The Assassin's Bride Ch. 10

"It was more Ed- His brother. And we had a great connection, but not anymore," she muttered, her eyes resuming a distant glow before she shrugged off sad feelings. "So, what else did you take?" she asked, eyeing the black satchel by Gavin's leg.

Gavin grinned wickedly at the bag. "The urn, and Ethan's favourite gun. I'm going to hide them here, they're too much hassle to travel with."

"What are you going to do with the ashes?" Carina pried.

Gavin drew a slow breath, his eyes downcast. "When I can think of a way to properly honour Tate's memory..." he shook his head. "I don't want to decide right now. Not at the start of our run."

The sun was slowly disappearing by the time they made their way into the house. Gavin pulled a face. "Sorry, the place needs airing."

Ignoring the musty odour, Carina sidled down a dim passage, careful not to touch anything. For some reason she felt extremely shy, as though they were on a first date. Fresh air swept through the house, and Gavin returned.

"Better," he smiled, pointing to a rather steep staircase behind her. "Use the upstairs shower. I'll stay down here."

"Thanks," Carina said in a humiliatingly small voice, and made her way up the beige oak stairs, tightly holding her bag of clothes like a newly paroled prisoner.

She'd once overheard an ex-con telling Eduardo that life outside prison was so much harder than expected. The man confided that being abruptly ousted from the world he'd come to know and start all over again from scratch was daunting. Being on the outside with no foundations was terrifying, and rough. Hence, his joining Carlos' ranks. Carina didn't understand the man's point back then, but she did now.

Standing naked under hot water, the strange feeling of unknown persisted. It was a whole new world that made her feel elated but also scared and alone. She wasn't in a chichi hotel with a man waiting in the next room. She wasn't at Eduardo or Carlos' apartment. She wasn't at Michael's mansion. She was alone, and unsure how to feel about it.

Carina turned her face to the spray, hoping to wash all thoughts of the past from her mind. As Gavin silently guessed, she couldn't help thinking about Carlos and wistfully imagining if things went differently. The tumultuous thoughts flew through her mind, and not in any particular order.

She wondered if only Michael had stopped Carlos from pulling the trigger, if Carlos never found them, if Michael wasn't a rat, if Eduardo survived Michael's bullet, if she managed to escape with Gavin...

Gavin. The man who effortlessly revealed her existence was so hollow, a lesson she would have inevitably learned too late. She would have become the old, helpless woman in her nightmare. Fate was a strange thing, that a tense rivalry between Michael and Gavin brought them together. There was no other way in Hell she'd have escaped the island. Or the gang.

A small sob burst past Carina's lips, muffled by the water, and she angrily rubbed her face to ward off more tears. But it was pointless; her mind brutally revisited her history.

Eduardo freely cheated on her and she had settled for it. Michael assaulted her and destroyed a precious friendship. But Carlos did nothing to deserve the blow she dealt him.

Perhaps his sexual interest in her was dangerously escalating, but that was only after she actively flirted with him. No, Carlos wasn't a saint, but he gave her everything whilst asking nothing in return, and he died thinking the utmost worst of her.

Carina remembered Carlos' face when he summoned her, those heart-wrenching seconds she refused to stand by him. She relived Carlos' confusion, the disbelief... the terrible pain in his eyes that only someone he loved and trusted could cause him.

The imagery broke the last shred of control Carina held over unhelpful thoughts. They escalated, swarming her mind with cruel, inescapable clarity. Sliding down the shower wall, she drew her knees to her chest, buried her face in her arms and cried her heart out.

She cried for Eduardo, who could never love her the way she'd wanted. She cried for Carlos, who loved her too much. She cried for herself; for how blind she was to the superficial dependence she lived before a rude awakening.

She cried for the loss of her good friend, Michael; a man she would lean on now, but was no more than an illusion. In her grieving moment, that truth hurt more than Eduardo and Carlos' death.

Because the brothers were real. Michael, the friend she would always miss, never really existed.

***

Sensing a new presence, Gavin abruptly turned to find Carina in the doorway.

The soft, beige guest towel was tightly wrapped about her body. Damp hair was swept back from her face, and she left dainty footprints on the tiled floor with her approach. Despite her low mood, her face was freshened from the shower; clean and vulnerable. Those fascinating eyes seemed huge, staring up at him. Gavin's pants suddenly felt very, very tight.

"You ok?" he warily asked.

"No," she replied, striding forward and dropping the towel.

Before he could stop himself, Gavin's eyes widened at her nudity, parts of her body still glistening with water. He turned away. "Carina-!"

"Stop," she ordered, standing against him and seizing the front of his shirt before he could retreat. "I've been through a lot, Gavin. I need you."

Gavin kept his gaze averted. "I'm sorry. This isn't my style."

"I don't care. Look at me."

Gavin unwillingly met her eyes, his own very stern. "Carina-"

"Look at me," she demanded, reaching to cup his cheek before he could look away. "I need you."

"Carina, stop!" Gavin impatiently turned his face from her touch, keeping his hands by his sides.

"Michael, my best friend, forced himself on me," Carina declared, her voice almost breaking. "Carlos, the man who always took care of me, is dead. And he was right."

Gavin frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Michael was the last one," she whispered. "He was the last man to have me. I can't stand it. I need to be free of him. I want your hands on me. Your mouth..." she drew a sharp breath, feeling her pulse rise by the hot thoughts in her mind. "I want you to do things to me that make me forget my own name."

"I can't, Carina. You're grieving-" Gavin groaned, raking a hand through his hair.

"I want you, Gavin!" she fiercely argued, her pussy throbbing with desire just from standing naked beside him. "Ever since you kissed me in the hall. I want you more than I can remember. Even more than..." she broke off, unwilling to voice what she considered a terrible insult to her dead boyfriend.

Carina looked up, begging with her eyes. Gavin stared, his mouth ajar. When he didn't speak, Carina's gaze dropped to the floor and she stepped away.

"I..." she began and took a shaky breath. "Wow, this is embarrassing."

Carina let despondent emotions stack atop each other, forgetting all of Gavin's amorous actions, statements, and promises of the past. She clawed a hand through her wet hair, angrily convincing herself she'd read it all wrong, that Gavin was more righteous than she presumed. Maybe she excited him, but he was restrained with her. Maybe he was only interested in a bit of flirtation. A genuinely good guy who just did her a favour. She was too damaged to know the difference.

Any man with a shred of interest would have pounced long before she even dropped the towel. There would be no need for convincing. She was in the friendzone.

Gavin made no demands, simply because he wanted nothing from her. She was forcing herself on a disinterested male, and that was not a scenario her ego could withstand. The rejection was cripplingly mortifying, but she was surprised to find herself strong enough to rise above it.

Gavin watched Carina recover and smile up at him, clearly toughened from spending so much time around men. She abruptly raised her hand to stop him from speaking.

"Please, don't," she begged with a self-deprecating laugh that made Gavin suddenly realise why Michael had fallen for her. "I'm not offended, I promise. Let's not make this more awkward than I have already. I'll go get ready."

Not bothering with the discarded towel, Carina walked naked from the room, leaving Gavin standing perfectly still, both hands clenched into shaking fists.

***

With a sigh, Carina pulled a yellow dress from her bag. Straightening, she dropped the clothing and yelped with fright.

Gavin trapped Carina between him, and the wall at her back. He was shirtless again, the front of his pants undone, Carina felt the cold metal of his open fly against her belly.

"I...I..." she stuttered, frozen with surprise, feeling her body spiral into some kind of overdrive just from being cornered by a topless hunk.

Gavin's blue eyes were piercing. "I have my fucking limits, Carina," he snarled, one hand gently enclosed her left breast and lightly squeezed, feeling her heart hammering against his palm. "Why would I kiss you in the hall, lure you to the woods, hang around a murderous drug-dealer, if I didn't want you?"

Carina's pussy immediately clenched when he swore. She whimpered when his other hand cupped between her legs, and almost swore aloud when his fingers slowly traced her lips.

"Don't you remember what I said in the forest, about taking my time with you? I've seen the way you look at me, always staring at my crotch," he accused, sliding two fingers inside her. "And you know I'm fucking hard for you."

"Oh!" Carina gasped and gripped his biceps, her nails pressing into his skin. Gavin's touch was magic; the dark look in his eyes made her knees buckle.

"I want to take this slow," he scowled, the anger is his voice only stoking Carina's libido. "I wanted..." he groaned, feeling his fingers coated in her slick moisture.

"I..." Carina uttered, her mouth fell open, but not for long.

Gavin's lips forcefully descended, parting so his tongue could slither by her teeth and rouse a deep, fiery desire in her belly.

Everything forgotten, Carina feverishly kissed him back. The skin on skin contact was so decadently gratifying, she moaned into his mouth, her tongue eagerly entwined with his, and she bucked against his hand, silently pleading for more.

Gavin wrenched back, leaving Carina panting, hot and wet.

"I'm not a fucking rebound, Carina," he snapped, his chest heaving with desire. "I don't want the woman who strung Carlos around her finger." Noticing her attention fixed on his mouth, he sharply tilted her face upward to meet his eyes.

"I don't want a glamorous party girl. I want the woman who followed me into the hall. I want the woman who asked me not to kill a man she had every reason to want dead. I want the girl who chose my side when the stakes were against us. That's the woman I want to know. Not some childish hussy hanging around mobsters."

Carina gaped, unsure whether to be offended, flattered, or dare finger herself in front of him.

"I didn't do this to replace Ethan," Gavin continued, seeming angrier by the second, despite an obvious arousal. "I didn't go to these lengths for a one-night stand, and I certainly didn't work this hard for you to be taken again. You're going to have to understand that I'm not like those other guys you've been living with. And no matter how much I want you, or vice versa, you're not getting anything from me until I think it's right for both of us. Got it?"

"So...you don't want me?" Carina gulped, unable to think of anything meaningful to say.

Gavin's eyes flared warningly. "Careful, Carina. That might work on Ethan, but not me. I can't lose myself with you, now," he continued through grit teeth, his gaze darkening at her startled, wide-eyed stare. "That would be fucking insane. But I trust I've made my feelings clear?"

Carina was tempted to deny it; to demand he repeat himself, or even better, elaborate. But Michael was coming, and there was no way she would risk being captured by him. Especially if it would jeopardize alone time with Gavin.

"You are going to wait. Understand?" Gavin barked, aggravated by her hesitation. He wanted to seize her shoulders and shake some sense into the girl but didn't trust himself to stop there.

When Carina didn't answer, Gavin impatiently raised an eyebrow, glowering in a way that made Carina burn with desire. Still breathless, she managed weak nod at the same time a drip of moisture traced down her inner thigh.

"Get ready," Gavin thickly ordered, his eyes on her breasts, proudly pouting an open invitation for his mouth to caress them. Resisting, he bit into his knuckles and went for the door, pausing by the frame with his back carefully turned. "Wear something respectable. We don't need the attention, and you need a passport photo. We have a flight to catch."

Still fighting the urge to touch herself, Carina watched him leave her view, his toned back calling for her to bite him all over.

Finally wiping the light trail of juice from her thigh, Carina couldn't help herself. Her hand touched the soaked flesh between her legs, stunned by how wet she was in a matter of minutes. So slippery that it was difficult to focus on her clit, but easy to work two fingers inside.

"Oh, fuck!" Carina quietly breathed.

After Gavin's kiss, his touch, the repressed rage inside him that made her so hot, her body was on the brink of fireworks. Closing her eyes, Carina bit her lip and braced against the wall with relief as pleasure thudded through her body. Still shaking, she quickly pulled herself together and began searching for clothes, sensing Gavin would be extremely pissed off if he caught her masturbating after his lecture.

***

When Gavin reappeared half an hour later, Carina was demurely seated with her hands folded in her lap. Gavin seemed to have regained control of his emotions and Carina wondered if he'd indulged in a similar tactic by jerking off in private.

Clearly liking her yellow sun-dress and sensible black cardigan, Gavin's appreciative smile vanished when his eyes moved to her feet. "Lose the heels."

Carina blinked at the words no man had ever said to her. "What? Why?"

"I asked you to dress discreetly," he said in a tone that somehow made her pussy twinge.

"These are discreet! They're black!" she argued, twisting in the chair to inspect the gleaming black heel of her right shoe.

Gavin slowly shook his head at her. "Can you run in them?" he asked.

"Yes!" she said defensively.

"How fast?" he sceptically challenged.

Carina bit her lip, and Gavin looked severe.

"You're not a trophy girl anymore," he said grimly. "At the drop of a hat, I may need you to run without unnecessary handicaps. There will be a time and place for you to dress up for me, but never while we're in transit."

When she continued to pout, he narrowed his eyes. "You were strictly on the sidelines, weren't you? Always dressed for show. It's quite a paradox; your life with deadly men yet knowing so little about danger. I suppose I should credit them for keeping you sheltered in such an environment."

"I've seen my share of violence!" Carina declared, tensing when Gavin laughed.

"Perhaps you saw ugly things, but I doubt you've ever run from real danger."

"But...we never had to run," Carina said in a small voice.

"People ran from you," Gavin concluded. "From Carlos and his brother. Wow." He looked slightly awed by the reality. "I don't know whether Ethan extracting you from that group was such a bad thing."

"Don't say that."

Gavin raised his eyebrows. "Do you regret being here?"

"That's not what I meant," Carina sighed, wringing her hands. "I'm not calling it 'right' or 'wrong', but the transition from the past to present will always be a painful memory."

"Understood." Gavin's eyes were back on the shiny heels. "Get rid of those shoes. If you need incentive, picture Ethan chasing you."

"What about our talk?" Carina asked curiously, noticing Gavin seemed to be keeping a physical distance.

"Postponed until our first stop." He checked the dark grey watch on his wrist. "I want to keep at least 48 hours between us, then widen the distance from there."

"48 hours?" Carina frowned, slipping out of the heels. "How can you measure it?"

"I have my ways," Gavin contemplatively tilted his head from side to side. "My estimates are usually on point. Come on," he smiled, finally stepping forward to inspect Carina's white sneakers and pick up her bag. "Better."

Feeling ridiculously pleased that Gavin was pleased, Carina followed him to the stairs.

"Do you mind if I sometimes call you 'Carrie'?" he asked unexpectedly.

"No," Carina answered. "I like it."

"I've often found myself on the verge of calling you 'Carrie," he remarked. "Don't get me wrong, I love your name and I'll use it. But I like to have an alternative. The way Carlos addressed you always sounded so militant. Half the time I expected you to answer with a salute."

"Yeah," she muttered, quickly shutting Carlos from her mind. "So how long will it take us to lose Michael?"

"The smartest thing is to presume we will never lose him," he replied. "I'm good at disappearing, but Ethan is an excellent tracker. Trackers always have an option to take a break if they want. We will never have that luxury while he's alive."

Neither cared to comment on the latter point.

***

"Thank you, Mr Reeves," the concierge smiled, handing back Gavin's card. "Your bags will be brought..." he frowned, his gaze moving past Carina. "Do you have luggage?"

"Nope. Just a spontaneous night away," Gavin said flippantly, waving the room key. "Thanks."

"Mr Reeves?" Carina whispered as they made their way to the elevators.

"Calvin Reeves. You don't like it, Mrs Reeves?" Gavin teased.

Still looking bemused, Carina managed a weak laugh. "How many names do you have?"

Gavin shrugged at their reflection in the elevator. "As many as I want."

"Huh," Carina said, wondering how she managed to find a man with a more complicated life than Eduardo.

After a gentle bell, the lift door smoothly slid aside, and Gavin led her into a quiet, beige-carpeted corridor lined with an occasional exotic plant and gold-framed mirror.

"When you do what I do, it's all about money in the beginning," Gavin explained, his eyes darting along room numbers. "The first challenge is establishing solid, worldwide connections so you can work seamlessly." He pulled a face. "Apparently Ethan pulled it off in three years, lucky bastard."

"How long did it take you to..." Carina's face was scrunched up as she tried to comprehend a whole other world of spies and assassins. "Get connections?"

"Almost a decade," Gavin wryly answered with a long sigh. "I started young, but I'm more cautious. Gotta hand it to Ethan, the bastard is ballsy. Anyway," he quickly reverted to the topic at hand. "Once that hurdle is overcome, life becomes rather routine. But travelling with a partner adds a new level of fun to it," he mused, seeming pleased.

"So... That's a good thing?" Carina asked slowly.

"Yep," Gavin smiled, swiping the key. He held up a hand. "Hold up, honey."

He ducked inside without turning on any lights. Three minutes later, the lights were on, and he ushered her inside.

"I'm afraid we have to scrap the gentlemanly saying 'ladies first'," he said apologetically. "For safety reasons, obviously," he added, unsure by Carina's blank surprise whether it really was obvious.

Carina cautiously made her way to the living area, dropping her handbag and peering around with her hands demurely clasped.

"What do you want to eat?" Gavin inquired, waving the velvet-lined booklet at her.

Carina coyly shrugged one shoulder, clearly wanting him to choose.

"Any dietary laws I need to abide?" he pried, looking relieved when she shook her head.