All Comments on 'Terra's Play Thing'

Is English your first language? This story doesn't read like it is. People just don't speak the way your characters do, and your story, itself, gives the impression it was translated from another language. (And that it lost something in that translation.) Also, if you've actually read the stories here, you must have encountered criticism for writing in the present tense. (Wun Hung Lo slides his hand down to his low-hanging balls while Parthanon grinds her flabby ass into the carpet, and says "Excuse me"...) It rarely, RARELY works. You might think it's an effective "point of view" for the reader, but for the most part, it comes across like a badly narrated stream of consciousness fantasy that holds little interest for anyone other than the author. It also reeks of inexperienced amateur.

First, Epiphany_Jones, I am glad you posted with your name instead of "Anonymous". Second, I was surprised to find you have not posted even 1 story on this site. As a critique of my writing style and ability, I expected you to have posted many stories to prove their superior writing ability.

I like the premise of this story, but it could have been executed a little better. Although I hate to agree with the other commenters, who just seemed rude, I also don't care for the present tense. The dialog needs some work, and the characters need to be developed a little more.

Keep writing, and don't be discouraged by all the rude comments. You clearly have a creative mind; you just need a little work on the art of crafting a good story. I would recommend finding an editor for your next story, and then pay close attention to the changes your editor makes.