All Comments on 'Ted Online Pt. 08'

Thanks for such an engaging tale. Really looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully the aliens will appear?

I have enjoyed this story. Thank you.

Five stars again, Looking forward to when you're able to post book three.

Loving this series by the way. The gaming concept of Endless Wars seems like a mixture of a Clash of Clans type of vibe. It also reminds me of a Korean manga I read a while back. It's called The Gamer, and the Stats are familiar to it. I suggest you read it and see what you make of it.

While I have little complain about the overall story arc (quibbles about impossible technologies and errant presumptions of what A.I.s would really be like aside), I do have a comment about the way you're writing the story.

If one is immersed in the story, like reading them back-to-back, then keeping all the names and identities straight would not be too hard, but if one is slightly less immersed, then the names of all the female characters tens to get lost and/or intertwined, and the story gets somewhat confused. So, perhaps you could add some identifying clauses (even parenthetically?) to help keep the names/identities straight?

...just a thought for your next book effort.

was "pg dn" a lot of times, if it was mainly the plot the story would have covered only 2 pages

A lot of the sex in this last posting was needed for the plot, everything else was cut to a few sentences or off page. If you don't care about how things are changing between Ted, Kara, Nicci, and Jen, that's fine, just skip over it. If you think the only "story" was when Ted went to Earth to deal with the Silvia situation, and the relationships are unimportant, then you're probably reading the wrong author.

All of my writing, be it fantasy, science fiction, at the heart of it is erotic romance. Even my non-erotic writing for those that know where to find it, is always about the girl. That's the story I write, only the settings change. Yes, the back story is important, and I overloaded the story with too many women in his harem. As I said in the beginning, this book was an experiment of sorts. I'll definitely keep the numbers down next time. Four to six seems to work out the best that way. Eight does lead to to much sex.

But in the end it's the story I'm writing. While I will be cutting down on the sex in book three, and a lot more action is expected on Earth, Mars, and even in space, it is at it's heart a guy falling for multiple women. An erotic romance harem story set in a science fiction background.

I appreciate the feedback, thank you.

GrandPaM - I'll keep that in mind. I do try to throw in other descriptors, besides the name. like eye color/body type and such. Even the way they interact, but I'll try and be more descriptive in the future. At the very least they'll get the full description going in the beginning of the book, I thought I'd done that for book two already, or are you talking about for each post?

I kinda like this, even if I find A.I.

with emotions a different concept.

I suggest just getting rid of all the pointless game mechanics. There is no literary benefit to what Items he's carrying, what his strength stat is, or how much damage some new staff does. The spell names and his actions within the game are fine, just get rid of the meta fluff.

Also, I agree with some of the other comments. I do not need to go on EVERY date of every week. Just give me the important ones or skip to the necessary dialogue, e.g., "That evening as we lay in bed after our date..."

Don't worry about all the whiners out there complaining about too much sex or all the dates he's on or all the little details you go into . That's what makes you such a terrific writer , your story is amazing keep up the great work and can't wait for the next book .

5 stars

Constructive criticism is great and most of us authors truly appreciate the feedback. It's hard not to let whining people that lack the wherewithal to publish anything themselves push you. It is apparent that you've listened and tried to address the sex/plot ratio but as you're seeing, you can't please everybody. Here's the thing... do you really need to? This is your story after all, your creativity, efforts and hours and hours of hard work putting out this amazing tale, FOR FREE! It can be incredibly annoying listening to nit-picky snivelers, especially the anon ones and those with an account but have never published anything themselves. I've said it before, those with the creativity to write on Lit, do so. Unfortunately, many that can't, just sit around and bitch about it like the armchair, wannabe lit critics they aspire to be... just say'n

Keep up the great, creative work!

Dom.

I agree with Dom. I believe a writer, such as you, is a gift to those of us that do not possess the talent to create literature that is entertaining. Use advice that appeals and discard the rest as not needed. Thank you for the stories you spent so much of your time and skill to create and yet publish for free.

Hey,

Please look up ravage, exasperate, ravish, and exacerbate. The first two have been misused at least twice each and the last two don't seem to be in your vocabulary.

Your/you're and their/they're seem to be beyond your ken, too/to.

Sigh

Amazing story! One thing though.

I know you needed to get the story from Point A to Point B, but it's pretty obvious they should have started a PR campaign on social media where they could control the narrative.

Also, too many comma splices! It gives me a headache.