The Best Four Words

"I've only had that done one other time, by a boyfriend when I was about 20," she finally whispered to me. "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy."

Six months later we were married.

I had always wanted children, but in this case, my two stepsons were grown and out of the house. They were skeptical at first of my love for their mother, but as they spent more time with the two of us they got to see that our love was real and they began to warm up to me. We actually became pretty good friends and enjoyed our time together, although I did have to remind myself from time to time that they were my wife's children first, my friends second. No child wants to hear that his or her mother is a goddess in the bedroom, or wants to know that I am wiped out because their mother and I were up until the early morning hours making love.

Twenty years later, I was standing in line at a Starbucks not, really paying attention to anything, when the middle-aged woman in front of me turned around and started to hug me. I was shocked at first, and she had my arms pinned to my sides. It took me a second before I realized I was looking into the face of my ex-wife.

"Ah-ah-ah... Traci... hi," I hesitated before finally freeing my arms, stepping back and putting my hands on her forearms.

I didn't realize it at first, but I found myself giving her the once-over. She smiled as she watched me. At 56, she knew she still had it, and she knew I agreed with her. I blushed red when I looked back at her eyes, realizing she had watched me appraising her.

"I will take that as a compliment, Lincoln," she said happily.

We got our lattes and went to a table. Actually, she insisted we talk and practically dragged me to a table. I remembered back to the last time we met in public. I was pretty sure it was a lifetime ago.

"So this time you're the one wearing the ring," Traci said. "Tell me all about it."

I told her all about the 20 great years I had so far with Melinda. I then went all parent on her and showed her photos of the boys and their families, including my five grandchildren... also known as the greatest five children to walk the face of the earth. I honestly wasn't trying to rub my good fortune in her face, but I know I rambled on for a good five minutes.

"I'm glad for you, Linc. You deserve it," she whispered to me when I finally shut up.

I looked at her sad face. I really didn't want to ask the question, but I at least had to feign enough interest to ask.

"Any grandkids for you, Traci?"

She looked reflective and then squirmed in her seat. I wasn't sure what I was going to do if she started to cry.

"Well, no kids, no stepkids, so no grandkids," she rasped. "When you're a selfish bitch early, you get to be alone late."

I really couldn't argue with her assessment, but after almost 30 years, much of my bitterness was gone. She must have been reading the expression on my face and figured she owed me more of an explanation.

"It took me a while to figure it out, Linc, but big-dicked guys tend to think the world revolves around what's in their pants. They've done nothing to earn their blessing; it's literally God-given, but they tend to be selfish, very selfish.

"Yes, a big dick gives a woman more to fill her inside and may make for an orgasm or two, but most of those men don't have a clue how to please a woman orally. Once I had the occasional orgasm or two from a big dick, I began to miss all the orgasms I was no longer getting, along with the love... the love... the love. We had that once.

"I traded down... big-time, Linc. I fell for all the press clippings. And I know I hurt you, even though I was trying to sort of do the right thing by divorcing you instead of cheating on you. Still, I don't know if I've ever appropriately apologized for hurting you. I am sorry, really sorry, Lincoln.

"I went through two husbands in seven years and I've slept with more than enough guys to earn the title of 'queen slut.' And yet when nightfall comes, I sleep in a cold, lonely bed these days. I was kind of hoping that the next time I saw you, you would be looking for a bedmate as well. Seems I can't buy any luck these days."

I resisted the temptation to make a snarky comment, and I was proud of myself for not doing it. Okay, so inside I was feeling really smug. Thank you, Melinda.

We finished our lattes and said our good-byes. When I got home, I gave my wife a sensuous kiss and swung her around like we were celebrating something.

"Wow. Whatever that's for, I'd like a second helping, please," Melinda said.

"Woman, you can have as many helpings as you want," I said with more than a little emotion in my voice.

I then told Melinda about my encounter with Traci. I could tell she wasn't totally pleased when I first mentioned my ex, but she seemed much happier as my story went along. After all, she turned out to be the hero--my hero.

Epilogue

"They" say three's the charm, and "they" apparently know what they are talking about when it comes to my love life. Been a great 25 years so far, and I'm looking forward to more. Thanks to Melinda, the worst four words in the world have turned into the best four words: "I love you, Honey."