The Big Tits Club Ch. 37-38

Well, no, that's not true. It was one of the highlights of my life. But still.

"Even this thing lately with taking Alice's virginity. That Kama Sutra shit she pulled got you SO worked up and excited. It made sex with me seem so... vanilla."

"Belle..."

"You wax poetic about Mari and her 'body built for sex'."

"Belle..."

"And you've made CLEAR that I can't measure up to Neevie in the bedroom department, so it makes sense how you were always more excited to fuck her instead of fuck me. I'm the microwaved meatloaf leftovers from the fridge. She's the grade A prime rib from the steakhouse."

"Then why did you push for her and me to get together? Seriously, YOU were the catalyst for our relationship."

"You're right. I WANTED you to start dating Neevie. It had always been clear your attraction was more physical than emotional. I needed you to date her, get her out of your system, and realize that beyond white hot sexual chemistry there was nothing else there. As long as you were still fixated on her, you could never truly be with me."

"You WANTED us to fail? That's kind of messed up."

She shrugged like it was no big deal. "I was right, wasn't I?"

I scowled and pursed my lips.

"And then out of nowhere there was Sam." Belle exhaled slowly. "She has been super nice to me with the butt plugs and the Matty-sized dildo I still can't quite get down my throat no matter how much I keep practicing. I feel guilty for resenting her because she can be so selfless, always thinking of the needs of everyone else before hers. You think SHE wants to abstain from fucking you? Hell no. But keeping the BTC in balance is important to her and she'll sacrifice her wants and desires to keep Neevie in the group. I know she's super in love with you, that she dreams of marrying you and having your mom for a mother-in-law, even when she tells herself not to think that stuff. You're a distraction from her career goals. And yet..."

Belle's voice trailed off, and she bit her lip and shook her head rather angrily. "You have NO idea how much it fucking pissed me off to come sneak into your room intent on comforting you after the whole thing with Neevie and her parents went down only to find HER naked in bed with you already. I'M the one you're supposed to find solace in. -I- was the one who was going to nurse you back to health in the aftermath. ME. Your Annabelle. Your One True Love."

"Then why have you always insisted that we NOT start dating or anything?"

She stared up at me, a world of hurt in her eyes. "Because I'm scared."

She said nothing further. After all those rambles about the housewife analogy, about Zofi and the Audrey Hepburn date, about Naimh and physical chemistry, about Sam and the dildo and the mother-in-law, it was a bit of a surprise for her to say nothing other than, 'I'm scared.'

Looking down at her now, pinned beneath my weight, sobbing and now holding her hands over her face while she cried her poor little heart out, I was reminded that in the end she was just a teenager dealing with all the intense emotions of young love.

So was I, for that matter.

My first impulse was to comfort the small crying girl beneath me, to care for and protect my "little sister" and reassure her that everything would be alright.

But everything WOULDN'T be alright. Not if Belle continued on this path leading from sweet "I'll love you forever" down to psychotic "You are MINE forever whether you like it or not".

I took a deep breath and gently pried her hands away from her face. I got off her lap and pulled on her arms so that she sat upright beside me. I found her shirt, tossed it to her, and with a stern look, I stated in a humorless tone, "Okay, we need to TALK."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "We've BEEN talking."

"No, you've been bitching and I've been listening. But now we're gonna talk about where this is going. And it starts with this: I need you to give me my house key back."

Belle blinked. "What?"

"My house key. The one Mother gave you. You're going to give it back to me."

"Why?"

"Because I can't trust you right now. I can't trust that if I'm sleeping overnight with one of the other girls you won't sneak in around midnight and smother her in her sleep."

"That's insane."

"So is hanging out all day with our friends with a giant butt plug in your ass just waiting to say, 'Fuck you bitches!' That's not a lapse in judgment. That's preparation, intent, and malice." I held my hands out and gave her a look that pretty much said, 'I rest my case.'

"I didn't mean..."

"Oh, you meant it alright."

She shook her head. "You're casting everything in the worst possible light."

"I'm casting it in LIGHT, period. If I'd succumbed to the temptation of your ass and helped you burn down the BTC, I would never have forgiven myself. We're at a critical point, and we're gonna stop the overnights until you and I get this shit figured out."

"Why are you doing this to me?" she whimpered, still clutching her shirt to her chest.

"Put the damn shirt on, and give me my key. We're not continuing this conversation until you do."

Only now did Belle seem to realize how far she was in deep shit and started crying. But after swallowing thickly, she put on her bra, pulled on the shirt, and then went to her purse to retrieve her keys. She removed a familiar one with a red plastic loop around the key head and handed it to me. I made a mental note to add it to my own key ring for safekeeping.

"There, happy?" she muttered through tears, her eyes already turning red.

I took a deep breath, exhaled, and forced myself to relax. Taking the key back gave me something concrete to hold onto, and now that we'd taken that step, a lot of my anger started to melt away. "Look, you said 'I'm scared.' I'm gonna assume that means you're scared of losing me."

She nodded silently but inhaled in shuddering breaths, still trying to regain her composure.

"You're scared I'll end up falling in love with one of the other girls and marry her instead of you?"

She nodded again, still quivering a little.

"We're eighteen, B. Neither of us is getting married for a long time to come."

She gulped and shrugged and gave me that scared look again.

"And right now, you are FAR more in danger of losing me because I'm gonna kick you out of my house and swear to never see or talk to you ever again than because of me falling in love with someone else. I still can't believe you'd betray the others by seducing me. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I had a chance to make you happy after three days of going without because I LOVE you."

"I KNOW you do! And I love you! I've always loved you. And I will continue to always love you. But if you keep turning into this psychotic stalker sneaking into my bedroom to watch me sleep I am going to STOP fucking loving you right now!"

"I'm not psychotic."

"Well you coulda fooled me!"

Belle clasped both hands over her face, took several deep breaths, and visibly focused on composing herself.

I shook my head, stood up, and paced away from the bed.

"Okay..." she began after a minute or so. "I'll admit that I didn't really think through all the consequences of seducing you tonight."

I frowned. "On Tuesday you said you'd fucking burn down anyone and anything that ever tries to get between us."

Belle grimaced and covered her face with her hands again. "Okay fine, that sounds pretty psychotic."

"Damn straight it does."

"I just... Showing up here with a butt plug is not in the same category of burning down everything. I didn't threaten to kidnap you, throw you in the trunk of my dad's car, and drive us to Mexico."

I blinked. "The fact that you have such a detailed plan isn't very reassuring."

"I'm not psychotic!"

I held out both hands palms-up and looked skeptical.

"I was just gonna seduce you! That's all! I'm horny and you're horny! Sam can have her fucking Rule but I thought, 'You know what? That rule doesn't apply to us. And to be fair, I didn't really think through all the consequences of giving you a blowjob after the Halloween party, or to keep blowing you in secret for two weeks after that, and I think things still turned out pretty well, didn't they? I thought maybe we could still keep each other satisfied while you work through your issues with Neevie. I genuinely didn't think of it in terms of 'betraying' the BTC. 'Betray' is such a strong word. I mean, they already know I'm spending the night. I'm sure half of them already assume I'm seducing you right now."

"And resenting you for it. This is the kind of shit that will fracture the BTC and you know it!"

She put her face in her hands and shook her head. "I guess... I guess I thought we could get away with it. I don't REALLY want to upset them all. I..." She sighed and took a deep breath. "You wanna know what I was thinking? I was thinking of YOU. I was thinking about how much you already look like shit after not getting laid for three whole fucking days. Nevermind that all the rest of us haven't gotten laid for three days and we're managing to not fall apart at the seams."

"I'm not falling apart at the seams," I muttered defensively.

She just gave me skeptical look. Then she sighed and shook her head. "I've always been the one you talk with to feel better. I thought this was my big chance to really make a difference with my body. I already know I don't stack up with the other girls physically. I'm the only little shorty in the club. My boobs aren't big enough to give you a proper tittyfuck. No matter how much we try, you'll never just be able to slam your dick into my teeny little asshole unlubed like you can with some of the others. I'll never be able to just slam fuck my face all the way down to the base of your cock the way Mari does. But this? I thought I could do this. I thought I could make you feel better. That's what a girl in love DOES, you know? To show her love. To show how important someone is to her. Even when she's feeling taken for granted."

Her tears were flowing again, even as she fought them off.

I sighed. "Look, B... If I've made you feel neglected or taken for granted, I'm sorry. That was never my intent. And I'm going to make a concerted effort in the future to make clear how important you are to me."

Still wiping away tears, she nodded her agreement.

"But we need to change the dynamic of how we communicate a bit. I'm an open book with you, always telling you how I really feel, whether it's my infatuation with Neevie or my excitement to take Zofi out on a date. Now maybe it's unfair for me to talk in such glowing terms about other girls. It's only natural for you to feel jealous, and maybe it's better if I keep those thoughts to myself."

"What? No! I love that you share that stuff with me."

I shook my head. "I can't anymore. You've just proven that me telling you how I feel about the other girls fuels your jealousy. I know me being open like that makes you feel special, but it's pretty obvious that you can't actually handle the truth."

"But... that kind of open honesty is what makes us... US."

"Be that as it may, I can't and won't be so wide open telling you my feelings about the other girls. Not anymore. I won't be the frog boiling to death in the pot because he's too fucking stupid to realize it's getting too hot."

"What?"

"Nevermind," I muttered with a sigh. Then, I took a deep breath and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Look, I promise I'll continue to be honest and open about how I feel about you. But that needs to go both ways. How you feel, and especially how you feel about ME... I need to know that. Your mood swings have been going from hot to cold to passionate to clingy and all over the fucking map lately. It feels like you've been keeping this jealousy bottled up for months now, and after leaking out in spurts, the fucking sewer line burst tonight. And maybe this is my fault for not probing more, for letting myself get distracted by the other girls instead of sitting you down and hashing this out weeks ago when I realized you were always deflecting me, but you have GOT to be more open with me so I can tell I'm about to step in a big pile of Belle shit before I actually do, alright?"

"Alright."

"Look, I'm at a really weird point in my life. This break-up with Neevie has me reevaluating how I feel about all six of you, and it's really fucking with my head. If this were simple, I'd have just said 'fuckit' already and nailed Neevie by now, but it's not. I mean seriously: I'm horny and she's willing, and yet I'm still choosing abstinence. ME! But despite all that, I KNOW I love you, and will always love you, alright? I don't yet know if that's going to end up being romantic love. The Matty you grew up with will always be 'in love' with his Annabelle, but we're eighteen now and I still need to figure that stuff out. I..." I took a deep breath. "Right now at least, I'm not 'yours'. I'm not anybody else's either, but I'm definitely not 'yours', and I need you to recognize that."

"But you're supposed to be mine," she whimpered, grimacing as if I was stabbing her in the heart.

"Someday. Maybe. I dreamed that future a lot myself. But you and I are NOT going to ride off into the sunset in a pumpkin carriage just because of a dream."

Again, she grimaced and clenched her eyes like I'd stabbed her in the heart.

"Belle, we're not even dating, let alone on a path to Happily Ever After. I'm not your boyfriend, and honestly, I'm gonna tell you the exact same thing I told Neevie this afternoon."

That piqued her interest, and she looked up at me with a frown. "What's that?"

"If you really think we belong together romantically, I won't stop you from pursuing me. I won't stop you from trying to prove you love me the way you say you do. But I'm not going to just stop being with the others because you say so, and I'm not going to pretend to want a romantic relationship with you right now when... at least for now... I don't. I love you as my Annabelle. But I am NOT in the right head space to be 'yours' or anybody else's."

Belle gave me a curious look. "You really told that to Neevie?"

I blinked. "Yeah, why."

Belle snorted. "Good lord you're in for it now."

"What did I do?"

Shaking her head, Belle sighed. "You dared Neevie to prove that she loves you. You thought that girl was all over you before? You have NO idea how crazy she's gonna get now."

"Well, I did tell her she had to prove it emotionally. Physically, she's already convinced me. Proving it emotionally is gonna be different."

"Well at least there's that." After taking a deep breath, she seemed to have been calmed down by thinking about something other than her own wounded feelings for me. But a moment later, she pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "So what it sounds like you're saying is: Now I'm just one of the BTC girls to you. All six of us... equal... And if any one of us wants to escalate a romance to the next level, we'll have to convince you it's the right choice, that about cover it?"

I heard the venom in her tone and thought about my response. Clearly, the thought of being only equal to the other five did NOT sit well with her. "Well, you're not just one of the BTC girls to me. You're still my Annabelle. The bottom baseline for us is you ending up my 'little sister' who I'll always love until the day I die. I just... I wouldn't abandon the entire BTC for you anymore. The others... they're too important to me now. Does that make sense?"

She made a stink face, quite obviously not thrilled with that change in attitude. But a moment later she sighed and nodded, saying, "That actually makes sense."

I looked into her eyes. "I'm serious. I need you to open up to me and not bury these feelings of jealousy anymore. Hot as it was at the time, having you screaming 'You understand me?' in my face while fucking the shit out of me was pretty scary. And if you start getting unhinged like that again, you're never getting this house key back."

"I'm SORRY, okay? I never meant to... It's just... This whole abstinence thing is KILLING me. I should've fought back when Sam suggested it in the first place. To be this close to you and not be able to hold you. Not be able to clutch your body against mine and feel your thickness filling me up from deep inside."

I groaned and closed my eyes as well. "I know. It kills me too."

"I love you, Matty."

"I know that."

"I want to be with you. Forever."

"I know that. But not tonight. And not any other night until this whole thing gets resolved."

She shuddered and hung her head forward.

I was about to tell her to go home, but she looked so small and sad that just before the words left my lips, I felt my heart crack and couldn't bring myself to kick her out. Instead, I took a deep breath and said, "Look, I'm going to take a shower... Alone... But..."

She picked her head up, eyes brightening a little by the 'but'.

I told myself I was going to regret this, but I went ahead and added, "But we can still cuddle tonight if you like."

At first, Belle grinned eagerly. But a moment later she closed her eyes, made a stink face again, and sighed. After taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and said in resignation, "Actually... I think I'm going to go home."

I blinked. "Really?"

"You're right. I've... I've lost control. I don't blame you for not trusting me right now. I don't really trust myself. If I stay here, I'm liable to mount you in your sleep."

"If you stay here, I'm liable to push it into you in your sleep."

There was a glimmer of my impish pixie in her eyes when she looked up. "Sounds like a plan to me."

"No, no, I agree. It's probably best if you go home."

"Yeah... I mean, even if none of the girls said anything, deep down they're already resenting me for being here. But if we can tell them honestly that we had a big conversation and I went home to sleep in my own bed, they'll all be pretty relieved."

My heart sank a bit as I realized this was really happening. "I'm going to miss you tonight."

She nodded. "Me, too. But we both know it's for the best."

I nodded as well, took a deep breath, and started heading for the bathroom.

"Hey Matty?" Belle called after me.

I turned to glance back at her.

"I'm really sorry about tonight. Actually, I'm sorry about Tuesday night too. I'm sorry about my behavior these last few weeks. You're right... I was getting a little unhinged. I let my jealousy fuel all these negative emotions, and I think I lost myself for a bit there."

I walked back to her, held her head, and gave her a sweet kiss. "It's already forgotten."

Her eyes were still moist, but she managed to smile. "Thank you for that. Not everyone would be so forgiving."

"I'm me. And you're my Annabelle."

She pulled me to her and kissed me again, this time with a lot more heat. It almost felt like she was going to try seducing me again, but just before she got that far, she broke the kiss and panted while staring into my eyes. "Do something for me?"

"What?"

Belle smirked. "Hurry up and fuck the shit outta Neevie. I need you deep inside me again... and SOON."

I chuckled. "Maybe you should've taken Alice's bet."

****

Belle left, and I went to take a shower. I'd still gotten no relief, and while shampooing my hair I started remembering the sight of Belle's perky asscheeks split by that silver disc with the blue crystal in it, and before I could even open my eyes a new erection popped up. I automatically fisted it and gave myself a few half-hearted strokes before stopping. I was sick of this sex boycott and a little angry at Sam for starting it in the first place.

As far as I was concerned, the point about sisterhood solidarity had been made, and nothing further was to be gained by everyone continuing to hold out on each other. Resetting everyone back to platonic relationships was not only driving ME nuts, but most likely everyone else as well. Like I said, you can't unfuck a girl, and you can't uncross a bridge that's already been crossed. Staying 'in balance' wasn't possible anymore, as my feelings for each of the girls was on its own path now whether or not we individually had sex.