All Comments on 'Temptation Pt. 01'

Well written and well edited. I'll reserve judgement, for now. I've been impressed with your writing before, but wished it was more polished. This one is. This is always the part that most writers do well. You did it well, too. We'll see how well you develop this. Full marks, for now.

Looks like trouble on the horizon. I hope they figure it out. Keep writing. 5 stars. Randi, is there anyone you don't edit for?

You got my attention. Keep up the good work. 5*

Yawn inducing boring drivel, I know you said it was long, but you could have made it interesting, not something that has been done before with the revenge angle for someone getting someone elses promotion bullshit.

Very good stuff. The other anon before me probably just wants to pull his little pecker. He should go read his little cuck fantasies and not bother the rest of us.

can't wait for next chapter

i just hope the right assholes get what is coming to them in the end of this. drugging someone is rape.

Keep it up. I'll be waiting to read it. This should be rated much higher.

great start to this story. u explain all the main characters and their roll in the story. funny how someone like anna could fall for someone like jake but then again she is a very trusting person. what his sisters involvement in this is foggy but then it doesn't really matter that much. hope the next chapter comes soon

As always, I read every comment. I thank everyone (even the unfavorable ones) for taking the time to respond. I would love to have a high score but will be proud of this series regardless. As stated in the final notes, I have already submitted all 3 remaining chapters, one day apart. I think the poor moderators have too many to go through, so I have seen it take about two to three days now for a story to make it up. Anyhow, I know it's long and probably boring for some, but bear with the next few parts, and I truly feel it will be worth the patience.

Thanks,

RNebular

So Anna is this beautiful intelligent experienced woman, but she can't see right through Jake's predation. And all these people work in the legal world but are oblivious to the criminal repercussions of drugging and raping a coworker. Of course the mature experienced Anna will somehow not notice the affect of the drug and will just assume she is lost in lust for the undeniable Jake. It is telling that you have Anna cite her love for Gary as her reason to resist Jake, which is the thinking of a juvenile: Oh, I told Bobby I love him, but Doug is so dreamy and funny, I just can't decide! Love is not the antidote to adultery, respect is. Respect for your spouse, respect for your marriage vows, and mostly respect for yourself. Respect takes maturity and discipline, something often in short supply for adolescents, but usually learned by adulthood.

Of course Jake will have a huge cock and make Anna cum a hundred times and perform sex for him like she never did for Gary, but it will be blamed on the drugs. Fine. Bring in the counselors to make everybody feel better about themselves.

So its kind of a cute plot, just miscast in terms of age and situation. In the current setting it just makes everyone look stupid and detached from reality. So if Gary was going to San Francisco Anna would accompany him. But Detroit is cold and ucky, eww! Again, juvenile mentality and very shallow marital connection. Remember that the actions of your characters speak louder than the words you place in their mouths. Anna might say she loves Gary, but her actions are too stupid, immature and naive to be a wife and professional woman.

It really is a good story, just not very believable.

Disappointed with Anna and her stupid behavior. She is dancing close to the fire and already getting burned.

She has already cheated, without intercourse, and continues to fantasize in a destructive manner.

I am enjoying your writing as usual.

I've met women at conferences. I'm sure they get hit on. And I've met several who let you know within 2 minutes that they're in a relationship. End of story. They don't sue the skirt chasers; they simply have nothing to do with the whole game.

And then there are the ones who make excuses about how everything is so innocent until they are way over their head. Yeah, they come across as self-delusional idiots. Sort of what Anna reminds me of. For fiction, I suppose it's necessary, otherwise .. end of story on first page.

Still, it might have been better (for me) if something other than self-delusional stupidity got her into the situation she's now in. The mechanics of the writing are OK, it's an easy read, easy to follow. But I have a hard time generating any sympathy for Anna, all her professed love for Gary as the only one, she feels guilty, and she keeps walking back into the situation with Jake. I thought the back story of her childhood was a way of introducing deeper psychological scars, but apparently not.

All that said, I'm interested enough to read the next installment.

"Fuck my married pussy!"

Yeah. She said that. Riiiight...

This stupid how did she become a lawyer? Good story buttttttttt her actions don't comput. She is a closset cheater who likes the attention jack is giving her. I hope her husband get a clue fast but I think he already expects.

I think that Gary has right feeling uncomfortable about his wife going out with some guy from work even if he trusts her, i mean how would Anna feel if some woman from her husbands office ask him out while she is out of town, yeah it's not a date but still drinking and dancing in some club with hot guy from work while your husband is away and Anna is presented little too trustworthy and even slightly dumb but i'm interested in finding out what will happen next.

Who just happens to like cheating women and would never let what you write happen to you without taking everyone involved to the cleaners and you would burn them all with no survivors... so why do you expect your protaginist to allow his wife to ruin their marriage with no intervention? Sorry too unbelievable

Thanks for the effort. I feel like I've read this storyline at least three times before.

Look your a good writer, but the weakness in your story is, the womanizer and jealous women who want to take her down. No women in her situation and great husband would go out with a known womanizer alone ,knowing his track record. She is not as nieve as you portrayed her. How can she fall for his line of crap and the drugging at the club. We all know how this story is going to wind up. She is getting great sex at home . So she is not the type but you are making her weak.

Attorneys who are upwardly mobile do not go drinking with support staff unless its a firm function and even then there is a clear pecking order. I too have read this premise a few times before. So. Let's get it over with.

But Anna knows nothing about it? That makes no sense. Also you have written this story as though Anna is either a slut or an idiot. The things that she has been doing are completely at odds with the idea that she loves her husband and daughter.

Nice beginning, no rush. Some people keep complaining that a woman in her position would never do this, but that's basically the point of the title. Just go with it, people. I look forward to the rest.

Soap opera.

Sorry, but I checked out to read Laptopwriter. And a book about a 12 year old girl in. Englands foster care system. Either was better than this. I mean revenge cause a guy didnt want you in the first place after 12 years, come on. I think a better revenge starts with a tax audit and a call to childrens services to report a false abuse claim against him.

If Jake is so good, why use date rape drugs? Oh and 12 years to get revenge, seriously? To add to our insult you got blackrandi to edit this, when she writes btb stories. You could have saved your time.

Never let your kids star in a Crasherotica story. It's very dangerous to your health.

Cliché Number One, check!

That is all.

The writing is pretty good, but the justification for taking the cheating wife back is way too thin. No drugs, no alcohol, just a woman who is "confused."

If you like RAACs, have at it. If you like JUSTIFIED reconciliations, give it a pass, you will find no real justification here.

For being a lawyer, Anna isn't very smart. She lets Jake touch her inappropriately more than once, then continues going to lunch with him, not to mention going out dancing. Even when her husband gives her a negative vibe about her going dancing without him being present she goes anyway. Not very smart for being a lawyer.

WTF, she gets guilty over being close w this guy, keeps making opportunities to get close w him?

She keeps talking about how attracted she is to Jake and how much she loves her husband, but she also keeps meeting Jake outside of work. She obviously wants to cheat or she wouldn't be flirting with adultery the way she is.

It's like a chubby person going on a diet, but one day stops at the bakery and brings home a big chocolate cake with the full intention of NOT eating it; just wants to lick a bit of the frosting. That's all, on the tip of one finger, just bit of the frosting. Anna's okay with messing around with Jake, but promises herself nothing will happen. Sure. If things continue as they are, pretty soon the cake will have been eaten and she'll end up in a car with James licking her nipples. Oh, wait...

Does this really happen in real life? Husbands allowing their wives to have an evening of alcohol and dancing with other men? I mean, do wives ever allow their husbands to spend an evening without them, drinking and dancing with other women?

Whatever. The wife, Anna, deserves everything that's about to happen, but since the author is being so careful about setting her up for the fall, I'm fairly certain there's also a reconciliation to follow. Well, let's get on with it then. We have a husband to crush, a marriage to ruin, and some bad guys to punish. Though in my book, Anna IS one of the bad guys.

I'm enjoying the story, even if it doesn't sound like it. Thanks for posting.

This was a pretty good start to what may turn out to be a good story. My problem with it is that it took so long to get anywhere. Four pages just to get started, and three chapters left? At the rate it’s going I don’t think I can stay interested that long. I’ll just stop with it now and let all the other readers enjoy it for me.

The pacing is good- nothing rushed is worth as much. A tough nut to crack is supposed to take time. Good start to this story.

A little too obvious where this was going, but we are in the LW section, right?

No surprises, except maybe that it took the author/Jake so long to seduce her.

And, of course, the husband is so innocent and honourable... can't wait to hear that part.

Phone sex was a nice touch

... and not a 13 y.o. stuck in a 3 or 4 y.o. body.

Though that might be an interesting movie — “3 Going on 13”

Writing is good but is a woman with a 2 year old and a husband whom she both loves and finds sexually satisfying really going to so quickly fall into the grips of the office horndog? Nothing in the story suggests Anna is a slut but she sure fell fast. Her actions with Jake plainly fail the husband test and would certainly be enough for most husbands to have a talk that includes the word "divorce." Jake sucking Anna's tits is enough for her husband to lay down the law if he were to find out.

And speaking of husband Gary, while he grumped about her going dancing with a guy being in her group, he really didn't say, "Don't do it. I want to be there when you are dancing, let's do it next week-end." It is a cliche of the LW category that the loving husband almost never puts his foot down. If there is a fight, so be it. But going out for drinks after work for an hour or two is totally different than a night of dancing; most clubs/bars with dancing are meat markets especially on a Friday night. If she goes out despite husband's strong demand she stay home, then hubby knows there is a problem and he had better be on his guard.

Anna is pretty much an idiot.

First off she had separation anxiety the first few months at work after leaving her 2 year old to go back to work. Now a year later when her daughter is 3 they dangle a partnership in front of her and she immediately says yes. The type of hours necessary for a lawyer to make partner would pretty much mean she wouldn't be seeing her daughter other than on weekends. Yet, she doesn't think twice about it.

She did tell Gary about going out dancing with Jake but, hasn't mentioned going to lunch with him daily. Including the day Gary came to take her to lunch. Even if she had told Gary, why would a happily married woman go to lunch every single day with a single guy?

When they discussed Jake's reputation around the office she just takes his word that he's not like that and is really a one woman kind of guy.

Seriously. She's such an idiot that she almost deserves to become a cheater and lose her marriage.

Anna doesn’t have a consistent or reasonable personality. No woman is that dumb. And all professional women know how to handle a Jake. It is really quite unbelievable. I love this type,lf story and they work even when poorly done, but I was hoping for more. Gary’s pretty much of a dumbass, too.

can't stand the stupid premise of these stories where a supposedly intelligent woman is swooning over a rumored player and then is dumb enough to start going to lunch alone with them and go dancing?? maybe if she had a double digit IQ