All Comments on 'Team Effort'

... so few writers seem able to be bothered to proof read their submissions?

Just one example from the many - "... and she had turn plenty of heads on our way to having lunch. " - 'turned'?

If you want people to read a story then do them the courtesy of trying to write a good story, with correct spelling, punctuation and grammar!

If you have problems, get yourself a good Proof Reader and/or a good Editor.

A couple of editing errors aside, this was a REALLY hot story. Nasty, short and to the point. Liked it a LOT.

The incest play added to the hotness of this story! I'm hard as a rock!

Me, my brother Anonymous and my other brother Anonymous agree that an editor would be helpful. But then we wouldn't be treated to things like this:

"I reached down with my hands and pulled my wife's head off."

I must not have been screwed on tight enough.

while good grammar would be good, your stories are hot. keep them coming

My wife and I would suck her off so many times. Nothing like eating a young creamy cunt. We did almost the same exact thing. We used her panties to clean up some that we missed. We kept her panties, some nights we would both sniff her pussy cream. Thats when we would cum like animals.

And now some constructive comments…hopefully…

The story was interesting. Threesome events are almost always fun. I’m not sure however what the “intent” of the story telling is… by this I’m asking:

“Was the writer ‘telling’ me about that night?”

“Was the writer trying to ‘captivate’ me about that night?”

- the cause of the curiosity is in the details provided…

If the “intent” was the first question, then grammatical errors aside, it was a good story, and congratulations!!

If the “intent” was captivation, then I might suggest a few more finite details. Ones that allow the reader to picture the setting or feel the emotion more intensely.

As an example, the sudden addition of a daddy complex, did little to improving the basis, in my opinion because there was no emotional build up to support it. The girl was already down for a threesome, removing the daddy complex would have left the story just as acceptable.

Summary: Good work! Keep at it! The perspective was good, the plot was basically sound. I’d just address the details, and obviously the “text” errors!