The Blind Date Switch

Submission for the Literotica Annual April Fools Day Story Contest 2023.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There was nothing better after a long day of panels, lectures and talks than sitting at the bar with a strong drink. Julian enjoyed this technology conference every year, but by the end of the weekend, he was wiped out. Especially if he had to run a panel himself, like he had done this year, about his field of expertise, cyber security. As passionate as he was about his work, he needed to shut off his brain for a good long while. He would have a drink, read, sleep, and then get ready to take the train home tomorrow.

Julian had already been up to his room to remove his tie. The damn thing always felt like a noose by the time the conference ended. That was the one thing about his career that he hated. He worked with computers all day. Why did he need a tie?

It was strange to think that only a few years ago, he had still been working as a bouncer to put himself through college. But once he had graduated and gotten recruited by a tech company who had been impressed by his skills, it was out with the black t-shirts and crossed arms, and in with ties and shaking hands with snobby CEOs. But it had come with a hell of a pay raise, and work that he enjoyed a lot more than physical security. Though kicking the ass of someone causing trouble was always satisfying.

The bartender handed him his drink and Julian took his first sip, sighing gratefully. Public speaking wasn't his strong suit. But his boss had asked this of him, and one couldn't refuse a request from the boss. Nonetheless, he was glad it was over. Luckily, he had been given the week off to recover from the trip. A very kind gesture on the part of his usually demanding boss.

Julian's relaxed musings were interrupted by another man sitting on the bar stool beside him. Then he loudly called for the bartender.

"Yo! Barman! Get me another shot."

Julian rolled his eyes. So much for relaxing.

"Here you are, sir." The bartender slid the shot glass towards the stranger, who downed it immediately, and then let out a cheer.

Julian decided to finish his drink a bit more quickly than anticipated so that he could actually avoid a headache. But before he could take another sip, the man beside him leaned over to him.

"Hey, I was at your panel." He said.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed it." Julian tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

"Yeah, I need to talk to my boss about implementing some of those ideas of yours. You're a fucking genius, man."

Julian took a deep breath through his nose. Much as he appreciated the complement, he wasn't in the mood to talk about work anymore. He just wanted to relax and read for a while to unwind before sleeping.

Fortunately, the man changed the subject. Unfortunately, it annoyed Julian even more.

"I'm waiting for a girl." The stranger declared with a grin. "A friend of a friend wants to set us up while I'm in town."

"Good for you." Julian muttered, hoping the man would get the message that he wasn't in the mood to talk. But of course, he didn't.

"My friend said her name is Lexi, short for Alexa. So I guess that means she has to do whatever I say, right?"

The man chuckled and punched Julian in the shoulder like an old friend. Julian clenched his fist around his glass, almost wishing it would break so he would have an excuse to leave.

"This conference was fun and all, but there's nothing better than fresh pussy."

Julian couldn't believe what he just heard. "Fresh pussy?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I haven't fucked her yet. But I need to empty my balls before I get on a plane for five hours. So, a couple drinks, and then I take her upstairs."

"Assuming she'll actually want to go upstairs with you." Julian scoffed.

"I'm not worried about that." The man said nonchalantly. "With enough drinks, a woman eventually gets tired of saying no. And if she doesn't, I just give her more drinks until she doesn't even realize what she's agreeing to."

Julian was suddenly sober, and extremely focused on this conversation. He had no idea who this woman was, but he would be damned if he let this asshole put his hands on her.

"You know that sounds like rape, right?" He pointed out.

The man laughed, unconcerned. "Everything does, nowadays."

"Yeah, especially when it's actually rape."

"Ah, come on, man. You know women love to play hard to get. They have to say no at first otherwise they sound like sluts."

"You do realize that some women actually don't want to sleep with someone on a first date?"

"That's why I butter them up with drinks and promises. I usually don't end up keeping those, but it still works."

"What do you mean?"

"I just tell them not to worry, that I'll wear a condom. But by the time we start fucking, they're too drunk to notice if I don't put one on. Much better that way."

Julian had heard everything he needed to. He could even see the bartender frowning at the man's words, and picking up the phone, most likely calling hotel security.

Enough was enough. Julian put down his drink and pushed it away from him. Then he stood up, place his hands on the man's shoulders and dragged him off his stool.

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing?"

"You need to go. Get upstairs, and don't come back down until it's time for you to catch your plane."

"Fuck no, man! You don't have to be such a dick just because I'm getting pussy and you're not!"

This last comment pushed Julian over the edge and he punched the stranger in the face, sending him tumbling onto the floor.

"I'm not going to tell you again. Go upstairs, and stay there until you check out."

"Fuck you!"

Just as Julian took a step closer to him, determined to hold him up by the collar and punch him repeatedly until he passed out, two men in suits rushed to the bar.

"The guy on the floor is the problem." The bartender called out to them.

Julian turned to him and gave him a nod, thankful that he wouldn't have to deal with getting kicked out of the hotel for trying to prevent a crime.

The two security guards picked up the man by the arms and dragged him out of the bar as he yelled and swore at them.

Julian sat back down onto his stool and pulled his glass towards him once more. But he noticed that his nearly finished Black Russian had been replaced by a full glass. He glanced up at the bartender.

"On the house. Thanks for making that guy open up his mouth. I don't want to have a sexual assault on my conscience."

"Me neither." Julian admitted.

The bartender went to serve other customers and Julian finally allowed himself to relax once more. He hoped that this was the end of the excitement for the day. Gone were the days where he was doing this sort of thing for a living. Though a part of him felt some smug satisfaction at dealing with one more asshole.

It didn't occur to him that they still had to address the matter of the woman who would be arriving, thinking she was meeting a blind date, until someone came to stand beside him and cleared their throat.

Julian lifted his head to look at this person, and his brain short-circuited for a moment. The woman beside him was wearing a low-cut red dress, artfully accentuating her cleavage. The dress dipped low at the back, revealing smooth skin. Her dark brown hair was left in loose curls cascading over her shoulders.

"Hi, I'm Lexi. Are you the one waiting for me?" She asked him sweetly.

"That's me." The words escaped his lips before he could think them through. He realized his mistake, bit his brain wouldn't allow him to try and rectify it.

"Oh good!" She took the recently vacated barstool next to him. "I'm glad I had the night off so I could meet you before you left."

"Me too." Julian swallowed. He really should be putting a stop to it.

"So, Benny didn't say much about you. He didn't even tell me your name."

"Oh, its... Julian." He decided it would be best to stick to his real name if her friend hadn't even bothered to tell her anyway.

"It's really nice to meet you. I'm Alexis, but I prefer Lexi."

Julian remembered that the other guy had claimed her name was Alexa. It had probably been wishful thinking on his part, just so he could associate this woman with an obedient servant in his mind.

The bartender came to stand in front of them, and Lexi ordered a Bay Breeze. Julian heard a chirp, and Lexi apologized, quickly checking her phone. She frowned as she looked at it, then shut it off and put it back in her purse.

"Trina being nosy." She sighed. "And you know how she is. If I keep my phone on, she'll text every five minutes to give me tips on how to impress you."

Julian chuckled. "I'm sure you can manage just fine on your own."

"I guess we'll see about that." She said, with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. Julian swallowed. He might be in over his head.

"So, uh, I didn't get to find out much about you at all. Why don't you tell me about yourself?" Julian prodded.

Lexi chuckled nervously. "Wow, putting me on the spot. I feel like I'm supposed to say something interesting about myself, but there's not much to tell."

"I'm sure that's not true." Julian assured her, turning his body fully towards her, showing her that he was listening and paying attention.

"Well, I did get to go swimming with a beaver this morning."

Julian blinked. That was not a statement he had been expecting to hear.

"Okay, I feel like I need some context here."

Lexi told him about her work as a ecologist, studying animal behaviour. She volunteered at a wildlife rehabilitation centre, and there was an adolescent beaver that was healing nicely from a gunshot, and therefore needed some exercise. Apparently, he had been hesitant to go swimming farther out into the water, so Lexi had simply gotten into her swimsuit and joined him in the lake.

"We're hoping to find a female beaver around his age, and then convince them to dam a river nearby so we can rebalance the wetlands in that area."

"You're definitely a lot more interesting than you seem to think." Julian pointed out. "All I did today was talk to a crowd of people about how not to be stupid with their information online."

"That can certainly be useful." Lexi assured him. "Though I think I prefer spending time with giant water rodents than do any sort of public speaking. I had enough of that when I defended my thesis."

She shuddered emphatically. Julian chuckled, about to open his mouth to agree emphatically. But then he frowned.

"Defend your thesis? You have a PhD?"

Lexi nodded, and smiled a little sheepishly. "A lot of people think I should be bragging about it, but I don't know. It makes me feel arrogant to talk about it."

"Nothing wrong with being proud to have accomplished something as great as a PhD."

"I did work my ass off for that damn "Doctor" in front of my name." She conceded. "And yet sometimes it's still not enough."

"What do you mean?"

"Here's a fun story for you. Ironically, it involves public speaking. The only time I didn't mind doing it. I was at a conference for scientists to discuss natural ways to reverse geological damage, like they did in Yellowstone. They reintroduced wolves into the park, and everything re-balanced itself in a fairly short amount of time."

"Like you mentioned doing with that beaver from this morning?"

"Exactly. That's actually my specialty. My entire life revolves around working alongside beavers to keep rivers and wetlands stable, instead of working against them and trying to do it artificially."

"So your adventure this morning is not really a one-off. This is what you do for a living?"

"Yep! Unlike most animals that get rehabilitated, you don't have to get worried about beavers getting too attached to their humans and not be able to be released back into the wild. They're too social, so you have no choice but to befriend them and cuddle them, at least when they're young."

"Damn, is it too late for me to change careers?" Julian joked.

Lexi laughed. "It's not all cuddles and games. Anyway, I was talking to another attendee, and he starts raving about how the keynote speaker, Dr. Morgan, really knows his stuff. Dr. Morgan is such an intelligent man, and so on and so forth. And then, this guy says something about Dr. Morgan's latest paper, that I knew was wrong. I corrected him, very nicely. And he laughs at me, and says that I shouldn't try to understand this stuff. I'm just a woman, after all."

"Asshole." Julian muttered.

"I let it go, and just waited for the perfect moment."

"What moment was that?"

"When the MC announced that the main event was starting, and called Dr. Morgan to the stage. So I walked up onstage."

Julian burst out laughing. "Please tell me you managed to catch a glimpse of that guy's face."

"I did. I even mentioned him in my speech about not underestimating women in STEM."

"Ouch, he probably never recovered."

"I'd like to think so." She stated with a mischievous grin.

As the conversation continued, flowing effortlessly, they both ordered more drinks. The bartender was shooting Julian some sly looks every time, knowing full well what was going on. But he didn't say anything, so Julian figured he wasn't doing anything too creepy. It had been an accident, after all. At least at first.

Julian told Lexi all about his work in cyber-security, explaining a bit of how it worked. He was surprised that she understood it well enough to carry on the conversation. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about work that he loved. It was especially rare that he was able to have that sort of conversation with a woman. He'd had rotten luck finding fellow nerds in his relationships.

In return, she told him some cute stories involving the animals she worked with, mostly beavers. He found out a lot more about those water rodents than he ever thought he would. But it was worth it. He saw the sparkle in her eyes when she spoke about them, and the fondness in her voice when she described each individual beaver she had worked with. Especially the ones who had particularly entertaining quirks.

After their third drink together, Julian knew he would have to put a stop to it. He was enjoying his time with Lexi a lot, but that was precisely why he couldn't keep the pretense going. If he was lucky, she would forgive him and agree that they had been getting along great so far, regardless of how they had first connected.

Julian spent a few seconds nervously fidgeting with his empty glass before finally taking a deep breath and opening his mouth to tell Lexi the truth. But just as he turned his head to look her in the eyes when he told her he wasn't actually supposed to be her date, she surprised him by leaning in and pressing her lips to his.

All thoughts of telling her about the switch left his head. He wasted no more time in gently laying his hand on the back of her head, bringing her even closer. She immediately responded by wrapping her arms around his neck.

Everything about Lexi was sweet. Her touches were gentle and soft. Her tongue tasted of the pineapple and cranberry juice that flavoured the Bay Breezes she had been drinking. Julian decided right then and there that he would never be able to taste those things without thinking about Lexi from now on. Even her perfume, which smelled faintly of vanilla, would now be impossible to dissociate from her. She overwhelmed his senses with a simple kiss and he was a total goner.

When she finally pulled back, his eyes slowly fluttered open, and he stared at her. Her chest rose with every breath, and her skin was flushed red. Her lips were still parted, swollen almost imperceptibly, but enough to drive him crazy. He wanted to beg her to come upstairs with him, but he held back, waiting for her reaction. He would follow her lead.

"Should we take this up to your room?" She asked after a moment.

"Absolutely." Julian declared without hesitation.

She giggled and took his hand. Julian paid for their drinks, giving a small wave to the bartender who threw him a thumbs up.

Julian guided Lexi to the elevators, and pressed the button. While they waited, Lexi pressed herself close to him, and began planting small kisses on his neck. It took everything in Julian's power not to lift her up against a wall.

Luckily, the elevator arrived and they got onto it. No one else was on it, so as soon as the doors closed, he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back. Apparently, neither could Lexi, because she jumped up into his arms right away. Her arms wrapped around his neck much more firmly, and her mouth was on his right away.

Julian placed his hands under her thighs and lifted her. Her legs held on to his waist in a vice-like grip. Her tongue pushed into his open mouth relentlessly, making sure he would never forget her taste.

They managed to have enough wits about them to notice when the elevator doors opened, so Julian carried her out into the hallway. His room was close to the elevators so he didn't have to go far.

He reluctantly set her down on the floor to fetch his keycard out of his pocket. It took him two tries, but he finally got the door open, despite the shaking in his hands.

Julian gestured for Lexi to walk inside first, then he followed her in, making sure to add the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob.

When he turned around after closing the door, Lexi was already all over him again, sliding her hands on his shoulders under his jacket to push it off. Julian grinned and allowed her to remove his jacket.

He observed her as she went to work on his shirt buttons next, giving him soft, sweet kisses all the while. She was smiling at him, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Julian hadn't realized that it was possible for Lexi to be even more beautiful than when she was sitting next to him and laughing at his jokes. But with her hair mussed, her lips kiss-swollen, and her pupils dilated, she looked utterly magnificent.

"God, you're beautiful." He heard himself say.

She hesitated in her unbuttoning for a second and looked down at her hands, turning a bit redder. But she was still grinning and working on his buttons.

"Are you trying to make me blush more than I already am?" She squealed.

"It's a good look for you." He teased.

She narrowed her eyes menacingly at him but her dimples assured him she was still very much amused.

Once his shirt was opened, she pushed it off his shoulders like she had done with his jacket. Before she could reach for his pants, however, he grasped her wrists.

"Your turn." He murmured.

Lexi turned around, giving him a few of the zipper closure on her dress. He pulled it down slowly, using his other hand to stroke her skin as it was revealed to him. He felt her shiver beneath his fingers.

Julian then pulled on the sleeves of her dress, letting it fall down to the ground. She stepped out of it, her heels clacking gently on the floor. The sound gave Julian an idea and he grinned.

"Any chance you'd be okay with keeping those on?" He asked.

She looked at him over her shoulder, her hair shielding her eyes just enough to make her seem mysterious and mischievous. He nearly melted.

"Only if I get to be on top." She said, her voice dropping into a sultry tone.

Julian let out a strained groan, feeling his cock twitch. It had already been gradually hardening since the elevators. Now it was rapidly catching up to the situation at hand.

"Deal." He growled, taking a quick step towards her and catching her bare waist with his arm.

He used his other hand to pull back her hair and he began sensually kissing her neck, licking and sucking, occasionally nibbling. Lexi sighed and tilted her head back onto his shoulder, allowing him even more access. Julian brought his hands up to cup her breasts, gently squeezing them through her bra.