The Bachelorette Party Pt. 04

"FUCKIN' DEADBEAT!! THROW THE BALL!!!! JEEZ LOUISE!! He's gonna take ANOTHER sack. I can't watch this shit. PUSH, CHAD!!! GODDAMMIT!"

If all things worked perfectly, by the end of the game both of us were drunk as fuck. Our genitals and our stomach muscles were burnt raw. We'd pass out on the couch. Gloria often awakened the next morning with a hearty:

"...the FUCK are you doing in my house!! Get the FUCK out!!"

We did this almost every Monday, thru every sports season except baseball. Neither of us follows baseball.

I waited two weeks to call Tammy. I figured she'd be back from her honeymoon by then. Brother Samuelson's rented tux led me to believe they wouldn't be honeymooning in Katmandu. I called her in the middle of a Monday, too, to make sure that her husband wasn't around.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Tammy. This is Chad."

"CHAD!! OH MY GOD!! YOU CAME TO MY WEDDING!!!"

"Calm down. I just...I just needed to see the guy you were marrying."

"CHAD!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW BADLY YOU COULD HAVE FUCKED UP MY SHIT?!? DO YOU???"

"But I didn't. I left your church and went home."

"It's not a church. It's a Kingdom Hall," she corrected.

"Whatever. When did you join up with the JWs?"

"Oh, it's been awhile. I don't wanna talk about it right now. What were you doing at my bachelorette party?"

"It's what I do, Tammy."

"I should guess so! Your...umm...member...is HUGE!!!"

"It's the same as it was when we dated, Tammy. You just seemed less interested back then."

"And you've muscled up as well!!" she said, ignoring my dig.

"Yeh. Muscles seem to pay better."

"Well, it certainly was worth MY thousand dollars, I can tell you that."

"I didn't get any thousand dollars," I admitted.

"Wait. What? Why not? I paid it," she said.

"When I heard it was you, I agreed to do the gig for free."

"You did it to all my girlfriends for free?"

"Nope. I did it to them to get a chance to make love to YOU."

"Hmmmph. If I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have let you," she lied.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I dunno, Chad. You were always, like, the one who got away. We never did it. Not even once. We were, like, pristine."

"I did try. You didn't like me like that?" I continued.

"I did, Chad. You know I did. But a girl has to have one that tries and fails."

"Well, I didn't fail the other week."

"Yes, you did," she chastened.

"No, I didn't." I corrected.

"You didn't cum in me. That's a fail."

"I could have."

"You could have. But you didn't. You were too much of a gentleman."

"Well, I'm going to. That's all that matters."

It was time to get to the point.

"No. You're not." she said.

...the FUCK!!? What was this? Why had she given me her phone number?

"Yeh, I kinda am." I insisted.

"Chad, I'm married now. That bachelorette party was a thing I did for the sake of my friends at work. It's a one-time thing. I'm a Christian now, too. No one can know what happened between us the other week. You should forget about it. We can't be lovers, Chad, as much as I would like to."

"Then why did you give me your number?"

"Oh, I dunno, Chad. I shouldn't have done that."

This was game. I sensed a wistfulness in her voice, an indecisiveness that I knew exactly how to exploit. I'd made this first call. Now she had MY phone number in her phone. I decided to let that linger.

"OK." I said.

Guys, anytime you sense indecisiveness in a woman, give her her way. She doesn't really want to have her way, but give it to her anyway. She'll go back and re-think her position. Soon enough, you'll get a call.

"OK?" she parroted.

"OK." I confirmed.

I knew that parroting my 'OK.' was another sign of weakness. Sister Samuelson wanted to fuck me. She just wanted me to work for it. A woman will do that to assuage her conscience. Like any seasoned car salesman, I wanted her to roast in the idea I'd presented.

"Listen, it's good talking to you. I've got to go."

I was concluding the call. If she had game, I had game, too. And then I put one more thing on her mind.

"Call me if you want to get together over coffee sometime."

This last comment left open any number of options. It told her my intentions were pure. 'Yeh, that's the ticket. He only wants to talk over coffee.'

"OK," she said.