The Bitch and the Bastard

Marilyn felt tears in her eyes.

"No, it wasn't like that. My husband just never...I mean, it didn't feel like he loved me anymore. If he had he might have understood."

John squeezed her hand.

"So, see, you didn't do anything my wife didn't do. I understand why she did, so I can understand why you did."

Marilyn dug in her purse for a tissue and then wiped her eyes, but the tears had started running down her cheeks.

"But Matt died."

"John squeezed her hand again.

"Marilyn, the newspaper said he'd already had one heart attack. How could you have known that? It wasn't your fault. It was his. All you were doing was trying to replace something missing from your life. I don't know what he was doing, but he should have known better."

Marilyn wiped her eyes again, then sniffed.

"You don't think I'm some sort of evil woman like everybody else does?"

John laughed.

"Well, the first time we met, I wondered if what they said was true. If I remember right, 'raving bitch' are the words they used most often. I didn't find you to be that way. You weren't particularly friendly, but I didn't hear you rave even once."

Marilyn had to laugh, because that struck her as funny.

"Well, I thought you were a bastard for asking me to do Debbie's work. I changed my mind though."

John smiled.

"So, do you think a raving bitch and a bastard would get along? I'd sure like to find out."

A year later, in a meeting room at Wolford Machining, Marilyn had finished teaching her class about control charts and was putting her slides and other materials into her briefcase. The decision had been tough, but she had never regretted it. Instead of frowning all day long and hoping people would stay away from her, she was happy teaching classes in statistical process control with John.

It was a little tense at first. John had convinced her the past wasn't her fault. She could look back now and understand that, even laugh about it sometimes, but she didn't know if she was up to what he told her she could do now. He taught her the basic math involved and how to talk to people, but she'd never done anything like that before.

The day he was teaching while she watched, and then turned to her and said, "Marilyn will take you through how to fill out the charts and how to plot the points", made her terrified. He'd left then and Marilyn had to stand up and teach the rest of the class.

Once she got going, she found it was fun. She'd show some concept, and then look out and see heads nodding. When she was able to answer the questions asked after she finished, she felt confident in her ability, more confident that she could remember ever feeling.

After that, she and John had truly become partners instead of employer and employee. John noticed and began teasing her sometimes, and complimenting her at other times. Marilyn loved both and began teasing him back.

She'd also begun to feel more for John, though she wouldn't admit it at first. She would just say to herself they were very good friends, but over time spent in airplanes together at night, over time spent eating in a strange restaurant, she began to realize they weren't just good friends, or at least, she felt that way.

Marilyn was walking toward the door when John walked into the room and asked her how it had gone.

Marilyn shrugged.

"OK, I guess. There are a few I'm going to have to work with a little more, but I think most of them understand the math. They just need some help in understanding how to use the charts to make things better."

"I'm sure you'll do what you always do and bring them along", said John. "They like you, did you know that? The plant manager said he'd heard more than one person say you put it in terms they could understand so it wasn't like when they were in school."

"All I do is do what you taught me how to do."

"Yes, I know, but they don't feel like you're trying to impress them with what you know. You use words they know and understand, not the words a math professor would use. That's what makes the difference. You ready to leave for dinner or do you have something to do yet?"

"If it's just a salad, I am. I've been eating way too much when we take clients out."

"No clients tonight. They signed the contract this morning. In a month we're off to Dallas and then to Indianapolis. We'll just get a pizza and a salad like that first time."

After they ate, John stopped at the passenger door of the rental car, but didn't open it. Instead, he put his hand on Marilyn's shoulder.

"Remember that first time we had dinner together, the time just like this?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Remember that I said we could get to know each other better if we had dinner together."

"Yes, I remember that too."

John squeezed her shoulder a little.

"We've had a lot of dinners together since then and I've gotten to know you a lot better. I've gotten to know you as I think you really are and not the person you tried to make everybody think you were. I like that Marilyn. I like her a lot. I was wondering if you feel the same way about me."

Marilyn smiled.

"Do you really think I'd have given up my job and everything else in my life if I didn't like you?"

John smiled and stroked his hand down Marilyn's arm, and then picked up her hand.

"What if I said I was tired of you being just my assistant. What if I said I wanted you to be more than that?"

"John, what are you asking me?"

"I think I'm asking you to be my wife."

Marilyn looked up at John and giggled.

"You don't have any heart problems, do you?"

John laughed and thumped his chest.

"Nope. The old ticker is solid as a rock."

Marilyn put her arms around John's neck.

"You have to promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"That if I start being a bitch again, you'll be a bastard and tell me to stop."

John grinned.

"That's all? Not promise I'll love you forever? I'd figured at least on having to promise that."

"Oh, I think you'll have to promise that too, but not right now. We'll save that promise for the first time."

John put his arms around Marilyn's waist.

"When do you think that first time will be?"

"I don't know. Our schedule is pretty full. If we weren't married, would you get the idea I'm like everybody said I was?"

John hugged her a little tighter.

"I wouldn't ever think that about you, but I understand. It'll be hard, but I'll try to control myself."

Marilyn grinned.

"I didn't mean we couldn't do anything. I was hoping for at least a kiss or two. Think that would make you lose control?"

John smiled.

"Probably. You'd have to be a bitch again or I might not be able to stop."

Marilyn stood on her tiptoes.

"If you don't kiss me right now, I'll have to call you a bastard again."

When Marilyn eased back down on her feet, she looked up at him and grinned.

"So are you losing control?"

John grinned.

"Yep. Just one more and I'll pick you up and take you to bed."

"Marilyn giggled."

"John, we're still in the parking lot of the restaurant."

"Well...let's go back to the hotel and then you can see if you can make me lose control. No playing on the way. That wouldn't be fair."

Marilyn chuckled.

"Since when do bitches have to play fair with bastards? Now, drive us back. I want to see if what I think about you is true."

"What is that?"

"Well, you do have big feet and big hands"

"That's just a myth."

"Maybe...but I never believe anything I hear. I'd rather look at the data and decide for myself. Isn't that what you always say? Well, I want to see your data and make up my own mind."

"What if my data isn't what you expect?"

Marilyn smiled.

"Then we'll just have to take a lot of samples and use the average."

"How many samples?"

"I don't know. I haven't had any data in a long time, so it might take a lot of samples. Think you can manage a lot of samples?"

John kissed Marilyn, and then smiled.

"The only problem I'm going to have is stopping long enough for us to earn enough money to live on."

Marilyn stroked the back of his head.

"John, you made me understand that what happened wasn't my fault, and then you taught me I could do a lot more than be a secretary. Now, take me back to the hotel and show me I can feel like the woman I used to be."

If you worked in industry before the days of computers, you might have met them, though you wouldn't have known they were married. They were, but they never advertised that fact. The name of the company was Anderson & Stone, Quality Consultants and they were well known, especially among the suppliers to the automotive industry. Even after desk top computers appeared on the scene with canned software to do all the statistics, they were still teaching people in factories how to minimize variation and improve processes with paper charts and manual calculations. They said using paper and a pencil put the operators closer to the process than typing numbers into a computer terminal.

John and Marilyn are basically retired now, but their two books are required reading assigned to new employees by several of the consulting firms active today. That's because in the days when consulting firms were a dime a dozen and most weren't worth even a dime, Anderson & Stone's methods produced concrete results and most importantly, convinced the people doing the work in the factories that statistical process control worked and made their lives easier.

It was a combination of John's technical knowledge and Marilyn's ability to translate that knowledge into words and ideas almost anybody could understand. The way Marilyn introduced a class to statistical process control is the best example of this. When she said it, every person in the room believed she really believed it herself. That's because she did, though not in the sense of what she was teaching.

"You know when you try to do what seems right, and it doesn't work out like you thought it would? It didn't work out wrong because you were wrong. It happened because of something you couldn't control. It never helps to just decide that's how things are and you can't change them. What you need to do is to understand what happened and why. Once you understand that, you can learn from what you did and go on to bigger and better things. That's what we're going to learn how to do in this seminar."