The Bradley Kids

Here's my entry in the April Fools Day contest.

Las Vegas Nevada may not be the party town it once was, but just ask anyone and they'll tell you that you can't beat the nightlife there. Matter of fact, that's where our dad, an employee at Caesar Palace, met, fell in love with and eventually married our mother. As it happened, she was a dancer at the same hotel. Soon after they married, they moved to Reno. That's where my brother and I were born. I suppose, before I go any further, I should introduce myself. My name is Brad Bradley. Yeah Bradley Bradley, I got teased about that all through grade school. Particularly from the girls, who liked to say, 'Bradley Bradley, the boy so nice they named him twice.' Truth be told, I really didn't mind the girls saying that about me, A year after I was born, our mother gave birth to my brother Bartholomew or Bart. We eventually gave him the nickname brat, because he was and, at times still is one. I still recall one April Fools Day when, following our dad's instructions, Bart crept into the master bathroom and made off with our mother's bathrobe and the towel marked "Hers" as she was preparing for work!

Back to our parents for a moment our dad, whose first name is Jim, got a job as a ski instructor at a resort hotel at Lake Tahoe, which meant he always got early and got home late. As for our mother. Judy, she opened up a dance studio in downtown Reno, specializing in Tap, Ballroom and Ballet. Unfortunately the studio didn't do as well as she hoped and even after dropping the Ballroom dance classes, she was forced to sell the studio. Not long after that, our dad got tired of the commute from our home in Reno to Lake Tahoe and back, so, after giving his bosses two weeks' notice, he quit his job and moved the four of us to San Jose California. Soon after finding a house and getting settled in, our parents found some good paying jobs. Our dad as a desk clerk at a Holiday Inn - Silicon Valley and our mother as a teacher at Oak Grove High School. A few years later, our sisters Jane and Diane were born.

Shortly after the 21st century dawned, we celebrated my tenth birthday and since Bart was born on September 11th, guess what happened on his birthday. Our folks couldn't attend Bart's party because, ironically, They'd won a trip to New York City. They really hated to go, what with Bart's birthday coming up and could have pawned the tickets off on some other couple, but it was an all expenses paid trip and they never really had a honeymoon. Fortunately, they weren't on either of those planes that hit the towers. Or the one that hit the Pentagon or the one that went down in Pennsylvania. In fact, they were among those that made it out of that dust cloud, as those buildings collapsed. Of course, we were overjoyed when they made it home safe and sound. They both died a few weeks later though. Only Bart and I attended their funeral.

Shortly afterward, we were raised by our Uncle Joe and Aunt May. That is, until I graduated high school and could afford a place of my own. One of the things I thought was amusing about my sisters, at least when I was ten, was that Jane was born in January(i.e. that ancient song 'It's June in January') and Diane was born in June. Like most girls, they were scrawny annoying little kids during grade school, but you'd never know that to look at them now. Those girls definitely got their looks from our mother. Jane is a brunette with a 36 C bra size, while Diane is a Strawberry blond with a 32 B bra size. Obviously I know their sizes, because guess who gets talked into taking them shopping. Well, that and Bart likes to swipe their bras or panties, depending on which day of the week it is. He's even, during the summer months, hidden their swimsuits! Particularly annoying for Diane, who prefers wearing a bikini. Both our aunt and uncle have spoken to him repeatedly about this, but of course, it's like talking to a brick wall.

And speaking of Bart, he was actually born on the sixtieth anniversary of the D-Day landings. June 6th 2004. APRIL FOOL!