The Asshole

"You've met the like of him before; a big, brash, never politically correct, loud-mouth; he's uncouth, obnoxious; always right (in his own mind); prejudiced; and insufferable. That's Joe Jorgen, or as I call him, The Asshole."

As this story begins The Asshole lived just down the street from me. We have a friendly neighborhood where no one likes to rock the boat so all of us on Swallow Court, a nice cul-de-sac in a nice, but not posh, suburb of a major Midwestern city in the U. S., tolerated Joe. Joe was invited to street barbeques, holiday celebrations, and other gatherings where we didn't want to exclude people. Plus everyone pitied - and liked - his wife June. While June was basically plain looking - at least in the conservative clothes that she always wore - she is kind and helpful. She also was often embarrassed by Joe's brashness.

I'm Peter Worth. I've lived on Swallow Court the second longest of any resident, several years before The Asshole and June moved here. I used to have a really happy life - until my wife of fifteen years, Cheryl, had a midlife crisis and took off to be a rock band groupie. Well, not really, but that might as well have been the case since the result was the same. Fortunately we had no kids and she moved out of the area so I didn't have to run into her, but it was a big blow to my ego. I always considered myself a good-looking, successful, strong guy; I didn't expect the heavy emotional toll it took on me.

Anyway, at the inception of this tale Cheryl had left about two years ago, and we had been divorced for about sixteen months. I hadn't really had enough of a return of my self-confidence to seriously date yet, and was as horny as hell. I hated the fact that I actually hired call girls on three separate occasions and anonymously met them at hotels in the area, but I was in particularly bad shape those three nights, and fucking a good-looking woman without strings did help, even if with a condom.

I had tried to keep The Asshole out of the monthly poker game that six of the men, and one of the females, on Swallow Court had, but when we were short six players (the ideal number) one time the kindest of our neighbors let it slip when talking to The Asshole that we had a sometimes game, and he wormed himself an invitation.

The first couple of times The Asshole played poker in our group he wasn't unbearable, but the third time he was in classic form. He was bluffing when he shouldn't have been, drinking more than he should have, and was evidencing no real understanding of the odds of winning with certain hands. He seemed to think that three-of-a-kind was always a sure winner when often it wasn't, and sometimes (depending upon the game) had little chance.

It just so happened that The Asshole's bad luck occurred on a night when I was hosting the game, I had good luck, and I was grumpy, all at the same time. Something had occurred during the day that reminded me of Cheryl and consequently put me in a bad mood; and I had lost a client at work (I'm a lawyer) besides.

To make a long story short everyone else had cashed in or dropped out but was hanging around since the last hand had me pitted against The Asshole and the pot was the biggest of the evening. The pot wasn't large for high roll games, but the highest ever considering our usually modest standards.

The game was Texas Holdem; I had the seven and ten of clubs in my hand; the flop had turned up the nine and eight of clubs and the jack of hearts; the turn exposed the three of spades; and the river had just exposed the jack of clubs. In other words I had a straight flush, and based upon what was on the board I couldn't lose.

For some reason The Asshole thought that he couldn't lose either and had asked three times if I would agree to raising the modest bet limits that we normally played with. Since there were no other players still in the game, I agreed each time. The Asshole emptied his wallet of all of his money and I did him one better by raising more than he had - $100 more given the higher bet limits that he had insisted upon.

His face turned red. "I can't call because I'm out of cash. Do you really want to win that chicken-shit way?" he snarled.

I was pissed; my bad day combined with his obnoxiousness and that it was only on his urging that the stakes had been raised made me want to punch his lights out. Instead I took a deep breath and snarled back "Put up or shut up."

Then he did something you only see in stupid fictional stories or movies, not real life. "I can call with a non-monetary incentive," he snickered. "I know that you ain't got no pussy since Cheryl left you hanging..." that comment almost got me out of my chair and my hands on his throat but somehow I maintained my composure enough to listen to the rest of his bullshit. "How about I give you a night fucking June; she ain't real pretty but she's a decent fuck. Got the balls to accept that?"

All of the rest of the players voiced protests while I sat and steamed. The smug look on his face was really testing my ability to control my anger. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. "That, plus if you lose you never play poker with us again," I sneered.

"Deal," he chuckled, and held out his hand.

I took it and though I wanted to crush it I just squeezed it hard enough to let him know that I was stronger than he was - his winch let me know that the message was received. "Deal," I said after releasing his hand.

He joyously turned over two jacks from his hand. "Four of a kind, sucker," he chirped and with an evil grin went to pull in the pot.

"Straight flush, sucker," was my retort as I laid down my six and ten of clubs.

His face fell and he slumped back in the chair. I handed each of the other players $20 from the pot and said "Please escort Joe the Loser out."

After giving me high-fives they did, as he mumbled to himself.

Of course I was never going to insult June - or the rest of the neighbors - by trying to collect on The Asshole's stupid bet, but I certainly went to bed smug that I had put him in his place.

*****************

It was a Saturday morning, more than two weeks since I humiliated The Asshole (and during which time he wasn't seen a lot outside of his house) when there was knock at my door. It was June.

I had seen June three times in the last two weeks and we had exchanged our normal pleasantries. I got the feeling that Joe hadn't even told her about the bet.

When I answered the door I said "June; what a pleasant surprise."

"I made some extra pumpkin bread and I thought that you might want a loaf," she smiled, holding an aluminum foil wrapped pleasantly odiferous object in her hand.

"I sure would; your pumpkin bread is legendary; please come in," I smiled.

She brought the loaf into the kitchen, I offered her coffee which she accepted, I cut off and ate a big piece while she just nibbled at a little one, while we had a general pleasant chit-chat. After she finished her coffee she seemed to get nervous, almost to the point of hyperventilating.

I was a little concerned, and I put my right hand on her left on the kitchen table and said "Is something wrong?"

"This is really hard for me...could you please just listen and not say anything until I'm done," she replied at a level barely above a whisper.

"Sure," I responded, lightly squeezing her hand.

She sighed and then started making what was obviously a rehearsed speech. "I know that Joe lost a night with me in the poker game a few weeks ago..."

I started to say something but she held up her hand in a "Stop" motion. I shut up as she continued.

"I know that you're too much of a gentleman to approach me about it and would never take advantage of me because of my husband's boorishness; and I know that I'm plain and that a handsome and virile man like yourself probably would have no sexual interest in me anyway..." she sighed again, looked me straight in the eye, and concluded with "but I want you to know that all you have to do if you're really horny some night is to ask and I'll pay up."

I noticed a tear in her eye.

I really liked June, and I was saddened by her poor self-image as she had expressed it. "June," I said, squeezing her hand a little tighter, "any man would love to have sex with you. You're a wonderful and good-looking woman. However, I can't ask you to demean yourself just because Joe is a blowhard."

She got a few more tears in her eyes. "Do you really mean it - that you think I'm wonderful and good-looking and any man would want to have sex with me?"

"Yes..." I started to say, but before I could articulate my complete response she stood up, pulled one string on her seemingly conservative dress, and when it fell to the floor she was naked.

"What if I want it too and need to pay up for my own reasons?" she asked as she stood in front of me unabashedly naked.

I'd like to tell you that I was the perfect gentleman and graciously declined her offer. However, that would be a lie.

June's conservative clothes had hidden a truly special womanly figure. She had an hourglass shape, her tits were much plumper than one could ever tell looking at her dressed the way that she normally was, and she sported a shaved pussy with a prominent clit. Also, it had been three months since my last call-girl experience. I started salivating - and then I was pushed over the edge by the recollection of The Asshole's smug face when he obnoxiously bet his wife in a poker game.

I stood up, kissed her on the lips, then lifted her up and carried her to my bedroom. Once there I bounced her on the mattress and disrobed in record time. She virtually glowed as I slowly crawled onto the bed, and then she screamed as I attacked her shaved pussy with my mouth and one hand while I caressed a nipple with the other one. I couldn't believe how fast she came - and how powerful her orgasm was. When I finally extricated her clit from my mouth she virtually leapt at me and showered me with kisses all over my heck, face, and torso. After a few minutes of this as she pleasure moaned she said "Joe never goes down on me; that was heavenly. Please fuck me now."

I moved up so that my chest was over June's and then slowly inserted my pulsating cock into her snug pussy. She moaned with pleasure at each centimeter of penetration and clinched my neck with her arms. When I was buried we simultaneously started fucking. We were out of sync in moving our sex organs with respect to each other, but it had no adverse effect on the pleasure we were getting out of it. I was so horny - and she felt soooo good - that I didn't last long. When I blasted her (my first condom-less fuck in two years) she shrieked, spasmed, and dug her fingernails into my shoulders. My orgasm - and as far as I could tell hers too - lasted a long time. So long that it may have been my longest ever.

When I rolled off of her she gave me the brightest smile I had ever seen. "Thank you, she murmured."

"What," I laughed, "is this some bizarre land where I get to fuck a hot chick and she thanks me instead of vice-versa?"

Her eyes got wide. "No one has ever called me a hot chick before; do you really mean it?"

"Based upon what just happened I'd say that you're plasma hot," I chuckled.

A few tears formed in her eyes; then she shinnied down the mattress and started sucking my cock. It came to life faster than I can ever remember - even when I was a horny teenager. Once I was hard I broke away from her, turned her onto her hands and knees, and preceded to doggy fuck her brains out while squeezing her ponderous boobs.

My second orgasm was just as intense as the first one, and her third orgasm had her shaking and moaning. I left my cock in her sweet pussy until it went flaccid, then I turned her on her side and planted dozens of quick kisses on her lips and face. As I was doing that she smiled and giggled.

After a pleasurably long time cuddling I asked June "How long can you stay?"

"Until tomorrow morning...if you want me to," she said with trepidation.

"I'd love nothing better; but we can't just lay in bed, fucking. We'll engage in some activities today, and just fuck when the urge hits us, and I'll treat you to lunch and dinner. Sound like a plan?" I chuckled.

"I'd really love that," she replied.

Unbeknownst to me, June had left a valise just outside the door when she knocked on it. She retrieved it, put on some casual clothes, redid her makeup, and we took off. We went to a local amusement park for a few hours where we ate lunch in a surprisingly good café, once our food digested we went home and fucked again, changed into exercise clothes and went to the gym I belonged to and worked out, showered and went to dinner at a nice restaurant. After dinner we walked around town until our food digested, and then went home and fucked before we fell asleep, and once in the middle of the night.

Knocking off a piece of ass in the middle of the night was heavenly!

That day and night were definitely in the top ten best of my life.

The next morning we woke up cuddling. I really would have loved another fuck, but my cock was too sore and I was depleted, and her pussy and nipples were red from my constant attention. We kissed, showered together, and then I made her breakfast.

As June was getting ready to leave a few tears formed in her eyes. "Peter; I had the best time ever; thank you."

I gave her a quick kiss. "You're a really special, wonderful woman, June; I can't imagine a better time."

"Uh...Peter...uh...I...want you to know," she stammered. After a deep breath she continued. "I want you to know that I'm available for sex whenever you want me."

With that she gave me a steamy hot kiss, and then literally ran out the door.

***************

My mind was in turmoil most of the day Sunday. The thought of a regular piece of ass as good as June was very tempting. While I had no qualms about spending all day and night Saturday with her because of The Asshole's cringe-worthy bet, I had never even considered having an affair with another man's wife. Then again, it wasn't just another man, but The Asshole.

After playing mental ping-pong for the entire day, I decided to just see what happened. I wasn't going to preclude the possibility of an affair with June, but I wasn't going to push it either.

By Thursday of that week I was as horny as I had ever been since Cheryl left. It was hard to purge my mind of the fabulous sex with the woman I had previously considered a Plain Jane. At work I was planning an intense masturbation session that night - or maybe even another call girl - when my direct line rang just before lunch.

"Hi Peter; this is June," came the sweet voice that I easily recognized.

"Hi June, I'm so happy you called. I was thinking about you."

"You were - really?" she queried.

"Yes...is that so hard to believe after last weekend?" I chuckled.

"Uh...I guess not," she replied. I could sense her embarrassment over the phone.

"Uh...the reason for my call," she shyly continued "is...uh...because Joe is out of town tonight on business I wonder if you would like me to bring dinner over for you."

My cock inflated so fast that it almost bust my zipper, and hurt too. After a slight pause my thoughts crystallized. "Can you just bring a salad over about 6:30 - and your nightgown," I responded.

"OK," was her meek response. "See you at 6:30."

We did eat the salad - quickly. The rest of the night, until 6:30 the next morning, was spent trying to find all of the carnally stimulating areas of each other's bodies. I do believe that the three fucks we had were even better than the ones the previous Saturday.

My relationship with June quickly stabilized into sex whenever Joe was out of town, and at least one quickie each Saturday and Sunday.

The only downer was that sometimes there were bruises on June's body. When I inquired about them she always had some excuse. I asked her point blank if Joe hit her, and she both denied it and begged me not to confront him.

After my sexual relationship with June had been on-going for about three months I got a call from Alicia, my neighbor across the street.

***************

I guess that I really need to tell you a few things about Alicia for the rest of the story to make sense.

Alicia is the hottest big woman you've ever seen in your life. She would have been as perfect as Gal Gadot in playing Wonder Woman in the movies. She's about six feet tall, probably 160 pounds of virtually all muscle, and with a kick ass personality. While normally very pleasant, you really don't want to cross her.

Almost any hetero male would love to make a run at Alicia, except for two facts; 1) She's happily married and would probably kick the shit out of you; and 2) her husband is an ex-NFL offensive lineman whose playing weight was 310 pounds. While he's down to 250 now that he's retired, it's 250 pounds of mean muscle.

Anyway, so Alicia called me on a Thursday and wanted to meet for lunch at her Country Club that Saturday. I was hoping for a session with June about that time, but Alicia is not someone you want to refuse, so I accepted.

When I got to the luncheon it was in a small private dining room and six other female neighbors from Swallow Court were also there; no husbands.

I almost turned and ran, but Alicia would have run me down and I didn't want the embarrassment of having her drag me by my hair back into the room.

Since there was no food present - only drinks - it was obvious that this "lunch" was about talking, not eating.

After a few pleasantries all seven females crossed their arms and stared at me. Alicia spoke for the group.

"So, Peter, as you know we all love June Jorgen. She's probably the sweetest most loyal friend any of us have. We're concerned about her; so let me get right to the point. What are your intentions with respect to her?"

I gulped hard. I looked into the fourteen steely eyes staring at me. I know that I started sweating.

"Uh...I don't know what you mean," I lamely replied.

Susan, another Swallow Court wife almost as tough as Alicia snapped "Cut the shit, Peter. We know that you've been fucking her for the last few months. Do you thing that we're blind?"

"Plus," Alicia took up the attack, "you've got to know that she's fallen in love with you since you're so much better in every way than her asshole husband."

Then Carol chimed in. "You know that he beats her, don't you. You have to have seen the bruises on her body."

"Uh...she told me...uh that he didn't and begged me not to confront him," I apologetically responded.

"Are you really that stupid?" Susan snarled.

"We want to know what your intentions are," Alicia continued, "so we know whether to embrace you or cut your balls off and feed them to Carol's German Shephard."

As I started at the seven stern faces across the table from me, I took a swig of the beer in front of me, and then pondered my situation.

While I had been somewhat thinking about things before this confrontation, now there was urgency in coming to a resolution. I did mental lists of what desirable qualities my ex Cheryl had compared to June's desirable qualities. On Cheryl's side of the ledger were "more beautiful face; and makes a lot more money." On June's side was everything else.

When an impatient Carol snarled "Well?" I decided that I needed to answer Alicia's question.

"I'm going to make a call right now, and put it on speaker," I said, trying to sound more confident that I was.

That surprised the Surly Seven.

I dialed the burner cellphone that I had given June. When she answered I said "Hi June; do you have a minute to talk."

"Uh...sure. Joe is out; do you want me to come over."

"Not right this second. Listen, I have you on speaker because both my hands are occupied, but I really need to talk."