The Camp Ch. 04: Gunny Rob

She sat down on the bed and unhooked his belt. Pulling his trousers down, I noticed that he appeared to be somewhat out of shape. She leaned forward and seemed to take his penis in her mouth. I reversed the video a bit and looked closer.

From what I could tell, he had what could best be described as a "micro-dick" that couldn't have been more than a few inches in length. For some reason, I had always imagined that if she were to cheat on me, she'd find someone much better endowed than I. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

After she finished sucking him off, she laid back on the bed and spread her legs wide. He got between her legs and worked his smaller dick inside her before he began pumping. I could hear her moan and cry out as he fucked her. It didn't take very long for him to finish and soon, the two of them were snuggling on top of the bed. That was it? Seriously? There had to be more.

I could hear them say something but couldn't quite make it out, so I reversed the video a bit and turned up the volume. I was stunned as I listened to what they were saying.

"God, you feel so good inside me," she said softly. "You fit just perfect."

"Yeah?" he asked. "Better than your husband?"

"Much," she said. "He's so big it hurts most of the time."

"I thought you liked 'em big," he said. "Most women do."

"Yeah, well, I'm not 'most' women," she said. "Yes, he's big and manly and muscular but I prefer my soft little teddy bear," she added, rubbing her hand across his flabby gut. I thought I was going to get nauseous. "Trust me, Alan could be the poster boy for 'toxic masculinity,'" she said.

"Has he ever been in your ass?" Elroy asked. Her eyes widened.

"With that monster dick of his?" she asked. "No fucking way in hell. Besides, that's reserved for you." I was never into anal sex and had no real desire to even try, but it pissed me off that she readily gave that to Elroy without even giving me an opportunity to try.

"So, when are you going to leave him?" he asked.

"I don't know. Probably not until long after he retires," she said.

"If you play your cards right, you could get half of his retirement checks along with much of his savings and 401K," Elroy said. So that was her plan. Good thing I have that prenuptial agreement she signed when we first got married. My dad had the form all ready for me when he died. All I had to do was fill in her name. His primary concern was the house and the inheritance they had left me.

I heard enough and pulled out the phone book. It wasn't too late in the afternoon, so I called and made an appointment to see a family law attorney the next morning. I went upstairs and packed some of her stuff and put the bags by the door. To hell with her, I thought. If she wants out, I'll let her go. Afterward, I spent some time there on the couch thinking about life between Lisa and I.

As far as I knew, things were good between us. Sure, we had the same issues every married couple does, but we always worked through them. I had always thought that if she was going to cheat on me, it would be with someone much bigger than myself -- perhaps a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Holmes -- a muscle man with a 10-inch dick. I never imagined she'd go for the marshmallow man with a dick smaller than a Tootsie Roll.

I actually laughed out loud when I thought about it. In all the years we were together, though, I never had a clue that our lovemaking hurt her physically. She never said anything to me. If anything, I was amazed, and impressed, that she was always tight, even after giving birth to our children. Maybe, I thought, that was why she had started making excuses when I initiated sex these last couple years.

I went into my office and opened the cabinet where I kept my indoor tools. There, on the shelf, was an unopened pack of duct tape. There were two rolls in the pack and as I looked, a germ of an idea formed in my head. I grabbed the duct tape and a pack of zip ties and closed the cabinet. I went to my gun cabinet, unlocked it and pulled out a .45 caliber pistol. I made sure it was empty and went back into the dining room. I set everything on the table, made a sandwich, grabbed a beer and sat at the table, waiting for them to arrive.

It was starting to get dark when I heard a car pull into the garage. A couple minutes later, I heard the two of them giggling and talking as Lisa opened the door. Neither one of them saw me sitting at the table until they came into the main part of the house. Lisa's eyes grew wide when she saw me at the table.

"Alan!" she exclaimed. "When did you get here?"

"Didn't you get my emails and texts?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, the battery on my phone died," she said. "This isn't what it looks like, Alan, believe me."

"Really?" I asked. "You mean, this isn't you and Elroy here getting ready to fuck in OUR bed?" Alan moved toward me and I picked up my pistol. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide, his face turning whiter than it already was. I pulled the slide back and let it slam home for effect. There were no bullets in the pistol -- hell, the magazine wasn't even in the pistol grip -- but they didn't know that.

"Oh, God," he cried. "Please don't kill me." I noticed a wet spot at the crotch of his trousers and smiled. The fucker pissed himself.

"Shut up, asshole," I said. "You think you can fuck another man's wife for more than 20 years and walk away scot-free? I don't think so. Strip!"

"What?" he asked. "You w-want me to take my clothes off? Here?"

"Isn't that what you were going to do anyway?" I asked. "Now, STRIP, Goddammit. MOVE!" He jumped and began removing his clothes. Lisa looked at me, scared.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. "Are you going to hurt us?"

"Have I ever hurt you in all the years you've known me?" I asked. She shook her head. Elroy was taking his sweet time removing his trousers so I encouraged him to move faster.

"Quit fucking around," I ordered. "STRIP -- FASTER! MOVEIT!" I yelled. He removed his trousers, shoes and socks and stood there in his briefs. "I said STRIP! EVERYTHING!" He jumped, then slowly pulled his wet briefs down his legs. He stood there, his hands covering his genitals. I laughed.

"Good grief," I said. "You really are a disgusting fat tub of lard, aren't you?" Shaking, he nodded his head.

"I suppose I am," he stuttered.

"Alright," I said, waving my pistol. "Outside." I handed Lisa the two rolls of duct tape and motioned for her to follow. "Move!" They walked to the door, glancing back at me. I grabbed the zip ties and followed. Elroy had a difficult time navigating the yard in his bare feet, but I didn't care. I ordered them to a tree at the edge of the yard. It was the tree I normally used to dress game during hunting season.

"Get against the tree," I told him. "Put your back right up against it. Hands behind your back." I zip-tied his hands behind his back and forced him to stand in front of the tree and positioned him directly in front of a knot, and pushed him back so the knot would dig into his back.

"Are you going to shoot me here?" he asked.

"Only if you make me," I said. "Now, be a good boy and shut the fuck up." I looked at Lisa. "Tape him to the tree," I ordered. "All I want to see are his eyes and his nose. Move!" She took the first roll and began gingerly applying it to his skin. "Faster, Goddammit! RUN!" She began running around the tree, dispensing the tape as she ran. When the first roll was used up, I tossed the second to her and ordered to continue.

By the time she was done, Elroy was secured to the tree in a cocoon of duct tape. The only things visible were his eyes and his nose. He looked back and forth, frightened. I walked up to him and made sure he couldn't move. Then I looked him in the eye, smiled and took out my phone. I dialed his home number, which I had thanks to the report John had given me.

"McEnroe residence, Judy speaking," a female voice said at the other end.

"Mrs. McEnroe, my name is Alan Roberts," I said. "Is your husband, Elroy, there?"

"Uh, no, he's having a meeting with the teachers at his school," she said. "Can I take a message and have him call you back."

"That won't be necessary, Mrs. McEnroe, thanks anyway," I said. "I'm sorry for the deception, but the truth is, your husband is at my house with my wife and I think you should come pick him up." I could see Elroy's eyes grow even wider under the tape.

"What's he doing at your house with your wife?" Judy asked.

"Well, they were going to have sex, but they had a change of plan," I said.

"WHAT!" Judy yelled. "Are you sure about this? Is this some kind of a sick joke?"

"No, ma'am," I said. "It's no joke. They've been having an affair for more than 20 years."

"That BASTARD!" she yelled. "I'm going to kick that fucker's ass! Goddamn right I'll come pick him up. Where are you located?"

"Idaho, just east of Athol off the 95," I said. "I'll text you directions."

"Thank you, Mr. Roberts," she said. "I'll be there as soon as I can." After we ended the call, I texted her the directions to my house, then looked at Elroy, who was more afraid than before.

"I'm going to have a little talk with my wife now, if you don't mind," I told him. "Don't go anywhere now, you hear?" He tried to shake his head but the tape kept him from doing so. I motioned for Lisa to go inside. She walked away and I followed her. When we got inside, I motioned for her to sit on the couch then picked up the remote for the television and DVD player.

"How long has this shit been going on?" I asked. "And before you say anything, remember I know a lot more than you think."

"It's been going on for a while," she said quietly.

"A while?" I asked. "Like what, a month? A year? Ten years? Twenty years? Longer?"

"Longer," she said, her face downcast.

"Longer," I said, repeating her answer. "I see. When did it start?"

"About 1995," she said. "We've worked together for years and we never did anything while you were home. We only got together when you were gone."

"Including all those times I was deployed overseas?" I asked. She nodded her head.

"Yes," she said. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You were never supposed to find out."

"So while I was out fighting terrorists and getting my ass shot off, you were back here fucking that piece of shit in OUR bed?" I asked. She began crying. "Stop the waterworks," I told her. "Answer the Goddamn question." She wiped her eyes and nodded her head.

"Yes," she said. "Please. We can get past this. Can't you give me another chance?"

"Get past this?" I asked. "Are you shitting me right now? You think I'm just supposed to turn a blind eye to your cheating? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just kick your ass to the curb right now."

"This doesn't have to affect us," she said. "And I don't want a divorce." I knew she was lying, since I heard what she told Elroy.

"It's too late for that, bitch," I said. "I'm seeing an attorney tomorrow." She looked up at me, defiant.

"You don't want to do that," she said. "Elroy said if you try to divorce me I can get half of your retirement pay, the house and everything else." I laughed and held up the prenuptial agreement.

"There's only one problem," I said. "You remember the prenuptial you signed all those years ago? Guess what? It's still valid and it's ironclad. You won't get shit if I can help it. The house is all mine, remember? It was willed to me by my parents. And the prenuptial is clear about what happens in the event of infidelity. Don't worry, I'll follow it to the letter. You'll get 40 percent of our joint savings but no support. And I keep ALL of my retirement."

"I'll fight you on this," she said.

"I thought you might say something like that," I said, pointing the remote at the television. I hit play and video of her screwing Elroy showed up on the screen. Her face went white and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh my God," she gasped. "How did you get this? Please, turn it off." I shook my head.

"It doesn't matter how I got it," I said. "What does matter is what your school board will do once they get a copy of this." She looked at me, shocked.

"I'd lose my job," she said. "So would Elroy. Please, no, don't do that."

"So you'll sign the papers when you get them?" I asked. Defeated, she nodded her head. I turned the volume up on the video and fast-forwarded to the part where she complained that I was too big for her. "Can you explain this to me?" I asked. "All these years we've been together and you never once complained. Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," she said. "I've always been small down there. At first I enjoyed it, and you always got me off, but after a while it began to hurt."

"And that's why you started giving excuses to not have sex with me?" I asked. She nodded her head.

"Yes," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you said that," I told her. I grabbed her purse and pulled out her keys. I removed her house keys, then pulled out her wallet. I took her ATM and joint credit card. I saw her STCU card and left that in her wallet. I knew she had an account at the Spokane Teacher's Credit Union, and knew that she regularly deposited ten percent of her pay into that account. I figured if she needed money she could use that. I tossed her purse back onto the couch.

"I guess I should pack up and leave then," she said quietly.

"Not just yet," I told her. "You still have some explaining to do. You need to tell your parents and our children what you've done so they know why we're getting divorced."

"Please, don't make me do that," she begged, crying.

"Why?" I asked. "You had no problem cheating on me for two decades. Surely you're not ashamed of what you've done?"

"They'll hate me, I know it," she cried.

"Too bad," I said, picking up the phone. I was about to call her parents, but saw a set of headlights pulling into the driveway. I figured it was Judy, come to collect her husband. "Ah, I see Judy is here. You can start by explaining to her why you fucked her husband."

A minute later, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find a fairly well-endowed woman who looked to be a bit younger than me. She looked quite attractive and filled out her ripped denim jeans nicely. I couldn't help but notice that she was eyeballing me even more than I was her.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Are you Alan Roberts?" she asked, her eyes glancing at my crotch.

"Yes, and you must be Judy McEnroe," I said.

"For the moment, yes," she said.

"Please come in," I said, opening the door further.

"So, where is the slimy piece of shit hiding?" she asked. I smiled as she said that. I liked this woman right off the bat.

"He's a bit tied up at the moment," I said. "He's not going anywhere, I assure you of that." Judy looked at Lisa and her face turned red with rage.

"So, you're the bitch fucking my soon-to-be ex-husband," she said. Her eyes opened wide as she recognized my wife. "Oh my God, it's YOU! Lisa Conroy. I should've known." She went to Lisa and slapped her as hard as she could across the face. Lisa fell back as Judy struck her yet again. "You fucking bitch! You always went after my boyfriends in high school and now you're fucking my husband."

"Please, stop," Lisa cried.

"Shut up, you fucking no-good whore," Judy yelled. "I ought to kick your ass into the middle of next week. How could you! You're married to this gorgeous hunk of man-meat and you cheat on him with the Pillsbury Dough Boy? What the fuck kind of crack are you smoking?" Judy stopped long enough to look at me. "Where is that no-good bastard?" she asked.

"I'll take you to him," I said. "Hang on." I went into my office and opened the cabinet that held the duct tape. I found what I was looking for pretty quick -- a box cutter, a bottle of 90 percent isopropyl alcohol and a fairly clean rag that used to be a t-shirt. I went back into the front room and motioned for Judy to follow me.

We went outside and I pointed to the tree where I had secured Elroy. Judy busted out laughing when she saw him cocooned in duct tape. Elroy didn't look too pleased to see his wife and I could see the terror in his eyes.

"I love your style, Alan," she said. "It'll take forever to get him out of all that." I shook my head and set the alcohol and the rag on the ground.

"No it won't," I said. She held up a hand.

"Hang on just a second," she said. She walked up to him and looked him in the eyes for a second before punching him in the stomach. He would've doubled over but couldn't. "You fucking asshole," she said, taking her rings off. She threw the rings on the ground and punched him again. "You haven't touched me for months and now I know why. You've been fucking that whore, Lisa. I'm surprised she could even find that tiny little pee-pee of yours." I decided this was one woman I didn't want pissed off at me.

"Are you done yet?" I asked her. She looked at me, her eyes filled with rage.

"I'm just getting started," she said. "But you can cut him out if you want. And it wouldn't hurt my feelings if you accidentally cut his pecker off." I pulled out the box cutter and sliced the tape between his body and the tree. Then I stood back and looked at Lisa.

"You can tear it all off at one time if you want," I said. "Think of it as a country version of a full body wax." Her face broke out in a wide smile as she took in what I just said. That's when I noticed her dimples.

"I know exactly what you're talking about," she said before looking back at Elroy. "I hope pain is something you really enjoy," she told him. Taking the edge of the sliced tape in her hands, she quickly ripped the whole mess of tape off his body, taking off a lot of body hair with it. He screamed in agony as she tore the tape away from him.

Once free of the tape, Elroy fell to the ground, writhing in agony. I could see where the tape had removed a lot of body hair, so I grabbed the bottle of alcohol and the rag. I soaked the rag in alcohol and began applying it to his body. He screamed even louder as the pain hit.

"Don't be a pussy," I told him. "I don't want you to get infected, after all." Judy laughed as Elroy rolled around in pain. "Alright, get up," I told him. "Get your ass in the house." He got up, his hands still zip-tied behind his back and ran to the house, naked.

"That was more fun that I've had with him in years," Judy said as she watched Elroy lurch into the house. We went back inside and I cut the zip ties, freeing his hands. I picked up his clothes and tossed them at him.

"Get dressed," I told him. He put his clothes on as fast as he could as I approached Lisa. "You've got some more calls to make," I told her.

"Please, haven't you done enough?" she begged.

"No," I said. "Call you mother and put her on speaker." Shaking, Lisa called her parents.

"Hello," her mother said when she answered.

"Mom," Lisa cried, "it's me, Lisa."

"Lisa," her mother said. "What's the matter? Are you hurt?"

"Mom, Alan's throwing me out of the house," Lisa said, crying.

"Why would he do that?" her mother asked.

"He found out I've been ch-cheating on him," Lisa said through her sobs.

"You did WHAT?" her mother asked, clearly angry. "You stupid bitch. How could you do that to your husband? I thought I raised you better than that. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't blame him for throwing you out."

"Mom, please, can I come stay with you for a little while?" Lisa asked.

"I guess so, but not for too long," her mother said. "And no men. You got me?"

"Thanks, Mom," she said.

"Is Alan there?" her mother asked.

"I'm here, Mom," I said. I liked Lisa's parents and had called them Mom and Dad ever since we were married.

"Are you okay, son?" she asked.

"I'll manage, Mom," I said. "It won't be easy, but I'll be okay."