All Comments on 'The Alien Ship Ch. 02'

You answered the questions of how the ship knew Kyle's name and where it was, now you just need to work on some general writing. Mainly, it seems things are going way too smoothly; Cindy was too easily convinced/calmed. A little more character development would also help, alone with better descriptions of the characters, including the ship. But still, it's a good start. I look forward to seeing improvement in the next chapter.

My two favorite things to read are science fiction and erotic short stories. Good combination of both to start here. However, this is literotica so by the end of chapter two I would have liked at least one steamy sex scene, if not more.

Tell us more about what Cindy and the androids look and feel like.

Some where I hope the androids have the capability to provide sexual service in unbelieveable, mind-blowing ways to all human passengers. (Perhaps Kyle and/or Cindy tell AI their wildest fantasies and AI makes is happen.)

I hope you continue this and don't get into socio-political things like ending world hunger or world peace. Both are desireable, but not in a literotica story.

I think you need to develop the idea alittle more. The Story could be much better if you developed the characters alittle more. as was said before, they are just going along with this way too well. When the GF found out that the guy she'd been living with for a year had 700 pretty naked robots at his command, and then decides she wants to get naked too.... at that point i actually asked outloud "has this writer even MET a woman?" lol no offense intended, but thier reactions seem unrealistic, more to just move the story along then to actually behave like real people.

Off to a good start but for me there is one big distraction. Constantly referring to Cindy as the girl. It makes it seem like the ship or a third party is telling the story instead of Kyle. Also there is no way any woman would react as Cindy did to 700 naked female robots. She at least would have demanded some male robots don't you think? Should be interesting when her best friend come aboard, can't wait.

Good 2nd chapter. I do think a little more character development is needed. I have to think that a girlfriend would have a stronger reaction to 700 naked female robots. I can see some parallels to Genesis Project but, that is going to happen in any type of Sci-fi ship story. I look forward to reading more chapters, keep them coming.

Would have expected more sex by this time, but the sex that occurred was passed over in a short paragraph. Also, the whole financial part was SO WRONG! A metals buyer would be very curious about how someone got 20 pounds of gold in 1 oz blocks. If he did buy it, then handling the money would be a problem. Banks have to report the deposit of more than $5 000; $250 000 would raise a LOT of questions; he probably wouldn't get away before the Feds were there with more questions, plus a suggestion that he pay the required tax "before he forgets it". But maybe the author has a plan; several asked how he knew Kyle's name, then he provided a logical answer the next chapter.

Come on. How many red blooded males with a space ship full of naked robots that look and feel like real women, wouldn't try one out first. I think Cindy might try one first. Go for it Cindy

I'm in favor of Cindy wearing no clothing on the ship. Several commentators below said it was unrealistic but... so are spaceships, etc. So go for it.

I’ll try to stay positive.

You’ve got a start going, however, the writing makes me convinced that you penned the whole thing in one long night. The dialog is the most stilled and insipid I have ever read, as though your humans are androids.

Please develop character before you develop plot. Readers want to know the people before they know what happens to them.

Mostly, if you’re still in school, which I’m almost certain of, please read more and take notice of how the good writers develop characters into truly three dimensional, living beings. And then make things happen to them.

I’m posting anonymously because I don’t want a vindictive high schooler trashing my awesome scores.

I stopped reading this because 1, the dialogue is just wrong. Everything they say sounds either too artificial or formal, like they're in a courtroom and reciting very specific answers and questions. Real people don't talk like that. At least not in situations like this. 2, I don't know anything about the protagonist. Other than he's a dude who has an engineering job, likes to hike and has a girlfriend(who I know more about by reading a couple of sentences vs a whole chapter for Kyle). And 3, everyone is way too quick to get over the fact that aliens exist and your boyfriend is a captain of a 3 mile long spaceship full of naked lifelike androids.

I agree, Cindy will get laid before Kyle...

Okay, you are still mixing up the term's androids and robots, .... and that is like calling a luxury car a tricycle, way different, ... and Cindy also did not have a ton of questions for the ship's AI, ... This is not too believable to my way of thinking, ... and nude female android's vs sexy bodies covered in a ships uniform? meh, (I'd put them all in Star Fleet uniforms), ... This also, is not too believable as the boyfriend (Kyle) should've covered them up before bringing Cindy onboard, ... and maybe he should've had the ship build a few Male androids for some balance, .... but this is an erotic story, so, ... when in Rome, shoot off roman candles, .... ;-) ttfn

Very nice story. I am enjoying it a lot. AAAA++++