All Comments on 'That Damn Dog'

I think that James is right, his wife's friends are trying their hardest, to set him up ,so they can all screw shit out of his "LOVING SLUT WIFE".

It will be interesting to find out what they do next.

Very good story so far keep it up.

this is NOT going to end well....

I like the dialog and the thought processes. If you are not from down under, you give a good imitation of it. James is a little thick for a chemist with an IQ of 125, the trick with the roses and the chocolates is about par with bringing her a pipe bomb for your fifth anniversary.

Please keep on with it.

Lets review,...the author is a Lesbian goes to Britease king of the UK super wimps for " insight" into how straight men think. ??

Thats like going to Richard Simmons on how to GAIN weight

Think of the opening... James knows SOMETHING is wrong or off with his marriage to Kelly. He Tells his wife that one HER friends wants to actually fuck him... and his "loving " wife says...

..." Maybe if, you had taken Pam up on her invitation, you would not feel so much like an outsider...."

so after hearing those shocking words what does James actually do? He goes to the party?!?!?

Oh My god.

WAIT... it gets worse... after one of the wife's friends (Carol) drops her top and shows James her Boobs & Panties James storms out.

But James never ACTUALLY tells Kelly what Carol did at the Party. Go back and read it.

WHY would a Man/ Husband who takes his marriage vows THIS seriously NOT tell his wife what Carol did at the party.?

This story is just a thinly viled attack on hetro straight men who are portrayed as stupid and clueless.

one wife,one husband and any more means divorce.wife playing games,that will cause divorce.there will be heavy price to pay.

Harry's comments , I need not read this tale . If a dyke is going to a man hater for advice .....what more needs to be said !

Uno Starro !!!

Apart from Harry's comments, I would point out that you are also sounding like Britease in this story, in the "nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more" style in which you write, keeping one eye on the audience and one eye on the story. The continual (not necessarily relevant) asides just break the flow of the story for me. Of course, this is a style issue, rather than a substance issue. I appreciate that you are experimenting, but for me, it puts distance between me and what you want to convey. James comes across to me as a tad ... irritating. In any case, I am enjoying the story, when you tell it.

I read her description of the story before going to the comments , she tried to sound as PC liberal as she could about not meaning to offend any race , gender , institution of marriage , mentioned everything but pets , etc .

Answer to that is BULLSHIT !!! when you pick up a pen to write a story , you DO have intention in mind ! and a very deliberate intention to alienate and offend one of those groups you say you are not intending to . So instead of writing a long explanation out of the PC handbook , just tell it like it is and what the story is REALLY about so people will know ahead of time if its a crap read thats not their cup of tea ! Those that are into it will read on .

He's a blowhard and a drunk who abandoned his wife for a night out at a pub, spends too much time at work and not enough with his wife and he wonders why she might be cheating on him? God, it wouldn't be because his priorities are fucked up are they.

Sure? Who's gonna win "The Ashes"? Australia or England? Mike Hussey feasted on English pussy......HA HA HA!

I think the story is OK, not great as yet but the potential is there. I understand his problem with her friends, but perhaps you are making too much of a "name". Her hidden agenda isn't really very hidden, so you have to wonder why he is missing it....guess love is blinding him. Why is she forcing the issue when it is obvious that it is destroying their relationship. I hate to see marriages crash and burn..even fictional ones, but the marriage is on life support all ready. Not sure why she is staying with him if she is so set agaist his values. So.... I am looking forward to seeing if you can resolve some of the issues, be nice if you could bring about a explosion, yet put it back together again afterwards.

The writing is very tongue in cheek which I enjoy. Unfortunately the confusing grammar detracts from the humor.

My first thought is the James' wife has enlisted her friends to help her cause James to violate the pre-nup,so that she can take James to the cleaners for his shares in the company. Kelly's Gang may even have been paid off by the ex-wives to dilute the shares so they can get control.

Kick the Dog?

x

Due to Btritease influence we can be certain that

1) the husband is a Moron

2) there are going to NO answers/ explanations as to WHY she wants to stay with him even though she clearly has different ideas about marriage then he does AND this conflict is causing the wife to Push and push.

Either she is really wants to "swing".. or she is trying to set up him and use his cheating as and excuse to get a very favorable Divorce settlement.

Its obvious to anyone.

Interesting story. Not a great story, but it is a good story. I hope in part two that the husband sticks to his guns and even though his wife may or may not be cheating on him, yet, that HE stays true to his values.

You obviously like Briteases stories and he obviously is helping you with this and maybe other stories. He does have a certain style of writing and it is coming through here. I personally think you are better on your own. You are good enough to write a story on your OWN with out anyones help. I like your ideas on other stories of yours.

Anyway good luck with this story you have written a story about a husband with strong values and a wife with not much or little 'love' and 'affection' for her husband. And it seems she wants to 'swing' or have an 'open marriage' I don't see how two people could really stay married. they are total opposites. But it's your story so do as you will.

Anyway as I said good luck with this story and I will look out for part two.

Regards

AW

I have followed your stories since you started submitting them. I am very disappointed that you have begun to emulate another author's style.

Write your own stories. You have the ability because you have proved that.

If you admire this particular writer and are going to follow in his footsteps, then I will dismiss your offering henceforth as I do his as nothing but garbage.

To see your obvious talent wasted is disgusting.

I'm not quite sure how to take this story. Did you intend to make James such a comedy character? I was annoyed at first that he pontificates and soliloquizes but he is so consistent that he is funny. Obviously he is a bit tight assed. No matter the explanation about his name, anyone who takes it so seriously has got hangups. But getting right down to it he seems like a responsible guy that wants a faithful marriage. <br><br>

I am in exact agreement with him. I might have fantasies that mix in other girls but could never tolerate a reality of other guys with my wife. If I wanted to make my fantasies real I would have to be fair and allow my wife's to be made real as well. But I couldn't deal with it. So neither would get our fantasies made real. We could both have fantasies but you don't cross the line because I know my limits. <br><br>

I have no clue where Kelly is going with this. That's really the only unanswered question. Has she already hooked up with someone? Does she really want to? Maybe she's just a free spirit who sees marriage very differently than him BUT they have a prenup and they have discussed the issue so if she feels this way WHY did she marry him? If she isn't interested in other men why is she unable to understand James' feelings? Is she that stupid? All he friends are an interesting side story but the only significant issue resides with Kelly and you are going round and round to get there. <br><br>

James can blabber some more but it's starting to lose it's quirky appeal.

First comment, it seems a liitke over the top how many time the people in this story have been married and divorced and married and divorced. Yeah it happens in real life but the amount mentioned here is over the top.

Common, kellys been cheating already. Any woman who gets pissed off at her hubby being faithful to her is clearly cheating. The whole gf gang going after him like a piece of meat is just silly.

So here's the big problem in the story: Kelly has clearly checked out of her marriage. She is more worried about getting him to step out and sleep with her whore friends than she is in building their marriage. She's just a cunt with a drive to get him to cheat as well.

With kelly being o two dimensional and frankly stupid in her actions, all that is left fir the reader to experience is to answer the question 'is james gonna turn wimp at the last minute? '. We know britease would vote 100% for wimp, no doubt about it. But what about you Mandy? Are you writing the story or is britease ghost writing for you?

I found it amusing. I could actually see a couple having this conversation.

Yes! Britease has helped in editing my story, He has a good eye for mistakes and I appreciate his efforts in picking up the missing words, commas, semicolons and such.

That said, Britease has had nothing to do with the context of this story and will be laughing his head off when he reads some of the comments made by both Harry and others of his ilk.

There is one thing that really gets under my skin, and that is this from Harry... This story is just a thinly viled (Shouldn't that be vile? Maybe you need an editor for your comments Harry?) attack on hetro straight men who are portrayed as stupid and clueless.

Some of my best friends are males, in fact I like talking to males more than females. If you take the time to read my stories, you will see that I’m not a man hater, or a dyke, yes, I am a lesbian but I see that as irrelevant and a double standard. How many straight male authors have written lesbian scenes, I don’t see any comments on their qualifications for writing such material.

I am Australian by birth, and maybe that is the reason English and Australian humour are very similar.

I have been working on this piece for close to six months, two of those gave me a story that once I re-read it, I hated it with a passion. There was something missing, and that was the reasoning behind James’s actions. That is the reason why James keeps getting side tracked. So using what I already had, I asked some of my MALE friends, some, but not all married at one time or another, some divorced for some reason or other.

Britease was not one of those people, no matter what Harry thinks. BTW, When Britease got the first draft to edit, he did say that I was going to get a lot of flax from some of his detester, and as it happens, he was right, so I’m undeterred. I suggest to some to wait until the other TWO chapter come out before you make judgements.

Those two chapters are already written and are waiting final editing to be posted in the VERY near future.

Thank you all for your comments

Amanda

we a story of a wife who is thinking with her lower half and a husband who isn't happy about it. The people in the story are fucked up just like people in real life. Has she done it already? Thats a biggie. I have never been cut off in my life, before or after I was married. My wife and I still do it even when we are mad at each other. Grudge fucking. Withholding sex because of an argument causes resentment. Thats not a good thing, but it does happen. It also leads to hall sex. That's when you pass each other in the hallway and one of you says, Fuck you! and the other one says, Fuck you too! Little things can kill a marriage. The wifes failure to see how how her husband is feeling and reacting does not bode well. Her tunnel vision might be her undoing. I do not see the guy as an asshole. he has told her how he feels about it a few times apparently. For me, the jumping around kind of breaks the flow. I will continue to read to see if their world explodes. Ok so far.

too many characters and too little development. too much dialogue and too little descriptions. too many wisecracks and too little wisdom. Is there a theme to this story? I guess hypocrisy...maybe names? Does anyone like any of these characters? The husband is a jerk (the name thing is very tedious as are his asides). The wife can't string along more than a couple of cogent thoughts before she becomes an immature child. When the husband and wife interact, oh my god such "drama" (be still my heart). Read Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf" and get a feel for what tension between a husband and a wife can lead to. Further the cliched characterizations of all the wife's friend, just brought groans at the lack of depth or anything interesting about any of them. They are stick figures...nobody would want them as friends. nobody would care.

There are wonderful flashes of brilliance to the writing and plotting, just tighten up the dialogue and give the characters an edge.

As Mandy said, I did warn her that admitting that I'd helped would bring the Brit haters wrath down on her. But as she said, the content is all hers, and all I have done is tidy it up a bit for her. Come on chaps, this girl has some style and a wonderful way with words. It's a great story and since I have the advantage of having read it all already, then pray have patience and you'll all get your wish in the end. Well ----- Some of you will!

Hey Harry --- Where's your manners gone? I thought you were a gentleman.

I did make critical remarks about your story. I did say it appears as if your are emulating another writer that I dislike. All I am really saying I do not think this story follows your normal pattern of writing. And I am also saying I will not follow your submissions if you continue to write in this style. I know you could probably give a shit less, and that I am only one reader, but I am one reader with a vote.

If you expect only laudatory comments you are in the wrong catagory to story write on Lit.

Feel free to chastise me for my remarks, but by no means place me in the "ilk" of Harry.

NEMO ME IMPUNE LACESSIT

Britease a blessing from you is like a kiss of death.

You come from the London area of England I assume or you did as you support Arsenal. Do you really know any English men that say 'CHAPS' in our country? I certainly don't. And I travel all around Britain.

And when did anyone EVER accuse Harry of being a Gentleman? I doubt he would know what one was if it Bit him!

Don't worry about Mandy, she's a big girl and I am sure she can well stand up for herself. I am sure she isn't worried about Harry.

I'm really sorry to see, you do not have any man close to you to talk to. no man, whatever ideas (average if that exists) is complicated. if you have a male friend and I mean friend, you ask him and he gives you a straight answer. of course not everybody is the same and ideas might diversify quite a bit, but with a few exceptions, they will tell you the truth. this story is not erotic, because the woman has done the most mortal sins. first others know more about their sexlife than the couple knows and she did her own decisions about how their lives should go on. if this marriage does not end in a complete disaster , it's far away from real. no guy accepts her going into the swinging scene and then in the aftermath bring him back in so he can't have anything against it. And the guys in this group knew it in advance. they just wanted her as a fucktoy for everybody. because they knew he would not get along. if you turn him around in chapter 2 , you just loose , it's unreal. you are either for or against it. but you are not changing your attitude. just because a heap of dummies are for it you don't even like at all.

Read the Bio, I wonder what makes all you folk see "Australia " and think "England".

Mandy is writing from, or was born in , Australia.

Which is why the tale is the way it is. No IHOP, Dendy's Taco Bell inter-racial stuff.

And non-USA stuff is in there. Quids, and surely at least the Australian examples might have let you twig that something was non-USA ?

Or am i wasting my breath ?

She already angrily told him that she would be free to cheat in the future if he would indulge her friends. She isn't any different from her friends, they flock together, and she might possibly already have had some time with one of them

He's feeling uneasy - well, subconsciously he knows she will eventually stray from their fidelity, if not already. Reluctance on his part to check and/or accept the situation is twofold - he doesn't want to fail, he loves her and two - he doesn't want to follow in the same footsteps as their parents. Too bad, she doesn't have the same convictions.

This is your story, well written, enjoyable read but the above dissertation is how I perceived your train of dialogue between them. She knows he doesn't like them and she has an agenda of her own - too bad she is such a hot looking, lovable wife - oh well!

Thanks!

What a godawful mess this is. How Britease had anything to do with this I can't imagine. It is badly plotted. The character development is all over the place. The try at satire ridiculous. The author tries to hard to use big words then uses them incorrectly. This was a waste of time to write, edit and read.

hate me all you dummy. The point that you are missing is that very few folks think this is a good story.

I dunno.... that might be a clue. Instead you think that I am the only who doesnt like it.

Listen babe being a lesbian is no big deal.

Being stupid?... now THAT is a problem

I'll skip the rest, this sucks.

Take all the critisism with a grain of salt.

Im enjoying it.

The writing could be improved but I like the way the storyline is going.

I wont tell you how to fix your writing as I am no writer myself

Keep going

I like youer style, a little obtuse, but gets the job done niceley. My only complaint is that I hate a story with no conclusion. Please, Please, next story warn me up front of several parts yet to be published. That way I can wait until untol the end to read straight through. realdoc

I rather like the story and the way the protagonist digresses about various things to provide background color to the story. I hope you keep going with this.

I am enjoying the tail thus far, but we need an update soon. Where are we going?

Mandy I happen to like your stories, some more than others. At least you have the talent to write and the courage to post your stories.

I am sure you have checked Harry's bio. For those of you who haven't please do. Harry has never posted a single story. In his bio he says no answer to sex so I assume he is a eunuch. Harry lists over 18 for his age, well maybe physically but certainly not mentally. Since he is obviously a radical lesbian hater I would have to assume that he is either gay or secretly wishes he was. I guess you either love Harry's hairy ass or like a lot of us you just think he's an ass, abet a big one.

So Mandy just ignore him and his ilk and just keep on writing.

Oh, and my best to the Brit, I don't always agree with him but I still enjoy his reads. I guess it's just the dam liberal in me.

kkkkkkaaaaayyyyy! Drop the pretense babe. And lose the pretext. Give us the shit and let it loose. Quals aside, don't try to fool w/ us. We got your number, so put out sweetie! Next chapter, please?

The character development is just about right for a short story although a bit more about Kelly might be nice.

The digressions were a bit of a struggle at first but I did get use to them.

Waiting on the next installment! Thanks for sharing!

You have deleated a lot of comments, this is a mess, no thanks.

No Holes Barred

While this might be the sexual rules of the unfaithful wife, or might not, we have yet to see, the phrase you were looking for was

No Holds Barred.

One Letter different, but a world of meaning.

'No Holds' comes from the world of wrestling (an extremely popular TV sport in the, say 1960's) In this sport some Extremely painful or 'Unsuitable for family viewing' holds were not permitted, but in some matches, No Holds were Barred. Hence the phrase.

RAMPAGE OVER

===========================

Cheers, and Thanks for an excellent Tale.

Kilroy

It thinks "atleast" is a legitimate word.

It did it once in here, and Twice in Camryn's baby.

Perhaps it needs looking at.

Cheers

Kilroy

wouldnt have read it. Many spelling errors in the story. I make them, but I'm not writing stories. Way to much been there dont that stuff. I may or may not read the second set, but the wife is a stupid ass, and the husband needs more than the two brain cells you show him having. Were she my wife she would already be out of the house looking for a job and a place to live.

My Anonymous,

No, I haven’t deleted any comments, I don’t even delete stupid comments.

Why would I delete any comments? Especially after I gave the right to the readers to comment on my story. You do know I could have stopped anonymous comments, or I could have stopped ALL comments.

I didn’t do this because every comment has value to me, even yours. What your comment showed me and the other readers is...you’re a cretin with a fifth grade education, I’m surprised you’re able to operate a computer well enough to actually find this site. You obviously aren’t smart enough to work out how to get a profile, or to weak willed so you hide behind the anonymous tag.

BTW...there is no ’a’ in deleted.

You have a nice day now!

Amanda

PS...Kilroy...Sorry for the No holds barred, you are right. That one should have been used in the sexual context. As for ‘atleast’ I won’t bother to chastise my spellchecker...If some authors are allowed to use ‘drug’ instead of ‘dragged’ then I should atleast be allowed to use ‘atleast’ instead of ‘at least’... potato, potarto... lol

or to weak willed so you hide behind the anonymous tag......

I guess you meant toO weak willed...forgot one "O" huh? LOL

Have a great Sunday! ;-)

I am liking your stories more and more. I cannot tell if you are getting better or I am just getting used to your writing. But, I do enjoy your writing alot. You do have some interesting perspectives and I think you alluded to why in the beginning of this story; you are on the side lines and sort of see things from both sides.

I will say that you do seem to have a good understanding of the differences between men and women and actually write from the male point of view very well. You certainly seem to understand the frustrations men have with the female mind.

I look forward to the continuation of this story. Unlike many stories I really don't know where you are going to take it, but the journey if fun.

This story was unusually difficult to get into, for some reason. The way the characters (mainly James and Kelly) talked with eachother, and James thoughts, it didn't "flow".

Author, you mentioned in your intro that you are a lesbian, and feeling like a spy in both camps, seeing the world from off to the side, uninvolved personally. That is what I think is hampering this story. Since you're a woman, I don't think you know how a man thinks and reacts. You may have guy friends, but that doesn't equate to understanding them and especially, being able to write from a man's point of view.

When I read the story, I had NO IDEA how the characters would react to a particular sentence, or situation.

As far as I can tell, James and Kelly's morals and values (regarding marriage and fidelity) seem very incompatible.

As for copying Britease, I don't remember his stories or his writing style, so I can't comment on any of it.

And yeah, you probably should've put it into the title that it was a serial story. I was surprised to see a "to be continued" at the end...

This is entertaining and engaging, but despite the editing help it's still quite difficult to follow at times, with transitions that are strange or completely lacking. (And by the way, it's "possession is nine tenths of the law," not "procession".)

But it's really bad form not to signal that this will be a multi--part story with a "Ch. 1" in the title.

That said, I will still look forward to the rest--

Thanks, ohio

Quite alot of blah blah between the actual story writing. Makes it hRd Ndmboring on places. Did Lot of skip reading to get to the end of this chapter

"Play your cards right buster and you could very well be getting lucky tonight."

What the hell , is she talking ot her husband or somebody talking to her at the bar? This expresion right here is the signal that your wife has 'friendzoned' you. It's the signal that you care more for her than she does for you. It's the expresion that says "you are a friend with benefits , not my lover"

Also , yeah , the others got it right , hubby is conviniently stupid where it matters but suprissingly lucid when it comes to a couple's power control games and his view of infidelity.

Waiting for the next chapter to put the nail on it for now...

The story was difficult to follow, disjointed and wandered. I also thought it was funny. Thank you.

giving it a bit more than four stars, say 4 1/4. please be sure to finisih it. Also the first real Aussie story I have come across here, Thanks

If had known it was series, i would not finish it.

but i enjoyed it, please continue. YOu asked Britese for help - Dont make it like the one he wrote - "The Damn Car" and The Damn House" because I like his style but theres one thing common in his all stories - Wife in jail or dead, and Hubby with younger version. and all revenge he takes is Financially or in Sports, really is love for your spouse can be compared to these things? Thing I like about his stories is the tension and stress build upto a point, he writes too little while taking revenge, - If you are following him, then I can tell you what would be content - 70% build up to find what the problem is, 20% where is find out, 5% how he ruined them financially, 4% remorse from wife claiming her love, 1 % how hapapy he is now becausewife would never cheat because of the any one reason - he married daughter of a man who cucked him, younger sister of wife who had bad experience with past and needs money and is straight about it.

Please take care of these things, I really liked your previous one, that was amazing, thats exaclty what i like, i am not into revenge stories, neither in reconcilation whatever happend it should justifable, if revenge is taken it should be just enough to make cheaters realize what they did, and if reconcilation is to take place there should be hard work done by guilty party expressing her/his remorse. And hate where hero says in the end in two lines - I met a woman, who became love of my life and we married - exalaing hatered in so detail but happy ending in two lines.

Thanx I hope your next will be worth of reading and wish it wolud as great as prev one.

Thanx

Lets review,...the author is a Lesbian goes to Britease king of the UK super wimps for " insight" into how straight men think. ??

Thats like going to Richard Simmons on how to GAIN weight

**********

Let’s review Harry’s review! Whether you consider Britease to be the king of the UK super wimps is entirely your own perception. The Facts that remain is that,

1. I didn’t go to Britease for any advice about the content of the story what so ever.

2. Britease crossed T’s and dotted I’s I had missed and that is all, noting about the story came from him.

3. Yes the author is a lesbian! As I said in another comment to someone else, why can’t a lesbian write a Loving/ Cheating Wife story? What gives the exclusive right to males to write whatever crap comes into their minds i.e.: lesbian stories and the same allowance not be given to me? Double standards Harry, I don’t mind playing the game, I can take the knocks and handle the bruises, I may have long blonde hair, but I’m not stupid Harry, I want a level playing field.

**********Let's continue

Think of the opening... James knows SOMETHING is wrong or off with his marriage to Kelly. He Tells his wife that one HER friends wants to actually fuck him... and his "loving " wife says...

..." Maybe if, you had taken Pam up on her invitation, you would not feel so much like an outsider...."

so after hearing those shocking words what does James actually do? He goes to the party?!?!?

**********

What do you suggest Harry? That he chuck a hissy fit and pout, drop his bundle, telling her that he’s not going because he’s feeling bitchy about what her friends are doing?

Some women I know do that Harry, rarely men. Women use psychological ammunition, men don’t have to, they have size on their side most of the time. They do for self-preservation, (might isn’t always right), go along with their partners to keep the piece, and they may even sulk, because their partners are using psychological ammunition!

I’m a woman Harry, as flawed as my brain is, I am a woman who dates other women Harry. Don’t try to tell me what women do Harry, when it’s clear that I have better qualification to the mysteries...Harry!

**********Harry again

Oh My god.

WAIT... it gets worse... after one of the wife's friends (Carol) drops her top and shows James her Boobs & Panties James storms out.

But James never ACTUALLY tells Kelly what Carol did at the Party. Go back and read it.

**********

I don’t need to read it Harry, I wrote it remember and nowhere did I say that James got to see Carol’s panties. I did say that she bent over, making her top fall further open and allowing James to see down her cleavage, she did not drop her top and shows James her Boobs & panties. Read what’s there Harry, not what you think you’d like to be there.

**********This is a classic

WHY would a Man/ Husband who takes his marriage vows THIS seriously NOT tell his wife what Carol did at the party.?

**********

You do realise that that statement has vindicated me with your review of the story ‘Looking for Daniel Mason.’ In it, part of what you said and I quote. And this is cut and pasted straight out of your comments Harry, no alterations at all, spelling mistakes and all.

**********

“But the Plot here is crap and makes NO fucking sense. Let me see if I have this right.

Dan early on finds out HE is sterile.... AFTER Gracie was born when they were tying to have more kids. Then the twin boys come along. So dan has his wife followed and he finds out that she saw her old boyfriend only 1 or 2 times... and she was NOT seeing the ex boyfriend OR anyone else.

So dan decides to stick around. So far so good.

MANY years later Dan overhears Gracie and his wife talking about secret wedding anniversary plans.... and on THAT bases... Dan walks away for 4 years?

what a pathetically stupid lame ass dumb fuck plot.

*********

As you have just demonstrated Harry, people do go off the rails with only half the information that’s available, it’s a human trait, that everyone is at some time or other, guity of. You have read only one chapter in this story and have made up your mind that James is stupid that he should have done this or that. I’ll remind you that before you go making stupid remarks that you thought this was a complete story...To Be Continued... was in print after you read the story and before you commented. This is akin to seeing two wheels, an engine and a tailpipe of what will soon to be, hopefully a car. You have decided not to like this car before you have evaluated the finished product. You did what you blatantly accused Daniel of doing and down me for having an unrealistic plot. How do you know what James has or has not discussed with Kelly since you have not read the whole story.

**********

This story is just a thinly viled attack on hetro straight men who are portrayed as stupid and clueless.

**********I'll throw this one right back at ya Harry.

Your criticism is the thinly veiled, not viled, ‘although your comment is looking rather vile’ attack on the gay community, and trying to make me look like a man hater. You attempt to put in the only way you can, your view of the world to the masses. I can tell you right now Harry, without being guilty of any conceit what so ever, that I am a far better writer than you are a critic.

According to Otto, “You are the only one who can make yourself look stupid, and have it be set in cement!” In that regard, you have excelled yourself Harry and it’s the reason that whenever I read one of your comments, I giggle myself silly.

I do have an apology to give Harry...I called you a 'dick' on numerous occasions and for that I apologise. I have received emails from other females of the straight persuasion, chastising me and then informing me those dicks far more useful than your criticism of other people’s stories. Each to their own, however, I apologise profusely.

You do bring a certain humour to the stories you criticise and for that I thank you. Don’t ever stop Harry, ‘Loving Wives Category’ needs people like you to show the other readers that maybe the plot they have just been reading, isn’t all that far from reality.

Best regards Harry, keep up the good work

Amanda

i liked the story so far, and want to read more. I really dont understand why people are ratting about wimp?, even if he is a wimp , so what? why blame author, we only blame author when he/she try to justfy some unacceptable behaviour, we see villains in the movie, in the there is no happy ending, but we dont blame writer, we can blame only if he says it was justifiable ending, bad things happens, life is not fair always.

is it crime to write about that part of life? or about those people? no, here arguable thing would be if author takes wrong side, or choose himself/herself wimpy side , like DQS1 (he always justifies hubby's wimpy side , comparing with morals) , MattMouu (no need to say anything , when hubby gives money to his ex-wife and her lover , money to live, because he is impressed by the love and devotiion of his exwife towards her lover), Britease (who thinks beating a man , financially is a best revenge, or marrying his daiughter so that he wont take his new wife away from him). I loved Mandy's Stories atleast these matches the woman I have seen in real life, not everything is about big-boobs, big-dick, farce use of word love ("i would have sex with you, if I was not in love with my husband").

in Short I lkie what you write, please post the next, but dont tell us you are also comment ***** , there no use of comment got forcefull by torturing the readers.

Thanx

This is the first story by you that I have read and I just wanted to drop a coment or two.

First and foremost your writing is exceptional. Your penchant for using the protaganist's tendency to topic drift to give back story was confusing at first but the more I read the more comfortable I got with it and it does really work as a means of doing so without jaring the reader out of the story. It makes the story more conversational and keeped me, at least, immersed from start to finish. You do a great job at showing rather then telling (a failing for many, even professional writers) and your descriptions are both vivid and visceral. The first scene with Kelly at the bedroom door was exceptionally erotic, and this without anything more then some well done teasing and the energy of their relationship. Really good writing and very enjoyable to read.

The plot was good and the characters believable. I loved the covert agenda in Kelly's attempt to kindly fulfill Jame's fantasy, and her blindness at her own sexual drives pushing her selfishness and coloring her point of view. I have known men and women in this position who, driven by their own desire to have what they wanted, deluded themselves into thinking they were being reasonable. Very spot on with this kind of thinking.

Second, the constructive criticism; While your writing is exceptional, your protaganist could be much more sympathetic. So much of Jame's dialog, internal thoughts and viewpoint descriptions of others are so negative that I as your reader found him a bit unlikeable. While I agreed with him in his ideas about what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable behavior in and out of marriage and applauded him for refraining from engaging in a fantasy because he couldn't reciprorcate, I found him rather unsympathetic and really had trouble seeing what good qualities drew Kelly to him in the first place.

This leads me to the other area that I thought could have been improved; I had trouble seeing the love and feeling in their relationship. While I understood that we were seeing their relationship at the point of crisis, more feelings of ambivalence and tension (i.e. things that invest us as readers) could have been drawn from us with a stronger showing of the feelings of love between them as a couple (and thus the tension between what Kelly felt for James in conflict with her need/drive for sex outside of marriage) and the things that drew each of them to each other and kept them together as a couple.

So much for the constructive criticism. You write really well and I'm excited to see what other stories you've written. Don't let folks like Harry get your goat up. Open forums are the playground for people (like him) who get off on venting their spleen and spewing venom for its own sake. For those of us that really enjoy good writting, this is a great place to get to see you authors (and there are a lot of you) working hard to create and offering your work up for our pleasure. Thank you. I'm looking forward to reading more chapters and to having found you as an author to add to my favorites list.

-Francis Toliver

Wow you seem upset. Must be all the psychological ammunition that you women seem to have and that NONE of us stupid knuckle dragging men seem to have.

LOL!!! Good to know that I am NOT getting you after the HUGE long post you made.

what is Most fascinating is that you seem to think I am the only making strongly negative comments about this silly story.

The issue of whether he see the wife's friends panties or not is quite irrelvant. WHY doesnt he tell his wife what is going on at the party?

you NEVER explain that. Its a simple question.

You wrote

..."What do you suggest Harry? That he chuck a hissy fit and pout, drop his bundle, telling her that he’s not going because he’s feeling bitchy about what her friends are doing?"

YES! what the fuck is wrong with that?

and what is MOST revealing is that YOU think a MAN or Husband saying... "OK dear tell mwe what the fuck is going right now...." is in YOUR view throwing a Hissy fit.

It is clear that You think man standing up for hismelf is WRONG... disguting? or unethical? or immoral??

You wrote

Don’t try to tell me what women do Harry, when it’s clear that I have better qualification to the mysteries...Harry!

I never said anything of the kind dummy. I have never

ever at any time claimed to understand anything about women.

all I said is that you dont 'GET" or understand men

You maybe be a bettter writer than I am a critic BUT when I see crap my reviews tend be very harsh

for HarryinVa. All he can write are ad hominum comments.

Rich

You know, dancing...

Two steps forward two steps back,

a slide to the left, and a swing to the right

spin around a time or two

then throw your arms up high

soon you're dancing like a fool

you know I wouldn't lie.

And the judges have finished scoring the first round. The results stand thus:

It scored in the upper fifth percentile for use of cliche/hackneyed laden phases. One of which occurred every 2.8576 sentences.

Bonus points have been awarded for the use of; kismet, axiom, hypocorism, and exothermic.

Absolute favorite phrase that raised a hoot from this oh my God not another wandering diversion reader - "I do that best at work where there's few distractions." Hey what about me? I'm trying to read here!

And then you pull off a great save with this:

"I love you dearly Kelly and the last thing I want to do is make you unhappy. These last couple of months and especially weeks, have been unbelievably stressful for me with this misunderstand between us. If I was to do this [threesome with another woman], then I couldn't very well complain if you wanted to do the same thing, you know...go to bed with another man. I couldn't handle that sweetheart. It would tear me to pieces and break my heart. So I put my fantasies aside for the good of our marriage. I do this for you Kelly! Now can you see why I'm so dead set against these games you women have been playing?"

Possibly one of the most succinct responses to a writers favorite plot triggering cliche: be careful what you wish for.

So That Damn Dog left me barking frustrated.

On now to the Fickle Finger and I can't begin to tell you how leery I am as to just where that Finger is going.

that Amanda's a Lesbian - or from Australia, for that matter. Just judge the story on its merits. A story can violate your desires, beliefs, and experiences and still be a good story. Were that not true, there would be no stories at all!

And, others, you write about showing stupidity. Read your remarks throughout Literotica, and you'll have to realize that your comment is really "the pot calling the kettle black". (That saying, by the way, comes from the days when most pots and kettles were made from cast iron.)

Rich

You do not seem to under how the scoring system works... If the grade is 3

then they liked it but not a lot! Takes a 1 or 2 to say that you do not like the story. If 50% gave a grade of 2, then the other 50% gave it a 5(excellent) the average would be 3.5. But in fact the average grade was

4.06 which means that more than half liked the story! In fact with that grade at least a third thought it was excellent. I am with that group even if my comment on part two could be interpreted as negative.

why are your comments so full of mistakes? Methinks you're trying to(o) hard to impress the multitudes, son.

First lpok at MOST of the posts in this feedback. MOST do not like the way the male characeter was drawn.

WHY is that? yet you and mandy insist that its all about MY remarks.

Second look at the remarks in the SEQUEL (FICKEL FINGER OF FATE). Time after time we see complaints from NUMEROUS readers not named Harry in VA that straight men dont act talk or think that way.

THAT is what her IDENTITY has to do with this.

You may not agree BUT making the argument that this is why Mandy has drawn James this way... because of mandy's unfamilarity with straight married men.... is NOT being unreasonable.

The fact that you may think this proposition I have made is WRONG does not mean it is an Ad Hominem attack.

I see no problem with the male character. It's been my observation for a LONG time that, if a character or event doesn't go the way a Lit reviewer thinks it should, then the author takes a hit. It's inconceivable to me that a knowledgable reviewer can fault an author for not writing to validate his/her beliefs while not admitting EXPLICITLY how the personal factors into the review. As though you and the other reviewers are infallible! I'm not in the least interested in what the other reviewers think; I read their drivel all the time. Many don't think. As for you Harry, do they make a hat big enough for you? Hmmm?

I don't think loving wife stories really work if its obvious both parties hate each other.

Yapping going on. Perhaps this is the way real men in Australia think, a constant stream of jabbering like a freakin talkative parrot. Non-stop yapping! Please simmer down and have the hero (though I know you finished the story already) lay back and cogitate a bit.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!! Sorry!

I forced myself to get thru it, but I have NO interest in what happens. The people in the story are made out to about as stupid as one can get, you have them, and you're going to continue having them do just completely moronic things that are unbeleiveable just so you can make a story. Just a waste of time to read, so I won't read the others.

Your story is a little confusing but I love it, the story and the confusion. This is the first of your stories I read but I'm going to read more. Thanx for writing.

Kfish.

Your male lead sounds like a woman complaining about every little thing. By the time he has griped about his wife, her friends, individually and collectively, names in general and then his getting drunk on Valentines day, I lost interest. You had so many tangents on the first page that I decided to forgo reading any more.

I think that you write well but I suggest that you read a master of this forum, like TheWanderer, if you want to continue in this style.

Ttom

You have written the lead character as more female than male - constantly digressing, irritating, etc.

This comment is specifically for this part. It is poorly written. You sought a light breezy conversational style and, sorry to say, you failed entirely to get it right.

It was confusing and disjointed. But, by dint of effort, I was able to follow the basic storyline.

So this one gets a two. But may I say that the readability jumps forward quantum levels in the next chapters. I assume this is the benefit of editing.

The style you tried to use here is very annoying. You made use of that "Where were I .. oh yeah"-stunt much, much too often for it to beeing funny anymore after page 1. Its ok if you use it with moderation to let the reader get to know the protagonist but this was just way too confusing, especially since the main story line was nothing to write home about so far. It was clear since the first half of page one that she was trying to lure him into something to lessen her own guilt. Maybe she had an affair/groupsex experience or is planing on having one. Doens't matter it was pretty obvious. You saved this chapter by letting the protagonist realize that in the end, better late then never so to speak. Overall I give you a 3 for this chapter.

Next time you bring something like this at least try to suprise the reader. Maybe letting him cheat (or getting drugged, then weakup thinking he cheated), feel guilty and then learn that he was setup by a wife with an agenda.

said the man as he passed the 54th floor of the Empire State building on the way down...

I'm enjoying this little slice of Australian pie. Yes it is a bit hard to follow because of colloquialisms and because the protagonist is all over the place mentally, and this is pretty much a stream of consciousness story.

That's the way I think, I'll admit. One thought leads to another and suddenly I've lost the original train.

What it means is, the reader must work a bit to keep up with the story. With the abundance of by-the-numbers cheating wives stories on this site, one would think that a different approach would be welcome.

Unfortunately, many people on this site are by-the-numbers readers. If they story doesn't follow their preconceived formula, then they hate it.

Good story, so far, Mandy.

look at how long it has been. hell she could be setting him up to kick his ass with the pre-nup too. but either way i like the style - it is fresh. but we will never see the end of this story.

jeez, you made the protagonist a douche.

I laughed so much I had tears in my eyes! Irish-gentleman

A bit confusing with the topic drifting [although I'm sometimes like that in real life] but bearable. I liked the Oz references throughout the story, especially the WA [a proud Sandgroper here :)].

Keep up

After re-reading this a second time I see all the comments I'd added into the text I downloaded and saved. Almost every paragraph has a comment on the male British character. As with the majority of Brit marriages portrayed in LW, there's little real communication between spouses. And why is that? Wifey comments and hubby's reply completely ignores what she just said. Must be the author's satire on the quality of the marriage.

The other males rants on life in general and on other humans, as another reviewer said, doesn't reflect his high self-image, his British class-consciousness over other mere drudges and his nice pedigree.

If that's what the author intended, she did a bang up job!

It does look like the shit is in the fan and the fan is about to be turned on lol

A very interesting story. She has already let the cat out of the bag about her desire to swing and share - to have a more open marriage. Does it matter if she has already cheated? Forget the silly argument. What they need to do is sit down and talk about whether they should remain together at all. His desires are clearly at odds with hers. In the long run that spells disaster.

I don't think I have ever read a more annoying story! 1*

Personally, I think this story is a HOOT! Love that homespun philosophy!

I've spent a lot of time down south and you missed the "attitude" by a mile. Too chopped up. Jumps around too much. Maybe a good editor? And obviously written from a woman's perspective on how she thinks a mans mind works. And a "Lipstick lesbian"? I'm STILL laughing. 15 miles outside San Francisco you wouldn't last a minute in this neighborhood with that moniker. Do you even know who you are?

I agree with a number of the comments. It's cute but annoying. All the little "asides" do nothing to add to the story and are just annoying. Then to go 4 pages and end up with absolutely nothing? Is she or isn't she? Are there 10 more chapters to find out the answer?

The story was too wordy and too many excursions. Although, humor was definitely there it was just overplayed. There was definitely a good story. The story needed direct correlation and flow with the characters. Thanks!

ALMOST EVERY SENTENCE LEADS TO THREE PARAGRAPHS OF PREVIOS HISTORY (WHO GIVES A SHIT?). I'M GETTING FRUSTRATED, GOOD STORY, BUT WAY LONGER THAN NECCESSARY.

Chemists are the ones who take apart nature's product and then figure out how to make it in the lab. Engineers, especially chemical engineers, design equipment and products, not working systems. The only reason they have anything to do is because the chemist tells them what to do.

In north america a chemist is someone with a degree in chemistry who primarily researches compounds and their reactions. A chemical engineer uses this information to create compounds to achieve a desired result. A pharmacist dispenses medicaions and limited medical advice. In Australia where this story takes place and in England the chemist is actually a pharmacist.

It is good to see a story with intentional attempts at humour instead of inadvertantly achieving humour.

The plot was just great, the dialogue good, characterisation ok, but hell the asides & little excursions into the past spoilt it for me. There's definitely a good line of humour running through the story & you had some good insights into the female thought processes as you should seeing your one yourself but you really showed your lack of knowledge of males on occasions. Hope the follow ups are better told. 3 ***

Bullshit in your story. I must admit that the story as such is not too bad. But all those detours, sideways, plain crap and other nonsense is too much. It irritates to the bone. That is why I gave you 1 star. Readers please note that Mandy did a good job on chapter 2 and 3. So if you got as far as the end of the first part then you'll speed thru chapters 2 and 3 because, -thanks Mandy- they lack the bs of chapter 1.

confusing story. it rambles in so many directions and goes off on so many tangents and starts up in other topics and switches from and to and over and did I mention the dog?

two pages would have been almost too long to set the stage for the next meandering mess up. meh

Didn't like the style of rambling excursions.

It isn't hard to trash a character made up as "Jimmy" is. Hard to take the constant put downs and low self-esteem of Brit males.

This one is fun, can't wait for the next Chapter.

PLEASE, don't drag it out..

Still intriguing. Still five stars.

I have to go find the rest of the story. It's a little wordy, but James seems like me and he likes his own jokes.

I like it.

Why are you writing this under another name? You've slightly trimmed your Britishisms, but it's clearly your voice.

Chilley