All Comments on 'The Cabin'

There is no ending.Lots more must have happened after he walked out.

To me this is more of a story outline or first draft. It has potential to be a really good story.

You need to smooth out the rough spots. They need to fit together better. You need to lessen some of the extremes so they work with the story. We need an u derstanding as to why she cheated.

Yes she could love him with all her heart. She apparently treated him very well for 10 years other than the cheating which she concealed from him and it didn’t heart him until they got stupid.

This story is very real life. If people don’t think so they should watch an episode of Dr. Phil. Unless we think those are also fake.

Keep writing. You have received some very good comments.

Yep, Dr. Phil is where I go to understand reality...well, only after I've watched Maury. What a maroon. The story is well written, but some serious revenge is called for ;-)

...but I've known a few and they do exist. You may wish them every suffering, every bit of vengeance you can imagine, but in the end all you can do is get away. Good story.

He needs to get fit in a couple of ways, emotionally because he is seriously weak. He let them mess up his highest libido late teen years, his college years when he could have been exploring and developing sexually, and now "destroy" him again along with every good memory of his past ten years. He needs get fit physically (6 feet tall and 150 pounds -- wait a moment while I blow away him and a dandelion head) and use his underdeveloped mental faculties. He needs to get thick in skin, in body , just leave, let the creeps all do what they want, leave the divorce or get it, just get gone.

Time for some directed payback later. If Keith is the family attorney (doubt a nurse and x-ray tech need one unless they bought a house and see up something), let's get him in trouble for his intimate relationship with one client and betrayal of another.n? If so, is it criminal or are they messing with him as a power trip?

Dave needs to lose the little white underpants and put his thinking cap (shades of Tom Terrific!) He should find out about the double messages.

She tells Keith and Heather that she loves Dave. Of course they don't believe her. They're having sex with her while she says that and follows it with agreeing to do the all the way cuckolding of Dave by deliberately getting pregnant by Keith and having Dave raise that child as his own. Not so loving. He should find out about the double messages.

She kept talking out both sides of her mouth. When Keith and Heather arrived, she complained to Dave that she wanted that time to be alone with him, then she drugged him so she can have sex with them! For that matter, how was it that she married Dave at all, went out with him for two years before he proposed, and then had sex with Keith the entire time she was married to Dave? What in the world? She had years to tutor him: she knew he had zero experience with sex, and she could have set it up so that the two of them would be exploring and experimenting together. Instead, she got what she wanted from Keith and Heather, left Dave with whatever leftovers she might give him and kept disrespecting him, disparaging his lovemaking, and dishonoring their marriage. Why did they keep messing with Dave? Why didn't they just leave him alone instead of denying him for all those years a faithful wife, his own children, a real marriage?

This ten years of betrayal thing reminds me very much of Rebirth-11 posted a month prior to yours: it had many interesting, real-life comments referencing depression, life styles, and ways to kill the betrayers. No matter which way you go with Dave, someone will be dissatisfied, but I'm hoping for him to live well and prosper (salute to Tom Terrific and his wonder dog Manfred -- nope).

Can't wait

Not greatest but pretty damn good

Pretty sure you don't have to go to college to be an X-ray tech.

Pretty good for a first effort, sure wish I could do it. Ended a bit too quick, I certainly would like a part two.

...this was amazing, but where’s the rest? I sure hope you’re writing a sequel otherwise it just looks like your computer accidentally deleted the 2nd half when you posted it.

Why would anyone write a story about such a pathetic pussy??

But it needs more. Best friends should never cheat on you with your wife on!y thing worse than a buddy using your wife is a family member, and minor sure that's true. Just don't understand how the chesterfield they had a right to defend themselves with such weak arguments.

This is one I read and reread, over and over. Well written and painful. The main character 's thoughts are obvious and clear. But why the cheating and lying , if she really loved him, why the it's not what it looks like defense ? It is obviously what it looks like , and they are three scummy folks. Friends and lovers don't do that to each other. Don't need to see the scum burned , but wonder how they justified this , and what was behind the desire to have another's child ,if she loved her husband enough to want him. I realize it's just a story , and doesn't have to make sense , but it is a story of this guy's pain , and so sense is important. Would love to hear their side, beyond just what was done. I mean , they screwed him over, and stil! wanted forgiveness, and his friendship. That is screwed up.

as johnadp has said, the protagonist was extremely unlikeable. too little self-respect or self-confidence. the wife and the two others were caricature LW villains.

WTF? Could have been a good start if you finished it. I waded through an unlikely pile of shit for zero payoff. You have potential as a writer but this was just depressing with no point. Who the fuck gave this story high marks?

What happened you got fed up half way through??? Why didnt you suggest it was an incomplete story with no real outcome?? You robbed us mate you cheated us very poor result, thanks for nothing. 1* if only to protect others from it.

I don't believe those two cheaters would ever sit down "...and thought about their part in the destruction of a marriage." I don't think they have remorse. Also, Keith's apology to Dave just doesn't seem like something he's capable of doing. He'd been doing Dave's wife for a decade and was planning on passing off his kid. That kind of person isn't capable of remorse.

Clearly, if the story inspired this many people to comment and ask for more, you must have done something right. It's been a while since this was published here but I hope you continue writing.

Like most of the other commenters, I was hoping for more. The end seemed a bit too abrupt, though really all that's left is sorting out the details. Still, it's nice to see what the aftermath of all the uproar will be in a story. Generally speaking, if the story ends with the husband leaving the house in a huff it's going to leave a lot of readers hanging and that's a bit frustrating. You don't necessarily have to add another four pages of epilogue afterwards but people will usually appreciate at least a summary of what the author thinks should happen at the end. In the case of this story, for example, there was no real sense of justice for David. He was destroyed by her betrayal when he was just 17, how much worse was this one? Yet all he does is give her a 50/50 divorce, gives her the house, and plans on making the asshole and his whore wife co-respondents in a way that'll be embarrassing for them at work. David really doesn't get much satisfaction out of the situation. There's no clear reason given for any of it, either, so there's not even a catharsis of "they're all batshit crazy" to get us through it.

It's a good 3/4 of a story but there's still a lot of meat left on the bone to chew through and it's disappointing that it wasn't completed. Even though it's been almost a year, I hope you continue to write, even if you don't put out a second part to this one. It's clear you have ideas that spark a lot of interest to readers here.

This a story that could have multiple writers takes on it if the original author is unable to do so. Kinda like George Anderson's story.

WISH THE AUTHOR WOULD ADD ANOTHER CHAPTER FOR A GOOD SCORCHED EARTH ENDING! OR SOMEONE WOULD PICK IT UP AND ADD TO IT!

Excellent! I hope he gets over her. He deserves better. I would like to read a chapter or two on the fallout.

I've not read all the comments but I'm guessing most would like to see a second chapter - at least. I'm one of those.

Thanks for the story.

Just one sad sap tale of woe. Him extricating himself from an abusive relationship is only a faint light at the end of the tunnel. It's a bit weary following a cast of scumbag characters and a self-admitted punching bag of a protagonist. Colleen is the biggest shitstain here - it really does feel like Dave said, she didn't finish the job back in the day, so she had to worm her way back into his life to try completely destroy him. Doesn't matter what her sad paper-thin justifications and claims of love were, her actions tell the story. Really, the story confirms too close to genre tropes to warrant sticking it out with these losers. Too bad nobody penned an alt ending.

Avoids the, and sits in dorm room for 4 years? Married for ten years?

This guy learned to know that price....because the people he believed in made him pay that price....but the ending falls flat here...in her own way his wife loves him...but not enough to only be his...and we know she doesn't want his baby...I wanted to read what she goes through at the end....not guess what happens to her..........

Wow! Talk about a cheating whore of a wife, and add on betrayal by his best friend. He should destroy them. The last line of the story says it all for me, but why wait?

No justice. This sux. How about including an ending? Giving it a generous 2

fuck the bullitt not worth spending the rest of you life in prison over trash.. slut wife , love my ass.

We need a sequel

Powerful, but sad, story the ultimate betrayal of a husband. The "wimpy" nerd showed true strength in holding steady to his decision, to remove those traitors from his life.

Why would Colleen be crying over losing a husband she does not think much of?

Pshh just leaving the story at its climax with no actual conclusion?

I hate when authors leave things like this, “to the readers imagination”. F that!

I still think this is a good story, but when I read something like this where the husband is stuck living in the house for 2 weeks and hiding in his room, I think "Where are his real friends?" Is there no one he can go to to live for a few weeks?

aaaand that´s it?!

I mean yeah at least he is no willing participant but 4 pages for... this "ending"

leaves an sour aftertaste

Seems like the author forgot to post the last few pages that actually finishes the story. Ugh. Hate when I waste time reading.

That was it? Where is the end?

does not end

Really hoping that there's a part II.

Someone needs to write a conclusion to this story, show the consequences of their actions. Good story, 4 stars!

Good first chapter.

3 stars just because there was never a follow-up or second chapter, unlikely to happen from the author as they haven't been on since 2019 sadly.

Okay as far as it went but I would have liked to have an ending. Him just walking out just doesn't equal "The End". Did she fight the divorce? Did they fight being named? Why give her the house? At least try for a 50/50 split. Maybe sue for fraud since she lied about the pill for 10 years denying him the opportunity for children. Lots of ways to go other than "faster than a bullet". You expect use to believe a wimp is suddenly going to get a gun, carry concealed, and wait for an opportunity to kill a man? Hardly.

One of the stupidest endings ever... all that was missing was MC saying, "Meh!" or "Whateverrrr!"

Congrats on creating the wimpiest fucking character EVER!!!! He's really sickening and an embarrassment to all males everywhere, even the gay ones.

Hubby was a useless tool. Never did anything with himself. Stared at the wall rather than moving on with life. Why Colleen gave a damn about him was the real mystery. Also, she claims to love him and faints, etc. Why? What was there to love? No explanation for why she didn’t want his baby, or why she loved him. Again, nothing about his character to love. His good grades apparently got him nowhere. This story left all the questions it created unanswered. A fail.

Author started with the MC as a wimp and ended with him still a wimp from highschool through college then ten years of marriage and still a loser couldn't even leave with dignity just a little wimp sad really.

such a wimp throughout!!!!Good that Coleen fucked Keith.... not worth this guys genetic material being passed down to a kid!

So bad. He worked hard, got good grades and got a crap job at the hospital?

This story had a number of writing errors and was not erotic. Also, a good story has the main character undergo change. Unfortunately the main character (“hero”) of this story never changes. He made no effort to change or improve himself. Getting good grades failed to enable him to advance in his job, let alone his life. Not a good read. But considering it was the author’s first story I raised my score from one to two stars. I think an editor and some reading about improving one’s writing would help this author.

I wanted more from his slut wife’s perspective after he left at the “end”. What happens to her? What happens to him?

That’s it?

So painful, a story for a masochist who like to fee the paid of others.

What an unconscionable

waste

of a

reader's bloody

time. -0-

This writer was one and done. That was one too many.

A story needs a character, not necessarily even the main character, but someone the reader can like, identify with or, even revel in their self-destruction. This story had zero likable characters. There is no PLEASURE in reading this unless you're a masochist. DO NOT READ.

You so need to continue this .....

Just a comment on the comments, have you ever noticed that the anonymous ones are all written by people that can’t spell, which is probably why they remain anonymous lol.

Where's part 2??

Absolutely great story. I do wish old Toad had written a dozen more.