Testing Relationships

*****

We met them a few times over the next few weeks and all was well. Max was really trying hard to be my friend. Lena was great to hang out with. In short, we had a good time. Another, rather surprising, bonus of spending time with Max and Lena was that Eva had almost no desire to go out dancing anymore. Things were generally improving. Well, with one exception: the way Eva looked at Max when she thought I wasn't looking. It was very subtle, but I knew her well. It was her version of the adoring school girl crush. Oh, she hid it well and went out of her way to make me feel like a king, but I noticed it and didn't like it. I couldn't hold it against Max, of course. The poor guy didn't do anything wrong. I also couldn't confront Eva: her signals were too subtle to be the basis for any accusation. I noticed them and the fact that I couldn't do a thing about it made it worse. It made me feel like I was her second choice.

Lena started to flirt with me quite a bit as well. Unlike me, Max and Lena didn't seem to be acquainted with the concept of jealousy. Max was totally relaxed with Lena subtly touching me and surprisingly, so was Eva. I'm no big fan of those numbers, but if I was forced to rate Max' looks between 1 and 10, he'd be somewhere off the scale at 25. Why was Lena flirting with me? For a while I clung to the idea that I simply misunderstood her, but as we continued to meet them, she was getting more and more obvious. I felt like a hero for fending her off in a nice and gentlemanly way.

*****

Friday noon. Home early from work, and ready to spend a nice quiet weekend with my wife, forgetting there had ever been a place like the 08/15.

"Eric, you like Lena, right?"

"Well, she's nice, yes," I naively answered, and I really meant it.

"She likes you, too. A lot. Sometimes I even think she prefers you to Max."

"Don't be ridiculous. She's got the hunk of the century."

"Well, I think you underestimate yourself and she seems to agree with me. She's never going to leave him, mind you, but she's certainly taken a shine to you, honey."

"Don't."

"What?"

"Just don't." I already knew where this was heading and I didn't like it one bit. I also suddenly understood why Lena was flirting with me. Me, the guy that was virtually invisible next to her own partner. She was doing Max, the irresistible, the almighty Max, a favor. Of course she was. No female could resist him. He had convinced Lena to lower her standards enough to go with a wife swap thing. He had obviously convinced her to be my consolation prize while he had his way with Eva. No. No way.

"Eric, I know you like her, and I know she likes you. It would be just a pleasant and harmless experience for both of you. You can have a short fling with her, it's okay with me," she said in a very light and friendly tone.

"Eva, she's only doing it to help Max get in your pants. She doesn't give a shit about me."

"That's not true. She honestly likes you."

"Even if she did, that wouldn't matter. I won't cheat with a woman just because she likes me. I'm married. You remember that marriage thing, don't you?" My tone was getting a bit more upset and she tried to compensate by being extra soothing.

"It wouldn't be cheating if it was okay with me."

"Well, I'm not interested, and it's certainly not okay with me for you to have sex with Max."

"Eric, honey..."

"No. Just don't. Don't start this. Don't even think about it. This is a massive gamble. I don't want to lose what we have. I love you."

"Eric, honey. I love you, too. That's why we can do this. We are safe in our love for each other. There's no risk. I love you, you love me. I don't love Max, you don't love Lena. Please..." She was pleading now, which was unheard of.

"You're sure there's no risk? You are already undermining our marriage. You wouldn't suggest this unless you had feelings for him."

"You've seen him, honey. He's very attractive. This is a purely physical thing, though. The love we have is much deeper than this."

"And how am I supposed to feel, knowing that he's more attractive to you than I am, even if we assume it is just a physical thing?"

"He's not. Not for me. That's because I love you. And don't forget, you'd get Lena. She's much more beautiful than I am," she stated, exaggerating the difference in their attractiveness. "It won't matter because you love me and you don't love her."

"You seem awfully sure of this. What if I fall in love with her? What if I don't love either of you afterwards? What if I love you both? What if I love only her?"

"You..." She was at a loss for words suddenly. "You wouldn't. I know you. I'm very secure in your love. You could have sex with a thousand women; you'd still come back to me."

"I'm not so sure. I'm not willing to risk it."

"I am."

"What?" I was incredulous and felt helpless to stop this train wreck.

"It would be good for us."

"What?" Okay, my responses were not that eloquent, but I was still in shock.

"Eric, I really love you and I want to grow old with you. We will start having kids soon and nothing will change that, but I can't go on like this. I want him. Just physically, sexually, not emotionally. Nothing lasting will happen. Honey, I've tried to suppress it. I've tried to hide it to not hurt you, but I can't do that anymore. It's... strong... I need... Please understand, I need to do this once and then forget about it and about him. If you want to, we'll never see them again afterwards."

"No."

"Eric, you'll get the beautiful Lena for one weekend, as well."

"No. Please. Don't. Just don't. It will be the beginning of the end for us."

"It won't. Trust me."

"I don't want Lena's mercy sex, anyway."

"Nonsense, Eric, I've talked to her. She really wants you."

"It doesn't matter. We'd both need to agree to a swap or it would be plain cheating. I don't agree. That means there will be no swap. Whatever you'd do with Max would be plain cheating."

"No, you would get your jollies as well. You need to. We need to even things out."

"I won't."

"Let's see what happens," she smugly said. "Max said Lena can be very convincing, and I know for certain she's dead set on convincing you." Yeah, maybe, but for the wrong reasons. Eva just didn't want to believe me because seeing the truth would mean losing her dream of having Max.

I was getting desperate now. "Eva, please. Let's just forget this, okay?"

"I can't. I have the once in a lifetime chance to be with a man like him. Maybe one in a million women can ever experience sex with a man like him." She said 'him' as if it were capitalized, like a deity or something. "I don't love him, but I need to do this once. Please understand. Please have fun with Lena. She will be here in an hour. I will be yours again for our whole life from Sunday evening on. I love you and only you, please don't ever forget that."

With that she grabbed an overnight bag I hadn't noticed, blew me a kiss and left our apartment without looking back. I sat there in shock for... I have no idea. A few minutes, probably. I suddenly snapped into action. No. I wouldn't be here when Lena arrived. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of playing along with their disgusting plan. My marriage was dead. All that needed to be done was to get away.

Hastily, I packed all I would need for a few weeks and stuffed it into my car. I was still too shocked to react emotionally. I already knew that would come later and I didn't look forward to it. Breaking up a relationship was my own personal horror.

*****

I decided to check one of the black boards at the university nearby, the one where small and cheap apartments were usually not on offer, but where everyone went looking for them, anyway.

Just as I approached the board, which was completely invisible under the bulging cloud of colorful sheets, advertising all kind of shit I didn't need, a long, blonde mane entered my field of vision. Below it was an ass in tight jeans, marvelous enough to be almost illegal. Long legs and high heeled sandals. Momentarily forgetting my mission, I watched in amazement as she pinned a fresh note onto the board. Then things got worse as she turned around.

I was shocked. Holy cow, what a stone fox. As she briefly smiled at me, turned around and left, I was still frozen in shock. Women like this shouldn't walk around in real life. In the unlikely case they did, they at least shouldn't do it here, amidst bio-organic semi-bums and embarrassing hipster imitations.

I kept staring at her ass in a less than gentlemanly way until it finally left my field of vision. As soon as she was out of my sight, I woke up from my trance, remembered where I was and why I was there and took a look at her note before the vultures could snatch it.

No way. A 40 square meter, one-bedroom apartment in the city center for a lousy 300 Euro? Unbelievable. I ripped the note off completely to avoid competition and ran after her. I would have done that anyway, just to get a few more seconds to look at her.

As I ran after her, I panted "wait a minute," and immediately felt like an idiot. There was this gorgeous woman striding confidently across the auditorium forecourt. I was sure that 100 percent of the present males were looking. I couldn't tell, because I couldn't turn my eyes from her for even a second, but any male that wasn't looking was either blind, gay or both.

She was so far out of my league that under normal circumstances I never would have dared to approach her. I had no choice, though, as I really needed the apartment. Even more important, I needed to keep looking at her.

"Hey," I panted. "Wait a moment, please." Brilliant, I thought. She'd certainly never heard that pickup line before. Completely original.

She stopped, turned around and looked at me calmly, almost like she had expected this. I suddenly felt like I knew her somehow, but I couldn't place her. I was confused. How could I have possibly forgotten someone who looked like her?

"Do I know you?" Wow, my lines kept getting better and better, but she just smiled. Condescendingly? Arrogantly? No, in spite of her hotness, she seemed genuinely friendly. I still couldn't shake two different feelings; that I somehow knew her and that this was a setup. Such things don't happen in real life. I firmly planned to look around for hidden cameras as soon as I was able to look away from her. That might take a while.

"I have no idea."

"What?"

"How should I know if you know me?" she impishly replied.

She was still way too friendly, despite the weird way this conversation had turned into a disaster.

"The apartment..." I was too confused for coherent sentences now, it seemed. Just the basics would have to do. In lieu of completing my sentence, I waved the slip I'd pulled from the bulletin board in her general direction.

"Yes?" She smiled expectantly.

"It's still available?"

"Hmm, let's see. I pinned up the slip you're holding maybe two minutes ago. No one has talked to me since, so yes, it still seems to be available." She even chuckled softly now, but it all still seemed very good natured.

"Can I see it?"

"You're not a man of many words, are you? Sure, let's go," she replied while still smiling in that weirdly inappropriate nice way.

"Okay," I said meekly, not having anything else to do anyway. Surprisingly, she took my hand and seemed unwilling to let it go until we arrived at a high-class apartment block a few minutes later. I was still too confused to interpret her weird behavior. Eva wasn't exactly ugly, so I was used to guys looking at the woman I was with. This was different, though. All the guys were gawking, staring even. Although she wasn't mine, I was proud to walk next to her. Whoever she was.

The apartment was exactly what I had in mind. Well, what I would have had in mind if I had let my fantasy go berserk and dream up a totally unrealistic vision of the perfect apartment that surely existed nowhere. Except here, it seemed. Just waiting for me, which made current happenings even more unlikely. I knew many who would gladly trade their grandma for this apartment if there had been some kind of demand for her.

Stylish, quiet, in a hip part of town, almost brand new, luxuriously equipped. It even looked suspiciously larger than the declared 40 square meters. I guessed she would easily be able to get a thousand Euro or more.

"So, it's three hundred?" I tentatively asked, not wanting to rock the boat by appearing too incredulous.

"Yes," she lightheartedly chirped.

"Well, you certainly have a long list of applicants and I would like to..."

"You can have it," she cheerfully interrupted me and I didn't mind in the least.

"Wha... just like that?"

She smiled that smile again while I tried yet again to make sense of this. It still didn't work.

"There's one condition though."

Oh, shit, here it comes, I thought. She's really the devil and this is where she tells me she wants my soul, or something really valuable.

"I want to get to know my tenant, so we'll sign the lease tonight at seven at my place. It's the door over there. I'll cook something nice. You like Italian?"

"Ah, what? Sure. Yes. Great." Seriously? She had just invited me for dinner? I quickly checked, gravity was still on and pointing downwards, so reality had not completely shifted.

"Great, that's settled. Just bring yourself. No flowers, wine or any of that stuff. I'm a low maintenance girl. No dressing up either. Just be yourself."

"Oh... okay."

"See you then."

With that I was dismissed as she vanished inside her own apartment.

Needless to say, I walked back to the hotel on cloud nine. It was a very confused cloud nine, though. I had an apartment, at least if I managed to not completely fuck things up tonight. I still had no idea what to make of the rest. Women seemed to have collectively decided to act totally whacky around me.

*****

I was still shocked by Eva's behavior and my inability to prevent it. My imagination went wild about what she was doing right then with Max the Greek God and I felt sure I would never be able to compete with such a guy. Even if I found a way to get over her betrayal, he would always be there in the back of my mind. He would always be present when we'd have sex, always be there when she'd see me stepping out of the shower in the nude, always in the background whenever we'd go out dancing. No, as much as it hurt to lose her, I wouldn't spend my life like that.

I had made up my mind to ignore her calls, but that proved to be irrelevant as she obviously had other things in her head than calling me. Quite literally, probably.

On the other hand, the situation with my potential landlady helped to make me feel better. I was still married, but dinner with such a woman was something that just had to make me feel better.

*****

As requested, I came without any gifts and in casual clothes, but was almost convinced that it was just a trap. It was also known as the "no, honey, of course I don't need anything for my birthday" trap.

She surprised me by greeting me in a very sexy, yet casual outfit. She was displaying that marvelous ass in way too short booty shorts and showcasing her beautiful boobs in a very brief top that did not leave much to the imagination.

"Hi." She just purred before pressing me against said boobs and kissing me on the cheek. I got lost in the sensations, in her smell, in the way she felt against me and completely forgot to release her, but she didn't seem to mind. After a while, we finally disentangled ourselves and I took a look around.

"Wow."

The apartment I hoped to rent was small, but very upscale and nice. This one was even better furnished, had a nicer view on the park and was much larger. I didn't know such places even existed around there.

"Wow." My responses still were not very eloquent. I saw a pattern developing here.

"It's just a condo," she dismissively said. "You hungry?"

Right on cue, a delicious smell crept into my nose and it occurred to me that I had indeed not eaten anything for an eternity. I had been in some kind of shock for hours and hadn't even thought of food.

Beautiful, nice, obviously well off, good cook. Seriously? There had to be a catch, but I was willing to postpone looking for it until later. Eating seemed more important.

"Oh, yeah. I'm actually quite hungry."

"Good. I love to feed my man."

Hey, what? Her man? Something was wrong, but I decided to eat before trying to figure out what was going on.

She had prepared a three course Italian menu that might not have been perfect, but was still really good and must have been a lot of work to prepare. I felt flattered and still confused that she had gone to such lengths for me.

"That was really delicious."

"Thank you, kind sir." She smiled like this was really important for her. "Perhaps you'd like to have a drink on the sofa?"

"Well..." I had no witty reply ready as I was really not sure where this was leading.

"Just sit down, relax, I'll light the fireplace and bring you something to drink, okay?"

Like a lamb to the slaughterhouse, I was led towards the sofa and gently nudged backwards until my ass plopped onto the soft cushion. She turned on the gas fireplace and left for the kitchen. Wow. A lot was happening around me in a short time. I didn't seem to be in control of anything. Eva had suddenly decided to cheat on me and even had the audacity to boldly announce it. I didn't have a choice about it. Of course, I moved out immediately, again having no real choice. Then I saw that apartment posting and was now being eaten alive by a gorgeous woman. Again, no real choice. Maybe the problem was that I thought too much about it all. Why worry if you don't have a choice anyway?

My totally pointless line of thought was interrupted by my hostess placing a drink next to me. Hey, I didn't even know her name yet.

"What is your..." was all I could get out before she surprised me by kneeling in front of me and beginning to take my shoes off. Wow, had her cleavage been that visible before? I could almost, no I could indeed see her nipples from time to time. Wow, now those were what I'd call beautiful mid-sized breasts. She had taken my shoes off while I had been busy inspecting her boobs, caught me looking at them and just smiled impishly.

"That's okay. You can look at them if you want to."

"Ah..."

Most of my blood had already left my brain towards my dick and as a result, my answer was even less eloquent than before.

As soon as she started to massage my feet, my trousers became uncomfortably tight.

"Are you feeling comfortable?" she innocently asked.

What now? I didn't want to lie, but telling her that my dick had the almost painful urge to escape from its prison seemed hardly appropriate.

"You're not, aren't you? Here, let me help you."

With that she casually opened my zipper as if it was the most natural thing in the world, freed my dick from my pants, smiled at me and began to move her mouth towards it.

I briefly considered screaming "No, stop, this can't be real," but was stopped by the sensation of her mouth on my dick. Wow.

Was I too confused to enjoy the sensation? No. I was past that. Yes, the situation was totally implausible, but no one had asked me for my opinion so far, and I was going to enjoy this whether it made any sense or not.

Did I feel bad because I was cheating on Eva with a nameless dream woman? No. At that point, my relationship with her was already over and done with. Maybe I should have felt bad because I always thought I loved her and expected us to grow old together, but I didn't. This new, somehow unreal, reality was just too overwhelmingly good. Did I feel bad because I was just some kind of passive victim? Seriously? Feel bad while receiving a blow job from the most beautiful woman I'd ever met? I think not!