All Comments on 'The Bar in the Hotel Lobby'

The "you" format is a really bad one, although it seems trendy these days. I'm a straight woman and no one is swirling anything around the head of my cock. I can't get into a story where I'm being told I'm doing all these things - things I have no desire or capability to do. Aside from that, this format makes it impossible for us to know anything about the other person - what he's feeling or thinking. The narrator has to tell us this, which makes her seem like a mind reader.

You write very well and do a good job setting the scene and the mood. I encourage you to do this over, remove "you", give them names and add some dialogue to give your characters personality.

She's correct, you know. You really do know, don't you?

You see how simple her cooment is? You do write well tighter and clearer than most, but you shoule use first and third person.

I really enjoy the rhythm of your writing. It has just the right flow -- easy and unforced. Descriptions are hot and immediately brought me into the scene, up close and personal with the characters.

The "you" doesn't bother me. It's hard to do well, but in my mind, it works here. It contributes to the immediacy. As a woman, I found myself slotting into the "I" of the narrator and seeing everything through her eyes.

Please continue!

I liked the slow build, the smoldering burn, the light glances and hints; it was refreshing. You write very well, and, I hope you continue. Good job!

Gives me an idea for my wife. We have date night where my very conservative wife dresses very slutty and of late I have her wearing sheer/see thru mini dresses and big heels, only. Hope you write more stories I can make my wife act out.

My wife and I started out like this....just the scantily dressed, showing just a little, but the more she showed, the more we both wanted her to show. No matter what she wore she never wore underwear and soon she was finding ways to let them see her breasts and then her pussy or ass and for the last couple of years we have been going to a couple of different bars where she comes in wearing nothing but a skimpy dress and high heels and before very long , slips out of the dress and dances naked and mingles with the crowd and lets them fondle her. It evidently affects some of the women also as I get fondled as well. Good story ! BARE4695

Very Nice Story 5 stars for the write!