Ted and the New Job Ch. 02

Ted walked into the hotel. He stopped and took a look around. This place was huge. He was impressed. For a company that had hired him solely to keep Sales Reps in check budget-wise, they sure didn't mind shelling out the big bucks for conferences. He also liked that it looked nothing like the hotel in Laredo. He shuddered as he thought about that night.

So he was here, the dreaded conference that Mary had been talking about since the day she had hired him.

She basically told him the job was crap, made even crappier by the grief he would no doubt take at the conference. The way it was explained to him, his whole job was keeping a large group of entitled Sales Reps on a tight fiscal budget. No easy task. This company sold supplements, physical fitness equipment and work out clothing. It was important that they looked the part and boy did they. Their looks made them feel superior to the hoi pollio and Ted's job was to rein that entitlement in.

He was given a generous signing bonus and an additional bonus was hanging out there if he made it to six months, two months from now. Two months after the conference.

Mary was upfront with Ted. The first bonus was a way of getting him, anyone, to take the job and the second bonus was there to keep him from quitting during the conference.

Ted had racked up some pretty significant debt, which he suspected Mary was aware of, which was why he had taken the job. And he sure could not afford to quit now. He needed that second bonus.

And the job was bad. The first expense reports sent to him were so egregious that he thought they were jokes, a little hazing perhaps. But no, these people were trying to expense haircuts, clothing, meals with friends, Netflix subscriptions, etc, all under the heading of "it makes me better at my job."

And now he would be meeting all these people face to face for the first time.

He headed over to reception to check in. There was a line of about four people ahead of him.

He was admiring the backside of the woman in front of him. She was about three inches taller than he was. Blonde hair spilled halfway down her back. Great arms and a firm butt that you could, well, one that you could certainly admire.

Someone called out "Hey Melissa," and the woman called back "Hey Bev."

"Oh Melissa," Ted said, "I think you are one of mine. I'm Ted Tyler."

She turned back to him with a smile that quickly turned into a sneer and said, "I am certainly not one of yours."

"No, right," he said, "I just meant," but she had turned back around and he let it drop.

He checked in and was handed a tote bag that contained some pretty lame swag and an agenda for the next few days.

He was looking around the lobby again and saw Melissa talking to Bev and pointing over at him.

He smiled and waved, but neither was returned. They were then joined by two men and another woman and again, at one point everyone turned and looked at him. This time he did not wave.

Any thought he had about staying in the lobby and meeting new people had quickly soured, so he set off for his room.

Once there, he dumped the contents of the swag bag on his bed. The first thing that caught his eye was a sealed clear bag that had, what, a shirt, a sheet? He'd get back to that. Next he saw a much smaller clear bag with a leopard skin pattern. No idea.

He was about to open them when the agenda caught his eye.

Tomorrow was meetings all day and as he knew, he was scheduled to present a brief overview of the new system for turning in expense reports.

Tomorrow night after dinner, they split up by territories. One group was having "Movie Night," another was having "Game Night," and his group would have a pool party down at the "lower pool."

"Damn" Ted thought, "how many pools does this place have?"

The next day, more meetings and then the Toga Party/dance after dinner.

Finally, the last day, morning meetings and a luau at the main pool for lunch before everyone departed.

"Toga Party," mumbled Ted, "what the hell? He then opened the bigger bag and was not all that surprised when a Toga spilled out.

"Oh great," he thought.

He then opened the smaller bag and this time he was very surprised. It was a leopard skin jock strap. Well no, not a jock strap exactly. More like a thong maybe? Then he thought, this must be what male strippers wore.

What the hell was this doing in his bag?

The next morning, after loading a plate with food, Ted looked for a place to sit.

He approached a table that had one seat left and a pretty woman, they were all pretty women, flung her arm in front of the chair and said "taken" without even making eye contact with him.

He headed for another table but was warned off by the dirty looks he was getting as he approached.

Finally, he saw a table with two guys sitting alone. As he set his plate down, one of them said, "Ah, you must be the other auditor."

"How'd you know that," asked Ted, relieved to have a place to sit.

"Look at them," he said, gesturing to the other tables, "now look at us. Look at them, now look at us."

"Right," said Ted. "I'm Ted," he said, sticking out his hand.

"Mike," said the one who had guessed who he was, "and this is Alan. Welcome to the Animal House rejects table. Wherever you try to sit, you'll always end up back at this table."

"First meeting?" asked Alan.

"Yes," Ted replied.

"Mine too" said Alan.

"Second for me," said Mike.

"Geez," Ted said, "this is like High School."

"Worse," said Mike. "More like Fraternity hazing for us."

"Is it really that bad?"

"So bad," said Mike.

"It couldn't be too bad, or you wouldn't have come back."

Mike said, "look here is the deal. It is bad for all of us, but it will be especially bad for one of us.

Last year it was Sheila. You'll notice Shelia isn't here. Also Mitch quit last week, which is why you don't have a roommate. That just leaves the three of us."

"God, I don't like those odds," groaned Alan.

Just then, Mary approached the table. "Gentlemen," she said, acknowledging Mike and Alan, which only seemed to make them uncomfortable.

"Ted, I just wanted to make sure you were ready for your presentation this morning."

"Yes ma'am," he replied.

Mary smiled a little, she liked the "Yes, ma'am."

"Well keep it brief," she said as she walked away."

"So your delivering the bad news, this morning," asked Mike. "About the shorter window for turning in reports and the new restrictions on travel?"

"I am. Do you really think it will be controversial?"

"Um, maybe," said Mike.

When Ted looked down to spear a sausage, Mike and Alan shared a look.

It was a long day. Ted's presentation was met with open hostility, but he kind of liked putting these jerks in their places. "Too good to eat with me, well take that!"

At dinner, as at lunch and the breakfast before that, he sat with Mike and Alan.

He noticed that at each meal, their mood seemed to improve.

"I am not looking forward to games with my group tonight," Alan said. "I can tell they have something planned for me."

"I think I might be okay," said Mike, "we're just watching movies."

"What is your group doing," Alan asked Ted. "Swimming?"

"Oh prepared to be pantsed then," said Mike.

"Why do you say that?"

"Seems obvious," said Mike, "turning a little red."

"Last year" Alan mouthed to Ted as way of an explanation.

"Well thanks for the heads up. I'll be sure and tie my suit extra tight or maybe I just won't swim. I could go down in shorts and a t-shirt and not risk it."

"Oh No," cried Mike, "don't do that! If you try to beat them at their own game, it only escalates.

Trust me, it's better to endure a few seconds of humiliation, than pay a bigger price later.

Just get it over with." And then Mike blushed again.

Ted had tied and retied his swim suit like twenty times. First he tied it really tight and found that indeed it would be impossible to yank down. Then he barely tied it all and yes, it came right down! He found that any degree of looseness made him susceptible to pantsing.

Ultimately, he took a deep breath, tied it like always, put on a t-shirt and flip flops, grabbed a towel and headed to the pool.

It was around eight and the sun was starting to set. Hopefully it will be nice and dark by the time they try something, he thought.

He was experiencing a little PTSD from Laredo. He had assumed "a hard time at the conference" meant rudeness and maybe a practical joke or two. He hadn't counted on nudity. But hey, how could a quick pantsing be so bad after what he had already been through. Still.

Everyone else seemed to already be there and most were in the water. Ted could not help but be struck again, by how attractive all these people were.

He had a decent enough body, but with this group, he was a man amongst Gods.

He oversaw the accounts of eighteen reps and they were all here. Thirteen women and five men.

He spotted Mary, and although older than everyone else, she still looked great, rocking a blue one piece with a small robe draped over her shoulders.

"Ah Ted," she called out, "the man of the hour! Would everyone like to hear Ted's presentation again?"

"Worst 'Ted Talk' ever," one of the guys called out!"

"Grab a drink Teddy boy," Mary said, as she lifted up a red Dixie cup, sloshing out some of it's contents.

"Thanks," he said, but I don't really drink." This remark was met with a chorus of groans.

Ted sat on one of the chaise lounges for awhile, hoping to just be ignored as always, but eventually, Melissa and Beverly came over and Bev said, "what you don't swim either!? This is supposed to be team building Ted, make a little effort."

So he did. He pulled off his shirt and walked over to the pool. He couldn't help but feel as though all eyes were on him. As he got in, he noticed that while the sun had gone down, the pool area was well lit.

Again, most people were in little groups and Ted felt isolated. He was about to get out when Anya stopped him. "You weren't getting out were you?"

"I was thinking about it," he said.

If all these other women were ten's, Anya was an eleven. She had a great tan. As her breasts shifted as she moved, he could see just how much whiter her covered skin was.

If she was talking to him, it had to be a trap. And yet, how often do you get to tread water next to a practically naked Goddess?

"No," she said, "c'mon." With that she grabbed both his hands and started back-pedaling in the water, dragging Ted out into the middle of the pool. She started talking to him, really talking to him. Except for Mike and Alan, this was the first real conversation he'd had here.

Anya, it turned out was Russian. Born in Moscow, but had lived in Houston since she was three.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her, any of her.

Dear God, he thought, please don't let me get an erection now.

The spell was broken when Mary called out to the group.

"Alright, kids, I'm going in. Y'all be good and don't stay out to late.

Hey Ted, I spilled all over my robe, mind if I borrow your shirt?"

"Um, sure," Ted said, not feeling like he really had a choice.

"Great, thanks," she said, picking it up and draping it over her arm as she winked at Melissa and Beverly and walked back towards the hotel.

Ted turned to resume his conversation with Anya, but she was gone.

Two guys with their elbows up on the side of the pool snickered at Ted's crestfallen look.

"Ya snooze ya lose, man."

Again, Ted was about to get out when Melissa called out to him. "Hey Ted, come over here, Anya wants to ask you a question."

"What question?"

"Well it isn't exactly for public consumption!"

With that, Ted swam the length of the pool over to where Melissa and Bev were and there was Anya on her knees outside the pool.

She looked fantastic! He put his elbows on the tile and looked up expectantly at Anya.

She bent down, so that her breasts were practically in his face and whispered in his ear, "how does it feel?"

He was dizzy with confusion. Did she know he was becoming erect? Was she asking to touch it?

"How, how does what feel," he stuttered out.

"How does it feel," she said again, and then she paused and looking him right in the eyes, laughed and put her lips to his ear again, whispering "how does it feel to be naked in the pool?"

And with that Tim's suit was yanked off with precision.

Before he could really react, he was dunked under water. When he resurfaced, he was splashed from all sides. It was so intense that he couldn't really see, much less take in that he was indeed, naked in the pool.

When the splashing finally stopped, everyone else got out of the pool.

Ted looked around wildly for his suit. He didn't see it at first. Then he saw it floating down at the shallow end.

He also couldn't help but notice that all the guys were standing around the pool, trading high fives and laughing and pointing at Ted. The women had all gathered at the shallow end, sitting on the edge of the pool or on the the first of three steps leading into the water.

As Ted warily headed in that direction to retrieve his suit, the men all said their good nights and headed back to the hotel.

Amid the hoots and whistles, Ted stood in the shallow water, covering his junk with one hand as he grabbed his suit and pulled it towards him with the other.

He was surprised when he felt resistance. The women clapped and laughed as it dawned on Ted that this was not going to be as easy as he thought.

While he was being dunked and splashed, his suit had been tossed to waiting hands in the shallow end who had expertly tied the draw stings of the suit to the arced metal pole that helped guide people into the water. Team building indeed.

Mary's contribution had been to take his shirt. The plan had been to leave poor Ted with just his towel when he ultimately made his way back into the hotel.

As Ted wrestled to free his suit, he couldn't help but expose himself, which elicited more laughter and calls of "shrinkage" and "Tiny Ted." Finally, the women slowly got up and said their good nights.

As they walked away, Ted heard muffled conversation and laughter. He clearly heard someone shout out, "NO YOU DIDN'T!!," followed by extra loud laughter.

Alone now, Ted concentrated on freeing his suit. He soon realized that the more he struggled with it, the tighter the knot became. He tried tearing the suit, but there was no give.

He gingerly got out of the pool, which even though no one was there, made him feel really vulnerable.

He scanned the area for his towel, but it wasn't where he had left it. He looked around frantically and then realized what "NO YOU DIDN'T" must have meant. Someone had improvised and taken his towel.

He looked back at the pool and was thinking about having another go at his suit when he heard women's voices. They were heading his way! He quickly darted behind a brick wall that made up part of the stairs that lead back up to the main pool. He noted a potted cactus plant and made sure to avoid it as he crouched down. If anyone chose to lean over and look down, it would look like he was planning to pounce. That would be hard to explain. As a matter of fact, if at any point he suddenly jumped out, it would look bad. Still, he didn't feel like he could wait them out if they were coming down for a swim.

He decided that he would wait until they were just past the stairs and try to sneak behind them and race up the stairs.

It didn't quite work out that way. As he leapt up to make a run for it, his butt backed into the cactus. Ted let out a yelp and without thinking, ran away from the cactus and right into the path of three women who had decided to treat themselves to a late night swim.

His worries were confirmed as he saw fear in their eyes. One of them even let out a little scream.

In an effort to put them at ease, he started to babble.

"Sorry, sorry. Friends tied my suit to that pole (and here he pointed), and then they took my towel. I heard you coming, I tried to hide, and got stuck by a cactus..."

And here he turned his butt towards the women so they could see the cactus spines sticking out of his butt.

Well it worked. Not only were they not scared anymore, they started laughing.

As best Ted could tell and to his relief, these women were not co-workers.

That meant they had no beef with him, so he took a shot.

"Could I possibly borrow one of your towels?"

"And spoil the fun?," one said.

"No, I don't think so," said another.

"Looking forward to the full moon," laughed the third.

Ted, not wanting to stick around for further humiliation, took off up the stairs.

Once he hit the top stair he found himself back at the main pool area, which in no way was deserted.

People immediately took note and started pointing and laughing.

Again, these people did not look familiar, but that hardly mattered at this point.

He made a strong pivot to the left, running away from the crowded pool and towards a maintenance shed. Once he got behind it, he stopped and caught his breath.

He sidled around to shed's door and gave it a yank, but it was locked.

He turned back towards the hotel and saw that he was looking right into the window of the weight room. There were a few men and five or six women in there working out, but what really caught his eye was the stack of towels. "I've got to get one of those towels," Ted thought.

He walked around to a side entrance closest to the workout room.

As he approached the door, Ted remembered that his key was in the pocket of his swimsuit. He wondered how he'd get back into the hotel and his room. But for the first time that night, luck was on his side.

As he got to the door he noticed a wedge that been placed under it, no doubt for staff member smoke breaks.

And then his luck reset. As he gazed down the hall, he saw the door of the weight room open and could hear voices as a few women exited the room.

Fortunately, these women headed down the hall in the opposite direction without looking back. Then the door opened again and he heard a voice call out, "Carol, you forgot your phone."

Knowing that "Carol" would turn to come back, Ted himself turned to race back out the door he had just passed through. But then he saw an unmarked door to his left and burst through to avoid being seen by Carol and her buddies.

And he succeeded.

Well, he avoided being seen by the ladies from the weight room but now he was standing in front of four employees of the hotel.

"Oh shit," he said as he stared at the women who were staring back at him. Two of them were maids, one was dressed as a bartender and one had a name tag on and looked like she worked at the front desk.

"Oh shit," indeed laughed the bartender. "Mind explaining what you're doing?"

Ted, cupping his genitals, sighed and said, "it's a long story."

He saw now that he was in a maid's station that was also being used as an ersatz break room.

"Um, could I get one of those towels," Ted asked, jutting his chin towards a stack of towels on the opposite wall.

One of the the maids quickly walked over and grabbed a towel. She headed over to Ted when she was stopped by the bartender.

"Hold on Elena. What's your name?"

"Ted."

"Okay, Ted. I'm Naomi. Tell us your long story and we'll decide if it is 'towel worthy.'"

With that she looked over at Angela, the front desk receptionist, and gave her a wink. They were old friends and that wink was enough to communicate, "let's have some fun with this guy."

Too tired to lie, Ted told them everything. The women smiled throughout his tale of naked woe, but only really laughed when he got to the part about the cactus.

"Damn, that must have hurt," said Naomi.

"Wait a minute," said Angela, so do you still have the thorny thingys in your butt?