All Comments on 'Teenage Fantasy Ch. 01'

11 pages for a first story, rookie mistake. I'm not going to waste that amount of time on an unproven writer. Had it been split into different parts I probably would have checked it out. As it is, no thanks.

Wow! What a read! Great story. Hope to read more…

Omg so good!!

This was a fresh and hot take on a classic troupe, kudos!

Now I'm speaking strictly for myself and this is just my interpretation, something that I felt was very genuine about this story, was that this troupe/pairing isn't going anywhere! Unlike the constantly rehashed Jock/BimboxNerd, this pairing isn't built on much besides physical attraction and in all likelihood will end up going nowhere...these two seem like they'll "break-up" before she goes off to an Ivy league school and him to his garage (or trade school). And this honesty reflects the troupe if it were a real thing!

Looking forward to anything you cook up in your writing future, good luck!

Thank you Wildbill and Peccaminosa for your feedback. I will be continuing with another chapter. I am glad you guys enjoyed the story

Anonymous thank you for the feedback. I hope you find a story on the forum that you enjoy.

Ignore the last comment. Unproven or not. It us a good story. Their loss not to have read it. Part 2 is needed.

'Anonymous' above is an idiot. Who goes to the end of a story to say he/she hasn't read it?? Ignore him/her.

It is a great story, well written with relatable characters. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Also, thank you for

posting it as a standalone story. I avoid 'chaptered' stories like the plague.

I almost didn't read this because it was a first. HOWEVER - it was a GREAT 1st. And it needs a follow-up. Thanks!

Unlike some, I much prefer longer stories. This was slow ( but not TOO slow ) starting, but has me hoping for more from you. Thanks.

Incredibly great. Give us another chapter or two of this story.

I loved the way that suit built and the character development. The climax was some. More, more, MORE, please.

Not just an excellent debut story but an excellent story full stop. Looking forward to part 2, thanks for your efforts

Good story, especially for a first.

Next time I'd suggest adding clearer transitions. There are a couple of confusing/unclear time jumps without even a hash line (i.e. one sentence she's at school, no break and she's (at home apparently) watching Netflix.

Great job sharing the stories in your head!

Thank you Pkp033!! You might be on to something. I am grateful for your feedback and am glad you enjoyed the story.

I am glad you found the characters relatable KachinaDoll, that was something I was worried about. Thank you for your feedback.

Thanks Ghalbertmck, I didn't want to give up too much of the goods at first. I appreciate your comment and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Thank you Anonymous users I am glad you all enjoyed the story. I will be writing more but I want to take my time and do justice to the story. I appreciate all of the feedback 😊

Really wonderful build.

Sometimes I like short stories, sometimes I like the longer ones, and this was definitely a page turner.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a longer story so long as the plot is there (check), interesting characters (check), good grammar (check), and finally, because this is Literotica, is there an erotic theme (CHECK).

Oh and “I hope you find a story that you enjoy” is code for “Bite my shiny, metal ass.”

Anonymous thank you for taking a chance on it. I am glad you enjoyed the story!

There will definitely be a part 2

I am so happy to hear that people enjoyed the characters. Thank you guys!

Cal59 thank you so much!

Anonymous I really appreciate the advice. I will be sure to make my transitions clearer in the next chapter. Thank you!

Thank you Luminous1066!!

Onedegreeaway thank you very much! I am glad that you enjoyed the story and you have excellent interpretation skills lol

Good humping.

Sounds like Jake maybe found his future, in a girl that was recognized as a nerd. She seems down to earth and wasn't put off by him being a mechanic. Maybe, using his tool will make him a daddy, and husband to the girl he turned into a woman, and was not stuck up and selfish... It's a wonder, I consider her mother to be a conniving whore, that's what got her the house they live in! 10 stars, please continue!!

MajorRewrite thanks 😉

Anonymous maybe Jake did find his future please stay tuned. Thank you for your comment I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

I love this story!! Need more! Please!

Amazing story! Hope there’s a part 2

Bravo, that was really well done. I hope you have been encouraged to keep going with it. I think you could challenge yourself to upend the usual tropes of high school romance in a fire part. You are gifted enough to do that and could hold a place a the top of the leader board. Anyway, thanks for the obvious effort you put into this and sharing it with us.

Thank you for a great story. Keep writing you have talent

You are an amazing author! Keep writing.

Thank you, anonymous. Please stay tuned!

Thank you SecretUser200. I am glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you for the feedback anonymous. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I do hope to continue this story so please keep an eye out for it.

Thank you for reading it John9935! I appreciate your feedback.

Thank you, Anonymous!

Best story for 2022 in here, so Please keep up the fantastic writing…very Well done.

This was great! I would love to read more about Mabel and Jake and the whole crew.

1) All words, when used as names, need to be capitalized.

Bees make honey. Not a name.

I love you, Honey. Is a name.

That is my mama. Not a name.

Can I go, Mama? Is a name.

2) Her going from shy virgin to kissing and screwing seemed way out of line for a nerdy virgin.

3) The big, long screams during climax fake sounding. Beginner’s mistake.

4) The attraction between them seemed a bit far fetched and unbelievable.

Very compelling read, keep writing, cant wait for the next one...

GOOD STORY!!! Can't wait for the next chapter!!!

More like this please! The minor errors are no big deal.

Thank you Anonymous that's really high praise going into the new year I appreciate it!!

Thank you anonymous please stay tuned as I am working on more :)

Thank you for the clarification anonymous. I will make sure to check my capitalization for future stories. I'm sorry that the characters didn't resonate with you, and I hope you find a story that you enjoy. I would say that the way individual people express pleasure is different from person to person. Some moan, some gasp, and others scream "I'm cumming!" at the top of their lungs ;)

Thank you Wordsmith8863 I am glad you enjoyed the story.

Redbaron172 Thank you!

BrilliantDumny thank you for the feedback I always strive to improve in the future :)

Wholesome!!

Write more stories. Please 👏👏

More, more, more! I want to know more about what happened next, how Tonya reacts, what else they try…

Very nice! So sad to see you don’t have more for us to read, although we can hope!

Part 2 PLEASE! I spent all day soo involved in this story, i need it to continue lol! So good, a classic but written so well!

Just superb. Loved it. Please write more ...

Outstanding story. Would love to see a chapter 2; I want to know where the plot goes next. Really liked the pacing and length of this one. You are an excellent storyteller 😁

No more? I really want to see more. At very least, I want to know more about what happens to them. His future? Hers? When does the mom catch them? Does she get pregnant? Does she ever get an ugly duckling reversal and realize she's pretty? Etc.

Really like the story.

My apologies for not responding to the recent comments sooner. I am very happy that you all enjoyed the story. Thank you so much for commenting and providing feedback. I have submitted Part 2, so I am hoping that it gets published soon. Fingers crossed!

This is the type of writing I strive for and enjoy reading. Top notch work, some of the best on this site. The character driven story and sexual tension were awesome. I hope you write more of this style or expand on these characters. Keep it up! I certainly will.

Fainting_Goat Thank you for your feedback! I am glad you enjoyed the story. I looked into your stories and they're great for your style of writing. I hope you continue to publish!

One of the best I've read! 10 stars!

Great characters and story. Hoping there's a sequel!

Awesome job with this story. Huge fan.

Thank you so much for all of your feedback!! Part 2 was posted today. I am hoping that it is a good continuation of the story. If you would like to check it out please do, and let me know what you think!

Thank you!

Read Part 2 yesterday and had to come looking for Part 1. Great story! But Arrrggg! High school insecurities and angst!

Great romance between Jake and Mabel, teen-age love!

I am ecstatic to know that you enjoyed both parts of the series! And yes! Lots of angst! Thank you so much!

Teengage Fantasy is superb, with great characters and an excellent storyline. Through it all are some glorious romantic scenes, and all aspects of the story come together to make a five stars read.

I'm torn. I read and commented on this wonderful story last year. I remember saying how much I enjoyed the fact that it was a one-off story - no wait for a part two. Then you go and write not only a part two but also a part three! But I forgive you because it made me go back and read this again. And what a treat it was. Like before, it reminded me of my first time. That everlasting memory of my virgin pussy being stretched and filled. So, now to part two. I can only hope that it'll be as good as part one.

KachinaDoll I am so thrilled that you came back and reread part one and that you still enjoy it! I know your aversion to chaptered stories so, thank you for giving this one a shot. I really do hope that you like it and I look forward to hearing what you think 😊

Will there be a part 4?

I’ve had this on my reading list for a while and was glad to see it live up to my hopes. It was well written with engaging and very likable characters (and a few not very likable on the other side). I was disappointed when Mabel blossomed and went all the way so quickly only to see the story end rather abruptly afterward. That changed when I oversaw a comment asking about a part 4; checking, I was glad to find that there are parts 2 and 3 already in the queue to deal with unanswered questions and possible consequences. Therefore, congratulations to the author on an excellent first story here and 5*.

Hi Anonymous, there will be a part 4 :)

Thank you SouthernCrossfire! I am glad that you gave the story a chance and enjoyed the characters. Your feedback and perspective are truly appreciated!

WELL DONE! couldn't stup reading

Incredibly well written story, great sex, but even greater insight to teenage relationships. This is a touching, hot tale that just works. Well done!!!

Round Hips, Flat Stomach and Double D tits, makes perfect sense shes invisible at school.

It was fantastic! That’s the way all love stories should be told. When I was younger that’s the way I did it, took my time with the girl, and she showed her appreciation.

Love this! Please keep it going!

Love it. Great characters and dialogue. Hot sex scene to cap off a captivating story. Am looking forward to reading the next installments.

50 paragraphs up from the bottom- Jake was referred to as Jack.

WHOAAAAAAAAAAA. An amazing story. You are quite the writer. I loved it. Thank you

Well done.

Thank you loved it xxxx

Zeppelin SUCKS!! Heavily overplayed. Should've went with Def Leppard.

Hi everyone! I didn't realize the first part was still getting interaction. I'm glad you guys enjoyed the story! Sorry I didn't chose Def Leppard friend I think they're both great bands though!

Imagining I were Jake

I read at least part of this a while back. Glad I read it again, great job! Can't wait to read the other parts.

I could only give it a 3. In some ways it was a good story, but there were a bunch of problems with it!

#1 When three girls attacked Mabel, video the attack, and then post it online, there should have been legal repercussions.

#2 That the principal didn't get involved is either evidence that he/she is totally incompetent and should be terminated immediately. When I was in high school in the early 1960's there was no internet, but today with internet no principal should ever be unaware of what students are posting, especially if the subject matter is being spread around the campus among the students.

#3 The police should have been called and those girls should have been cuff in front of the students in whatever class they were in when the police got there, and hauled away and their parents called in to be present when they were questioned after being arrested.

#4 While awaiting trial those girls should have been suspended for at least the remainder of the semester, given an F grade for every class that semester, and never allowed to enter the school grounds again. My son-in law is a special ed teacher in his local high school. His class typically has 12 students. They are the ones classified as incorrigible when I was a student. His students are informed before they first set foot in his class that this is their last chance. Screw up again and they are permanently banned from the school grounds!

#5 Mabel's mother should have hired an attorney and sued every one of those girls' families as well as the school district for the maximum amount that they could get! It's one thing to bully another student like that but to post it on line and pass it around to the rest of the student body with no consequences is !00% inexcusable.

EXCELLENT STORY< 10 stars! Mabel is an intelligent girl, and would make Jake a good companion, and maybe a spouse, and mother of his children. I'm not impressed with her mother, as like Mabel says, she's had a lot of boyfriends. She is a whore, and not a good role model for her daughter...

Only couple pages in and I know I hit quality. Wish there was more than four bullets in your chamber.