All Comments on 'The Bet Ch. 01'

she is a piece of work and selfish.her brother feeling don't mean shit.

You spent so much time leading up to the event, and it jst petered out. Where are the details of the sex? You take the time to include details about what she wears, drives, etc, but you miss the most important details. At the rate this was going, it should have been at least three pages. You can do better. On the plus side, goor grammer, only a couple of spelling mistakes, and rather good plot construction. Make us proud with chapter two.

Wow! What a great start. This is one hot story. And people wait in line for Harry Potter? I can't wait for more.

keep writing!

good start, please more chapters

Like I said above, "Fucking awe.... ....." You get the idea. Please post Chapter 2!