All Comments on 'The Amazing Divorce of Doug and Jeannette'

5*

Story line was good but did not read well. Choppy. Jumped around . A 3 would have been generous

Two (2) stars at best...

Weak writing. Cold and clinical language. Try first person.

Would have given 3*.

what the fuck was that?

...and Bobby, 5??? You're a fruitbat.

It was a good tale. Would liked it to be a bit jussier. Not sex scenes but the emotional aftermath and maybe a not so forgiving husband. Not talking about BTB ending. But she got off pretty lightly. I know I wasn't that forgiving with my ex wife. I wasn't violent but I brought the pain through divorce and custody issues whilst (for all those hairy chested lesbian club twats benefit) I completely protected the kids from the real details of the divorce. Only my ex and I to this day really know the true details of our divorce. But every now and then she pisses me off and bring some pain every couple of years or so down on her skanky ass. My kids love me to death and I am now only 2 years away from them living with me as they have requested. Also built up enough unfit mother evidence that the best lawyer on the planet couldn't refute. Shared care is good as it gives me access to my kids whenever I want with a minimum she must give me. Funny part is she wanted primary care to piss me off. I gave it to her now she whines and complains she wants me to take them on full time without losing her maintenance lol. What a joke. I just tell her you asked and wanted it now you live with it until I say otherwise. My kids do not miss out on anything they want or need emotionally or financially from me but my ex wife gets squat that benefits her in anyway unless she plays nice.

One way to look at writing is that there are different parts to writing:

1. plot

2. characterizations

3. language

4. philosophy

There are other parts, but the point is that you have notes for a story, with a pretty good plot worked out, some notes for characterizations, some concept of philosophy (a value system, what it all means), and nothing in terms of language.

Many writers are told they need an editor. You actually need a writer who could take these notes and whip up a story. You can learn to do it, it just takes another couple of steps in the writing process.

Good luck.

the came across as a brainless cunt

Just... Horrible.

Lousy writing, disjointed, no depth... Take your pick.

1 star

It was difficult to read. I would guess that your first language isn't English. Your grammar errors are numerous and the story doesn't flow well. Maybe a good editor could help?

More like a very long synopsis of a story!

1*

The story started with some hope, but at the end, I felt I deserved an award for perseverance. Stilted language, thin story line, weak characters. Keep trying, I see some promise.

#1 we all make mistakes even knowing and doing what we shouldn't and then the piper beckons. TK U MLJ LV NV

# 1 No dialog to speak of. Strange story telling. Bullet statements , Pretty much sucked.

for one reason he got rid of the pig. Of all the stories written on this day it was the best the rest were pure garbage.

What just happened? No mention of their sex-life except her perhaps slipping into his bed from time to time. Hubby was obviously dating! Geez!

Amazing only in it's stupidity. That's 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

1* If I could...

Reading this tale makes me envision Anajolee's Malificent masquerading as a housewife insted of an evil witch queen. Some folks just shouldn't get married, like Hollywood folks .... Haa haa

He enabled and encouraged her affair.

People being people fuck up and Jeanette sure did. The old man gave her the most realistic advice which she promptly ignored. This read like a celestial detective report. The author is trying to not condem the wife but we know who he sympathizes with.

If he can inject a bit more passion in his future work, there's no reason why his future work shouldn't rank in the upper tier of the loving wives authors. c1992 has potential, and as a fan of this genre, I wish him the best luck in terms of finding his storytelling voice. ****

Who was the winner if any.

I would give this story a ---1, this so-called lady needed a 38 Special bullet to the head. She is a whore as stated. FTDS will have her dead with AIDS.

Which is probably for the best. There was a barely recognizable story line hidden within two and a half pages of the world's most tortured English. It hurt to try to read this. One Star would be generous.

... If I had written it, I wouldn't have wanted it rated either.

yuk yuk yuk

what can i say words escape me

perhaps fuck shit cunt i don't know, i think literotica is crazy not to have compusary ratings and they should have a special category for the worst of the worst like this one!

The writing is stark and to the point. The points are made and you're doing a better job of spelling, punctuation and the like.

This is a sad story, told well.

Too bad no voting is permitted.

Regards,

-Pultoy

No wonder! Great idea for a story, but just so poorly written. I don't like being an a$$hole, but it was written like by someone with a literal stick up their a$$.

But the writer's first language is obviously not English. Better editing would have helped.

I give it a rating of three stars. The reason is the characters. Especially enjoyed the

supporting roles in the story.

Unfortunately, c1992w what kind of english writing and composition is this??

The technical aspects of the writing severely affected the story. I kept saying to

myself, this is weird ! People don't talk like this . Maybe an editor conversant in

colloquial american english would help. Alot ! Good try. Will look forward to the

next one.

AMerryMan

Elaborating on my prior post.

There seemed to be NO purpose behind the elaborate details provided for (and repeated reference to) Hubby's occupation. Did he accurately measure Sweetie's 'tryst room' before surprising the cheaters?

Likewise, Good Ole Bill was a potentially pivotal character, but had no real effect ... especially his travel to Tryst City (and return) with Sweetie. I kept waiting for him to somehow provide cover for her, deliberately or by her machinations or accidentally. Didn't find it. The story is unchanged (except for one interesting character) without Bill.

Finally, skipping over almost a decade as though there was nothing of note between these previously married cohabiters (without much benefit) seemed expedient - but wrong!

Not sure what the point of the story was !

c1992w wrote a terrific outline for a story. I wish it read better. He used dialog, the story had tension, decent punctuation, spelled okay, but it flowed strangely. There were some typos. The whole Bill character could have been better. Maybe a few instances of wifey trying to stop cheating but failing early on would help establish her character more clearer. I would really have love to read about the struggles after the divorce. Overall I would give it a 5 for story and 3 for writing.

Can only assume English is your second language, even though the grammar and mechanics were decent. The dialogue was stilted and the characters has no real defining characteristics. It almost read like a users manual or technical schematic. Very odd story.

ESL?

This is the worst, most wooden, stilted dialog I have ever read:

"If I were you, I would first count my blessings. I, like most men, would not accept such a thing nonchalantly. I think your biggest mistake is underestimating what a giant he is. No wonder his son thinks of him as superman. I would also make a plan. At the very best the only relationship he will have with you in the future is respecting you as the mother and maybe use you as an occasional fuck toy when he's very horny and his prospects of finding someone else at the moment are slim. The love you consciously feel for Doug - now that the final bell has rang - is unrequited forever. You will find other loves in the future and some days even convince yourself almost that its the real thing, but the thrill of youth and the hormone flow that goes with being madly in love then is gone for you. About the divorce, he will probably ask for primary custody of Marcus and to keep the house, which means that you will need to pay child support from your meager earnings. Moreover, since your discretionary income will be reduced you will be pronged to accept dates to eat fine food that you shouldn't be accepting, and that typically causes ladies in similar circumstances as you to degenerate into a first date fuck, with a here today and gone tomorrow, partner. And month by month Jeanette thinks less and less of herself. There is no magic bullet to reverse your fuck ups, Dear. Sorry."

But, hey, keep trying.

I agree completely with Starman5 below (or above)!

sometimes the two will never last. TK U MLJ LV NV

DO NOT WRITE ONE.

1 STARS

There are many cheated spouses, men mostly that are waiting to drop their child off at college and move on with their lives. Cheated does not always mean adultery. It can mean a host of other betrayals. Marriage is tough, but it is even tougher when you are married to a person that uses the threat of a potential of devastating divorce to control their partner. How many wives are holding their children as hostages to get what they want?

Unless you count how dry it is

I badly wanted to give this robotic story the 1 star it so richly deserves.

typical c1992w story 1*

she doesn't realize she has a mental problem and fucking is a just a sign of the sickness like Bill recognized

Ok, so the cheating slut got off with a slap on the wrist. Somehow that just doesn't sit right with me. I have a major problem with the husband wanting to have physical contact with her, if only because of the dangers of STD'S. Her lover got off without even the slap on the wrist by the way. I can understand why the husband would want to have some sort of a normal appearing relationship for the son's sake, but remember, her status as a cheating slut was already known by other family members and most assuredly by her coworkers. I simply cannot believe that wouldn't pose serious problems with her job and her relationship with her son. This is a well written fairytale in other words. Just too many things that don't add up for the story as written to have much connection to real life. I do understand that it's just a story, but even as just a story it has too many holes for me personally to connect with it.

What a load of crap, pity there are no minus rating scores, minus 5*

Navaho, or Bantu, or Hindi? It certainly isn't English!

What shitty story...R u an 8 Years old female writer..planning to cheat on your husband when u grow up...n think he will b OK...u would probably get burn..big time.

A crappy story. That whore need to b taught a lesson..the worst way..

N her BF have his balls smash...

N electricute the writer ... for a shiity story..

You need to finish your story with a very happy or sad ending maybe both and or a weird combination. LOL

bill.....5 for trying

whenever tossed in the air they always land on their feets (backs), TK U MLJ LV NV

but let his son grow up first

whores are whores and will always be whores

Just a plain crappy story.

The author sort of tried without success to end this story, but he left this reader hanging at the end wondering what ultimately happened.

- An unbelievable pile of crap! After hubby catches her in the hotel room,after years of suspicions,there's no fucking way he's stupid enough to have her living in the house and "pretending" for the sake of Marcus. All he had to do was tell Marcus to look up "whore" in the dictionary. Marcus would know his cousin was right and that his mother was a twat. Damn the cunt!

It is very unfair to knock the author for "bullet statements", grammar, etc

With English being obviously at least second language, those types of sentences, (short, choppy, etc) are about the only way one can write and still be understood.

English is probably the 3rd (or so) most difficult language. I think he has done remarkably well considering this.

That being said, the story itself was just plain awful.

I thought Jeannette and Doud would get back together as Marcus grew up. My BAD!

Ya half a fag

A retired USMC Gunnery Sergeant:

Talking about a man he barely knows and he insults him as a redneck for no apparent reason.

A male model and an engineer? Hardly an uncultured uneducated bumpkin.

Is supportive of a multiple cheater?

The USMC motto translates from Latin as 'Always Faithful', a Gunnery Sergeant is the Marine's Marine, hard to imagine anyone less sympathetic to unfaithful people.

Doing a 'show-and-tell' about his medals and how he got them?

Clearly not only a non-native English speaker/writer but also ignorant about even the basics of the US.

Instead of going nuclear he came out ahead or as ahead more than most in this situation. He used her fresh guilt to get favorable divorce terms instead of getting screw d by the system. He downgraded her from wife to fuck buddy, and even had her pay rent. He had live in pussy that was paying, looking after his son, and he was legally free of her. After the kid goes to college he dumps her and starts up with another women. Ahhh, he won!

had died in 9/11 your plots suck, no real emotions , and you write like a feminist whore...

A mish mash of words, sentences and paragraphs. No real story line, let alone a plot to this.

You need an editor. Too many mistakes made this a cold and unemotional tale. She was a particularly unlikable character. He wasn't much better.

You need to take a few on-line writing course before attempting another story! I couldn't even read this.

An "E" for effort, but the rest of the tale gets a "F".

...it was awful...

What the fuck did I just read?

Why cry about her cheating? He fuck married women when he was single. Laugh at the other husbands but can"t handle it when it happen to him.

Harrison and Jeannette marry. She continues to cheat. He continues to hit on other men's wives and also cheat.

Doug was a cad, kharma came calling even though he reformed...met a widow remarried.

Their son graduated with honors-fell in love, married, but after wedding reception, cut off contact with parents.

Ol Bill found Viagra stash in janitor's closet and has been impaling all the single lower income cuties working at rest home. First time with every girl is the same....pop two pills...thirty minutes later ask for assistance to bathroom...claim dizziness so he holds onto them...begs them to haul it out and aim for him....surprise 8 plus very girthy unbendable muscles shocks...then amuses....then arouses...then makes them forget bad boy boyfriend...within two years little mamas bringing infants to visit ''Poppa Bill''...55 year old divorced nurse walks in on Bill and first time honey...tells girl to run along allowing Bill to get her off twice though....her full red bush, round soft slightly sagging breasts remind the old man of his wife...after centimeter by centimeter of the cannon spreads open abandoned tunnel...both Bill and Cinda are in love. She moves him into her home...five years later during a robust ramming bed breaks, shock shocks Bill's heart...headboard smacks Cinda's temple...her convulsions echo in vagina as old man writhes in death thrall...just seconds after his demise her last contractions milk his final still copious ejaculate from iron erection.

This writer has a unique style in crafting his stories. Characters are always thoroughly fleshed out and interesting. The situations could happen in reality. Here is one thing that is a constant in all of this authors stories. After the affair or cheating is out in the open , the wife is brutally honest. And the husband? The husband chooses intelligence and practical path. I like a good BTB story as much as anyone else, but in the infinite world of LW's fiction, there is room for rational thought. *****

The style wouldn't be so unique on a closed ward at your local mental health facility.

A good dose of antipsychotics could get the typist's perception of reality and how people's interpersonal relationships work, a bit closer to planet Earth.

It just wasn't a good story. It felt surreal reading it, but not in a good way. More like, just smoked some datura surreal. One thing that might easily improve perception is to use proper writing convention when it comes to dialogue. That's simple to fix by asking a grammar only editor to help. See, you don't even need to give a shit about it, there are enough people that will do it for you. Besides that, it was slightly amusing.

I think maybe you need to think inside your characters head and come up with some thing less perfect and more realistic. The old guy gives advice like a seasoned stoic philosopher. It's amusing, like the prolonged and painful delirium of datura, but not exactly pleasant. I'll give you a free tip: writing an epilogue without saying so is not hard and shows you think your readers aren't retarded.

Do people really talk the way these two do? Do people act the way these people do? I would say no to both questions. Ruined the story.

Is very formal, as others have noted. Here's little hint. After you've written a passage of dialogue, read it out loud, perhaps record it on your 'phone and play it back. Now re-write it 'till it sounds natural and reflects the character you are portraying. Keep doing this until you are happy that it's the CHARACTER speaking and not the writer.

5* for encouragement.

Well written. Plausible, yet the usual outcome. Nobody wins.

but your writing is atrocious! I would think with as many stories as you have written you'd at least know that a new paragraph is formed when someone else talks. Fuck, that's the first fucking rule of writing! On top of that there are sentences that make no sense.

Your stories are fine but I wish you would learn to write better than a third grader.

She needs to pay more a serial adulterous bitch

Harrison actually comes out ahead no!

Old veteran not much of man met a few like that during active service. No use for them wouldn't trust them to have my back

This one is too odd to even have a breath of believability. Who stays together under those bizarre circumstances. She goes right to being a whore and he moves on after 7 years. What are they robots?

Bad.

I have read and enjoyed many of your stories, but this just didn't cut it. Divorcing when you simply grow apart, or for some other reason than a major issue like adultery is extremely rough. What she did was effectively stab him, her son, and her marriage in the back. The family would have been told and she would have become a pariah. Her son's school friends were already referring to her as a whore. The ending really should be redone. It doesn't have to be a BTB, but she should have severe regret and remorse everyday for the rest of her life.

This was too cold for comfort. Agree not one of your best. But better than most.

One of an increasing amount. A waste of time to read

.

Dumb

Very wooden dialog, like they were reading their lines from a bad play.

I see now why you don’t allow scoring. This story obviously would have had a score so low I would have never even looked at it after I had seen the score from other readers. I wish I could get back the time I wasted reading it.

N

O

P

E

Damn.... that's depressing enough to be a Lifetime Movie Extravaganza!

minus 100 for this crappy story

What a pile of crap.

I found this story better than the comments would indicate and wonder if a few of the commenters missed what a sad, lonely life was the ex-wife's present and future.

He should have fully got rid of her all those years ago. She is one selfish person and only thinks of herself. It would be interesting if she could live with Harrison Deerfield rather than just bang him. I feel they may be not compatible to live with each other.

I agree with most of the commentators, this story is a humongous load of crap.

7 men in 12yrs of marriage, what a cheating skank of a wife!! Old bitch Billy was her sounding board because he too was using her, not sexually.

What a shit ending.

Why write this?

Miserable characters. Shallow storyline.

The dialog was like a story written by Tommy Wiseau.

Was this written in Hindi by ChatGPT then badly translated in to English?

It would be a crap story regardless, but the poor language was grating.

.

A real bad story. A husband allowing an adultress in his house and life having only a technical divorce and even sleeping with her only a few days after he took pictures. Almost as bad as accepting sloppy seconds. And she readied herself for the same. All this for giving a perfect normal sham of life to the son! The whole story is sham.