All Comments on 'The Birthday Present'

Rubbish

A little flat,sounds like a report. But try again.

I nearly stopped reading early on because there was nothing but impossible sex going on. No building of characters and no reason for any of the females to be in the situation. Only a quick mention of any kind of back story to bring the story to the page. Three females fucking one male all day isn't a story, it's superfluous writing of sex acts.

RS

I kind of have to agree with earlier posters. While the idea may be a good one, there really needs to be more color ( background, character building, detail, ect..), to make this a really good story. This seems more like a basic outline than a story. Still it wasn't all bad, atleast your grammar was better than many on this site who don't even seem to know what proof reading and spell checking are.

Nothing but crappy juvenile wish-fulfillment and fantasy by someone who's never actually had sex - no realism, no attempt at a story, no interest in anything except imagined detail from too many internet porn vids. Total rubbish, delete it

She was totally nude and I was totally out... and cant you come up with an original idea to save yourlife... There are far to many pornos that begin this way... but atleast if it was a porno the girl would have the decency to let him unwrap something for his birthday... (Hint Hint) Extremely Poor story

This was just plain terrible, I doubt you have ever had sex if you believe this. Not only did you total fail to build up characters, story, or taboo breaks. But you made a totally un believable, un original, and yet completely non climactic. Seriously never post something this poorly written again please

please stop

i wasted my time

... know how the story ends ... I couldn't finish it ... one star only as you cannot give 0 stars

very quickly coming to the showdown that takes about an hour with the guy coming half a dozen times... more like a fictional story than actually something someone would find easy to believe when told

The way I figure it, you've got to be some kid whose sexual experiences are limited to surfing porn on the 'net.

First paragraph: "And I realized that my morning hard-on felt different. More than different, it felt much, much better than usual."

Second paragraph: "And my morning hard-on felt different. More than different, it felt much, much better than usual."

Cut and paste writing, sloppy editing, no structure, no plot, inane dialog, lame sex.

Did I miss anything?

Another case for putting the comments before the story so people don't have to waste their time reading crap like this. Juvenile claptrap.