Texas Heat Ch. 03: Redemption

"I don't want to see you right now. Go away."

"You needed to know."

I gasped, "and you thought you should tell me? You thought you had that right? I haven't seen or heard from you in five years!"

"You were married."

"I am married," I corrected passionately.

She shrugged, "but not happy."

I sighed with exasperation and then dropped the handle of my bag, kicking it. I kicked it again and again. I thought expressing the anger that way would work, but it didn't and I was soon kneeling, sobbing uncontrollably, once again. When she knelt beside me, I stood and moved away from her, backing into the room, as far away from her as possible. I stared out of the window, wiping the tears from my face as I heard the door close. I didn't know if she had entered the room or left...I wasn't sure if I cared either way.

"You needed to know," she said again.

I turned to her, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from my face.

"You lost the right to tell me what I need a long time ago. When you ran away like a little girl, you lost that right."

The words stung and I could see the brief flash of anger on her face before she shut it down. We stood facing one another for a few moments and then I glanced at the bedside clock, realizing I needed to leave if I wanted to catch my flight.

"I can't do this right now."

I grabbed the handle of my bag again and wheeled it toward the door. This was over. It had to be. I needed to deal with Bruce first. And we had a lot to talk about. As a married couple...as two people who cared for one another. I didn't have time to stand here talking to a woman that seemed to bring nothing but mayhem and pain into my life. She waited until I'd opened the door before she leaned over me to slam it shut. I turned to face her, those chestnut eyes capturing me. I looked up at her finally, taking her in, noticing the strain on her face, the tension in her form. She didn't appear to be happy about upsetting my life. Well, thank goodness for that.

"You think this was easy for me?" She asked sharply.

I sighed, "why do you even care Dee? You didn't care five years ago, why do you care now?"

It wasn't a fair question, but I didn't give a shit at the moment. She turned her back to me, taking what I assumed to be a calming breath. God knows I needed one.

"You don't know what you're talking about." She finally bit out, her back still to me.

I laughed bitterly, angrily. "I don't know what I'm talking about? You let me go. You didn't even put up a fight. And now you show up five years later? For what?"

She still didn't turn to face me and I realized I'd had enough. I had a plane to catch.

"I need to talk to my husband." I snapped, emphasizing the final word as I reached for the door knob again.

She moved quickly, grabbing me, her grip brutal. I knew I would have bruises on my upper arms by morning. Even that fact didn't stop me from experiencing the same shock of emotion I always felt when she touched me. She stared down at me and I could see the frustration in her eyes. She closed them for a moment, loosening her grip on me, struggling with whatever she wanted to say. But I wasn't in the mood to be patient. I would have waited forever to hear what she had to say five years ago. Right now, I just wanted to get away from her.

"Let me go Dee." I ordered in a dead, flat tone.

She opened her eyes and shook me, hard. I think my brain rattled against the sides of my skull. When she stopped, I just stared up at her with surprise. It was probably the most emotion she had expressed since I'd met her. I could see her swallow before she spoke.

"You think it was easy for me, letting you go?" She released me, pushing me away from her a little as she turned her back to me once more. I could see her take another deep breath. "Jesus Evelyn, do you really think I'm a fucking monster?"

Her voice was thick with emotion and...I didn't know how to respond.

"I hired someone to keep an eye on you a week after you left. I had to sit by while you moved in with him, married him, sold your house, your car...I had to watch you melt away, losing all that weight, your face haunted..." She sighed. She was standing beside the window now, glancing down into nothingness. "But I had to wait...had to...get my shit together."

She stopped. I was reeling. This was not the same stoic woman I had walked away from all those years ago. We stood in silence for a few minutes. I wasn't sure what to say, what to do. I still needed to leave if I planned to catch my plane. I liked what I was hearing, but I didn't trust it. This was still the woman that had run from me. The woman who had let me walk away...although how easy that had been for her was now something I needed to reconsider.

She'd had someone watching me? That was not only bizarre, and an invasion of my privacy...it was also sweet. To think she had known where I was, what I was doing, for the last five years. That she had paid someone to keep an eye on me. But there was still a part of me that wondered why that should make a difference? And what made things different now? Okay, she was talking, expressing herself in a way she never had before. But this was still Pasadena Williams and a leopard couldn't change its spots...could it?

She turned to me, her face back to its normal impassivity, a brow raised. She was clearly waiting for me to say something. I swallowed, not sure what I should say. What I did realize was that I needed to deal with Bruce before I could deal with Dee. Every fiber of my being told me so. One mountain climbed and concurred before tackling another. But I couldn't get the image of her expression out of my head. The pained look on her face, the desperate sound of her voice...

I didn't want to think anymore. I was so tired of being responsible, of being a good girl, of trying to be a good wife. I wanted to...I needed to...

I went to her. I dropped my bag, shed my coat and went to her. I threw myself into her arms and kissed her fiercely, my arms curved around her neck, holding on to her so tightly I could not imagine ever letting her go. I felt her arms wrap around me, lifting me from the floor as she pulled me close. She kissed me hungrily, passionately, desperately...and I responded in kind. I needed her. I craved her. Nothing else mattered at the moment. I was in her arms again and she was with me, holding me, kissing me. It was her, not another dream. She was here, in the flesh, with me...finally.

I wasn't sure how far I'd planned to go, but I didn't stop her when she started to remove my clothes. The feel of her rough hands against my heated flesh...I felt alive. After so many years, wondering what was wrong with me, why I couldn't respond sexually...now here I was, pressing myself to someone urgently, clinging to her as if my life depended on it, the blood rushing through my veins, my center pulsating. I felt like...she...she was breathing life back into me. She made me feel this way. She'd always made me feel this way. I wasn't frigid. I wasn't incapable of love. I'd simply been waiting...for something...for someone...for her.

I took on the chore of removing my own clothes as our lips continued to explore one another's, allowing her to remove hers. I didn't have a chance to even look at her when we were done. She lifted me and carried me to the bed, lying down beside me. For a moment she just stared at me, combing her fingers through my silky curls, caressing my cheek. But then she moved closer and I felt her lips against mine again, hungry...demanding. I caressed her massive arms, the expanse of her back, enjoying the feel of muscled steel beneath the softness of her caramel skin. My legs pressed against hers, enjoying the strength they encountered. I leaned my head back as her mouth found my throat, making its way down toward my straining breasts. When the heat of her mouth covered a painfully erect nipple, her thick fingers sinking into me, I couldn't think...her touch, her smell, the feel of her against me...the way her mouth teased me, tortured me, hurt me in such a delicious way...her fingers fucked me...deep, rough...almost cruel. I was already gasping for breath, squirming against her, feeling my body burn. Suddenly her mouth left my breast. Her lips were on mine again, those dark chestnut eyes burning into my soul.

"Cum for me Evelyn."

She whispered it...and the orgasm swept thorough me at her command, shockingly, my body frozen as the intense emotions coursed through me. It took a moment...maybe quite a few moments, before my senses came back to me. My body was tingling...throbbing...and it craved more. I took a deep breath and shifted our positions, rolling on top of her. She let me take the lead, groaning as my hungry mouth covered a taut nipple. I slipped a leg between her massive thighs, pressing against her center in a way that made her moan again. I wanted to take my time, wanted to enjoy every inch of her muscled flesh...I wanted to taste her, to make her go over the way she'd done for me. So I made my way downward, savoring the salty taste and hard feel of her muscles on the way. I lapped at her flat stomach, dipping my tongue playfully into her navel. I nipped at her pelvic bone, continuing my journey as she lay all but frozen beneath me. A curly mass of soft, dark hair greeted me as I parted her thighs, settling between them. I took her in, enjoying the sight of her moist, thickened lips. I moved in to smell her desire, taking her into my nostrils, imprinting her onto my brain. I parted her lips with my nose, teasingly bumping against the hardened nub I found buried beneath. I stuck my tongue out, tasting her, savoring the feel of her warm cream on my tongue.

She didn't squirm beneath me as I explored, but I could feel the tension in her thighs. I smiled, allowing my tongue to slowly lick the length of one side, then the other. I kept at it, alternating sides, enjoying myself as her lips grew fuller, thicker, and I found more and more of her sweetness hidden beneath the folds. When I took her hardness into my mouth, just holding it there, I felt her hips grind into me just a little. She was breathing hard, her hands curled into my dark locks. I sucked on it, teased it with my tongue, gently swabbed then lashed at it roughly...

I was more than a little surprised when she shifted suddenly, grabbing my upper arms and pulling me up. Her lips found mine and she moaned as she tasted herself on me, her knee forcefully parting my thighs. She positioned her thigh at my center as I moved my thigh to hers and then we began to move together, riding each other. Even though I had already come, I knew I wouldn't last long. I cried out as her thigh mashed against my overly sensitive center and drove me over the edge. I dug my nails into her back as I listened to her harsh breathing, reveling in the feel of her massive form as it began to tremble. She didn't make a sound, just grabbed me to her with such intensity that I couldn't breathe. She released a gasp of air and I looked up, noticing her eyes were tightly closed as her body continued to shake. The fact that she was having an orgasm, pressed against me, clinging to me, affected me powerfully. I only had to rub myself against the massive thigh still lodged against my center a few more times before I was moaning through yet another climax.

She rolled us over, settling on top, careful not to rest her full weight on me. I was still recovering from my last orgasm when I felt her fingers enter me again, pumping into me, slowly building speed, reaching up into me in a way no one ever had. She curved her fingers forward and hit a spot that set off an explosion of lights behind my closed lids. I cried out as she continued to tap that spot, fucking me savagely, desperately, forcing my body to climb until... it was a violent explosion of the most amazing sensations ever, my body quivering uncontrollably as a rainbow of colors danced behind my lids and my body simply erupted with absolute, utter pleasure. It was a rough, brutal ride, this orgasm, my senses having quickly overloaded, almost suffocating me. I'd never felt anything like it. And when my body finally returned to me seconds later, I couldn't stop the tears. She pulled me to her, her body relaxing as she kissed my face tenderly, whispering words I could barely hear. She waited until I had calmed, holding me tight, before reaching over for the comforter and pulling it over us.

I slept peacefully for the first time in a long time.

*

I didn't make my flight. Not that night or the next day. In fact, I'm not sure I did anything beside shower, eat a little, and allow Dee to devour me over and over and over again. When I finally thought to check my phone, Michael had called a dozen times. Bruce had called twice. I hadn't missed my originally scheduled flight, we were planning to stay in Chicago until Friday evening anyway, but I thought it odd that Bruce hadn't called to check on me more often. I called Michael back as I packed, apologizing for dropping off the face of the earth. I told him I was not feeling well. I didn't tell him I was still in Chicago.

This time I actually left the hotel for the airport. Dee had made my new flight arrangements, paying for the second change and an upgrade to first class. And she rode with me to the airport. When the cab stopped to drop me off, she leaned over to kiss me tenderly, stroking my cheek.

"I'll see you in New York," she promised softly.

"You're coming to New York?" I asked, embarrassed that I sounded so pleased.

"Evelyn," she smirked, "I moved to New York five years ago."

The surprise was still showing on my face as I watched the cab pull away from the curb. She'd moved to New York five years ago? Why? Had she been waiting for my marriage to fail? What if it hadn't? What would she have done? Had it failed? I sighed, shaking my head to clear it. I wasn't sure what was going to happen in New York, when I would be able to see her, what was actually going on with Bruce, but there was only one way to find out. I straightened my shoulders and went to catch my flight.

***

First class always made flying easier, so I was pretty relaxed when we landed in New York. Bruce wasn't home when I arrived, even though it was after midnight. He'd texted me while I was in flight, explaining that a project he was working on was a little more challenging than he'd anticipated and I should not wait up for him. I decided he was right. It had been a difficult few days and I needed sleep.

When I woke the next morning, Bruce was not in bed beside me. However, as I was making a cup of tea, he emerged from our tiny spare room. He kissed me on the cheek and then went into our bedroom to shower. He appeared about 45 minutes later, dressed in tennis whites. I remembered he had a standing tennis date at 10am on Saturdays. At least he said it was a tennis date...I wasn't sure anymore. I sighed.

"I'll be home late. Teddy is having an impromptu get together for the guys tonight, okay?"

He went to kiss my cheek again, but I grabbed his hand.

"Bruce."

He glanced at me, then at the pricy watch on his wrist. A custom made gift from me.

"I'm late Evy, what's up?"

I pushed forward, forcing myself not to delay the inevitable, "we need to talk."

Something in my tone made him stop and actually look at me. He nodded, quickly texting someone on his cell and then sitting across from me at our tiny kitchen table.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling okay?"

I nodded, hoping he would not make this any more difficult than it had to be.

"Bruce..." I choked on the words. How did one start this conversation? I swallowed again and he reached over to hold my hand. Very gently, very carefully, I removed my hand from his. He frowned.

"Evy?"

"I know about her, Bruce," the words rushed from me. "I mean I've known for a while, but now..."

I could see his immediate response was to plead ignorance. Then possibly head for denial? Instead of letting him go there, I slid the envelope with the pictures across the table toward him. I watched as he looked at each one carefully, his face red. I wasn't sure if it was red with embarrassment, shame or anger. When he was done, he calmly replaced the photos and sat back, staring at me. He looked...defeated. I started again before I lost my nerve.

"Is she pregnant?" I asked softly.

Another surprised look crossed his face, but he swallowed down the denial and simply nodded.

And now that it was there, hanging between us, I didn't know where to go...so I said nothing. A part of me wanted to stand up and demand a divorce before storming out. But that didn't seem fair to Bruce. He was a decent guy. And I felt partially responsible for driving him into the arms of another woman. It's not like I'd been faithful myself. Even if I hadn't slept with her until recently, Dee had been a specter between us for years.

The silence dragged on until I couldn't take it anymore. "Now what?" I asked. I wasn't sure if my voice sounded angry, withdrawn or crushed. I wasn't sure about anything at the moment.

"I'll stop seeing her, Evy. I love you."

I smiled a lopsided smile, "but it would kill you to walk away from that child, wouldn't it?" I asked realistically.

He blushed again, but nodded. "She wants to keep the baby and since you can't get pregnant—"

That caught my attention, "huh? What?"

He paused, unsure, "I just assumed since you haven't been pregnant in all this time that you had some kind of medical problem..."

I shook my head, "no Bruce. I can get pregnant. I was pregnant. I just didn't want to bring a child into this marriage. We didn't seem to be—"

"What did you say?"

His tone shocked me. It was...harsh...angry. I thought about the words I had just uttered and kicked myself mentally. I had planned to tell him...eventually. Some day, but not today. Not during this discussion, when our emotions were already running amuck. Well, the cat was out of the bag now. And this was about being honest with one another, right?

"Last year. I was pregnant. I had an abortion."

There, I'd said it. I imagine admitting that I'd had an abortion was probably as horrifying to him as hearing he had impregnated another woman was to me. Not that I was trying to keep score, I was just thinking about how he was feeling at the moment. Probably betrayed...and pretty damn angry. It was the anger I saw on his face. An anger I had never really seen on him before.

"You killed my child?" He asked, his voice soft...deceptively calm.

I didn't like the way he said it. It sounded like murder. It sounded like I had no right. But it was my body, and my choice. At least that's what I'd told myself at the time. If I wasn't ready to be a mother, what was the point of discussing it, right? I mean...right?

"Evelyn?" He demanded, his blue eyes cold and hard as he stared at me.

"I had an abortion." I repeated, not able to use his words.

He closed his eyes and I could see his hands trembling as he closed them into fists. It scared me for a moment. I'd never seen him so...upset. He seemed to be shaking with rage. For a moment I wanted to flee, maybe give him some time to calm down? But I remembered that he said he cared for me...and he'd never put his hands on me before. He was not a violent man.

But I should have trusted my instincts. A second later he was on his feet. The mug that held my piping hot tea was snatched up and hurled across the room, smashing against the white wall. He kicked the tiny table from in front of me, it crashed loudly against the kitchen appliances. Then suddenly, shockingly, his hands were around my throat and...and I experienced real fear for the first time in my life. His eyes were unrecognizable and his hands were closing off my air. Slowly the shock wore off and I felt panic start set in. I clawed at his hands, drawing blood.