All Comments on 'The Boss's Daughter Ch. 01'

How do the kids keep getting onto and submitting stories to the site. All the "..." frequently used only a kid would do this stupid form of writing. Its more consistant with cell phone type messages than a decently written story.

If you're serious about writing, even as a hobby, I suggest you get an editor and review the basics of punctuation and grammar. For example: She was the prettiest girl I've ever seen, not I've ever saw. You don't use a space after the open quote. The ellipses were completely unnecessary. Sweat pants are LOOSE FITTING by definition and would not show that kind of, shall we say, detail of a woman's anatomy. So there you go. If you're serious, you'll get better; if you're not, I wasted my time but at least I tried.

Ok Ok, so the "quotes" drove me nuts. But the story was good. Im definately not a writer so Im not going to cast stones, however, I think with some editing he could develop into a good story.

Instead of slamming him, help him!

And no I not related to the writer.

drove me beserk!!!!! Like the basis of the story though.

Keep up that & work on the problems

The basics of the story were good, the action was very good. The punctuation needs a lot of works, really created some disjointed reading. I liked the use of commas when describing some of the action, gave it a unique feel to the actions Kristi was doing.

Now to get these 2 going and see if he can keep his Job.

Great story line very good start