All Comments on 'The Awakening of Crystal Ch. 01'

I started reading got curious and hoped sadly I had high hopes that this might be a fucking unicorn of a good Reluctance story but no. The entire concept is flawed for what I would hope are very obvious reasons. I only got to the end of page 2 before skipping to the last 2 pages and skimming them.

BDSM requires consent and that is nowhere in sight.

This arsehole claims to be a Dom he should have put her husband straight that she needed to make an informed decision, presuming she agreed I can guarantee it would have been 100% sexier than this.

What you’ve done is mixed 2 genres and managed to get both wrong, BDSM and “Rape Fantasy” (oh and you missed at least one tag - ass to mouth, so NOT my thing) You were aiming for BDSM and failed spectacularly, then there’s the “Rape Fantasy” (a consensual non consent scene) which again you’ve missed the point what you have instead is a fantasy story about rape and abuse. It doesn’t matter that some of what’s happening matches up with her fantasies and that her body is responding to sexual stimulation. It’s ALL fucking pointless because there’s no consent, no trust, no respect and no reason to trust.

All of that is before considering what an absolute bastard her husband is. Best case scenario for her is either an open marriage so that she can rebuild with her husband and find a real Dom or divorce and find herself a real Dom not this creep who’s just whored himself out. I don’t have the will to explain the Madonna: Whore complex or why it’s all bullshit.

Your writing style is great, the narrative flows really well and the scenes are quite vivid, you clearly have talent and I’ll look forward to trying something else you write.

Best of luck with your writing.

Tess (UK)

While that Anon below has a point (although a bit to harshly presented) about BDSM vs NON-CON as story locations. I have an issue with the story plot line in general. I know I can hear the outrage "plot be damned just give me erotica I can spank to!" being yelled by the crowds.

Despite the crowd's demands, here is the plot line of your story as I read it distilled down to a quick conversation between your two male leads...

OLD EXEC GUY: I am a distinguished mature married executive who thinks we should drug my wife Mr. Porn Site guy. Then once we do that bit, you Mr. Porn Site guy should kidnap and rape her continuously throughout the weekend, and possibly longer if you want, while I go off and bang my younger more attractive side piece.

MR. PORN SITE GUY: Sounds great to me even though it seems very illegal.

OLD EXEC GUY: Also you should be glad I would never suspect that a porn site content provider like yourself would ever consider doing that whole recording and posting of what is actually a rape on the internet thing.

MR. PORN SITE GUY: Great idea - new amateur content - very hot! I mean...yeah that would be in poor taste and very illegal.

OLD EXEC GUY: Now to be perfectly clear this is all being done without her knowledge or consent, so be gentle, no permanent marks or injuries unless she deserves it.

MR. PORN SITE GUY: Love it. Really bringing out the whole illegal thing.

OLD EXEC GUY: Finally, and this is important, I will not involve the authorities in this whole sorted affair because, as you noted, it might damn well be a very illegal enterprise. In fact, I promise not to tell them that you drugged her, you kidnapped her, you restrained her, you raped her, you recorded her, and that you blackmailed me for money - lets say multiple installments of $10K and that the reason behind all of the illegal events that will happen to my wife occured because I failed to pay up on time during a meeting we will have at restaurant to kickoff this glorious event.

MR. PORN SITE GUY: AWESOME, and I get dinner too! You are a good man to do this for your wife, this truly prove you love her dearly. When do we start...

Did I miss anything in the plot? Okay since I got all that right - plausibility 0%. I get spank-ability might higher but come on somewhere plot should matter at least a bit.

pefectly developed, most realistic, felt being there

waiting for Chapter 2 !!

Realistic compared to...what? Where, at any point in time of this chapter, was there any sense of plausibility or any reason for the reader to suspend disbelief and accept what was happening? Please point it out ‘cause I missed it...completely. And I honestly appreciated this author’s work on the Landscaper’s Debt series where I easily bought in and cheered the hero on through seven chapters until the final words and his final and utter destruction.

But nothing for me here.