All Comments on 'Tell it to My Heart'

Perceptive and touching tale. Thanks.

A tremendous story for a first effort. It could easily end here, but I'm hoping for another chapter? Seems like there is room for it, if you were inclined. I'm happy that you had help with the storyline that you felt was beneficial. The characters and plotline were very good (even the excessive PDA at work at the end, which probably wouldn't happen / be safe, but hey, it's second shift, right?). Please find an editor, to fix the misspells, letter transpositions, etc. Some of us really drop out of the groove when we see them, and it would elevate your work even more. Keep it up, please, if the rest of your ideas are this level I'm really looking forward to seeing them here....

It was a brilliantly written story and cannot wait to read more about Lilly and Andi and how they become a loving couple and marriage ????? you are a fantastic writer NEW EROTICWRITER, please make sure you write more stories thank you. xxxxx

Hey “new erotica writer”, very nice start. Interesting storyline, fun/crisp dialogue, characters worth getting to know, and teasingly good sex (not to mention dream). Looking forward to more of Lilly and Andi and other stories you may craft.

Thanks for all the positive comments. I’m working on chapter two, not sure when it will come out. Real life sometimes gets in the way. I did try to get an editor while I was under a different pen name, but nobody got back to me. I guess some people do judge a book by it’s cover. But I will try again for chapter two. And hopefully chapter three. And if I feel it needs it, chapter 4. But I think it will end there.

This was a great start, I really enjoyed the subliminal conversation with her "heart" very intriguing and looking forward to more stories - very soon.

Lovely first story. Very touching and emotional. Looking forward to your next story.

Very nice story, and well-written, too! Can't wait for chapter 2!

I loved the story and most of the writing, but I will say this: there were sort of an unfathomable amount of editing errors, and for some reason mid sentence the verbs would switch to present tense. Not a deal breaker, but very weird to read. Overall though I would rate this an 11/13

Quite good, but ...

Dreamed sex scenes can be fairly risky storytelling.

First and foremost, they can easily detract from, rather than add to, the story itself. Especially, if the dream sex is better than the real sex in the story. It's much better to make dreams vague and fuzzy and mysterious. Make them *part* of the story, not an aside from the story. First reading here, I saw what was coming and just plain skipped over the dream (thanks for make that easy with the italics). Second reading, I read straight through. Much better without the dream at all; it really didn't add anything to the story.

Second, real people almost NEVER have vivid dreams they can actually remember, and especially not to be able to claim they were realistic. I'm sure it has happened ... but rarely among your readership.

Third, it sets a unrealistic expectation in the mind of the reader, and they work very hard to assign some special meaning (such as foreshadowing) to the dream because so much effect was clearly spent producing it. Assign your best effort to the most essential parts of the story.

Loved it, needs editing as others said but gave five stars anyway.