The Blind Date

It seems that I've been writing more upbeat stories of late as opposed to beat down and BTB efforts. Well, you can't blame a guy for hoping! Right?

This story is just a moment in time, a transition from pain to pleasure. There is no sex in this story. There isn't even an ending. There is only the promise of a future yet to live.

This is my version of a man facing the ghosts of the past with the uncertainty and fears of the future.

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Funny how things change. Sitting here, looking around, I couldn't help but reflect on how this used to be my favorite restaurant back when we were married. We found this place together and loved it so much that we kept coming back. Now, as I look around, it looks so strange to me. Nothing here has changed, but everything is different. It's like the walls give off a vibe, and the vibe is not the same. What was once uplifting is now a weight on my heart.

Of course, I know it's me. I should have chosen someplace else. I'm not ready to come back here; there are too many memories. And of all the days to be early!

"Can I get you something while you wait?"

I smiled up at her. She meant well, but that cheery smile was almost more than I could stand. "Maker's Mark on ice if it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all."

"Actually, could you make that Angel's Envy?"

"Of course. Good choice. I'll be right back with your drink."

It was time for a change; that much I knew for sure. Maker's Mark was always my drink when we went out together. It was time to start a new tradition.

Two years and I still don't know how it got to this point. We were married for five years and together for two more before that. Was it that infamous seven-year itch? Maybe it starts when you become exclusive instead of when you marry.

"Exclusive." That's a laugh. Maybe for the first years, but the marriage was damn crowded at the end.

I looked around aimlessly as my mind wandered back to better days.

We were happy, or I thought we were. We had delayed having children until we were settled into our careers enough that we felt secure. Three years into the marriage we bought a house. It was a starter house, but it was ours. We patched and painted, replaced some doors and repaired some trim. The place sparkled, but it still felt homey. You know what I mean? It wasn't a show house; it was just our home. We did it all together, made a home, saved, and planned for the future. Two years later it was all over.

"Here's your drink, sir, an Angel's Envy on the rocks."

I looked back at the smiling face again. She was pretty. A young girl like this should be out on date night, not serving whiskey to strangers. Still, no reason to ruin her night. She was just working. "Thank you. You're very kind."

"Would you like a plate of something while you wait?"

"No, I'm fine. She should be along soon. I'm just a little early."

"Well, just wave me down if I don't come back soon enough. I'm happy to get you whatever you want."

Nice girl. I could feel my mood improving a little. Maybe this night won't be a total disaster. I took a sip and felt the caramel and port barrel burn and sooth as it slid slowly down my throat, and I thought to myself, "Yeah. That's what I needed."

My mind drifted back to the past. I suppose my therapist was trying to tell me to take more chances and try new things when I fired him. He kept saying, "Life goes on and there's happiness when you are ready to accept it." I sure hadn't found any happiness in the past two years. What was I waiting for? Was I expecting some lightning bolt to strike me out of the blue? Was happiness going to slap me in the face and yell, "Look at me!" Simplistic bastard. It's not like you can just flip a switch and your life changes.

I remember the day everything changed. Why is it always a friend who delivers the bad news? Would it have been easier coming from a stranger? Probably not. It was a Thursday. Bill Harper called me at my office at about three in the afternoon and asked me out for a beer after work. "Why not?" I said. "Deb's working late tonight and there's no hurry to get home." Bill paused for a long time. I should have known by the silence on the other end that something was up.

"Sounds good. How about The Fiddler's Green at 5:30?"

"I'll be there. I might be a few minutes late, but don't give up on me."

"I never will, my friend. I never will." It seemed like an oddly serious thing for him to say, but I quickly forgot it and got back to work.

Bill is a true friend to me. He's been my friend since college. Sometimes you meet someone, and you just know. Bill was a rock. My roommate called him a "mensch", but I soon learned that was a good thing. To some, a mensch is someone to take advantage of, while to others they are a friend that you hold close and dear. Bill was like a piece of respectful litmus paper; he never interfered or pushed his opinion on you, but he had a talent for telling the difference between what was real and what was not.

"Excuse me, but are you Jim Reynolds?"

"Yes!" I rose to my feet and extended my hand. "You must be Carol. It's nice to meet you!" My date had arrived. I walked around the table and held her chair.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Not long at all." Well, a little fib is okay, right? "I hardly had time to order a drink."

"Oh, a drink! Please don't take this the wrong way, but I could use a little something."

Okay, I have to admit that made me chuckle. "Why would I take that the wrong way?"

"Believe me, it's not you. It's just that I haven't done this in such a long time and I'm a little nervous."

"Well, I'm afraid that makes two of us. I'll tell you what. We'll make a deal. One drink each and all we talk about are Henry and Claire. We won't have to bare our souls until the second drink."

That got me a smile. Henry and Claire were the mutual friends who set us up on this blind date. I waved over the waitress and Carol ordered a glass of white wine. It's moments like this when the oddest thoughts come to mind. What would I have thought if she'd ordered a whiskey? Would I have been amused, elated, or maybe just a little nervous?

"I'm having Angel's Envy if that makes a difference."

"The night is young." She smiled. "So, where should we start? I know! How about those giant purses that Claire insists on carrying? No matter what anybody needs, she has it in her purse. Whatever the problem, she has the solution!"

I was starting to enjoy myself. "Let's not let Henry off the hook. Have you ever seen Henry not wearing a tie? We got together for ribs the other night and Henry wore a tie, and I know for a fact it was not the same tie he wore to work that day. I told him it would never survive the meal, but he just tucks it into his shirt, gives me that big smile, and digs in. Darned if he didn't pull it off! The meal, I mean, not the tie."

Now Carol was laughing into her hand. It's always a good sign when you can make a pretty woman laugh. "Okay, say what we will about her purses and his ties, but those two have two of the sweetest, best-behaved kids you could ever hope to meet. About a week ago I was over their house for dinner and David walks into the room carrying a plate of appetizers. He comes right over to me and says, 'Ms. Carter, can I interest you in something?' I just wanted to hug him right there!"

"Have you ever gotten Sophie into a tickle fit? The last time I was leaving their house she comes over to say goodnight. I kneeled down, took her in my arms, and I started tickling her sides and blowing bubbles on her neck. She called them 'burfles' and she screamed and squirmed. When I let go of her, she jumped back and grabbed her mother's leg, then with this mad gleam in her eyes she charged me again and threw her arms around my neck trying to do the same to me. I think I fell in love that night."

Carol's wine arrived and we continued to talk about innocuous things. It turned out we were both at the same college at the same time. Well, it was a big state-run university with forty thousand students, so the fact that we never met didn't surprise either of us. We both knew the other's dorm and guessed we may have crossed paths without knowing it. We did both have some of the same professors, although not at the same time, and we went to the same football games along with forty thousand other people, but the conversation really lit up when we realized that we both had a passion for sailing. I had started sailing when I was a kid, and she took it up during the summers between her college years. By the time we exhausted that topic, we were both on our second drinks and had ordered our meals.

"Have you been here before?"

Wow. That question hit me like a bag of brigs. One moment I'm enjoying the evening and the next I'm back in the shitter. "Yeah, my ex-wife and I used to come here fairly often. The truth is before you got here, I was reminiscing, and you arrived none too soon."

"I'm sorry. Would you prefer we ate somewhere else?"

"Actually, no. I think I may be making new memories for a change. I'd like to continue if that's okay with you?"

"Absolutely. I've lived in this town for almost a decade, and yet I've never been here before. All my memories will be of tonight."

I was starting to really enjoy that smile. "Well, no pressure there, but I'll do my best."

Our waitress returned to take our order.

Carol turned to me. "So what's good here?"

"Besides the company?" Oh boy, I was laying it on thick now.

She smiled. "Yes, besides the company."

"The truth is everything here is good. The steaks are aged to perfection and the seafood is fresh. If you can't decide, they have fillets topped with crab cakes and a nice Béarnaise sauce. You can't go wrong with that."

"Sold!" she said as she closed her menu.

I looked up at the waitress. "Make it two."

"Excellent choice. Can I refill your glasses?"

"I think I'd better slow down but thank you. My date might like something." Two whiskeys are my limit when I'm driving and then there are all the complex navigations of a first date.

"Me, too, but a glass of water would be nice."

I held up two fingers. "Two, please?"

"I'll place your order with the kitchen and be right back."

You know, considering how the evening started, this was turning into a pretty good night.

"So how did you meet Henry and Claire?" I asked.

"I work with Claire. In fact, she was the first person to come over and welcome me on my first day with the company. She showed me around, told me who to trust and who to be careful with, and most important of all she told me who the players were. Now that I think about it, she was right about all of them."

"Oh? And did the players take a run at you?"

She was smiling, but she was giving me a hard stare. "Some were smooth, and some weren't. Some were single, but most were married. It didn't take long for the various leopards to show their spots." She leaned across the table to me. "Can I be honest about something?"

"Sure!"

"Do you ever feel like you're back in high school sometimes? I mean, there are days and there are people that make me feel like all the adults have gone home and everyone is competing to be one of the cool kids."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Every day."

She was smiling. "So, two drinks, our dinner orders have been placed, is it time to tell our life stories?"

I think I shuddered.

"Sorry. Too soon?"

"No. I just sobered up, that's all."

"Fair enough. Maybe I should start? I was married for seven years. My ex and I dated and quickly became exclusive through the last two years of college. We got married before the ink was dry on our diplomas. Two years into the marriage we decided to start our family." She was looking at the tablecloth, but I could see there was more than a hint of pain on her face. "I suppose we rushed it. No, that's not true. It wasn't the timing. It was us."

I was watching her closely and listening. She had to do this in her own way and on her own schedule.

"I got pregnant almost immediately." She looked up at me and gave me a self-conscious smile. "I suppose you should know that about me. I get pregnant if you just look at me with impure thoughts." She was chuckling just a bit.

"Oh, dear, you should have told me sooner."

"Sir, I'm not that sort of woman!" she said smiling.

"Oh, that's disappointing, but please continue."

She shirked just a bit. "It's an old story. Infidelity. Accusations. Lawyers. Divorce. Loneliness."

That dark feeling was returning. I suppose it showed on my face.

"It was my husband, not me."

Now I was embarrassed. "I'm sorry. For a moment there I was back in that dark place again."

"Believe me, I understand. There's not much to tell and an awful lot that I still don't know. Debbie was four when I found out he was cheating. What is it about that seven-year itch? He actually tried to claim it was a one-time mistake, but I already knew it had been going on for several months." She paused and looked me in the eyes. "It was Claire that told me. She'd seen him being very unhusbandly while coming out of a hotel by the airport one Saturday." Her pain gave way to a sly, hesitant smile. "Did you know that Claire and Henry sneak off to a hotel and have a nooner from time to time?"

"I did not!"

"She said that sometimes you just need to sneak off and be naughty with your husband!"

"I knew there was a reason I liked that woman! I will have to remember that if I ever find myself with a wife again."

"Anyway, after she told me, it all went pretty quick. I hired a guy. They thought they were being clever by moving about between different hotels. They weren't as clever as they thought. Both our names were on both cars, so he tagged my ex's car with a GPS tracking device and after that there was no way for them to hide."

She was sitting there for a time, deep in thought and painful memories.

"Once I knew, I took my time. My PI gathered the evidence easily. Once he knew where they were on any given day, he'd drive by and snap a photograph of them coming out. It's a 50/50 state, but I wanted the peace of mind from knowing. You know what I mean?"

I nodded my head. Boy, did I know what she meant!

"When I was ready, I filed for divorce. I had him served in the hotel room with his slut. I got custody of Debbie and the house."

I didn't realize until then that I'd been sitting there, quietly nodding my head. I understood every word of her story.

"I've spent the last year just trying to live a normal life. Debbie and I both went to a therapist for a time. I went with her for her sessions so she would feel safe and then I'd go on my own. A child that age doesn't understand, but she needed to know that it wasn't somehow her fault and that we both still loved her. My own sessions were some of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. It's amazing how a person can punish themselves for something that isn't their fault. Debbie sees her father regularly. I promised myself I wouldn't punish her by trying to punish him. He lucked out on that one. As a matter of fact, she's with him tonight."

"So he knows you're out on a date?"

She just smiled and didn't say anything. I think she took no small amount of pleasure in his knowing and I started to think that maybe this is what healing looks like.

At this point, our waitress returned with our meal. It was a welcome relief from a difficult conversation. Once our meal was served and we tried everything, we resumed as we ate.

"So, with a daughter to take care of, do you get out much?"

"Can't you tell? I'm so nervous I needed that first glass of wine just to steady my hand."

I held up the last of my second glass with a smile. "Whiskey. Wine wasn't strong enough."

"So, that's my story. What's yours?"

"My story? I feel like we've been living parallel lives. We hadn't managed to have kids, but we were getting ready for that when she was caught. In my case, a friend named Bill delivered the bad news. He'd seen her at lunch across town one day trying to suck some guy's tongue out of his mouth. I guess she was far enough from home that she thought she'd get away with it. Bill is one of those guys who if you ask him to help you paint the house he'll say, 'One coat or two?' Anyway, he left the restaurant and sat in his car until they came out. He watched them walk across the street to a hotel, took a few photographs on his cell phone, and two days later he asked me to have a beer with him."

"Why did he wait two days?"

"He said he needed to talk it over with his wife first. I like Karen, but she didn't want him to get involved. He said he needed to make peace in his own home first."

"I get that. Remind me not to trust Karen one-hundred percent."

I was nodding. "Yeah, I know. I guess she didn't want the responsibility for blowing up a marriage if Bill was wrong, but he wasn't wrong. After that, I went the same route as you. I hired a guy. I wonder if he was the same guy?" I smiled briefly. "He got all the evidence. I didn't wait long. My ex didn't try all that hard to hide it. They used the same room in the same hotel every other Saturday and the occasional weekday. He's a guy she works with, so I had them both served at work by a fellow with a big, booming voice. It did not go unnoticed."

Okay, I was smiling at this point in the story. There is humor in the pain.

"I paid him extra to do a little favor for me. He leaned over and whispered in the boyfriend's ear, 'Jim Reynolds says he'll see you later!' I don't think he advanced his career that day because the boyfriend lost control of his bladder and wet himself in front of his coworkers."

Carol lost her composure and let loose a full-on belly laugh complete with guffaws before she managed to get her hand over her mouth and silence her laughter if only somewhat. I was really warming to this woman.

When she gathered her composure, she again leaned across the table and said, "That's the thing with cheaters, isn't it? Despite all their bravado, they really don't have a lot of courage. My ex dragged me through the mud when he was with his little plaything; but in the end, he wept like a baby and asked me to take him back."

"No forgiveness?"

"Not a drop."

"I've wrestled with that these past two years. I was so broken by her betrayal that I spent the first year second guessing myself as the divorce worked its way through the system. In the end, I knew I could never trust her again. What finally did it for me was realizing how often and how easily she had lied right to my face. I mean, if she hadn't been so good at it, maybe I would have taken a chance; but I knew that I'd never know if she were lying in the future. I just couldn't do it."

"You shouldn't need to. Neither of us should." She held out her hands, palm up, and said, "What is a marriage without trust? It's just a one-sided commitment where one of us is bound by their word while the other is not."

"I know. And if you're the only one living in the marriage, it isn't a marriage. It's just a... a... an obligation."

She was nodding and said, "I grew up not believing in divorce. I couldn't imagine I'd ever get one. Then he betrayed me, and I spent a long time wondering if this was going to be my lot in life? I started thinking that maybe I was destined to become one of those women who just lives with a cheating spouse?"

"That's not a marriage."

"No. That's what I decided, too."

There was a lull in the conversation for a time and then I decided that I owed her more.

"So I guess I should come clean. You said you've been divorced for a year, and you haven't dated much in that time. I've been out two years and I've dated a little, but they've all been disasters. Actually, I've got this alarm going off in my head right now telling me that if I don't stop talking about my divorce soon, you'll be running for the door."