The Assassin and the Sorceress Ch. 08

"I mean, do you think it's fine for us to keep meeting up and doing these things to each other? We're friends. We're very good friends, but I don't feel like we're lovers. Is it fine to play with each other as just friends? I guess it is."

Matthew seemed confused. "I think so. But you were the one who told me it was okay the first time we did it. You said it was!"

This was already not going well. I was saying all the wrong things! Why was I so bad at saying a possibly unpleasant thing tactfully? All throughout my life I rarely had a single qualm about speaking my mind directly. Only recently had started to question whether this was a virtue of mine, since my lack of tact in doing so was probably one of the major reasons I had been so unpopular. I didn't want to drive Matthew away from me as I had everyone else. All the same, I had to keep going. Normally I was more deliberate in my words, but all I could do was open my mouth and force myself to talk, not sure of where I was going with it.

"I did say that, yes. But when I said it, I wasn't sure what was going to happen, and we've been doing this for a little while now."

"Are you saying we should stop?" Matthew sounded shocked! He was so shocked, in fact, that he even tore his eyes away from my womanhood to look up at my eyes.

"What? No! No. It's just that... how to put this... this is all for fun. And I just wanted you to know that if you ever fall in love with a nice lady somewhere, that I won't be jealous. This is a LOT of fun, but I don't want you to think that it needs to get in the way of love, if you should happen to find it."

"Oh. Okay." He sounded confused and sad.

I hadn't even come close to accomplishing what I wanted. I was struggling to think of what to say next, but Matthew spoke first.

"But you keep asking me to... you know..." He made a ring with the finger and thumb of one hand and inserted one finger of his other hand through it. "...go inside of you. That's not something you can do as friends."

"I think it is."

"Nuh-uh! We could have a baby if we did that! That's why we have to be married first! I don't need the Bible to tell me that. You're really smart, Morgana, so I know you wouldn't risk having to get married to me if you didn't... love me. At least a little."

"What? No! Look... I know I didn't say much about this before, but just trust me. You don't need to worry about me conceiving a child. Other girls, yes, but not with me."

"How do you know that?"

"I'd prefer not to talk about it too much. Please, just trust me. You could plow me every night for a hundred years and I wouldn't conceive your child. No child will ever be conceived in me."

"Did Master Barber tell you that?" He was talking about the eccentric old man who passed for Ash's physician.

"Maybe he did," I lied.

"Well don't trust everything he says. My dad says Master Barber pretends to know a lot more about ailments than he really does. Dad says his leeches can cure any disease in the same amount of time it takes the disease to go away on its own. That means that the leeches don't really work, and... you know..."

"Yeah, I got that, Matthew. Thanks." I was about to continue arguing with him, but realized he might have actually made my point for me.

"Maybe you're right. If Master Barber was wrong about me, maybe it's possible I could have a child. Maybe it would be a bad idea to have sex. I'd hate to force us to get married. And it wouldn't be fair to the child either."

"I know. That's why... that's why..." He trailed off.

"Why what?"

"Why we should get married first. Then we can have sex with each other all we want!"

"Oh." That was the one thing I had hoped he would never say. I hoped he couldn't feel me tense up. For a moment I actually thought about what being married to him would be like. He was dull-witted, but an extremely good friend. Would it really be so bad? I realized the idea didn't terrify me, though neither did it excite me. I thought out my next words as carefully as I could.

"I don't know, Matthew. I don't know if I'm ready to get married. Not to you or anyone just yet. Maybe marriage isn't even for me at all." That hadn't been a lie. Actually, as soon as those words were out of my mouth, I realized how true they were. The idea of growing into an old, unmarried spinster used to be my greatest fear. I think that had changed. Now that I finally felt somewhat in control of my life, I realized I didn't want my life to change ever. Spending time frolicking and joking with my friends, carefree, was better than anything I could imagine. I didn't need marriage in my life. In fact, I didn't even want it.

"Why not?" Matthew asked, thoroughly perplexed by what I had said.

"Because I'm not in love with anyone. I like having all of you as my friends. I feel like if I were to fall in love and get married, then I would have to prioritize that man above all others. I don't want to do that. I love all of you, and I want it to stay that way."

"I guess you're right. Maybe we aren't in love. I mean... we don't kiss. Not on the lips anyway. Not on the mouth lips, I mean."

I may have chortled at Matthew's use of the phrase 'mouth lips.' Then I realized that, for the second time this evening, Matthew had made my point for me better than I would have made it.

"That's true. I hadn't thought about that, but we don't really kiss. Yes. I saw you were curious about my vagina, and I figured you might enjoy a closer look. And I liked that you were curious about my body. I wanted my body to be appreciated by somebody. It feels good to be told you're beautiful. And because you're my friend, I figured why not? That's all it is."

"I though I was in love with you, but maybe you're right. But... if this is just two friends having fun, then what does love feel like? How do you know when it's time to get married to someone? I mean, if it's not time for us."

I let in a deep breath and sighed. "I've been in love once. It's not something I'd like to repeat."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I was obsessed with that man. He was all I ever thought about. And when I found out he didn't love me back, it crushed me. I thought if I only tried hard enough that I could make him see why we were meant to be together. I was delusional. There are plenty of nice men in Ash, but for some reason I convinced myself he was the only one for me, and if I couldn't get him and only him, I would never know happiness again. I said some very embarrassing things in the midst of my desperation that still haunt me sometimes as I lie awake in bed. And you know how little shame I have, so if something can embarrass me, it must be bad.

"So, no, Matthew, love is not something I wish to repeat any time soon, if ever again at all. It was a few moments of intoxicating bliss, followed by what seemed like an eternity of sorrow and emptiness. All because I let myself covet one person beyond all reason. These friendships I have now with you and the others... we have no need for things like jealously, or the complicated rules of romance. We just have fun, and it's as simple as that! This is the happiest I've ever been in my life! And I want things to stay like this forever."

"Yeah, me too," Matthew agreed. "I've never been happier since the five of us started getting together."

"Aw, thanks! And I guess what I was trying to say all along is that..." Here it was. I paused, working up the courage to say it. I hoped to whatever powers there were in the universe that I had chosen the right words to say. "... that, unlike love, friendship doesn't need to be exclusive."

Matthew didn't respond, so I continued. "What I mean, is, if Esther or someone wants to start showing you her vagina, I guess that would be fine."

"Oh... really?" He sounded intrigued.

"Yeah. Or... would you get jealous if I let someone else play with my vagina like I let you play with it?"

"Umm... I don't know..."

"You'd still get to play with me. Just as much as you do now."

"I... I guess that would be all right."

"Okay, good."

"But..."

"Yes? But what?"

"I don't think Gaius likes your vagina. He says it looks loose."

"And what if I wanted to prove him wrong?"

"But that's stupid! Your huge slit is just skin. The actual hole is lower down. I've put my fingers in there. It feels pretty tight to me."

"Well, he doesn't know that. Probably because he never got to look at how a woman is put together close up like you have. And I don't think Esther's going to let him look that close at hers."

"I... I guess that would be okay," he said again, sounding a little more convinced than the last time. Good. We seemed to be making progress, albeit slowly.

"And maybe we don't need to be doing these things in secret anymore. I mean, if Esther were fine with it, and you're a lot nicer to her than Gaius is, so she might say yes, would you like her to be with us? You could play with both of us at once!"

"Maybe!" His eyes it up. He seemed very intrigued by the concept. So was I, in fact. I didn't know if Esther would be so willing, but we can fantasize.

"So, what do you say? All for fun?"

"Yeah, sure. All for fun."

"So, you won't be jealous if I make other friends like you? Because you'll get to stay my friend no matter what."

"I guess I won't. And you won't be jealous if I play with another girl, too?"

"Not a single word of protest shall pass my mouth lips."

He stared back with a grin. I don't think he noticed the jab I had just taken with him.

"What do you say, another go?" I asked him, stroking my slit temptingly.

"Sure!" he exclaimed with a grin! Though he may not have been first in the categories of size or experience, Matthew certainly did recharge quickly!

...

The next day, I found myself walking through the town square, when I passed Rebecca. Rebecca and Joseph were now married. She and I certainly weren't friends since she found out I had lain with her fiancé. However, she seemed to recognize that I had no idea of the arrangement, so she rightfully held Joseph fully responsible for that act of infidelity. Whatever recompense Joseph had worked out with her was their business. Normally ignoring or avoiding me was enough for her, and I certainly didn't blame her for that.

This time, however, she acted differently. Our eyes met as we noticed each other at the same time. But instead of turning away from me, she actually took a step towards me with a sneer of pure bitterness and hatred on her face.

"Whore!" she scowled, just loud enough for me to hear, then shoved past me and was gone.

I didn't feel insulted. I wasn't even mad at her for that. I was just confused. Where did that sudden change in attitude come from? Well, at that point, Rebecca and Joseph were no longer concerns of mine, so I had little trouble in putting it behind me. Whatever had caused that sudden anger towards me, I figured, probably had nothing to do with me.

I was wrong.

2

The idea of involving Esther in Matthew and my naughty games intrigued me the more I thought about it. The next time we met at the creek, I decided to test the proverbial waters.

As it turned out, Gaius did not show up with the rest of us, so I took this opportunity to speak to Esther alone. I got myself chatting side by side with her. I sat closely next to her, and eventually worked up the nerve to put my hand on her. I reached my arm around her back and scooted myself up against her until our bare hips were touching under the water.

Esther stopped what she had been saying mid-sentence and seemed to tense up.

"Uh... Morgana? Can you not do that when we're naked, please? It's kind of weird."

"Oh my god, I'm sorry!"

"Haha! That's okay. I had to freaking slap Gaius before he took a hint! I'm sure asking nicely would do the trick for you, though."

"That's fine, I'll respect your personal space," I agreed, though I was extremely disappointed. Even that brief touch of our bare skin, skin of another woman, had felt tantalizingly erotic. I wanted more, though I would have to let it go. "So, if you don't mind me asking..."

"Yes?"

"Are you uncomfortable being naked around us?"

"It's... adventurous, to say the least."

"But you keep doing it."

"Well, in a way I kind of like the whole being naked thing. It's just so... relaxed. Or did I just contradict myself? How can it be both adventurous and relaxed? I guess I see how relaxed everyone else is, and I want to be that comfortable with it, too. I'm still getting used to it, but it is nice to just not give a fuck about stuff like that. So maybe it's both adventurous and relaxed because it's nice to let go of things that I used to bother me, but I realize don't have to. Like letting go of your fears. Does any of that make sense?"

"Yes, I think I understand."

"That, and Gaius is nice to look at with his clothes off!" she said with a laugh! "Maybe looking is all I want to do, but I really don't mind looking."

"He is handsome," I agreed with a smile.

"I've seen him looking at you the past week or so. In addition to me, that is. Is there a..." She grinned, suggestively. "...reason for that?"

"What? No, of course not! I wish!" Embarrassed, I tried not to smile, but I don't think I had much luck.

"Are you sure about that?" she said, prodding.

But before I could think of an answer, we were distracted by the sound of someone approaching. It was two people, in fact. There was Gaius, arriving uncharacteristically late. But my heart nearly stopped beating when I saw who he had led into our private sanctum. It was Susan!

"Oh. Maybe you were telling the truth," Esther conceded. I almost felt sick to my stomach. What in the world was he doing with her?

It was my childhood friend: my false friend who I now realized had never treated me with an ounce of respect. Now that I knew what having real friends felt like, I knew that she had never been one of those to me. No, she had been nothing but a bully to me. The only reason she had ever sought my company before was because I made her feel important by contrast. She had been no friend to me at all!

Gaius made a quick introduction, though in a town as small as Ash, introductions were rarely needed. When Susan's eyes met mine, her expression soured ever so noticeably, if only for a fleeting moment. I doubt I managed to completely hide me animosity toward her either.

Gaius invited her into the water. "We can turn around while you undress if that makes you comfortable."

"You're all... naked?" Susan was clearly beyond her comfort zone. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, as if she already felt exposed.

"I mean, yeah. None of us want to go home in wet clothes. But you can keep your clothes on. Or stay on the bank and chat with us. Whatever you're comfortable with," Gaius offered. He began to take off his shirt, but kept his pants on for the time being.

Susan pondered for a moment. Before she made up her mind, I had decided to try something. I stood up out of the water and took several steps toward the bank where Susan stood. I was only up to my knees in the water, the rest of my body bare and glistening.

"Don't worry about modesty, Susan. None of us care. Get naked and jump in with us!" It was a power move, I admit. I wasn't so much showcasing my naked body to her, as my unbridled confidence. Finally, she was timid while I was the brazen one, and I had to make sure she knew it!

Susan looked me up and down quickly, but did a double-take as soon as she noticed my vagina. Her eyebrows raised for half an instant. It was hard to read her expression exactly, but I like to think she saw how amazingly perfect my vagina looked and feared hers couldn't possibly compare. Even then, I knew how girls worked. If they see another woman's body that looks different from hers, she wonders if she is the one who is abnormal. Whatever her thoughts were, the ploy seemed to work. She seemed even less inclined to disrobe in front of us.

And so, she ended up sitting on the riverbank in her clothes while the rest of us swam in the river. I hoped she would feel like she didn't fit in with us and leave, but that didn't happen. Eventually, possibly after she saw Gaius laughing and joking with Esther and myself, she decided to join us. She was still clearly uncomfortable about the notion, so she made all of us avert our eyes while she slipped out of her clothes and into the water. Once in, she stayed in up to her neck, and her arms rarely departed her chest. Still, I noticed she spent most of her time competing for Gaius' attention.

I wasn't surprised, seeing as they had shown up together. Even so, I felt a pang of jealousy watching her go after him. There was definitely something going on. But I reminded myself I didn't need to feel jealous. Even if he did return her affections, what Gaius did while he wasn't with me really shouldn't have been a concern of mine. I was sure I could continue seeing him, all the same. I was just fine with sharing him, and it didn't matter if Susan was.

...

As it turned out, Susan and Gaius had started something, and the gossip of the town took no time at all to catch up. They were seen everywhere together, and some even wondered if they might announce their betrothal soon. Thankfully, the town gossip seemed ignorant the fact that I had gotten to him first, and I was more than fine with that.

The one person this fact didn't escape, however, was Susan. As it turned out, I had been quite right about Gaius. He was more than happy to continue seeing me secretly, even though his love belonged elsewhere now. It was her who took issue with it. I had lain with him two more times between when Susan first showed up at our creek and when she found out about us and confronted me about it.

I was walking through the town square, browsing the wares at the market when she found me.

"Morgana..."

I looked up and saw her standing ten feet from me, her arms crossed angrily in front of her chest.

"Oh. Hi, Susan. What is it?"

"I wish I knew how to say this more tactfully. You need to stay away from Gaius!"

"What? Why? He's my friend, too."

"Yes, but he's my boyfriend now. And I know you haven't been seeing him as just friends."

"But Gaius and I are just friends. And whatever we may be doing as friends, we've been doing it longer than you've been with him."

"And... you're still doing it. I know about it. Look, I don't care what you and him did before we fell in love. But we're in love now, and you need to stop tempting him to be unfaithful to me."

"I..." I wasn't sure what to say just yet. I didn't even know if I wanted to try to reason with her or be confrontational. However, I never got the chance to decide. By now our conversation was drawing the eyes of a few bystanders. Susan noticed first. She looked around, and suddenly spoke in a whisper.

"Never mind. This isn't a good place to talk about this. But it is something we need to talk about."

"Very well. Do you want to meet me at the bridge later? The one next to where we swim?"

"Your friends won't be there?"

"Not today, I don't think. Or tomorrow."

"Can it be today? I'm not mad at you, Morgana, but there are a few things I need to lay out for you. And I'd rather get it over with so we can be at an understanding."

I agreed. I told her I could be there in two hours. It was a bit of a lie. I didn't really have anything important to do right then, but I wanted a little time to think of what to say to her.

...

I arrived at the bridge first. I had gotten there at least fifteen minutes early, in fact. As it turned out, two hours had been more than enough time to process what was going on. I had a few things I planned to say to her, and a few things I wanted to do. In fact, I was rather excited! I was going to ger her back, and good!