The Ballad of Decker Crane Ch. 07

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All characters are over the age of eighteen.

Chapter Seven

(Persya)

The house was noisy again. Persya watched Dawine glance at Bai, who'd been watching her from the table. He motioned to her and she hesitated. He stood up and walked to take her hand, bringing her, and she went. When they left out the door, Persya felt a twinge. It had always been easy for Dawine.

Decker had gone into his room without looking at her. Persya didn't even know what to say to him. All of her terrible resolve had fallen apart, but what had made it was still there crawling under her skin. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to him at all after last night. And there wasn't anything about him she really understood. She'd thought men would just be other people, but they were different kinds of beings altogether.

Standing with nowhere to really be, Persya decided, going to the door to his room and opening it, walking through. She didn't know if he expected her to stay with him. She didn't know if he still expected her to have sex with him. Probably. What else?

But he could have done that to her anyway, and instead he'd allowed the others to stay. Bryn. All of them. It seemed so unlikely he would do so. That any of them would. She just didn't know what to think.

"I'll order some better clothing," he said, sitting at his console, facing the other direction. "It'll still be men's clothing because it's safer if all of you look like men from far away. Real far away, with you. I'll get some material and things for sewing, if you'd like. Let me know if there's anything urgent they need. I'd already ordered boots for all of you. It's not safe going barefoot. Make me a list."

She watched his back and finally just asked, wondering if she might just get the truth from him for once. "Why are you letting us stay, Decker?"

He didn't look at her when he answered. "Because even if someone had told me that in order to keep you without making you hate me, I'd have to toss eighty thousand dakas into the wind and spend my savings and adopt six orphans and live with Kay again like I did in prison and that after Cochrain took his shot, every man on Sur was going to come gunning for me trying to get to a houseful of women, I'd still do it."

She stared at his back. "You said you wanted me for sex."

He turned and squinted at her, shaking his head. "Of course I want you for sex. What are we talking about here, a fucking friendship? I like you, stubborn. I like how you smell and how you walk and when you sing so pretty and just about everything else, but I don't understand you sometimes. You're going to have to be a little patient while I figure you out."

Her brows went up. "It might help if we talked a little."

He leaned back. "Talk," he echoed, rising and going to pour water into the basin and then taking thick soap, his back still to her. There was a mirror there. He put the soap on his face in circles and got his razor, beginning to shave. "About what?"

He was such a savage. "How long have you been on Sur, Decker?"

"Two years," he said, turning one side and the other, tilting. He swished the razor in the water.

She could see part of his reflection, his cheek and mouth. She waited. "Were you living in mid-system before that?"

He was shaving. "I was in the frontier."

"On which planet?"

"Different ones."

"But you were born in mid-system?"

"Yes."

"Where in mid-system?"

It was like prying something out of rock. But then he gave it all to her.

"I was born underground in mid-system on one of the garbage mining moons on the Outer Edge," he answered, shaving. "My mother was an unlicensed whore from when she was young. She didn't choose it. She didn't have another way to live." Finished, he picked up the washrag and wiped his face, and then followed with the towel. "I came to the frontier planets when I was fourteen, after she died, because I couldn't stand being underground anymore. I didn't want to mine until I was dead in some accident or got wore down to nothing. I survived and did whatever came my way. Prime put me in Roche Prison for three years because they couldn't prove anything against me except theft. After a time, I thought it would be good to settle down, so I bought this land."

Persya was staring at his face in the reflection. It was an awful story. "How did she die?"

He looked down at the towel, drying his hands. She could only see the top of his head in the reflection, his back still to her. "My mother? She was fifteen when she had me, but she was a good mother. She did what was needed to make sure I was safe and fed and had clothing. She got me raised up enough to look after myself." He looked up and tossed the towel onto the dresser and got a comb, running it through his hair. "One winter in the mines, she got sick. An infection. There was medicine to treat it, but not for a mid-system unlicensed whore. I tried to get money to buy it for her illegally, but it was too expensive and she died before I could get enough."

She sucked in her breath. Fourteen was still a boy. Even on Pedige, Persya had heard things about mid-system mining and factory moons and the conditions there. "What was her name?"

"Jani." He turned around. "Can you be quiet?"

Her brows went up. "Are we done talking now?"

"Bai and Kay will stay here with the others. You and Bryn will come hunting with me. This is a free-range ranch. I sell traditionally hunted meat. It's a luxury in Prime. People pay even more for meat with my stamp because it's better tasting than others. It has to do with the way I take the animals. It's early in the season and the best time. You both have to do what I say and don't argue with me, if you can help it."

"I'm not sure I understand. You want Bryn and I to come with you to stay in the woods while you hunt animals?"

"Yes. It'll take some time. I've got a small shelter out there. The retrieval of anything I kill is by automated transport carts to frozen lockers to age them. Can you and Bryn stay still for periods? It can get dull."

"But why are we coming? Do you need help?"

He eyed her. "You're arguing."

"I'm not arguing. I'm asking for clarification. It's a part of talking."

"If you say so. You're more likely to be a liability. You're coming so I can keep my eye on you."

She realized he was being evasive. "Do you actually think I'm going to try to alert Prime or something?"

He looked away. "Fine. You're coming so we can talk."

She blinked. "All right."

"So you can be quiet?"

"At the right time, you mean?" she said. "Since talking usually requires not being quiet."

"You just argue anyway. Of course that's what I mean."

"Again, I'm clarifying. I think I can, yes."

"How about Bryn?"

"She'll be quiet when you say to. She'll want to ask questions. It's her age. I'll tell her she's not to unless you invite it."

He nodded. "Bryn will ride with me. Cote won't notice her weight. I can show you how to get on and off a horse and I'll lead it. We'll walk. You just have to hold on."

She eyed him. "I've read about the wilderness. Hunting." More primitive behavior.

His eyes were on her face and then they dropped to her mouth. He looked away. "Reading and doing are different things, I imagine, but you might take to it. You're intelligent and you've got spirit."

Persya frowned lightly. He thought those things about her?

He stepped toward her, his face getting that look, her heart beginning to pound, and then he changed direction and walked to the door. "I've got things to get together. A couple things to get in town." He paused when he opened the door. "Is everything clear then? You don't need any more clarification?"

It was entirely opaque, as ambiguous and perplexing as it could be. Nothing about him made any sense. "Completely, thank you."

"Then I'll see you in the morning."

With that, he left, closing the door behind himself. She stared at the door, in his bedroom by herself. In the morning?

#

Persya held on, the horse swaying under her. She had no idea where he'd slept last night, but she'd been grateful for the chance to just be alone and think. Taking a bath, she'd lain in his bed after, alone, wondering what he meant leaving her there and if he intended to continue leaving her alone there and where he was. She'd suspected the barn. She was trying to work out the mystery of him, first one way and then another. Being with Decker since she'd come here had been such a constant that she hadn't had any time to just reflect on what had happened to her.

By the morning, she'd decided she was reserving judgment. On the one hand, he was a mean-spirited, crude, violent, ignorant, lawless savage, and every time she thought about the other night, she got angry. Furious and shamed. He was handsome, and he was overwhelming, just all of him. Big and loud, those huge hands he had. Forgive him? She was already speaking to him after she'd told herself she wouldn't. She'd already decided not to kill him. That was enough.

But he'd let them stay. He'd taken on a whole house full of people he didn't know, who were of no use to him, and he'd said he'd done it so she wouldn't hate him. She didn't even know what he meant by that. She didn't know if that was something she wanted. And he would expect her to be in his bed at one point or another, she didn't doubt that. But he wasn't doing that now. She was frowning lightly at the back of his head as they rode.

The horse under her, a mare that Decker had said was named Whittle, was smaller than Decker's horse. Getting used to being on the animal took time, Decker turning his head and checking on her. Bryn was in front of him. He'd said Bryn could ask questions.

"It's important that he trusts us, Bryn," Persya had said to her little sister. Bryn had to understand. "We have to do what he says on this trip. We'll wait silently and without bothering him. This is his work. He'll teach us when he can, but there will be no asking questions until he says you can, just like on Pedige in the Center. He and the other men are taking a risk having us here. It's dangerous for them, and they saved us from being sold or given away to strangers. This is how Decker makes his money for the year, and we don't make any and he puts the food on the table that we eat. We don't want him to regret taking us in, do we?"

"No," Bryn said in a low voice, in part because she was afraid of Decker. "I'll be good. I'll listen and I'll be quiet."

"You won't be too scared?"

Bryn looked less sure. "I won't."

"Remember your training."

#

After they'd ridden all morning, Persya's butt was numb and her thighs aching. She was shifting when Decker looked back at her. Going still, she ignored the discomfort. Decker had pushed back the perimeter fence, land that would typically be for the brikens that they wouldn't be able to access while he hunted on it.

Not long after, he found a place and said they were stopping for a break. There was a third horse for supplies. Decker got down and brought Bryn with him, setting her on her feet and steadying her. "You're quiet, girl."

Bryn nodded, avoiding his eyes. She was tense.

Decker studied her, that same look he gave Persya sometimes. "You shouldn't be scared of me. I haven't eaten a little girl for at least two, maybe three years."

She darted a glance at his face. "You never did," she said in a low voice. She squeezed her legs together.

"Do you have to piss?" he said.

"I have to pee," Bryn said, frowning lightly.

"There's no difference, girl. You should have said earlier." He walked, pointing. "See that plant? Could you recognize it if you see it again?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to touch that plant with any part of you, are we clear? Don't go far. I won't come near unless I hear you scream. I seem to remember you have a nice high one that almost blew out my ear."

"Okay," she said in a low voice, moving away, peering at things before she went.

Decker walked over to Whittle and looked up. He was ridiculously handsome.

"Your pretty ass hurt?" he said, squinting up at her.

Always so eloquent. "I'm fine. It's beautiful here." It was. She hadn't appreciated it before, the sound of the running water and the tall trees.

"It is. Let's see you get off."

She'd done it before. But when she leaned forward and disengaged one stirrup, pulling her leg over, her muscles were more stiff than she'd realized. She made a sound and felt him reach for her, pulling her down like he had Bryn. He set her down, holding onto her as she found her feet, her hands going to his arms. He looked at her mouth and then his eyes came up.

"Walk it off, beautiful," he said, releasing her and stepping back.

She felt stiff, trying to walk. It wasn't fair he was so good looking. Stretching her muscles, she winced. "You're laughing at me."

"I am," he said, grinning, her belly doing a small flip.

"Decker?" Bryn called, a wavering cry.

He walked in that direction, Persya limping after him. They found Bryn frozen, looking at a bush.

"I heard something. It's in there," she said, pointing.

"Is it a briken?" Decker said.

Bryn sent him a look. "No. It's not that big."

Something came out of the underbrush, long ears and a flash of tail. It was gone.

Bryn's nose wrinkled. "It's an old world rabbit. I've seen pictures."

"They free range out here for me to trap to sell the meat and fur," Decker said.

Bryn's shoulders fell and she turned, walking back to camp. Persya lingered, having similar needs.

"Look out for that plant I showed Bryn. It's the one you got on your arm last time," he said to her before he left. "You don't want it between your legs." With that, he stalked off.

Persya checked carefully that there were no plants of any kind where she would be going and then finished, walking back to camp. She heard her sister's voice, indistinct. Decker spoke. Persya slowed, stopping to listen.

"You have to pay attention to why you do things, girl, or you'll always be a mystery to yourself. Fear has a reason," Decker was saying. "Fear makes you not do something stupid. It makes you act fast, to fight or run. It can save your life."

"But what if you're afraid of everything all the time?"

"See that tree right there?"

"Yes."

"That tree could be rotten inside and fall on you and squish you dead," Decker said. "Or, you could trip on the stairs of the front porch at my house and hit your head and die. One's important to know and the other's not."

"How do you know which one's important?"

"If it's rotten, the tree is going to fall on you no matter how you feel about it, and any one of them could be rotten. Stop worrying about the trees you see everywhere. It's going to happen or it's not. Better to be ignorant anyway so it's quick. Be careful of your footing on the stairs when they're wet. That's the difference."

Persya walked again, coming into the area and pretending she hadn't heard any of it. Going to the horse, she put her hand on the swell of the saddle at the side like he'd shown her and her foot in the stirrup and pushed herself up to swing her leg over. She landed in the saddle, and she'd done it well, but then the horse moved like liquid. She was going backward and falling off. Landing on her back, she stayed there, winded.

Decker appeared over her, laughing, his voice deep. "Shit, that was beautiful." He disappeared, reappearing as she sat up. Leading her horse, he was still chuckling. "Get up."

Persya was shaking. "What happened?"

He put a hand out and got her to her feet, turning her around and dusting her off, his hand hitting her backside repeatedly, reminding her of things. "It's not good for you to forget the horse is a living creature with a mind. I'll teach you to ride soon. You're going to be sore tonight."

"That's the difference, right, Decker?" Bryn said, approaching. "What you were saying."

He laughed again. "Right there, sure, girl. Get on the horse, Persya."

"I'll walk, thank you." Persya said, her voice stiff and her knees wobbly.

"You don't have to be afraid. You should just be more careful," Bryn told her from all her newfound Decker-granted wisdom.

"That's true," Decker said, still grinning.

"I'm not afraid," Persya said. "I just don't want to."

"That's not how it works, stubborn," he said. "The girl's right. You've got to be brave now. Get back on or you'll fear it."

Persya blew out her breath and got on, already aching in her thighs.

That night, Persya was sore, as he'd said, Decker watching her and still finding it amusing, evidently.

"It'll be worse tomorrow, but you'll work out the stiffness," he said after she ate the synth meal and crawled into the bag he'd brought her. He was still moving around, putting things away.

Persya sat in her bag, finding herself looking at him. Decker was a big man, an intense man. Sure of himself and handsome. She realized she hadn't looked at him closely, not really. In part, she thought it was because he had always been looking at her. She watched the way he moved, graceful strength. It was a shame he was such a brute, because he really was a pleasure to look at. The muscles flexed in his arms and back as he turned, wrapping rope. His large hands. She shivered.

As if he could sense the direction of her thoughts, his eyes slanted to her, clever eyes. Caught, hers widened and she looked away, fussing with her bag. Everything ached. She just wanted to sleep. Lying down and getting drowsy, she closed her eyes, hearing Bryn.

"Have you ever been afraid of anything, Decker?" Bryn said.

"I'd be dead many times over if not," he answered.

"But were you ever afraid of things you couldn't do anything about?"

He was quiet and Persya wondered if he were going to answer, and then he did. Giving everything, like he only had two ways to be. All or nothing.

"When I was in prison, sometimes they'd put us in a hole for days," he said. "I didn't have any room to move properly or straighten up all the way or lie down fully. When I got put there, I didn't like it. It felt too close, like I couldn't breathe. I was born in a mine, but I never have liked small spaces."

"They shouldn't have done that," Bryn said. "That's not right, Decker, to do that to you. That's evil."

"I don't disagree."

"Why'd they put you in prison? Because you broke the law?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I got caught, girl."

#

It took them a couple of days to get to the place he was taking them, and starting that morning, Bryn asked him questions. Persya didn't interfere, since he answered them and she had to admit she was curious too.

#

"Do you like hunting?" Bryn said.

Decker looked off, thinking. "I don't feel a particular way about it, I guess. I like being in the woods. I like seeing the sky."

"Where wouldn't you see the sky?"

"In a mine."

#

"What did you want to be when you were a kid, Decker?"

"Not a miner."

"But what did you want to be?"

"Rich, I suppose."

#

"Where'd you get that scar?" Bryn said.

"Which one?"

"The one on your mouth. You're still very handsome, Decker," Bryn was quick to say.

"If you say so, girl."

"Was it a fight?"

"No."

Bryn waited. "What was it?"

"It's a stupid reason. I got it because I was drunk at a whorehouse when I was young and foolish. I fell and hit my mouth on something on the ground. I think it was a rock. I'm lucky to have my teeth."

"Didn't you go to the doctor so you wouldn't get a scar?"

"There's no doctors here, girl."

"Where are they?"

"There's some in mid-system. Not in the frontier."