That's What Friends Are For

Her self-esteem was at an all-time low. Here she was having a baby, perhaps the most meaningful experience she would have in her entire life, and she felt like a discarded piece of trash.

Colin made it clear he not only didn't want her in his life, he had no use for the baby either.

And then Brandon came along.

Right away, he could see she was struggling. Imagine navigating a pregnancy, moving to a new town, and dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship all at the same time.

He resolved to do whatever he could to ease her struggle.

A researcher by trade, Brandon went to work figuring out ways to help.

He got a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting and read up on pregnancy and infant care.

He helped her get her apartment ready, spending hours putting together baby furniture.

He helped her take care of her body, encouraging her to exercise throughout her pregnancy.

He shopped and cooked meals for her, adopting a high-nutrient diet with things like bran muffins, yogurt, broccoli, baked potatoes, chicken, and fish.

But most of all, he supported her emotionally.

Colin's treatment of her crushed her confidence. Brandon made her understand, made her believe, that it wasn't a reflection of her worth. It was a reflection of his lack of character.

It wasn't that she was unlovable. Or unworthy of being a suitable partner. It was that he was so narcissistic, and so emotionally immature, he could only think of himself.

Brandon made her believe she was an extraordinary woman. And that she'd be an extraordinary Mom.

Jess gradually got back on her feet. Her Mom was a big source of support. She organized a baby shower and helped provide a lot of the pricier baby stuff like a crib and a stroller.

Her Mom was a bit skeptical about Brandon at first, but came around quickly. She saw how responsible he was, how attentive to her daughter's needs.

"My Mom thinks we should get together," Jess told him one day. "She thinks you're everything Colin isn't."

Brandon nodded.

"Let's see. Ugly. Poor. With no prospects."

"No. Caring. Thoughtful. Generous."

He shrugged.

"I always got along with my girlfriends' Moms. Better than my girlfriends. That was the problem."

"I think she likes you better than she likes me."

"Now, if I can just get your Dad out of the picture..." he said, rubbing his hands together.

She'd joke about the two of them getting together, but it was always just that — a joke. They had an easy-going, BFF relationship. Not a fiery, romantic one.

Deep down, Brandon suspected that Jess preferred "bad boys". Ultra-confident guys who exuded machismo and rode motorcycles. Or at least acted like they did.

His high school girlfriend had thrown him over for a leather jacket-wearing tough guy. He could never compete.

He hadn't ridden a motorcycle in his life.

The day Jess' water broke, Brandon packed her go bag in the car and drove her to the hospital. Her Mom met them there and was present during the delivery. He waited in the waiting room like an anxious father.

The next day, he helped put Aaron in his car seat and drove them home.

In the weeks that followed, he found himself getting more and more enmeshed in their lives.

He was there when Aaron crawled for the first time, getting down on all fours to model good crawling technique.

When Aaron was teething, he researched ways to soothe him and made sure to clean his teething toys regularly.

But perhaps his biggest contribution was to educate Jess about her rights as a single Mom. Again, using his researching skills, he helped her navigate the child support laws, found a pro bono lawyer to help her, and succeeded in getting Colin to pay $500 a month in child support.

She was able to provide for Aaron's needs and set up an education fund as well.

Jess and Brandon had become so used to sharing virtually everything, it seemed perfectly natural to exchange keys to each other's apartment. Just in case one of them got locked out.

One day, she had to scan a document and needed to use his scanner. He was working at the office that day, so she let herself into his apartment.

She was standing at his desk waiting for her document to scan, idly looking at the shelves above his desk.

There were pictures of her and Aaron. At the playground. On a carousel. Selfies of the three of them at the beach.

Then she saw something that surprised her.

His copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting was filled with yellow post-it page markers.

She pulled it off the shelf and flipped through it.

It was filled with yellow highlights and notes scribbled in the margins. Pages were dog-eared and sections bookmarked.

Her eyes scanned the other shelves.

A newspaper insert "Fun Things for Families to Do".

A pamphlet on "The Rights of Single Mothers".

A book called "The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character."

She was momentarily confused. It looked like he was making a project of their lives. How should she feel about that?

But any feelings of ambivalence were quickly replaced by a sense of gratitude.

Of course. This was Brandon being Brandon. He's a researcher. He's always reading, educating himself. He's trying to be the best supportive friend he can be.

The more she thought about it, the more she marveled at just how dedicated he was. To Aaron and to her. No one else in her life was so committed.

She thought about all the things he'd done for her. All the ways he'd been there for her. The everyday, practical things. The emotional support.

These are the qualities you hope your husband will have. And the father of your children.

She thought about what her Mom had said to her. About her and Brandon getting together.

But she didn't think about him that way.

He was a friend, not a lover. A good friend, yes. The best of friends. But not someone she felt romantically about.

Sure, it had crossed her mind. Early on. But he was always so gentlemanly. So polite. She half thought he was gay when she first met him.

But then she got to know him better. He was into women alright, he just hadn't had much luck with them. Bad choices. She knew about those.

She thought about all the things he'd done in the past year and a half. All the kindnesses. She began to see them in a totally different light.

What if these weren't just the gestures of a generous soul? What if they were expressions of his love? His love for me?

Could it be? If it was, could I feel the same way back?

She went back to her apartment, pacing the living room floor. Racking her brain for a way to test the waters. To get a read on his true feelings.

And to test her own.

If only there was a way to see if an attraction exists, she thought. Without damaging the friendship we've built.

What if there was some kind of pretense, an excuse to test the chemistry? And, if it's there, great. But if it's not, if it feels weird, like I'm kissing my brother, we can just forget it. Like it never happened.

She thought about the things she'd learned about him, during those late-night conversations. Could they provide a clue?

He liked busty women, she knew that. Although he never made any comments about her ample breasts — he was too much of a gentleman for that — she remembered him talking about a woman it asked out from work.

She was "well-endowed in the breastal tissue department" as he put it. After their date, he'd taken her home and she invited him in for a drink. They got talking and she'd intimated that she really liked having her nipples sucked. She liked it so much, she could actually have a nipple orgasm.

He found that incredibly hot.

What if?

She looked around her apartment. She thought about the playdate her Mom had planned for Aaron the next day. She was going to take him to the zoo.

She went to the bathroom and grabbed her breast pump from the cabinet.

She returned to the living room and found her diaper bag.

She knelt down, stuffed the pump into a side pocket, and zipped it closed.

*****

"So are we doing this or what?"

Jess was standing next to the bed, completely naked, her eyebrows raised.

Brandon pulled back the sheets and smiled.

"Why don't we lie down and talk about it."

"I've heard that line before," she chuckled as she slipped between the sheets.

Brandon kicked off his running shorts, which were still clinging to one ankle, and climbed into bed after her.

He lay on his side, facing her, his head supported in his hand.

"So," he said casually. "What's new?"

She laughed.

"Not much. Just a typical Saturday morning. How 'bout you?"

"Same. A little breakfast. Coffee. Breastfeeding. Blowjob. The usual."

She buried her face in her hands.

"We're totally going to hell."

"Ah, but we'll be together. That's what counts."

She removed her hands and looked at him, smiling.

"That was a pretty amazing experience," she said. "A definite first for me."

"Likewise. I never thought I'd be living THAT particular fantasy."

"Oh, you've fantasized about that before? Breastfeeding?"

"Well, yeah, at some point I'm sure I have."

"And you enjoyed it?"

"Are you kidding me? What's not to like?"

"I mean, with my breasts in particular. Did you find my breasts sexy?"

"Incredibly sexy. Your breasts are epic. The best breasts ever."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I'm not. They're better than any breasts I've ever seen. And your nipples, they're stupendous."

"You don't think they stick out too much?"

"Your nipples? No way. They're the perfect amount of outward stickiness."

"It's just, they get really big when I get turned on."

"That's a good thing. Trust me."

"And I was really turned on. While you were sucking them. Unbelievably turned on."

"So was I. I can't remember the last time I was so turned on."

"In fact, I was so turned on, I had an overwhelming desire to feel your cock inside me."

"You did?"

"Yep. Did you feel that too?"

"A desire to have a cock inside me? No."

"No, stupid. Inside me. Your cock, inside me."

He smiled.

"I always have that desire, Jess."

She looked at him, in one eye and then the other.

"You do? Seriously?"

He nodded.

"I have for a while now."

She touched his lips with her finger, her voice soft.

"How come you haven't done anything about it?"

"I didn't think you felt that way. I didn't want to spoil things."

She looked deeply into his eyes.

"I don't think you need to worry about that. We're already too good of friends. We're unspoilable."

"I don't think that's a word."

"Shut up and kiss me."

He leaned in and kissed her, deeply. It was their first kiss ever.

And it didn't feel weird at all.

It felt perfect.

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