by Q_L_P
This is, of course, is much different than Murphy's version but no more believable even if it better transcends what the majority of male readers would like to see. While it didn't make me as angry as the original it didn't satisfy either. Things that are worked out or happen as coincidence are not as satisfying as those that are logically worked through. So as far as having a case of VD and getting someone's balls smashed as an aside there is little to feel good about in regard to the blatant cheating. Even though I hated the plot and outcome the writing was good from Murphy so this story ended up being trite even though the outcome and plot were more agreeable.
ending, but anybody with an I.Q. higher then ten could have had a better ending then the fool that wrote the original story.
. . . belongs to he or she. Sometimes permission is granted to extend. Some stories here go so far as to ask for the reading audience continue the story by providing plausible endings. Most stories, though, are pretty much self contained. Readers can approve or dis the original ending. The method and place for such commentary is in the section labelled of all things Comments.
I'm not at all sure this story should have been approved for posting, but that is not within my sphere of influence.
I didn't care for the original and obviously you didn't either. However, that does not give you free reign to hijack their story for a rewrite to fit your BTB needs.
A real man doesn't need to demonstrate this kind of snit. Grow up and move on.
I am glad to read that the good guy can win and the cheated wife is burned.
One thing though, why would her lover ditch her unless he hope to some gain some of her divorce proceeds !
You're going to have your haters, ignore the CLD's and have fun with this. They miss their little cucky lifestyle. 5 stars
This is a more equitable ending to the original F*U* story. This, coming from one who has been burned by the legal system. Luckily I had my own "Steele" of a law dog. BTB was too good for her. Also, too bad Miles just had his balls crushed. They should have been in a baggie hanging from his neck!!!
The original was utter crap. No points from me, for bringing it to my attention.
Yes it can. When a green fly tries to sweeten the fresh dump for the only purpose of giving the rest of the swarm of green flies more to feed on.
Sadly the legal system is more likely to favor the results as per the first story instead of the second.
But one other issue is the conclusion. In the first story her lover was wealthy and intelligent. He would have been unlikely to put her in that position without anticipating and preparing for any and all contingencies.
This is why you write your own stories instead of copying someone else's. I mean really, if you're going to change fundamental aspects of the original story to suit your rewrite, rewrite the whole thing - your own story.
You've basically taken a lame cuck story and turned it into a lame BTB story. Why? Because both versions are nothing more than fantasy pandering to certain dynamics rather than engaging in quality story-telling. Rated 1* on both versions.. All characters involved in the first are unlikeable fools with an intact plot, while the plot in the second is plain broken with a marginally more likeable husband.
I consider this yet another good reason to hate both the Cuck and BTB brigades. Sinking perfectly good story concepts with their need to populate and dominate their poisoned world views.
I honestly cannot stand cheaters getting away without having to pay for the pain they have caused.
Well your ending will make the "Burn the bitch" crowd happy but I still like my off beat ending better. I like to keep my readers surprised and the BTB boys irritated
Murphy
Of course you like your ending better Murph. No one else did, however. Anyone else want to take on this tale? I know other authors have different ideas. The bitch needs to be burned more than she was. Great first attempt at a tale Q. I look forward to more.
you keep on "pumping" out those RAAC / Cuck / Wimp stories ....... including your highly rated "The Black Velcro Choker" ... that would be the wildly successful "2.61" reader rated story of yours!!!! Oh and don't forget to "zip up" after you get off in your Cuck Closet.
Good flash story. Unlike the cluck-loving murphy621 who is still looking for the instruction manual on how to wipe his asshole after crapping.
A bit over simplified and lacking suspense or emotion, I thought. For your first effort it was still fairly well done. I hope you continue to post. Thanks for the read.
this is a more realistic ending. don't know about having a super lawyer for a friend but if he knew she was cheating it made sense to get pictures, and hire any lawyer to get him a decent deal. Good story
I enjoyed your writing and especially the ending. Beat murphy621 hands down
Great tale a cheating skank gets her fair share. Her lover gives her his devotion and Charlie Tuna finally gets called by starkist. It doesn't get better than this.
And excellent writing. Please stay in this section and write us another one :)
This redux was fantastic. Way to go. The whore got what she deserved. HERPES.
HA HA HA HA HA
Much better ending. She admits to doing wrong to her marriage. Then expects the courts to reward her. Happens way to often in real life. This no fault shit has to go. Or at the least every marriage license should come with a prenup page 2.
Your ending managed to turn a pile of garbage story into a good read! May all the bitches burn! My only problem now is that Murphy621 has SO many other stories that need this treatment. Can we expect you to continue righting the wrongs? LOL!
Well done.
GOOD ONE.
BobbiNonTheCock go, go away, go and smoke your pantys, you creepy tranny !
sometimes the courts do enjoy Star-Kissed pay offs, TK U MLJ LV NV
Nothing like a Walt Disney fantasy... It was fun, while it lasted
The last sentence was the icing on the cake.
The original seems to have been pulled? Nice story, I like your problem solving plots!
the reason you preferred the original is because you can sit at you computer pulling your pathetic little pee pee and imagine it is you fucking the skank slut because in reality you couldn't get fucked in a whore house on freebee night.
How to take a pile of shit and turn it into gold. Well Done. Thanks for a terrific story ending.
Much better than the unrealistic piece of garbage by Murphy. Other than the horrible ending the other thing that bothered me in the Murphy original was in the very beginning when lover boy demands her name and phone number? I think 1000 out of 1000 women give the creep a false name and a wrong number and that the rest of the story never happened. The original story truly was a horrible story.
Too bad we can't afford an attorney like Mr Steele, as the Guardian of Justice in this story. Masterfully written and a joy to read. Since I am not an author I limit myself to comment exclusively on the aspects of a reader. In summation, it is always nice to see the conquest of good over evil. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case in real life. In spite of the lack of plausibility, I loved the outcome in this story. If a couple finds that they are losing interest in each other, they should discuss it and then seek counseling or separate and/or divorce or perhaps move into other arrangements.
- This ending to murphy621's original,"The Black Velvet Choker" corrects the unjust ending present in that first version.
- The heartless,cheating twat got exactly what she deserved,and Charlie and the kids were a happy family. (Nice to see Charlie trading UP to a sweet young hottie,too!)
- And the final evidence of justice being served,or KARMA,if you will,was having Miles getting his balls crushed! (Would have been nice to have known how!)
the author plagiarizes and writes a fantasy that only the BTB assholes can stomach!
Stop writing, asshole.
No forced implausible reconciliation and you slobber at the mouth in rage?
The real guys and Gals love the outcome of disrespect!!!!
.... it must really suck (literally) to be a cheating WHORE wife apologist! So sad for you .... now it's time for you to return to your bedroom closet and wait for the "next" real man to service your wife.
Nothing better than a disrespectful cheating cum dumpster wife getting what she deserves.....
A good look at possible fallout to the party who acts in their own interest, with no real care or regard to the affect it has on others. The man got powerful legal representation and a judge that had probably seen one too many of these "bullshit" cases and ruled accordingly. Nice to see that "Miles" got just deserts in the end also. Enjoyed your story, thanks for sharing it.
Yes sometimes there is justice in this world and Q_L_P has given us a glimpse of what should happen to idiot fools. Love the crushed balls on Miles but for me a shotgun would have been a better solution.
Thanks for the new ending - I rest better at night knowing that real men exist.
In his case, I think it is great that he can look at the pretty girls in the world and not be able to do anything with them. I wish him a long life
As a lawyer, I found the "Hearing" on the ex parte order completely, totally, utterly, absolutely, ABSURD!!!!!!
No final divorce is granted at an ex parte hearing, which would have been to gert hubby out of the house, get her keys to the house and back in it temporarily, some temporary maintenance for her, etc.
The offers of proof, the shrink, his lawyers testifying (instead of the shrink, boss, new property owners, etc, etc, ad nauseum) were just that--enough to make me sick.
As bad as the cop shows where the DNA is sequenced and the perp identified from the FBI Data Bases in 30 minutes.
When the case does go to trial in some months, wifey still gets the kids in 47 or so of the 50 states. As well as rehabilitative spousal support for a few years. And she most likely gets to stay as mom in the only house the children have ever known, until the last one reaches 18.
Just as absurd as Murphy621 burn the cuckolded husband, but here it's burn the bitch.
BOTH STORIES ARE IN THE WRONG CATEGORY: THEY ARE BOTH FANTASY!
It's hard to take a basically lousy story and try to fix it. I give you a five for trying.
I see you only wrote two stories, too bad.
Jedd Clampett
No real conflict in this, just simple fantasy.
Love your ending to the story. Seems justice was done, and the Bitch was burned. Smells like fries.
You need to give Murphy621 some writing lessons! Maybe give her some dick while you're at it. I don't think the man hating bitch has been laid in awhile! LOL!
The appearance of the superlawyer for Charlie, was more like a deus ex machina that didn't really add any meat to the better ending. More like a sweet roll than a main course.
Much better than the original. Kudos to this author. Always good to see a writer keeping us out of the cuck zone. Thanks
The first version was as dark as this was bright. Murphy621 just has visions of super slutness, where nothing matters more than her next orgasm.
Haven't read the other version, but nothing could be better than this one. The "fries" line is , as previously stated, a classic.
If only life were this good. I made the mistake of reading the original, the ending was shit this in some ways makes up for that.
But we all know that justice very rarely gets meted out in such a satisfying way.
Just one question: What das this sentence mean?
"One of his friends gave me a gift that keeps on giving on both sets of my lips."
Nice revenge story, but I don't think that the court system would be quite so harsh on her, or nice to Charlie.
I agree with johsun in "that the court system would be quite so harsh on her, or nice to Charlie." While this ends 180 degrees different from the original, it is just as bad. If Miles is as affluent and powerful as intimated in the original, how could Charlie get to him to do or have done the damage stated here?
Just as ridiculous and unbalanced as the original but in favor of the husband, and not quite as well written.
Hilariously over the top, but at least in this version the guilty party suffers and the innocent party gets the better of the legal battles.
GREAT !! AWESOME!! I loved ti. Not long enough, and all most enough carnage, but it will do.5 stars, the Bear approves. More, please.
The BEAR
P.S. I Iove happy endings.
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 👍😂 Funny as hell. Nope, it's not realistic. Damn good short fiction! (ANONYMI - you know who you are - GET A LIFE! LAUGH A LITTLE! OR... READ SOMETHING ELSE. 🤔)
A shame this writer left this cesspool of cuckys & limp dick beta bitches...
like he couldn't get THE SAME representation from any in-town attorney.
What makes any of these straight-from-central-casting figures interesting?
yup that's a swamp donkey alright!!! I'd know their bullshit a mile away!!!
I loved this part much better than the original which I was barely able to read. And finally the court system gave proper judgment.
What an amazing BTB. Didn't bother reading the original (based on its score, it ended well for the criminal, not the victim). Easy 5 stars, please write more.