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All Comments on 'Tess & Uncle John Ch. 01'

by daddygoesdeep

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  • 7 Comments
lanncerlanncerabout 12 years ago
Lots of room for improvement.

Using quotation marks and commas can do wonders. The plot is fine though.

joemac77792064joemac77792064about 12 years ago
Punctuation

It was a good story! But I had trouble finding who was talking to whom. Please review your 7th and 8th grade composition classes and determine how to write conversation into your text.

Keep up the good stories.

Teacher44Teacher44about 12 years ago
It's called punctuation.

I hate when punctuation, spelling, and grammar get in the way of a good story. This has potential to be a good story, but when you can't tell who is saying what to whom there is a problem.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Unreadable!

Fix it up, repost it, and then I'll read it. As is, it's painful!

ToooSexyToooSexyalmost 12 years ago

Way too rushed. Awful grammar. Good plot.

kamakumarkamakumarover 9 years ago
... that last paragraph

The last paragraph seems kinda rushed. Could have played around a little longer.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
The whole thing is rushed

not very believable either

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userdaddygoesdeep@daddygoesdeep
12 Stories
146 Followers
Love long detailed role play. Willing to play any and all roles. Daddy/daughter, uncle, neighbor, Dads friend, grandpa, age play if you're into that. It can be fun sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. Love playing. Come and see me. Absolutely love texting and sexting. Ema...

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Tess & Uncle John Ch. 02 Next Part
Tess & Uncle John Series Info