All Comments on 'The Cabin'

Just not believable. They go to college for 4 years together yet never speak till end.4 year degree and he is xray tech? I think that does not require a degree. His wife 4 year degree and has crap job too. In same amount of time his buddy was a lawyer. They get together once a month? Why so infrequently? They comtrol themsleves with little chamce of being discovered but then blow it by fucking whe he is right there? Why

Why does she care? Clearly does not love him to treat him like that.

There was a good story in there somewhere but all the shortcuts ruined it

In fact it was pretty good for a first story. Dave should never have got mixed up with Colleen the second time. He was pretty clueless for ten years before he caught her and Keith in action. You got the LW cliches covered for sure. " Honey, I love only you, it's just sex with Keith, I don't love him. " I want to have his baby though. "It just happened, we never wanted to hurt you." We fucked hundreds of times over ten years, but didn't get caught, so we didn't hurt you much. Lying, cheating wife and friends are making a cuckold out of loving, clueless husband. But he takes acton to end it all as he finds out. Should have seen if Keith could have outrun that bullet though.

I know SB is going to ask why Keith wants a baby with Colleen. Does he have any children with Heather? Can she have children? Is this just a final fuck you to Dave , a man they claim to care about. I can't quite get a grasp on this part of the story. In fact ,the actions of none of the characters fit the situation. I think you left it kind of hanging. As LW readers, we need a final closure. One more page with n epilogue would have been good.

but you really should finish the story, because it's incomplete as it is now.

Just sayin'

Great start, is there going to be a sequel? I ask the question, but do not think that the Wife could do anything to explain the reasons she did what she did. Cheating is bad enough, but then denying him as well? Thanks for writing.

The story was there not sure how it was some of it you didn’t really need in the story but you seem to have got carried away at the start bringing a bit to much information that the story didn’t really need then you had to rush the ending by not giving enough information don’t get me wrong you will get there eventually just have to remember to keep your stories balanced just as I said to much at the start then to little at the end but don’t stop writing this was a first attempt and it was a fantastic attempt because trying to write in this section for the first time is very hard so keep on writing these sorts of stories and you’ll end up with tons of fans lol

This is one of those times where he should of really burnt the bitch and the asshole friends. Didnt like it all

As an X-ray tech he should have been able to see right through her.. .. 😁

The protagonist was a total loser and it was hard to sympathise with someone that pathetic.

Colleen was a complete cunt for ditching him on their first date without a word. Then she got the poor bastard beaten up because she used him to taunt the big meathead. Dave was so traumatised that he lived like a monk for 4 years, but he then forgives the bitch just because she's hot? He only had himself to blame for this mess... he knew exactly what she was like but married her anyway.

Then we find out that he's got a tiny dick and was shit in bed. Why would Colleen have ever agreed to marry him in the first place? I could understand it if he was some tech millionaire and she was with him for the money, but he had a crap job for a graduate. Beautiful women don't marry geeky nerds unless they're rich.

So the obvious,did Colleen end up in a Loving Threesome Relationship with Keith and Heather,and have his baby like she wanted.Also it was glaringly accurate Colleen never loved her husband Dave,and to exclude him from being with her,Keith,and Heather just proved it.I just hope Dave found happiness with someone else besides his lying,cheatin whore wife.And Colleen and them come to regret what they did cause they sure as hell didn't regret it when they turned Dave into a Cuckold.

What was wrong in this? The wife suffering and crying so much and for so long when she clearly didn't love or even like her husband. Instead she despised him and had him in little regard...She couldn't be such a good actress...That for the entire four pages turned this story unlikely and not likable...2*

Add an aftermath pleade

You made your main character such a pathetic loser that few will feel sorry for him. He spends 6 years lamenting some slut that he only took out once and she dumped him halfway through the date. No way would she seek him out 6 years later and pursue this spineless, pathetic wimp. Then for the whole 10 years of their marriage she cheats on him. He never had a clue? He wants children and he never knows she is on birthcontrol? and he works in the medical field! She never lets him fuck her arse but gives it to her lover? In early discussions he NEVER says anything derogatory. Never calls her a cheating slut. Just bottles it all up. He is a professional victim. Locking himself in his room for 2 weeks. Stopping eating and just drinks alcohol, gets admitted to hospital and is so weak he needs his wife to look after him. Are we expected to feel sorry for this pathetic loser?

What happens next for Dave and Collen?

I gave you a 4*.

My only advise is to find a volunteer editor to flesh out the few grammatical errors.

Please keep them coming.

The story is mostly good, but it comes to a drastic halt. Given how stuck he's been on just one woman his whole life, I'd be curious to see how he deals with things after that. This could use a sequel. Also, his self esteem is so very low that it's pretty pathetic, through the whole story. It would be interesting to see if he could finally get to a place where he could love himself.

A good story that can be a great story if it gets a follow up.

I know this came to a concluding point, however, it just doesn’t feel like it’s finished. I wish I could say what more I needed to know but I can’t put my finger on what’s missing. I assume you are leaving the reasons and rationalizations for the infidelity as to the general personality traits the “beautiful elite” have but that, or whatever you decided them to be, were not clear and maybe that is what I’m missing.

Nice first effort.

You will rapidly improve by paying attention to constructive criticism. I strongly suggest you find an editor to help cleanup the text. You have the basics down pretty well as far as punctuation and spelling are concerned but another set of eyes would help. You have a lot of potential. Keep writing and learning.

Good story, nice build up, but then comes to an abrupt stop that leaves one wishing for some resolution, be it tragic or otherwise. Hoping for a part 2.

Feels unfinished

You need a sequel to this story.

Took him long enough. Go get himself a Chinese wife who will treat him like a king. Cherry blossoms.com

Where’s part 2!? Would love to read more of this. It came to a halt all of a sudden. And left things without much closer.

Definitely needs a sequel

this needs some type of non-wimp ending. I like the final threat, but where were those balls in the beginning. A gun or some type of equalizer works just the same.

i agree with everyone else. needs a 2nd chapter.

...there were elements to the characters which just weren't consistent with events at all. Not only does the wife trot out the "I never meant to hurt you" line, but the so-called best friend tries it too. They can't be that delusional or stupid and still be walking the streets of this story. The wife's repeated instances of fainting and sobbing didn't quite tally either.

Some of this could be remedied in a sequel though. Out the trio fo deceivers publicly, and provide some plausible redemption for the protagonist (years of trust issues notwithstanding).

as some of the commenters but after what I read sunk in I saw a different side of the story.

I could see how Dave would feel the way he did from his life as a teenage nerd. Colleen seamed to be a caniving bitch the whole way through, I'm not saying she didn't love him she just wasn't happy to be with him.

The realization he had left the cabin when he should be still out because she drugged him was the real first slap to the face. The fact that she couldn't or wouldn't tell him the truth was the next. People should learn that if someone says 'You don't know what I may or may not know', if they ask a question they already know the answer.

I for one saw trouble in River City when she was talking to him in the cafeteria when she called him a nerd. How would have she felt if he had referred to her by some disparaging name?

I have nothing to say about Keith or Heather, how could Keith not known how having an affair with Colleen would affect Dave after what they all went through in high school?

Like many others I feel this story needs closure. The way it ended wasn't clouser.

but does need a non-wimpy cuckold ending. I don't understand why it to so long to realize he can always use something equalize his short comings.

….but needs a second chapter.

Not bad for your first time had a few typos it flowed well. It did need a little more carácter build up but it was good to see the main carácter keep his self respect. Keep up the good work hope to read more of your stories. Thank you

I think you piled it on TOO MUCH. I think the story would have been better if she just cheated on him with Keith and Heather one time. That was enough. But you piled on her sins:

- Colleen has to be a sociopath to know the effect that walking out on a date had on Dave, then cheat with his best friend for 10 years.

- Collen deviously planned this trip not to get away together but to fuck behind his back.... Extremely risky and not in alignment with 10 years of careful hiding... That makes no sense.

- she put on a show of not wanting Keith and heather there... Completely unnecessary

- she DRUGGED Dave so she could fuck Keith and Heather... Was she going to keep him drilugged the whole trip? Was also surprised that wasn't mentioned later. Drugging him to fuck was a HUGE betrayal and showed lack of love.

- she denied her husband her ass then begs Keith to fuck it. That's shows she had stronger feelings for Keith... And that it was not just sex. She emotionally gave Keith something her husband was denied

- she belittles her husband to Keith and heather... Not something she would do if she loved Dave and felt any guilt. Calling him useless in bed...

- she plots to have keith's baby instead of Dave... This again shows she loves Keith more than her husband. Why have keith's child if it was just sex

So, by doing these things you turned Colleen into an unredeemable villain. That makes the conflict and divorce too easy. It leaves Dave no choice but to act in one way.

It's global thermonuclear war.

Colleen's crying, protestations of love and words then make no sense and are not compatible at all with her behavior. Why does she want to stay married to Dave? He is lousy in bed. She clearly loves Keith more as she wants his baby instead of her hubby. She is better off divorced to move in with Keith and Heather.

So, that is inconsistent and illogical.

But, it all makes the divorce too easy.

It could have been a far superior story, IMHO, if Colleen had cheated with Keith and Heather at the cabin for the first time she cheated and regreteed it. Then you would have set up a more redeemable villain that allowed for a more complex scenario and better emotional turmoil.

It would have allowed Keith and Colleen to be more consistent and aligned with their actions and words.

As written, nobody can believe Colleen felt remorse. Piling it on made her one-dimensional.

I hope this makes sense. I am not at all saying what you wrote was bad. I just think you could have done a better job by keeping Colleen and Keith as believable characters who made a mistake and regretted it, rather than evil, vile, unredeemable assholes.

KB

but there must be part 2 somewhere in not too distant future.

Please wrap this up.

Liked how you got the nerd / bully aspect. The characters were developed fairly well and the emotion definitely came across. Yes, there were errors and editing helps however this does scream for a “Part 2”.

Well done.

i enjoyed this,, but i have to agree with some other comments ,, it needs a another chapter ,, , it needs finishing,, where did dave end up and how did the others fare , ? , please do a follow up .. thanks for sharing ,

the whole best friend doing it for in this case 10 years deal is kinda overdone but other than that a solid first story

I guess there are people like his wife and friends,

but I haven't ran in to them in my life.

This story in way or another has been done before.

No sequel needed.

Another story where someone's best friend has no issue at all sleeping with his buddies wife. In this case for over ten years. I also saw no connection with heather? Why is she in on the threesome shit? Why did colleen ever marry the nerd if she had the other guy all along? Non of them are overly wealthy or offer anything. So if great sex is what she wants she had it before she was married. So again why the nerd?

75 stories with the same fucking, trite, cliche title is all I need to know about this story's "quality".

I liked this, 4 stars, but felt cheated when we were left hanging at the end.

Could you write another chapter in which he goes from strength to strength meeting a lovely woman, writing a best seller or finding success somewhere while the other three end up in the gutter. He deserves better than the current ending.

Not really sure what Colleen saw in David. Why wouldn't she give Dave her ass since his dick is smaller than Keith's anyway?

I would have enjoyed reading about the "friends" being served at their work places.

Not the same quality, but felt like I was reading an MM tale. Part 2 will be about how Keith does him some favor and the 4 of them become buddies.

So much left to explain though.

This should definitely be a story with several more parts.

Should explain what kind of fallout there is for all the characters from this.

Also, what lead to her deception with Keith and Heather?

One thing to consider is providing more explanation for wife’s motives - especially for wanting to have another man’s baby. Sex is sex, but not wanting to have the baby of the man she swears she loves doesn’t make sense.

good try....keep writing....and yes....it does need a sequel

Okay, Dave's a nerd. I get that, but why is he also a pathetic whiny bitch?

The story is written well, but why is Dave painted as such a cry baby coward?

He's painted as such a loser, there's no way he can turn himself into something else. No way to re-invent himself no matter where he moves. The best he can do is move on and don't look back. That said...

horneytoad98277, 5 stars for being bold and ending the story as you did. Looking forward to your next story!

looking forward to part two

But it lacked depth and needed much fleshing out. I have been a mild nerd and I know many. The behaviors required a catalyst and a much stronger finish either positively or negatively for the nerd victim.

You can't even claim platonic love and do what she did let alone romantic. Sadly, this type of delusion is quite common. My mother is friends with a woman who had a daughter that carried on an affair for many months. The woman openly cheated on her husband while pushing the narrative that her cheating was making her a better person, better wife and mother because she was "finally truly happy." The wife and husband had 3 children: a 15 year old daughter, 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter. The husband stayed married and in the home because he didnt want to disrupt the childrens lives and initially had hoped his wife would wake up. Several months after DDay the wife was barely spending any time in the marital home.. She would spend days gone without a word to her husband or children. When confronted about this she would get outraged and demand that he let her "have this." He told her the marriage was over and she could do whatever she wanted but she has responsibilities to her children. She would always get extremely defensive and angry. She would lose it when the husband stated the marriage was over. She would always profess her love for him and claimed that she actually loved him MORE than he loved her because he "didn't want her happy." She also accused him of weaponizing their children by pointing out she had responsibilities. Sometimes she would become violent and throw things at him or hit him. The husband would always try to make sure these discussions happened when the kids were in school or out of the house. One time during a particularly awful fight where the wife was trying to guilt her husband (all the while proclaiming her love) he got fed up and said he was going to date as he had no caring and devoted wife. They hadnt been intimate in 7 months. She threw a heavy book at him and hit him in the head. She said it wasnt the same thing "and you know it. This is about my fulfillment, it isnt about sex." The husband called her a liar because he knew she was sleeping with her AP. He also threw into her face that she hadn't looked at him as a lover in 7 months let alone have sex with him. She said, "Josh wouldn't like that."

It all came crashing down for the wife when she was a noshow around the daughter's sweet sixteen. The wifes parents and sister flew up for the party. The wife promised to be home for the duration of the visit and she would limit conversations with Josh until after everyone was in bed. The husband begged her not to disappoint their daughter and to humiliate him even further. She called him insecure and unloving.

It was two days before the party and the inlaws needed to be picked up at the airport. The wife, the mother in law and the daughter were going to spend the day together buying the dress and going to the spa. The hus band called the wife and reminded her but she never picked up her cell phone nor did she respond to text. The husband didnt want to upset his daughter so he didnt tell her and just took the two youngest to pick up his inlaws. Iimmediately questions started coming about where she was. Not wanting to show his shame and misery he said that the wife would likely meet them at home. He hoped she didnt forget so he lied and said she was doing some last minute preparations for their stay. He could tell however that they weren't buying the story because the kids were upset not to mention he looked tired and sad and had lost a ton of weight. They didn't press the issue at that point. They waited until they were home for a few hours. The wife's absence was glaring and the mother, father and wife's sister all tried to call her with no response. They texted her and receive nothing back.

Eventually it came to a head and the husband completely broke down in front of his in-laws and told them the whole story. The in laws didn't believe it and of course tried to blame him for everything. They worried he did something to their daughter and was lying. At this point the oldest (16) had come home expecting to be with her mom and grandmother. She entered by way of the kitchen and they didnt hear her.

She heard her grandparents and aunt yelling at her dad... She lost it. She literally screamed at them to leave her daddy alone. "He is the only one who loves us. Mom is a whore and has been cheating on him for months. She never comes home, she never calls us or helps us. When she is here she is looking at her watch. She doesnt love us anymore. She then pulled out her cellphone and showed them a video of her mother throwing the book at her father and telling him that HIM dating wasnt the same thing and if he loved her as much as she loved him, he would let her have this.

By this point the daughter was hyperventilating and balling while her dad held her tightly in his arms crying right along. The in-laws sat there with their jaw dropped and then proceeded to beg forgiveness both for their actions and their daughter. The other two children were watching videos on headphones in the basement so were pretty unaware of what was going on. Still, the adults needed to talk and figure it out so then oldest took them out to the park.

The mother in law and father in law called their daughter repeatedly. She eventually picked up and proceeded to say that she would be home any minute and was just picking up a few last minute items for the party. When she got home they called her on the lies and proceeded to lay into her. The wife was furious at being discovered and tried to blame her husband. They werent having it.

The parents laid into their daughter and expressed disappointment and disgust with her behavior. Apparently the Mother-in-law told her daughter that she didn't raise her to be a goddamn whore and an abusive wife. They stated that they would get her some help but she needed to end this now. The wife dug in and said she was never abusive or mean to her husband. "She loved him but he didnt love her enough to let her be happy" At that point the wife's father showed his daughter the video he had copied from his granddaughter. The wife asked where the video came from and immediately turn to face the husband to accuse him of spying and trying to hurt her relationship with her family. The wife's sister told her to shut the fuck up. She said her neice had watched her mother abuse her father. "What kind of monster are you?" Still the wife wouldn't believe it and called them all liars when father said they weren't lying in fact her daughter called her own mother a whore. The mother in law then said, "while i don't like the word,... She. Isn't. Wrong. I dont know who you are right now"

I don't know if it was the daughter calling the mother a whore or the wife's mother calling her daughter the same but that seemed to make a difference and the wife stopped screaming and started to listen. They talked for a long time and eventually put it aside temporarily so that they could focus on the sweet sixteen.

The wife did break off the affair after the talk but she kept going back for a while. She was addicted to the dopamine rush and was very much in the affair fog. Eventually though she did finally end it.

The wife of course wanted to reconcile but that was impossible. Divorce papers were filed and the husband had everyone in his corner even if they were devestated to see it end. The wife tried to fight and demanded counseling. The in-laws did offer to pay for it but they couldn't blame the husband for not wanting to be with a woman who disrespected him so. Money was tight so they helped pay for both their legal fees.

Eventually the wife entered counseling and was able to work through her issues. She still desperately tries to ger her exhusband back but he isnt there yet... probably never will be. The two youngest have a close relationship with their mom but the oldest daughter tries to have as little contact as possible. Her dad has tried to encourage his daughter to forgive as have her grandparents but she is too hurt over her own feelings of betrayal and the fact she really loves her dad.

They are civil with each other. The wife got out of her fog and was mortified at what she did. She realized that she created a false history of their marriage. She burned it to the ground and will probably never forgive herself.

This is not an uncommon story. The family finding out helped the wife but the damage was already done. Affair fog... it really does make you believe lies like saying you love while completely disrespecting your spouse.

This is so over the top it ruins the story and makes no sense. If Keith is really obsessed with Colleen,why doesn't he just take her back then? Why don't he and Heather and Collen just be together? I realize there are narcisistic sociopaths in real lif e like this,but why do they even bother with Dave? Colleen says she loves him but how the hell could she love him and treat him like this? And then sat 'we never meant to hurt you?' Keith makes no sense either,he stands up for Dave, seems to have son feelings for him, but then treat him like this? A fling that just happens when they have sex unplanned and she got pregnant,but this is the territory of sociopaths..

And now it really needs another part,if to give Dave some sort of satisfaction,and maybe closure,the poor guy was devastated by a high school thing for 6 years, wit

With this it is just a cuck story with a pathetic loser it almost is good not to care about. Fyi if you are planning to do multiple parts it is always wise to note this is part 1; if you are thinking to leave it here you likely will find future stories will be received less than kindly, the artsy fartsy 'i leave it up to the reader's is just plain annoying, especially since you staged such an over the top scenario.

Not badly written,could use refinement, but rough syntax here or there, but def a good reading story.

Great start. It needs another chapter. Have Dave grow a set though due to this. Good start for sure.

Then I burst in to tears again

The story was good and I would read it again. What would have made it better for me was some indication of what was going on in Colleen's mind. Why did she marry Dave, why did she cheat if she loved him? For me looking into the cheating wife's psyche and reasoning is the most important aspect of an LW story.

anon.1

Will there be a part 2?

yes i hope it doesn't end there he needs some revenge on all three of them

Looking forward to its completion. A lot of questions that could be answered still but your writing and style is good, easy to read and a good story-line.

Just wished that you had dave grow a pair after being married 10 years. I can see him dumping his wife and fiends but what puzzles me is his wife sobbing so much? Colleen clearly is not in love with Dave he's more like a loving family dog to her. You didn't mention a part 2 or more is that your intent?

Wife and best friend did this. What ya going to do about it, man up.

A great story will there be a part 2

I’ve read this same story by a different author.

He starts off as a drama queen bitch, and never lets up. Literally was rooting for him to marry and get cheaed on after he talked about how she destroyed him after alltheir dates. They didn't date. He tutored her. He mustered up a request for a date and she further. That's what you're story says. At no point does he grow a pair or man up. Seriously, I hate cheaters, but this guy is a whiny delusional cunt who sounds like an Intel. How about writing an actual man next time?

Sounds like he needs to sign up for that Idaho Boot Camp for Cuckolds.

I hope not and I hope he does not go back to his wife and friends....

4

Well written story for your first. Perhaps a sequel to this story or a new one. Either way I will be waiting to read it.

Made me realize what bothered me so much about this story. The unrealistic emotional turmoil that Colleen displays doesn't make sense if she has been cheating for the entire 10 year marriage. The drugging of Dave to have nasty sex with Keith and his wife is bad enough but then you throw in the anal sex and her desire to have Keith get her pregnant and we are to believe that she "loves dave". KB mentioned that if you had Colleen have a threeway with Keith and his wife without the anal and asking for Keiths baby as a one time event you would have reason for Colleen's sorrow.

Interesting. Can’t wait to see how this story unfolds and what Dave does.

Good start, maybe he will finally grow a pair

You cannot just leave it here. Why give her the house u need to see and split it.

This story kinda sucks. I mean what did David expect out a shallow idiot like Colllen. Also come on dude, it was one date. One date is not the end of the world and if it is, there is something more going in dude's head than being shy. Probably needs to see a counselor. Also, who marries someone, lies to them, cheats on them, then tries to trick them into raising someone else's kids, then professes their undying love to the person they so completely betrayed. It doesn't have to be real, but at the very least, keep it realistic. I just find this hard to believe. Anyways, good riddance to the happy throuple.

I'm not sure even MM's men are this big a wimp. Why wouldn't his Mother, after taking him to the hospital, NOT call the police? Mike belongs in jail. His hand is going to show damage from breaking Dave's nose. Mike is toast. Then, why after going all the way thru college, would he even consider letting Colleen back into his pathetic life? He mopes his way thru college and a couple of more years over some twit that treated him badly in high school? That's the definition of sad sack. You over did it by making him such a wimp. He can't even confront them. He packs and drives away after catching them. Then gets and stays drunk so long he ends up in the hospital. That was enough. Done and done. Too pathetic for me.

1 star

I enjoyed it and really hope there is a sequel. They need public humiliation - heather should be fired on the grounds of poor/improper morals. Keith of course gets in trouble for the poor publicity he brings to his law firm, and Colleen of course earns the public (and internet) reputation of a cheating slut. Hopefully Dave can find someone worthy of him, and these 3 live with regrets for the rest of their lives.

He’s a pretty sad little fella. This should only continue if the author allows our hero to grow a spine. Otherwise he should just use that gun he’s supposed to have on himself because currently he is so pathetic that you can hear him tell his wife “I’m going to shoot my self and you all are next!”

he knew what a lying slut she was when she dumped him minutes into a date

how sorry should we feel for a moron?

I enjoyed your story, but as some have pointed out David is such a wimp that his last outburst feels out of character. The story is hanging a little.

If you can it would be ok to find out if our "hero" finally grows a spine and makes something of his tattered life and maybe there is some payback for the rest of the characters.

Also I would like to point out that David has parents and brothers and a sister so maybe he is not so alone as he claims.

Thank you.

PRETTY DECENT FIRST ATTEMPT, TAKE ANON COMMENTS WITH A PINCH OF SALT (some people are never pleased, just offer them a refund) , I THINK YOU HAVE POTENTIAL SO PLEASE KEEP WRITING, THANKS WAS GOING TO GIVE A 4 BUT HEY JUST 5⭐️, P.

You captured some extreme hurt VERY well. However, I think his wife’s escapade at the falls was a little over the top. It felt overly cruel and out of character even given the backstory, especially the having another man’s baby bit. Simply cheating with his best friend would have been enough to break him.

All that being said, it was a solid tale with a unique back story I was actually interested in it. I’m looking forward to more from you!

Enjoyed the story. need more

if this is the end- 3 (unsatisfactory ending)

good start if it’s 1st part of a series

"The woman openly cheated on her husband..."

Only because he was so pathetic he put up with it. He knew she was having an affair, and ended up complaining about no sex for 7 months... because the wife's boyfriend told her to cut him off?! Why would he even want to screw the evil cunt? Who knows what diseases she picked up from her asshole lover! Then she demands he stay faithful... and he actually listened?!

The wife was never there, so he controlled the narrative with the kids. He should have spent months turning them against their whore of a mother, while documenting all the cases of spousal abuse and how unfit she was as a parent. The eldest daughter was smart enough to see what was going on; with her help, convincing the youngest two would be easy.

Cue the divorce: the kids hate their mom, and he gets sole custody.

Divorce is a war with the odds heavily stacked against the husband. In that example, the wife handed all the cards to the husband to fuck her over for her atrocious behaviour, but he was too spineless to deal with her properly. Instead he spent years being her wimpy cuckold, suffering abuse and sole-parenting the three children.

FINISH YOUR DAMN STORY!!! Did you get bored? All that build up to an out of character outburst rushed non ending.

Fast (but incomplete) ending! The only acceptable non-violent would be contrary to an unmentioned limitation. They live in a world with one fair-sized town, with one college, one hospital and one (maybe two) wilderness areas! Otherwise, Hubby woulda gone to another college, and The Bull and Sweetie woulda gone to two other colleges. Hubby and Sweetie woulda gotten better-paying jobs in different places (and this story coulda never happened.).

HT77 does NOT portray Sweetie as so enthralled with Our Hero that she spent four years in a moderate sized college without initiating any contact with OH! Left unmentioned was how much contact she enjoyed with others of the community.

So Keith The Friendly Bull, who finds Sweetie developing into a tasty peesa-ass, starts a Quixotic mission. He tries to figure out a way to, within the last weeks of undergrad, get the loser he hadn’t talked to for 4 years, back with Sweetie (instead of dipping his own wick.)

Yes, this ended poorly (as a story.) Unfortunately, the only way this story CAN end satisfactorily is for one (loser) or more (the other 3) people to die violently, but without evidence of a crime. Finishes I find reprehensible!

3.6 = 4*

You have managed to hook me. The main character showed a bit of backbone growth. He needs to continue and there needs to be revenge

Is there more to this story in the near future?

As others have said, good first effort. Personally, I would have liked to have seen the wife and her two cohorts suffer more but at least he finally grew a pair.

But the start was way too long. They could have gotten married in half the number of words.

Of a follow-up; consequences & retribution on the trio "friends" & wife.

A little more back story on how he suddenly manned-up; ie. besides the evident (missing) firearms training, tae-kwondo, ju-jitsu, etc.

Just a thought:

Could always have Colleen (the soon to be ex-wife) and/or Keith (the ex-friend) discover that one or both are actually infertile; adding to the ex-wife's heartbreak.

Or, just Keith is infertile and have them go to Dave begging him to impregnate Colleen and his wife Heather... poetic justice, maybe?

Please keep at it.

I didn't really feel it was a 5 but gave you the extra to keep your average above a 4. Does need a continuation though.

The only things the author tells us about the MC:

1. Major nerd

2. Zero personality. He was pathetic in high school, but then he tells Colleen that all he does is work, then go home sit on the bed and watch the wall until he falls asleep.

3. Sucks in bed.

4. Small penis.

5. Below average income job.

6. Wimp

7. Pathetic

8. Major nagging whiner back in high school and as an adult.

This author didn't give us one positive or redeeming characteristic about the MC (outside his 4.0 GPA). So, that begs the question, not why Colleen fucks around on him, but why the fuck was she with him to start with? Not one single clue is given about that. And how could she say she loves him and why she wants to be with him compared to being with Keith? Is she like one of those people that that goes to the animal shelter, completely overlooks all the cute dogs with personality and charisma, and finds the old mangy one with a broken leg, one eye that growls at her and goes yeah that's the one.

Author, you can have the MC have less attractive "manly" characteristics and the lover be "the better man". But you cannot give one absolutely nothing going for him, except that he breathes air, and then ask a reader to believe first that she is willing to date him, then willing to keep on dating him, then marry him, then stay with him for 10 years. Now, if she was some fat, nerdy girl, hygienically challenged, with a big wart at the end of her nose, then I'd be like ok I see it. This, I totally didn't see.

Here's the thing. Your first story, there was a story there. Yes, it had lots and lots of cliches from the LW genre. But still there was a story there. But you have to give us a reason why these two were together, and then why she was tempted to have another man. In this story, the question I have is not why she cheated, but how could she be with the husband.

What I didn't like wasn't the cheating, or how he handled it, heck not even the wife and her reasons, what I couldn't stomach was Dave low self steem, he doesn't need to act like he owns the world or ignore his short comings, but really the pathetic way he saw himself wasn't necesary. Even so it was interesting enough to finish, keep up writing and polish a little bit better your characters.

That was great ... especially a first try. I loved it! Seems like a part 2 could be coming??

Now you should write about Dave and how he goes after starting the Divorce. Then show how the Big 3 Do after every thing is out in the Open.

So far. After reading a lot of them I hope they haven't turned you off of completing this story. You show a lot of talent for your first story and I hope you finish it. I liked it enough that I kept checking back every day in case you had posted the next chapter, so take the negative comments with a grain of salt or better yet ignore them because your first story has scored 4 plus stars. There are authors that post often in loving wives that regularly score 2 to 3 stars and lower at times. So please finish the story. Thank you.

How could any one let alone three people try to justify lying , sneaking and cheating someone of all they did . Worst part was more than ten years of his life and why do people think we weren’t try to hurt you we thought you would never find out. That would make me even more mad . There could never be forgiveness here in my eyes. I also could never understand why woman when they start to fuck guys they do it all and by time there married it stops . They let guys fuck there ass , they swallow loads and take facials then they get married and make believe thrr Ed y never did it or like it . A friend was married to girl we knew from younger who was a slut when she was younger. She gave blowjobs to anyone who asked and knew of more than a few that fucked her ass. Hubby was complaining to the guys that she’s suck a prude in bed and everyone laughed. He was pissed and guy finally said listen she was one of the biggest sluts for a few years than she got a long term boyfriend and calmed down just before meeting you . He was drunk and never should’ve said anything but it escalated and he told him he dropped enough loads up her ass to fill a wine barrel. Then the punches flew and divorce followed. Nobody wants to end up find out their wife was a whore pig and continue to be.

I can't wait for more of this story.

Didn't care for it, to be honest.

Too many standard tropes. Too little of an ego by the protagonist. Thanks for your efforts in writing this.

What were you hoping to convey? The mouse that eventually roared? That needs get beaten up and always lose? That gorgeous women are slaves to their sex drives? That best friends are conniving?

I also think that there needs to be an element of revenge on Keith and Coleen.

hornytoad

I have to say, you got me with this story. I felt for the underdog finding out that his married life was a total lie. It is a tale that begs at least another chapter if not more. For me, this story managed to escape all of the cuck wimp bullshit that inundates this site. Dave made his stand based on logical principles and left the three cheaters. I must admit, a little devil in me would love to see an adequate degree of payback with extreme prejudice in the next installment but I encourage you to add to this.