All Comments on 'The Accident Pt. 01'

*****Very entertaining read. Thanks for sharing.

It was good but the typos were frequent and annoying. Did you even proofread it? Also, I think you should continue it. I’d like to see his mom have sex with him or at least more action with Jules.

hope you do more with this story, maybe bring in more family members

I like a story with a good plot and this was very well Written. Would love to read a continuation of what else happens with Jules and maybe even Mom?

Good story. I like the plot and you have good character development. I hope you continue with this story.

The 'injured' son is an oft used subject here so you kind of know where it's going. Having said that, I think you did a really good job with it, and gave it an interesting direction. I liked it, and wouldn't mind seeing it taken a little further if you choose to expand your story.

Great story. It's well written and believable. Please continue it and write more good erotica.

There are a few incomplete sentences and a number of places where words are missing. An editor would be helpful. Also, how does he go through a 3 day drive from PA to WI without having to shit?

Worth every bit of five stars. You have a few typos and minor grammar issues but overall the story was great. Thanks for sharing.

Tc

Needs more chapters please I can't wait to see what happens next.

I love it but needs some editing and proof reading can't wait for it to continue

A word of advice... get an editor. There are few good one on this site, well at least there were. Way to many misspelled common words.

Good Luck

Myhands316

Write more about Jules please.

Great story beginning, I hope you follow up with a series that will also include the mom..........():\

Silly! Worth while.

Needs additional proofreading. Keep goin.

I'm assuming there's a part 2 and/or 3 coming? 5* for now.

Great story. Hope you keep it going.

Nice concept, too many errors though

This needs more chapters. You have whetted our appetites for what could be, so let's see where it goes with Mom and the rest of the extended family.

PROOFREAD IT

Get an editor,proof read before posting, so many misspelled and wrong words

I just can't get over the timeline, that is like a months long hospital stay, threw me out of the story

Not bad for your first story. I hope you continue with this storyline. Has a lot of potential. I’d like to give it 10 stars but needs work on the grammar and some spelling so I give it 8 stars ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Great story, well paced, and a worthwhile read. Work with an editor to help proof.

Patrick is a very sexy young man, even with his injuries. Please write more -- and this time give Patrick a description: some chest hair for his sexy chest, and let him and his cousin enjoy real intercourse!

Looking forward to more..

Decent story, but yeah, as all the comments are saying you need an editor. In addition to general proofreading issues, "Patty" is a woman's name. The nickname for Patrick is spelled "Paddy."

Good story but it needs to be edited and kept in the same tense. I liked the relationship with the cousin but some back story to build tension between them would have been better.

Thanks everyone for your feedback so far. I am working on a second part and will be putting out a revised version of this part. I will admit I was in such a hurry to see what you fine people had to say that I didn't proofread it nearly as much as I normally would with my non-erotica works. I promise to do at least a littlr better next time.

Much love,

Guido

Good start

If you are going to self edit try reading the story out loud to your dog, cat, goldfish, or even a pet rock. It breaks the flow of "reading in your head what you meant to write" and helps you catch word, grammar, and awkward use errors.

Not a fan of pretty girls disfiguring themselves with piercings and tats but that seems to be the fashion of the day.

Please don't feminized the football player and if you go femdom please do but a tag in the description. Thanks.

Good first story, I'll watch for your next one.

The lead in that I read said he hooked up with his Aunt. I read a part two was in the works, he might get the aunt, mom and cousin, and cousin’s bff…

Good new loved ones! The revised version of this part of the story is completed and I'm just looking for an editor so it is perfect for you guys. Since you have shown so much love and asked for me to continue the story I have made the new first part a little longer just to build more of the character of Patrick. I haven't been able to take all of your suggestions into account on this part of the story, but I will definitely keep them in mind for part two.

Much love,

Guido

I finally have good news. I was unable to find an editor for my work, but I did stumble upon a solid add-on that has cleaned up my work a lot, which means that I have a brand new revised version of this story that will be published very soon as The Accident Part 1. Part 2 is still in the works, and I will get that out to you fine folks just as soon as possible.

Much love,

Guido

short and sweet! I give it a 5

I love it!!! I hope you crush Michigan in the Frog Bowl!! GO GREEN!!

Another reader voiced his disappointment over Jules being described as having tattoos. I have to wholeheartedly agree. The one and only time that I have ever seen something approaching tasteful on a female was a girl who had a frilly lace tattoo on her lower forearm that covered a couple of inches above her wrist much like a bracer. It was henna colored so that it didn't really stand out. It was subtle and tasteful and decorative.

I occasionally get a quick look at some of these cam girls on literotica and shake my head with dismay. Girls who would otherwise absolutely gorgeous destroying the beauty God gifted to them with ink. It's a crying shame. 😢

I was also disappointed that Patrick and Jules didn't develop a closer bond. It seemed like Patrick could turn down that path and fall for her. But Jules came across as a cold fish just after some NSA sex. Because of that I only gave you a 4/5. I'm wanting the main characters to experience an emotional connection.