All Comments on 'Ted Online Pt. 05'

You know, Ted and the A.I.s can set up shell corporations and build a simpler space cargo shuttle. They don't need everything built in like life support or anything like that, they just need the gravity drive, navigation and radiation shielding. They could disguise the spaceship like a heavy lift helicopter that can lift shipping containers. The shell corporations can order computers and things they need that are hard to manufacture and then once the containers arrive at the loading docks, they can pick them up with their "helicopter" and fly them to Mars. Have Ted do the flying since this would be breaking all sorts of FAA laws.

This story is great. Now it's back to waiting on the next chapter to come out. Thanks for sharing your writing.

They do need a bit of life support, while they don't use oxygen they need to breath to talk, plus many things toxic to humans will harm an androids skin at the least, and deep cold can harm the internals of an android as well. I'm pretty sure I've already said that in the book in at least one place, if not more.

Besides, they do everything, and I mean everything, with humans in mind, they might want to have a visitor or two someday.

I get your point on the cargo pod, and they may even be doing something like that, but Ted hasn't seen it yet. All is Ted's POV in this book, and the A.I.s are getting a lot done in the background. I'll address a few of these issues in later chapters (I already have, just not posted) but overall I'm avoiding getting bogged down in logistics.

Logistics in sci-fi books have always bored me to tears, so I'm sorry if you like that kind of thing, but I avoid it like the plague when writing except when absolute needed for the plot. Ted is content to leave that to the A.I.s, they're building up on Mars, not him, he's got enough going on as it is.

Glad you're enjoying it, and thank for the feedback and ideas!

Flows well, characters are consistent, life the storyline. Thanks

I've really enjoyed this series. I especially like the caring, loving dynamic between the characters. I also appreciate that you didn't go for the obvious and turn the A.I.'s into overly predictable, devious back-stabbers, instead, showing where the real monsters lie... Government and its real masters. I hope to see a little bitch-slap action against the above mentioned assholes when they make the inherently human mistake of trying to war against that which threatens their power over the populous... human and A.I.

Great work, looking forward to more.

Dom.

I AM REALLY ENJOYING THIS STORYLINE !!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING IT WITH US !!!

GUNRUNNER

Please vould you lower the ratio of sex to story , its just that although well written, 90% of this entry has been sex and 10% has been story, and it gets boring, we all know how the ai's feel about his but you dont have to use 70 % of the story telling us that. I would really like it if you wrote about what is happening in the government and thing. It just seema to me that yyou go over all this detail with the ai relationships but then when you discuss plot twists or continuations i feel like it gets rushed and summerised, which is boring

Please more as soon as you can please.

Be nice to see more story and just a bit less sex (or longer chapters!) But this story is great anyway hope to see lots more very soon.

I haven't been reading all the sex scenes. I've been skipping them. If there were fewer, there might be progression, something new to anticipate. They could be integral, not mere embellishment.

Yeah, I get that. Post... 7 will be changing that way a lot as Ted get's drawn in. Even six has a bit more that way.

In a way this story is somewhat of an experiment, because Ted isn't in the middle of all the action. He's a victim of circumstance, and living his life. The story I've been telling is the one he's living. The dates and sex is what his day has been, the government stuff is what he's heard from the women in his life. SO it's not that I've rushed that part, just that it's told by the A.I.s in conversation instead of shown. That takes a lot less space up. Most of my stories in the past have been the save the world kind.

I also don't think I'll ever write a harem this large again, which has contributed to the imbalance in a big way.

Like I said though, that will change a bit, and some of the sex scenes will just be a few lines and mostly off-page. No doubt that will bother some, but I can't make everyone happy. ;)

Magicwtr, seriously screw them. People just HAVE to have something to complain about. I think it's human nature. Too much sex,not enough sex, too rough, to soft, too long, to impersonal. Just shut the fuck up already and read the goddamned story. You think you can do better? Then write. I'm sure constructive criticism to plot, pacing, syntax, character development , etc would be a lot better received and usuefull

Here's another plot hole:

You mentioned Ted playing the MOST popular game on planet Earth, right? So how come there was only TWO players besides NPC's, defending angels' base? :D

Normally, even at late night time, there should be HUNDREDS (if not thousands) lone players, wandering around. At the peak time, there should be thousands or even hundreds of thousands of them (we are talking about future gaming, right?).

It seems, you have a bad habit forgetting the facts about your own story. Write them down next time, or smth

I loved this chapter. Sylvia is such a pure soul. Having her back in the story is priceless. A truly beautiful harem romance with a great plot.

I am always on the look out for stories that does more then just wham-bam thank you mam... So, after going through your first 5 chapters... I am just a bit sad... that I am almost half way through... Keep writing... You have a very good imagination... Like it a lot... Thank you. 5 stars all the way.