All Comments on 'The Boys Club Pt. 01'

sorry this isnt a story, this is just the ramblings of a 12 year old boy.................!

I agree with the previous comment that this is not a story, but I certainly do not agree with his choice of anonymous insult and deprecation as a means to encourage a new writer. And, I think boys much older than 12 might enjoy hearing more. I want to encourage you as a new writer to keep 'em coming, but not it drips and drabs like this. Write the whole thing, until each mom has been recruited and then, take a break before going on to the round-robin if you want. Get creative about how they seduce those ladies. You could get 5 nice long stories out of this creative storyline

You have a decent number of followers for early on the first day, which is n

Segui asi, espero pronto

Incomplete. Frustrating.

You have setup a good basis for multiple chapters if you develop the plot line successfully. This is not a new concept but you can make it very interesting scenarios for all characters. “Church lady” will be the wild one. Lol. Good luck

Good opening, now give us the good stuff.

Tc

You might as well have copied and pasted the ingredients from a box of cereal

Good start hope you continue and that one by one the mothers end up pregnant and still continue being the boys slaves!!

It's my first story, and Literotica is picky about what you write. It took a couple of times to get through the process.

I'm not going to post them all at once. It's possible they could approve Chapter Three while rejecting Chapter 2. That would really give the trolls a fit.

So, to make sure they are posted in the correct order, I submit only after the previous chapter is approved. I have 5 written, and the second is pending approval. As soon as it is approved I will submit the 3rd, so on.

This is my first time writing, and I want constructive criticism to improve. If you don't like what I write, don't read it. If you have constructive criticism, I want it. If you're an Anonymous troll throwing bricks because it turns your crank.... Well, that's your problem, not mine.

For those that like what you see, more is coming, and thank you for the encouragement.

Admitted is the past tense of a verb, admittedly is an adjective - use this to describe a mother.

Wonderful aspirations for the boys.

Gotta follow to see:

- Who is first to convert

- Which mother is the more active a) with her son

b) with the others

It's got all the right ingredients to make this an unforgettable tale, but it's not there yet. Looking forward to see how this develops, although it has to be said, this exact same senario has been written before by others.

The boys need to fill the moms pussies with enough cum . One by one the moms would take part in a gangbang and proudly show off a baby bump.

I agree with the other response - this was entirely too short and too open ended. As such, first timer, you need to submit more complete and definitive chapters. I'm not sure what the content of your submittal/submittals was rejected by Literotica but checking a few "how to" articles here on Lit would probably prove very helpful to a new author such as yourself. Another bit of advice: Be sure to use a spell-check/grammar check routine after you feel a segment is complete. The routine usually offers suggestions to improve the text. Now get busy an submit your next story segment. By the way I voted five stars as encouragement for you to continue.

What was that??

grayge37. As already mentioned. It was a first story, and was testing the submission process. I have 5 chapters written, The next three are waiting approval. The second part has been with Literotica since the weekend. I can only push them out as fast Literotica will review them.

A good start....and given your own comment I look forward to seeing where you are going with this. I do believe that even for a first submission and a first chapter, it was incomplete.

Well it was definitely enough to hook me and get you 5 Stars. I liked it. Moving on to ch2. :)

post more ty

Story 1 was short and Intriguing enough to earn a 5 star. The fact the rest are rated as H also contributes. Thank you for taking the time to write.

Okay for start. You gave background info for next chapters, but despite the boys "goals"/objectives, I was not enticed to really want to read any more of the chapters. Chapter 1 lacks a "hook"....... that little tease to draw readers in.

This premise seems familiar. I'm sure I've seen something similar where four? Sons conspire to enslave? their mothers, while disguising who they are. Is this a modified more consensual version of that story, or was that a different story. If it was, I'd love a link.