The Butt Of Choice Pt. 01

The Butt Of Choice -- Part 1

It was my son's 21^st birthday. He asked if I could fly in from Boise to Kansas City and spend the weekend with him. Since I hadn't seen him much since he came back from his deployment and he lived with me for a year to get back into the world, I said yes, as long as I could stay in a hotel and he let me ride his motorcycle. He agreed.

I flew in after work on a Friday morning and arrived in KC around noon. Lew picked me up and we went to the hotel.

"Dad, I'm really happy you could make it. The guys have something planned and I think that you might need to be my wingman."

"Wingman? What are the guys planning?"

"No one is talking. They won't tell me. Their wives won't tell me."

"I know. Women are the source of all confusion in the known and unknown universe.

"Do you mind if the party gets a little wild?"

"Define wild."

"You know the normal stuff. Strippers and strippers and a few strippers."

"Great! I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok, dad. Sleep good."

My son dropped me off at the hotel and after a shower, I fell asleep.

In the morning, Lew picked me up and we were off. He drove, and we made small talk, until I had to ask.

"Ok, son, what's on the agenda?"

"Well dad, this is a bit of a shared party. I was informed this morning that some of the entertainment was for your benefit as well as mine."

"Meaning what?"

"I guess, for some reason, my friends think that you need to have a girlfriend."

"And where would they get an idea like that?"

"From me. When mom divorced you 10 years ago, you went into a deep funk and are only now climbing out of it. My friends remember you from when we were a family and you were so much fun. They like you a lot. They're always asking about you and I'm always telling them."

"You tell them about me not dating?"

"It comes up."

He pulled into the lot of a local strip club. There were already several cars parked outside and in the back. We got out and walked to the door. A very large man stopped us when we opened the door and asked for our ID's. He looked at them and then at his clipboard and smiled.

"The two guests of honor! Welcome gents to the Taffy Pull."

We entered to the sound of a deep booming bass and to the dark room with spotlights on a small stage and on the main stage. On the main stage there were two beautiful women dancing for some guys. I recognized a couple as being from my sons' unit. They were his soldiers. One of them turned to see us and rushed to greet us.

"Hey Lew! Mr. Paul. How are you doing?"

"Pete, since when do you call me Mr. Paul?"

"Sorry. Hi Dad!"

I laughed out loud.

"Still wrong, but acceptable."

I joined my son and the seven other men, and we sat and let the women entertain us. All but one of the women had large tits. Being a simple man, I was drawn to the one with the smaller, natural tits. I was shaking my head as the guys went nuts for one of the dancers who had massive fake boobs. Pete saw me and came over.

"Something wrong, Dad?"

"No, it's just that these guys are going nuts over the fake tits and missing the beauty and real sexiness of these women's butts."

I began to explain, but the music was too loud. I went to the DJ booth and asked him to kill the music. When I explained that I was one of the guests of honor and I needed to say something he complied. The women froze, not knowing what to do.

"Guys, may I give you a little lesson that will make all of your lives better?"

Everyone agreed, and I hopped up on the stage. The bouncer looked at me and I waved. He smiled and gave me the 'OK' sign.

"Ladies, would you all join me on stage? Please."

The six women joined me.

"Would you ladies please remove your bottoms for me?"

They looked to the door and the bouncer, who I later found out was the manager, nodded to them, so they all stripped off their thongs, well one was wearing 'boy shorts'.

"Now ladies will you all please turn around, so your butts are facing the guys."

They all turned.

"Please stand with your legs together. Guys, what you are looking at is six examples of butts. I'm going to move them around a bit."

I gently took hold of arms and swapped positions of several of the ladies.

"Now we have them grouped by category. This tiny thing has the smallest butt. I would guess that she has a crack that is only about 8 inches long. We are looking from the top of the crack to the start of the taint. This beautiful woman has a butt that a man can take hold of and completely fill each hand. May I?"

She smiled and nodded. I walked around her to face her and put my arms around her and engulfed both of her cheeks, one with each hand.

"This is a tiny butt. My hands fit her butt really well. Now, would you please bend over?"

I moved and she bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"Now you see that her crack starts here and goes to here. By the way, you have a beautiful little pink starfish."

"Thank you."

"When you spread her cheeks, you will be able to see her entire package. Her entire butt, her pussy, and her anus. So if you were to, say get into a 69 with her, you would be able to access her entire package, great if you like that. I do."

I patted her bottom and thanked her. She gave me a kiss on the cheek. I moved to the next girl.

"Here you see a different sort of tiny butt. I am going to guess that she is about the same distance from the top of her crack to her taint, but the cheek material is much larger. When she walks her cheeks jiggle just a little, which to me is like a flashing sign that says, 'Open For Business'."

"Hey."

"What? If you walk across the stage with some jiggle, every man in the place will stop looking at the fake tits and watch you. I sure would. This woman, what is your name, my dear?"

"Bambi."

"Of course! It had to be. Bambi here has the smallest tits but has the best most active butt. I could spend hours between her butt cheeks, just worshiping her."

"Thank you."

"You are welcome, Bambi."

"Next we have..." I paused and looked at her.

"Summer."

"Summer! And as you can see, Summer is a bit bigger in the bottom. If I saw things correctly when I came in, she does the.....um......is it twerk, when the butt gets humped up and down?"

"Yes, sir."

"Sir? My name is Mick."

"Yes, Mick, it is called twerking."

"Summer, here twerks really well and since she has a bit of a more fleshy butt, it bounces around much more than the other ladies. Would you please bend over, Summer."

"Sure."

"You see as she bends her hips open and seem wider. If she is sitting on your face the view would be panoramic. It is also about 10 inches from the top of her crack to her taint."

"Um...Mick?"

"Yes, Summer."

"What's a taint?"

The guys all laughed.

"May I touch you between your legs, Summer?"

"Sure."

"This is the top of your butt cheek crack."

I ran my finger down.

"This is your butthole. It is very nice, by the way."

"Thank you."

I slid my hand down further.

"This is where your butt ends and this..."

I moved my hand to her pussy.

".... This is your pussy, but if I slid my finger back towards your butthole, there is a small area between your pussy and your butthole. It ain't pussy and it ain't butt. It ain't either, hence it is the taint."

"Oh! I get it."

"Summer, I know several of the guys here that would love to kiss your taint."

She smiled and looked at the guys, who drooled back like the knuckle dragging cavemen they were.

"Finally we come to...." I paused again.

"Chastity."

"Perfect! Chastity has the longest butt crack at 12 inches. And as you can see her butt cheeks are a bit narrower that Summers. Can you twerk, dear?"

"Yes."

She turned and twerked. Her butt did not move as much as Summer.

"Chastity has a great butt. As you can see it take both of my hands to hold one of her very nice cheeks."

"Thank you, Mick."

"You are welcome, Chastity."

"Now you can see from looking at the two other ladies, they have flatter butt cheeks that don't move much and it is quite obvious that they do not draw attention to their butts, but to their very large breasts instead. A wise business choice, since both have wonderful tits."

"Ladies, if I may ask, did both of you have implants?"

One of the women raised her hand. I looked at the other and raised my eyebrows.

"My dear, THOSE are real and natural?"

"Yes."

"Well no wonder your butt is small. Everything you have grew up front."

She leaned over and gave my face a hug with her tits.

"So, tell me Dad, which one is your favorite?"

"My favorite? Oh my. It depends on the reason you are asking. If it is to see which one would be sitting with me, then it would be...."

I pointed at the girl with the large natural tits.

"Brandy" she said.

"It would be Brandy."

"What if it was to just hang out with, to take on a date?"

"Then, no doubt it would be Bambi. The chance to walk with her and occasionally to fall back and watch her butt and to occasionally 'accidentally' run my hand over her cheeks. Yeah, it would be Bambi."

My son jumped up and threw his arms in the air.

"YES!"

The guys each handed my son $50. He thanked each of them and after collecting the money, he handed it to me.

"Here you go, Dad. I bet you would pick Bambi. Now take the money and spend the day with Bambi."

"Spend the what?"

"Spend the day. It's a date. The deal was that whoever you chose would be your date for the day. My bike is out back and as soon as Bambi is dressed she will show you a good time."

"Son, I don't know about you and the guys getting me a hooker."

"A hooker? I am not a fucking hooker! Fuck you!"

"Bambi, I am sorry. I am sitting in a strip club on a Saturday morning. Meeting all of you beautiful naked women. I guess that I just made a stupid-ass assumption that all of this was to get me laid. I am truly sorry."

"I guess, I jumped on it as well. Do you want to hang out?"

"If you do."

"I'll be ready in a minute."

She walked away swaying her bare butt a little more than I had seen. My son and his friends had picked up the other girls, my son getting Brandy. After a few minutes Bambi returned in jeans and a tank top. She looked like a college coed.

We walked out to my sons motorcycle and I got on and cranked it up. Bambi got on the back and wrapped her arms around me, holding on tight. I drove to a restaurant that I used to go to when lived in KC. We walked in and took a seat.

"Brandy? How old are you?"

"I'm 32."

"Wow!"

"I know. I'm always getting hassled by high school and college kids."

"How long have you been dancing?

"Since I was 18 and now, I'm retired."

"I gotta ask. Why?"

"Because I like the owner. I have only danced here. I didn't have to worry about drugs or pay for play but there is a new owner taking over and he has ties to the mob, so the girls will probably soon be doing coke and hooking. I made a great living. I only date once in a while. I've not been looking for a steady guy."

"So what do you want to do today?"

"I want to get to know you and give you as many chances as possible for you to admire my butt."

"Really?"

"Do you really like my butt?"

"It is the best I have ever seen."

Bambi stood and move to sit next to me instead of across from me. She adjusted her jeans before she sat and smiled at me.

"I don't really have anything to look at in the front, so looking down my top will be no thrill for you, but now you can look down the back of my pants."

I looked and could see several inches down her butt crack.

"First, I don't look down women's tops. Second, I would not look down your pants, except that you have made the offer and I won't insult you by not looking."

"Good now tell me all about yourself. I talked to Pete and Lew. They told me a lot of really nice things about you."

We sat and talked through lunch and a dozen refills of iced tea.

"I also have to ask this. Is Bambi your real name?"

She smiled and pulled her wallet out of her purse and handed me her driver's license.

"Bambi Lynn Ambruster. Oh my."

"I guess my folks were expecting me to be a stripper."

"Do you have to work tonight?"

"Nope. I am free and available."

"Oh. I didn't realize that."

"Mick. Did the guys tell you anything about this arrangement at all?"

"Nope. I was told to show up and that was it."

"Oh oh."

"What is oh oh?"

"Oh oh is that I am not a hooker."

"I know. I am still feeling bad about saying that."

"That is alright. Mick, do you know what I am?"

"Smart, attractive, sexy, sweet."

"Thanks for all of that, but Mick.......I am yours."

"What?"

"We all signed up to be in the lineup, with the understanding that the one that was chosen was to remain with you. I guess you could say that you picked me, and I am now yours. Me and my butt will be flying back to Boise with you and staying with you until you decide to get rid of me."

I guess my expression said it all.

"Mick think of me as a mail-order bride of sorts. I was ready for a change in my life and I figured that at the worst, I would get out of KC and once in Boise, I can always find a good job, I have skills. I also have a lot of money set aside. I won't be a burden on you."

"Bambi. I like you, but I really need to call bull shit on this. It's a joke, right?"

"Call Lew."

I pulled out my phone and hit my son's speed dial tab.

"Hi Dad. I guess you know by now."

"Lewis! What have you gotten me into?"

"I don't know. Bambi is a great woman. She is very smart, and she is very discriminating when it comes to men. If you're calling me because she told you to, then she has decided to stay with you. You will not be able to get rid of her easily. Dad trust me when I tell you that you need her, and I'm so happy that you chose her."

"But....."

"Yeah there is her butt. I knew you'd fall for it as soon as I saw it."

"What am I supposed to do with a 32 year old stripper?"

"Former stripper." Bambi smiled.

"Dad, if you're seriously asking that question, then our intervention may have been too late. I gotta go. I love you Dad!"

With that he hung up and I was sitting at a table with a beautiful former stripper who just informed me that she was mine and was coming home with me. I was holding my head in my hands when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Sir are you ok?"

I looked up into the eyes of our server.

"Yeah, I just got some really strange news."

"So, Mick, what do you want to do before we go back to your hotel room for the night? Do you have a single or double bed in your room?"

"It is a king."

"Good. Let's go back to your hotel and you can cuddle with my butt while we get to know each other."

**********

And that is how I ended up with a 32-year-old live in girlfriend. I will have to tell you more of this story someday.