The Barber on Grindr

I doubt I would win any beauty contests, unless the contest requirements included being over 40, overweight, with maybe a noticeable case of male pattern baldness. I know, I am really selling myself here, but what's a regular guy to do?

In my case, I was on Grindr trying to find other men like me who had passed their prime but had not gone completely insane quite yet. When I was 20, I dreamed of an athletic, tall, handsome Italian with a 12 inch dick who was versatile, loved to cook - did it well, and who could out sing Bublé. Twenty odd years later my standards had evolved, and I was hoping to find someone who wasn't into scat.

Grindr was depressing me that day, but only that day because every other day it was not full of angry sodomites yelling at one another before they'd even shared a single message. The fucking profiles! There really should be a master class out there on how to write a Grindr profile because everything felt cringe, tragic or obnoxious. There was very little in between, except for me, of course.

In spite of having to surf through miles of assholes, I kept scrolling, kept hoping. For whatever reason, a profile of a tall thin man, maybe in his late 20's, caught my attention. He looked like a blend of goth and biker gang with some sort of skater past. His profile name was STR8IN2U. I liked him right away, and though he was not my usual go to, I found his unattainable-15-years-ago-why-are-you-even-trying-now charm irresistible. That and the fact that his profile simply read: "Normal here, love fucking and HGTV, HMU." Perfect, right? I sent him a cookie or a stick of fire, I can't remember that the fuck those tap emojis were at the time, but I sent him one. He sent me back a dick pic. It was a very nice dick, it was laying against his flat torso. He was uncut, which I also loved, I started getting excited. Like the feeling you get when you just say fuck it and pull up at the Chick-Fil-A drive thru and say to yourself, today is a large Mac & Cheese day!

I'm not sure how often he said that phrase himself because his body was athletic and in great shape. He had lots of tattoos, a charming smile, but his cock was the star of the show. It had a slightly thin tip, which I prefer. If you are going to give your hole to someone, the last thing you want is an orange shaped cock head, it's nice to have a drive way to ease into the house, only lunatics want to get rammed into the wall by a billiard ball. Simple rule: for ass fucking, cones are better than circles. It's basic geometry.

So, he had sent me this picture and did not ask me for one, which was a relief because I hated, and still hate, sending pictures of my hole or of my anything. My profile picture is an AI version of me who is way happier and more handsome. It would be great if I could send AI-me on dates and just step in for the fucking, I could watch the whole thing munching on popcorn and a stiff long island iced tea from my couch and jump in at insertion, like the Navy Seals. Besides, even if I were tempted to send a sphincter pic, who in his right mind wants to see John Fetterman's anus? I would venture not even his proctologist and I think he probably has a better hole than I do. He has access to the Senate Spa where all the Georgetown queens cut their teeth sucking powerful man cock, at least that's how I imagine the Senate works -- does anyone know?

So he followed up with a message, "I'll give you a tip if you give me one."

That sounded oddly like an escort pitch so I asked, "Escort?" I'm not one thousand percent opposed but I'm one thousand percent not rich, so better to know up front.

"No," he said and sent me a scissors emoji.

"Serial killer?" I asked.

"LOL," he replies.

LOL, when asked if he was a serial killer. Grindr was on fuego today. I was about to use the block function, which to me is the only redeeming feature of Grindr, when he sent me a barber shop emoji.

"Old timey surgeon?" I asked

"LOL," he writes back.

For someone who was supposed to be cutting hair, he was laughing a lot. I asked him for a pic from now and he sent me a picture of him sitting in a barber shop, clutching the most clutchable package in the entire universe. It was full and overflowed his grip, a clear round meat pole pushing towards his hip.

So never mind that I can't divide a meal ticket to save my life but where cock is involved, I'm suddenly Good Will Hunting. I wanted to find out on my own where he was. I began by cross referencing his relative distance, according to Grindr it was 3250 feet, with all the barber shops in my area. I drew a likely perimeter with a margin of 10% because Grindr sucks, and searched for barber shops on Google. There were four possibilities, but I knew one of the shops and it was mostly older men, it did not have the tattooed, pierced, sending naked pics while at work vibe that the Grindr profile was giving me. The second and third shops were in strip malls headed towards Lakeside, a fancy development with huge houses and lots of breeders, I mean lots of lovely families. Those seemed unlikely as well, but to be sure, I searched through the online photo gallery for each of the two shops and compared what I could find to the background of the package grab pic. One shop was easy to rule out, the floor was wrong. The second had very few reviews or photos but I was able to exclude it because the chair leather was the wrong color.

The fourth shop had the right floor and the right chairs. Satisfied I had found my barber, and being ever hopeful, I took a quick shower and did a quickie douche: fuck you doctors that say it's bad for you, I will never be OK with winging it! Clean holes for life!

I hopped in my car and in less that ten minutes, I was parked and ready to rumble with my Grindr date who had no idea I was coming. I walked into the barber shop and who was sitting at the front, staring at his phone waiting for a sexy stalker/customer to arrive? Yes, it was STR8IN2U!

Not only did I feel like a genius for figuring out where he was, I also felt really powerful because I had seen his cock. You know how a lot of the time you spot a sexy bulge and you think to yourself, I wonder what he looks like naked and hard? Well in this instance, I knew exactly!

"Good afternoon," he said, as soon as I walked in.

"Hi, I was hoping for a cut and a trim on the beard?" I replied, butching it up a bit.

He smiled a pretty smile, much prettier than I expected. I don't know why but I always associate tattoos with bad teeth. I shouldn't, I know.

I followed him and the entire way to his chair, I was staring at his ass. Like a dog and a car, I don't know what I would do with an ass, but they are so pretty and masculine, I had to look and question my commitment to bottoming. I know I said my dream man was versatile, but that was in my 20's when I thought I was versatile.

He finally showed me to his station and while it was on the far end of the barber shop, there was zero real privacy. I was regretting my decision to waste a douche and apparently rectal health, for a ghost fuck that could not possibly happen.

He draped the barber's cape over me and clipped it in the back. "Oh, let me straighten that out for you," he said, spotting a little tiny fold in the cape as it lay across my lap. He reached all the way up under the fabric and dragged his hands from my crotch down to my knees. "There," he says, satisfied.

I knew this was not typical barber behavior and I stared at him with my -- how the fuck could you tell - gaze. He smiled and grabbed his phone and opened it to to Grindr. Sure enough, CLASSYHOLE4U was one foot away. Fucking Grindr!

So, without the element of surprise, I was not sure where to go next. We'd never discussed money or a specific tip and how was he going to tip me there? I mean there were only two other clients in the place but there was also the matter of twenty feet of window out into the street and a cop car parked about fifty feet beyond that. Luckily, my barber seemed to not be phased at all. With his back to the other clients, he looked right at me and was massaging his cock and balls through his pants, "So how do you want it?"

"I like to keep it tight," I replied. This was true, but I did not mention it was mostly true out of a socially imposed celibacy, not choice.

He smiled, straddled one of my legs and lifted one of my hands to his crotch. He started to run his fingers through my hair. "How about we trim this down a bit on the sides, do a nice fade and give you a nice peachy boy look?"

"Sounds great," I said, grinning like an idiot. I assumed he was referring to the fabulous OnlyFans person, but I didn't care, his dick was fat and thick, and I was squeezing it in public.

"Let me get set up and we'll get started," he said, smiling, his hand stroking and gently tugging my beard in a very professional way, not in a I'm going to face fuck you hard way that you might have inferred if you'd been there.

As he moved to come around me and grab his hair trimmer, he gently put my hand back on the arm of the barber shop chair. When he returned to his previous position, his back once again to the room, he placed my hand back on his cock. We went on this way for a bit while he trimmed the sides of my head. When it was time for the scissor cut, he grabbed two combs and was constantly switching between them even thought they looked identical to me. When one was not in use, he would put it on my lap, grab it, put down the other one, and repeat until my hair was looking amazing. Each comb switch-out treated me to a delicious rub of my cock. My precum was leaking through my shorts and staining his barber's cape. When he spotted it, he smiled and gave me the softest slap ever. I love Grindr!

I would moan softly for him every time he was near my face, and he would smile big. It was a great fucking smile, I wanted to kiss him but I did not see how.

When it came time for my beard, he pushed the chair all the way back so I was practically laying down. He grabbed some hot towels and laid them on my face. He left for a second and came back, letting me know he was there by placing his hand on my arm and pulling it towards him. I instinctively opened my hand wide, thinking I was going to palm his crotch through his jeans again, but this time it was so much better. Instead of his blue jeans, I touched something warm, it was skin, it was round and hard and had just the tiniest amount of give. He pulsed his cock for me a couple of times and I was going insane from happiness under the steamy towel. I gripped his cock and gave it a hard squeeze. I could only use one hand and I could not see but I explored the length of it, searched for his balls and found this heavy sac of nuts hanging outside his open zipper.

I may have gotten too excited because he was suddenly rearranging my cock for me. He placed a towel over my crotch and then adjusted the towel until my hard dick was flat against my stomach.

"How's that feel, too hot?" he asked.

"It's very hot," I replied, giving his cock a squeeze. "But I like it that way, opens up the, um, the pores."

"That's great," he almost whispered. "We want you to feel relaxed when you leave, all opened up and all your capillaries flush with blood and oxygen."

"I could not be happier," I said.

"What was that? I had trouble hearing you," he said. As he did, he arranged the towels so that my mouth was exposed, just my lips. I felt a finger sliding in and opened my mouth. The finger pushed my jaw down and I opened wider. Two and then three fingers were sliding in and out of my mouth, I was so ready to cum or get fucked or something.

Instead, I felt his dick pulling away from my hand. I heard some rustling and a few seconds later, I felt the towels being lifted away. His dick was put away but it was not hiding well.

He came in quite close and started to comb and then trim my beard. With our faces just inches apart, he whispered, "How bad does your ass want to be fucked? Just look at me, don't talk."

I looked at him, narrowed my eyes and clenched my teeth. I gave him a microscopic nod.

"Did you like holding my cock?" he asked in the same hushed tone. "How fun would it be if I fingered you right now?"

I let out a slow breath, it was almost a moan.

"Can I take your hole right now and breed you? Would you like some cum to take home with you today?" He growled in my ear.

I think I squealed, I was trying to keep it together.

He laughed. Every time he could, a finger would slip into my mouth or his now covered crotch would rub aggressively against my shoulder. I could have kissed Grindr.

I reached out to pet his cock again and he smiled. He raised my chair slowly, pulled my hand away from his dick but held on to it as he had me stand up and led me to the back of the barber shop. I had seen the cased opening before but assumed all that was there were the two coloring stations that were visible when you walked in. But the room was, in fact, much wider than it appeared and two hair wash stations were at either end of the room, meaning no one could see in from the outside or even from the rest of the barber shop. "I'm Dorian, by the way," he said, giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Dan," I stammered. He stopped right at the entrance to the space but signaled for me to keep walking to the wash station at one end of the room. He then turned to one of his colleagues busily cutting the hair of a customer who seemed to be incredibly preoccupied with his phone, and said, "Stephen, can you please bring me the special conditioner?"

I don't know how Stephen spells his name, but doesn't it look way classier than 'Steven?'

I sat down at the wash station and took the opportunity to free my dick and stroke it slowly under the cape. I thought I would die when Stephen stepped all the way into my secret no one can see me here space and stared right at me as he handed Dorian a bottle of conditioner. He smiled and winked at me and suddenly I wondered about this place.

Dorian had me lay back on the wash station chair. His technique was unorthodox. Rather than stand behind me, he stood very close next to me and pushed his hips up to my face as he tested the water temperature. Once satisfied, in a quick motion, his dick was back out and hitting me in the face. Finally face to face and in the light of day, I knew exactly what to do and began to suck with a ferocity that reflected the long buildup. I was hungry for cock. I had no trouble taking all of him, even though he was a very healthy seven inches. That's more on account of my own cock sucking experience, Dorian's cock was absolutely perfect and thick and young.

He was making very little noise, moaning softly but saying nothing. At times the shampooing was more about holding my head still so he could fuck my face, but he was mostly trying to do two things at once. He humped my face and at one point more less lay on top of me, propping himself up by the elbows on the sides of the basin as he washed my hair. When he was finished washing my hair, he pulled me up to my feet and began to dry me off. For the first time since I'd walked in, we were both standing and face to face. He leaned in to kiss me. I swear his kiss tasted of coconut oil. I was so happy at that moment I wanted to actually support Grindr sponsors!

"I always wanted a barber to fuck me," I said.

He whispered right in my ear, I could feel his lips actually touching the lobes and my body was covered in goosebumps, "You're going to get your wish today, Dan. I got lots of cock to stuff in your hole and I am a certified barber. You want to read my license while I pump you full of man juice?"

"Fuck me," I begged, kneeling on the chair, pulling my shorts down and lifting my ass up in the air.

I heard him open a condom wrapper and saw him reach for the 'special conditioner.' How stupid was I? Suddenly, he jumped to the large cased opening and poked just his head out to the shop. "Heads up, ok?" he asked someone, I assumed it was Stephen.

No longer speaking in a whisper, he said, "I am going to earn your five star review today, Dan."

He slicked up his cock and slid into me slowly. "That feels good, Dorian," I whispered.

SLAP!

He hit my ass hard, very hard. "Say it proudly, Dan," he practically yelled it. "Tell me that you like my cock up your fucking shitter!"

"Fuck me Dorian, this is the best fucking barber shop in the city! My fucking hole needs cock! Fill me with all your fucking barbershop babies!"

Dorian laughed a little but did not slow down. He was punching hard and his balls were smacking my ass, which is my second favorite feeling in the world!

"That's right, you came in here for cock, didn't you, you sexy fucking bear. I thought you ghosted me, a scared cocksucker, but in walks daddy, one fucking foot away. Daddy likes young cock, don't he?" he said in a mocking tone only good tops pull off.

I was so turned on I began to beat my meat hard with one hand, with the other I reached between my legs and slid a finger into my hole. I loved the new pressure and slid in a second finger and heard him moan.

"Fucking trained papa bottom here can take dick and wants fingers too. Shit, that is fucking amazing!" he was speaking and spanking at the same time, pumping faster, he was ready to blow his load.

I pulled my fingers from my ass and began to grip his cock trying to grab at the condom. He saw what I was doing and slowed down until I could get a couple of fingers into the condom and yanked it off. I pulled my hand out from underneath me and dropped the condom on my back.

"There's your fucking condom! Now fuck me and breed me!"

"Shit! This sweet ass wants take out! I can make it happen!" he hissed.

When he slid into me bareback I almost blew my load. The added heat, the knowledge I was about to get bred, the new stimulation on the walls of my man pussy, it was incredible, but I think he loved it more. He was fucking me with his entire cock, all out, all in, repeatedly, and fast. My ass was gaped enough this was doable and he was ringing all my bells as he did it with abandon. He only changed things up a couple of times when he plowed deep and would hold himself inside me while moving his hips in aggressive side to side or circular movements, stretching me out and making me whimper.

I could feel his orgasm coming and backed my ass into him to make sure he knew where I wanted the load. "Breed my deep, in my guts, I want that load to stay in me all night!"

"Fuck!" he groaned as he slammed in one more time and gripped my hips hard to keep me there. He was more soft spoken when cumming, he was in a state of pure bliss.

"Stay inside me," I whispered and began to beat my meat hard.

"Oh fuck! Oh fuck!" I was yelling loudly and starting to churn out my load when I heard something like metal falling on the floor. Instantly, a thick towel was shoved in my mouth and Dorian's hand was pressed tightly against my face to hold the towel in place. I got the message and whimpered into the towel until my climax passed. We cleaned up fast, he ran the water and wet my hair a bit to pretend like he had been shampooing. Within two minutes we were walking back to the chair where Dorian brushed and styled my hair in no time at all.

"It was great meeting you, Dan," Dorian said as he walked me to the register.

The haircut was $39 with trim and shampoo and I left a $100 tip. "I left a tip, let me know if that's ok, I'm not sure what the right amount should be -- I'm from Europe," I said, looking at the new customer who had just walked in.

"It's very generous, very classy. Please come back any time. I or either of my colleagues will take great care of you," Dorian smiled again and winked.

He then turned and looked at the new customer, "Welcome back, Mayor Alvarez, it's great to see you! The usual?"