The Chase Ch. 06

"Chase, he was the one who chose to do that to you." I feel him start to shake, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why does this keep happening to me Griffin? Am I just not good enough for anyone?"

I bite down hard on my tongue because all I want is to do is scream out that he is good enough. He's good enough for me. But he doesn't need to hear that right now. He doesn't need me trying to push myself onto him- not when he's this vulnerable. I fucking hate how hard this is.

"I don't know why Caleb and Zane did that to you but trust me when I say that none of this is your fault." I reach out and pull him to me, feeling his cold body on mine. "I'm here for you, Chase."

He doesn't say anything after that. He just buries his face into my chest and starts to cry. This time he doesn't hold back. He lets out all of that pain he's been holding onto- most of it I assume is from tonight, but the rest seem to be reminders of all times he told himself to be strong. This goes on for a few minutes and I don't make any attempts to calm him down or make him stop. He needs this. And so I lie there, holding him and letting his tears soak into that shirt he let me wear.

Once I feel like he can't cry anymore, I raise my hand and softly rub at his back. He's calm now- apart from the occasional sniffle. After a while, he seems to have stopped completely. His breathing has slowed down and he lies there, motionless in my arms. I reach my head forward and plant a soft kiss on the top of his blonde hair.

I fall asleep to the scents of coconut in his hair and adjust myself slightly so I'm more comfortable but I don't dare let him go. His body isn't cold anymore.

***

Waking up with Chase still in my arms is too bittersweet. He's lying there with red hues at the edges of his eyes- that and the slight stains of where his tears fell are reminders of the pain he felt last night. This is the first real time I've examined him. Other than last week, the only instances we slept in the same bed together have been as platonic friends. But this time, I notice his shallow breaths, and the way his hands feel the need to cling onto something- in this case, my shirt. It's like this blanket of loneliness smothers him when he falls asleep and he so desperately latches onto anything that's tangible. I assume that's what it is, because I'm guilty of the same thing.

I don't untangle myself from him because I don't want him to think I'm pulling away. But I certainly can't just lie here and stare at the boy until he decides to wake up= I mean, I can, but that wouldn't be my proudest moment. I reach my phone and to check the few notifications waiting for me- the first is a friend request from Melanie on Instagram. I quickly look through her profile to see that every picture is paired with a pun or some snarky reference. She's crazy, but I like her already.

The second notification is a text from Alec, asking to see if we're alright. I type out a simple message that reads, "Doing ok now. We ran into someone at the club that we didn't want to. We'll talk later" and hit send.

I'm scrolling through Twitter when I feel Chase stir next to me. I pull away slightly, giving him space to realize where he is and who he's with. He opens those blue eyes and I have to fight myself to not stare, instead, I keep scrolling and pretend to look busy.

"Griff?" He asks, with that adorable groggy voice.

"I'm right here, buddy." He looks up and I catch his eyes- slightly puffed with a tinge of red which is evidence that he was crying last night. Still he manages a smile and I pull him closer, thinking he'd need to feel safe. There's gratitude on his face when I do, and for a second, it looks like he wants to close the space between us and kiss me. But I don't let that happen. I pull away slowly, knowing that a kiss is what neither of us needs right now. I want Chase more than anything, but I don't want to be his consolation prize.

His face turns red and he pulls away too, getting a big gulp of one of the water bottles I left out last night. He pulls off the covers, "I feel like I just keep thanking you for things you shouldn't have to do for me."

I smile and shake my head, "Whenever you need me, Chase, I'll be there."

He wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. I wonder if he's about to break down again, but this time I don't feel him lazily embrace me like he did last night. This time, he squeezes me so hard that it's almost painful. I hug back too and after a few more seconds, he releases me.

"I guess it's time to go figure all this shit out." He says, getting off his bed and pulling his phone.

I stand there awkwardly, "Uh yeah. Just let me know how it goes."

Before I can turn around, he looks up at me with those blues nearly melting onto his grey sheets. "I love you, Griff" he says, in the most confident and strong tone I've heard his voice all weekend.

"I love you too, Chase." I say, before closing the door. I couldn't stand to face his eyes after saying that. God knows that mine can't lie for shit. I mean every one of those words, and so does he. But right now, I'm the one wishing he'd said more.