen, at least by my way of thinking. Mary Jo apparently thought so, too, because one afternoon when the three of us were out on the deck talking, Mary Jo asked her why she didn't date more.

"I've had one great love in my life, and I've had an amazing friendship and ultimate respect from a second man," she answered. "At this point, I'm not willing to take the chance on another."

Traci glanced over at me when she said the second part of her statement, and that one peek was all that Mary Jo needed to fit the pieces into the puzzle.

"So, then, it's you that I need to thank for teaching my husband to be so attentive to my needs ... all of my needs," Mary Jo giggled. " I'm not sure I can ever repay that debt."

"He was always an eager student and did come with some natural talent," Traci responded.

For my part, I kept my mouth shut. I had made a promise that I would never tell a soul about Traci and me, and I never have broken that vow, even when it was out in the open.

Although they didn't continue this line of conversation out on the deck, I'm pretty sure Traci and Mary Jo finished the conversation at some point, because while I'm sure Mary Jo had questions, she never came to me for answers, probably knowing that I wouldn't talk about it. But since Traci had opened the door, she probably explained everything to Mary Jo so I wouldn't have to. And since it ended before Mary Jo and I became exclusive, I knew my wife wouldn't obsess about it.

Life being what it is, nobody gets out alive ... and Traci was no different than anybody else. A few weeks after her 78th birthday, she called over to my office to tell me she didn't feel right and asked me if I could take her to the hospital. When I got to her house, she was dressed and waiting for me, but for the first time that I can recall, she looked like an old woman. I walked next to her as she shuffled to the car. She started apologizing for disturbing me at work.

"Don't you dare. I owe you more than I can ever pay back."

Traci was diagnosed with a leaking heart valve a while back, and was put on medication. Although the doctors didn't think it was serious enough to warrant a surgery, some other issues made surgery a risky proposition. The testing at the hospital showed that her kidneys were also failing, and her lungs were filling with fluid. Doctors could help with some of that, but in the end they said a slow, uncomfortable death in the next few weeks was her fate. They recommended hospice care.

MJ arrived at the hospital within the hour, and we stayed with Traci while hospice details were worked out. As it was late on a Friday afternoon, they would have everything ready to go Monday morning.

We stopped in to visit Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours. Traci looked tired and frail, but she was taking the news of her impending death well, at least, a lot better than I will when my turn comes.

"I've had a pretty good life. Sooner or later it ends for everybody. I just hope it doesn't get painful," she told us.

She was going to call some cousins and a few of her nieces and nephews after we left. We told her we'd be back on Sunday.

A few hours later, we got a call from the nurse tending to Traci. After spending much of the day on the phone, Traci drifted off for a nap, but when she awoke she was mostly incoherent. The nurse told us that in her opinion, we probably wanted to come back to the hospital for a final goodbye.

Traci barely acknowledged us when we came into the room. She appeared to be looking for something, or someone.

"I'm waiting for him, but I don't see him yet, Robert. He told me he'd be here."

Mary Jo looked confused, but I knew exactly what she was talking about it. It was time to make good on my last promise to Greg.

"Greg said he would meet me when my time came. He never lied to me. I know he's coming," she said quietly, but firmly.

"If he said it, then he will be here," I affirmed. "We'll wait for him together, because I promised him I would take you to him."

Recognition flashed into her eyes. I guess that Greg had probably left her a last letter as he had me.

"Scoot over a bit for me."

She moved over closer to the IV pole and gave me just a little room to slide into the bed up against her left side.

She smiled at me, then said, "It's been a long time since we've done this."

She looked over at Traci.

"Just give me a few more minutes, Sweetie. I promise."

"Keep him as long as you need him, Traci," Mary Jo responded.

We sat in the bed for a few minutes, with my arm around Traci's shoulders, and Mary Jo sitting in a chair at bedside.

I felt her start to drift off and she turned away from me on her side and moved more into a laying position. I leaned over her head and kissed her gently on the cheek. From on top of the covers, I spooned her like I used to so many years ago. She sighed and shifted back into me slightly, getting comfortable and familiar. I knew Greg was waiting patiently.