The Chase Ch. 07

Chapter 7: Chase has a revelation

CHASE

Once Griffin leaves, I take a few minutes to lie back in bed and stare up at the ceiling. I want to make it clear that I'm not angry about a stupid kiss, rather what it meant. Caleb is just another one of those guys who made me feel special enough to get intimate, only to toss me aside once I've served my purpose. I cringe, thinking about how familiar all of this feels and how I fell into the same fucking trap like an idiot who mistakes any interest in me as affection. I really thought Caleb would be different, yet now he's just another name to be added to the list of guys who've fucked me over- my life is a goddamn mad lib that reads "(noun) only wanted me for sex". I hate how many options there are now.

I know Griffin thinks of himself as the fuck-up between the two of us, but I've never seen it that way. He's got his shit to deal with and I've got mine- it's as simple as that. The difference is that Griffin is always more vocal about his screw ups while I tend to leave mine to rot away inside. I don't think either of us has found a positive way to cope with our mistakes.

I think back to all the shitty things that have happened in my life since going to college- from dating Zane and finding out he was cheating on me, to the aftermath of coming out to my parents, to Caleb and whatever the hell last night was. The only thing that's been constant in all of that is Griffin. The only one I could count on- with his earnest boy next door smile and subtle way about him that constantly puts me at ease. He's been in my life since day one of Freshmen year, but there's been something about the past few weeks that makes his presence more prominent. It's almost as if he's been more active in everything that I do and no amount of "thank you's" could ever express how grateful I am for him.

I check my phone to see a dozen or so missed calls from Caleb last night, as well as a couple of missed texts. He wants to meet up and talk, and as much as I'd like to blow him off, I know that's something I need as well. That trip back home made me realize that problems won't go away because I choose to avoid them. Hell, I spent months away from home in hopes that things will sorta just work themselves out. But all that left me was a bunch of empty promises and too much wasted time. I text Caleb back saying that that I want to meet up too, and he replies almost instantly, offering to come over. But I don't fall for that trick, I set a time for the next hour at one of the quieter spots on campus- somewhere that'll force myself to not break down.

It's a little past 11 when I finally make it to the small courtyard outside the Science Building. It's a pretty open space with only two ways out- which make it feel private enough. I can't trust myself meeting with Caleb alone; I just don't know how weak I'll be if it's just the two of us. I enter from the side and see him waiting for me at one of the far benches- I'm early, which means makes me wonder what time he got here and how long he's been waiting. To his credit, Caleb looks pretty beat up. He's miles from the guy who I had a first date with a month ago. Those bright green eyes look worn against the clothes I assumed he scraped together after a night without much sleep.

I sit beside him without so much as an attempt to shake his hand. He doesn't look all that surprised though. He merely exists next to me, as the morning breeze flows between the buildings, slowly thawing the cold shoulder I wear so well.

He starts his monologue about how he fucked up and how he's sorry about what he did. Yet all I can hear is that voice in my head that tells me I never even loved him anyway. Yeah, what he did was messed up, but if I'm being honest with myself, I knew deep down that Caleb wasn't the guy for me. He's knee deep in his fifth apology when I realize that I'm not even really mad. And that's the part that worries me the most- the fact that I could walk away from him right now and not even care. Last night everything was so fresh and so raw, but right now while he's babbling next to me, I know that it was only a matter of time before we broke up anyway.

I stop him mid-sentence and tell him, in so many words, that we won't be seeing each other anymore. He looks surprised to say the least, as if there was this confidence that his words would have done the trick in convincing me. But it's past that point already. I think I know where I see things going, and Caleb just isn't a part of that anymore. He collects himself and his jaw up off the floor, and stands to walk away.

Before he leaves, he turns, asking, "Did I ever really have a shot with you?"

I look up and see that there's no sign of him messing with me. He's serious and yet I still don't know what he means, "What are you talking about, Caleb?"

He shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders, "You don't see it, do you?" He says, knowing he has nothing left to lose. I look back at him, still wondering what angle he's trying to play and how these questions are supposed to make sense to me.

"Never mind. I guess I was wrong." He finally relents, turning to walk away from me for good.

GRIFFIN

There's a huge part of me that's glad to see Chase bounce back so quickly. It's been two weeks since he broke it off with Caleb and for the most part- it's as if they never even dated at all. Chase tells me that deep down, he kinda knew that it wasn't gonna work out with him. But every now and then, the stinging remembrance of getting your trust shattered leaves him sad- but only for a few moments before he forces himself to forget about it.

I think about how things went down with Zane last year, and the idea of seeing him so distraught again makes my stomach turn. I remember the nights after they broke up, when Chase basically camped out in my room, finding solace underneath my Target sheets and only going out when I was able to convince him. He's miles from that person, and not because he cared for Caleb less than Zane, but because he's a lot stronger now.

I come back from what felt like a gruelling shift. Our boss is trying out this new buy one get one half off promo, so I've been working the espresso machine all afternoon. I nearly burned myself on the hot steam a few times and even have a few coffee stains on my black uniform shirt as evidence. I slip my card into the door and swing the latch, looking forward to a nap before I eventually get a text from Chase, asking what's for dinner.

But instead of walking into an empty room, I see Chase leaning back on my desk chair with his feet propped up. He's wearing those bright BB8 socks that I got him last Christmas and he's aimlessly scrolling through his phone before noticing me come in. When he does, he sits upright, calling out. "Hey Griff."

I have a confused look on my face as I set my bag down by the row of sneakers, "Hey Chase. What're you doing here?"

He smiles, "Just figured you could use a chill night in and some food." He points to the bag of Yamamoto's on my desk that's still letting off steam. "Is Greg still running that promo?"

I nod, taking off my jacket, "I probably made more white mochas this shift than I have the entire year working there." I lean back onto my bed, "It's funny how customers tip even less when their drinks are discounted."

Chase lets off a little laugh and joins me, laying across the width of my bed with his head resting on my stomach. My shirt's ridden up a little bit, so the short blonde hairs on the back of his head constantly tickle my exposed skin. As nice as this feels, I wish he didn't do things like this. He doesn't know how confusing these little acts are- and how badly I want them to mean something.

"I've been thinking a lot about why things never seem to work out between me and all those guys." He says, as his head rises and falls with every one of my breaths.

"Is this about Caleb again?" I ask, bracing myself.

"No." He says, shaking his head, "I've barely thought about him since we ended it." He shakes his head like he's gotten rid of that guy and the mere mention of his name.

"I've mostly been thinking about you."

I swallow that lump in my throat. This moment- that sentence- it's like the gateway in all of my dreams. Sometimes it takes me to a place where Chase is with me, holding him in ways that I've longed to hold him. Yet more often than not, it's the entrance to a reality where I'm stuck without him.

"Why me?"

He lifts himself up off my body and turns. I do the same and the two of us are there like the ends of a parenthesis with only enough space between us for an explanation.

"It's always been you, Griff. Throughout everything, you're the constant in all this that's kept me safe and made sure that I was alright. It just took me a while to see that it won't ever work with anyone else because it'll only ever be you."

He's closed the space between us and is laying so dangerously close to me. I can feel his breath on my lips and he's staring at me with those intense blue eyes- the ones I've needed maps and helicopters to find my way out of. Chase may have said all of that, but he still leaves enough room for me to act. He's handed off control and is waiting to see where I take it.

And so, I do the thing I've been wanting to do for weeks. I reach out and grasp his jaw in my fingertips, like a piece of steel covered in soft skin, and I pull it closer to me and press my lips against his. Chase shows no signs of pulling away and his lips are almost as hungry as mine. He kisses me back and I wrap both of my hands around the back of his blonde head, like he's the most important person in my life- because he is. We're both kneeling at this point and it isn't until I move my head that I feel his own hands on the back of my neck. It feels too good- almost like, at any second, it could all be over. But this isn't a dream- it's better.

Chase pulls away, but only to catch his breath. The two of us are panting like we've had all the oxygen drained from our bodies- but he doesn't let go of me and neither do i. We're both cradling each other's faces with the smallest gap between our lips to let air in.

"Tell me this is what you want." I say, holding onto that beautiful boy with everything I have. I can't deal with all of this being some twisted game or some experiment. I've wanted him for so long that I need it to be real.

"It is" Chase says. "I can't believe it took me so long to realize it." He presses his forehead against mine and pulls our bodies even closer. Chase slips his arms around me and interlocks his fingers just above my waist. He's staring deep into my soul with those blue eyes that are so intense yet so soft at the same time.

The two of us are kneeling on my bed and Chase has his arms around me and in this moment, I can die happy. I plant soft kisses along his jaw and cheek, trying to prove that it's not a dream. "You really do want to see where this goes? With me?" I ask, giving him one last opportunity to change his mind and leave- and I promise I won't resent him for it.

"I'm not going anywhere Griff." He tells me with his piercing blue eyes like arrow heads, hitting every bullseye on my body. He kisses me again, in case his eyes weren't enough, offering up those plump lips that taste like they've been soaked in honey.

Chase pulls his arms from my back and turns us, "Hungry?" he asked, drawing little circles across my chest.

I nodded, "Starving, actually", with a wink and a light peck on his cheek. He rolled his eyes, laughed and pulled us across to the desk. He unwrapped the plastic bag and opened the two containers, letting off the last of the steam.

"What do we have here?" I ask, grabbing the plastic utensils.

Chase took a pair of chopsticks and stirred up the noodles in a large bowl, "I couldn't decide between the miso ramen and the katsu curry- so i got both. I figure we could share."

I kiss him on his cheek once more, "Sharing sounds perfect." I look over at the single dorm-provided desk chair and knew that wasn't going to work. So I grab the curry and motion for the soft rug on the floor. Chase joined me with his bowl and we sat facing each other with only the food between us and start to eat. The curry at this point was only slightly lukewarm, which was still delicious considering how spicy it was. Chase had remembered to ask for additional chilli flakes- just how I would order it whenever we go there. He sat there with his knee-caps pressed against mine, twirling noodles onto his chopsticks and digging in. Every other bite, he'd lift up the bundled strands and feed them to me, which I'd take in a big slurp. I did the same with the crispy pieces of fried pork to which he'd give me a wink in thanks.

I couldn't get over how natural it all felt- to sit so close to him and feed each other. We certainly weren't the type of friends who got so caught up in appearances or trying to be anything but ourselves, but this playfulness between us was a next level of relaxed that I didn't know we could have.

Once all the food, and this newness, were gone. I pulled Chase onto my bed and we sit next to each other, leaning against the headboard. He finds his place in my arm and I rubbed up his shoulder a few times for good luck.

He looks over at me with some strands of blonde hair covering his glasses, "I don't think I've ever seen you smile this much." I try my hardest to pout just to prove him wrong, but my mouth couldn't be overturned.

I ruffle his hair, "I guess I got so used to hiding my feelings around you that it was hard to show how happy I was just to have you at all."

"How long was that?" He asks.

"Almost two months." I say, plainly.

Chase's eyes go wide, "That long? Jesus Griff, you tortured yourself over me all that time." He's wearing an expression that's surprised mixed with guilt. "I can't believe I was stupid that whole time."

I shake my head, "It's okay- really. You had a lot of shit going on and I honestly was scared out of my mind that you'd pull away if you found out."

Chase takes my hand in his and interlocks our fingers. He nuzzles that blonde hair into my chest, leaning further down onto the bed. "But I'm here now. I want to make up for all the lost time."

It took everything I had to not jump on top of him and show him how badly I wanted him. I could feel it stirring in my jeans whenever I touched his warm body. But I didn't want this to only be about sex. I needed Chase to know this wasn't just a quick fuck- he needs to know that someone out there wants him for more than just his body.

"There's plenty of time for that, Chase. But right now, I just want to be with you."

He looks a little relieved when I said that- which tells me that we were on the same page. He settles back into my arm and I pull up Netflix as we try and pick something to watch. We skip over a couple rom coms which are too on the nose for this moment and frankly not our style. After ten minutes, we settle on watching American Vandal- a series that neither of us had even heard about, but after watching the trailer, knew it was right up our alley. One episode turned to three and the next thing I knew, it was past midnight and the two of us were just at the end of the first season.

Even if all we ever have this this- if this relationship never leads to intimacy beyond our kisses and a few cuddles- I'd still be more than content. I spent a few years thinking sex could fill whatever complex void I have, yet know that's the last thing that I need to be happy.

Chase lets out a cute little yawn as he rubs his eyes. I close the site before it can start the next episode and he shakes his head, trying to wake up. "We can't stop now Griff. We gotta know who drew the dicks." He says in a serious tone as he points towards the blank screen.

I chuckle, "I wanna finish it just as bad as you do, but I think the two of us need sleep even more." I regretfully pull off of him and start to clear away the empty food containers and bottles of water we left behind. I turn back to see Chase pull off the hoodie he was wearing, leaving only the simple white tee he had on underneath. He's got this innocent look on his face- like a kid who knows exactly what he wants, but is too ashamed to ask.

I raise my eyebrow as he explains, "I was hoping I could sleep here tonight." He says turning a little red in the process.

Tossing the bag aside, I slip into some shorts and then into bed beside him. He gets a grin on his face when I take him back into my arms and plant a kiss on his cheek. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Chase nuzzles back into my chest as I reach to the side and turn off the lamp that illuminated the entire room. I feel his body heat on mine as our legs do a little dance until we find a position that's comfortable for both of us. Before he closes his eyes, Chase kisses me in the small valley between my chest and it's so satisfying in that moment, that I don't even mind that my shirt is getting in the way of his kiss. I return the favor, kissing the top of his blonde head and taking in his scent before I too fall asleep- not knowing how any other night can top this.

CHASE

I wake up and feel Griffin's warmth all over my body. He's got me in this tight hug, as if he was worried that I'd slip through his embrace at some point this morning. Truth be told, that idea did cross my mind- but only for a millisecond. Griffin has been nothing but perfect, but there's still this insecure part of me that knows that he's too good for me. But until I can face my shit head on, I stay here, letting myself fall for this boy who looks at me like he doesn't know all of my demons.

I stir in bed, mostly to let his loose sheet fall entirely to the floor. Then it leaves just to two of us, tangled into each other's bodies like a set of Christmas lights, so intertwined that they're left alone. Griffin is still asleep, softly breathing into my hair with that boyish smile plastered across his face. I swear, we've slept in the same bed countless times, yet he's never smiled this big next to me before.

After a few more minutes of patience, I wake him with small kisses on his chest, feeling just how ripped he's gotten. The trail then moves up towards the soft skin on his neck, just above his collarbone. He lets out a soft moan when I kiss there and I make a mental note to taste the fuck out of that spot later. Another kiss lands on his sculpted jaw before I make it to my finish line- those two pouted lips that he gives whenever I wake him up earlier than he wants. I kiss him, clutching as much of his shirt on my fist as I can when those brown eyes finally open. There's a split second of confusion- like he doesn't quite know where he is or if all of this is real, so I kiss him again to remind him. This time, he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in closer until I'm straddling him.

"I thought you wanted to take this slow." He says, running a finger up my shirt.

I prop my head, "You know Griff, kissing doesn't always have to lead to sex."

He raises an eyebrow, "Not the way that you kiss."

It's in that moment when I realize just how alluring he is. He's literally just woken up with his brown locks still perfect from the night before and those almost hazel eyes looking through me like two cups of espresso. No wonder he's managed to get all those boys in bed with him- especially when he looks like that. I guess I just never noticed cause, for the longest time, Griffin was so far from the guy I saw myself with that I chose to not see him at all. Yet here I am, straddling his lap while he grazes his fingertips all over my arms. I'm the only boy he wants in his bed right now- he's made that very clear.

I look down and see him biting the fuck out of that bottom lip of his. He's holding himself back. I know that because of the way he looks at me with an intensity that I haven't witness first-hand. But Griffin Daniels seems to still think that any wrong move would send me flying, so I take matters, along with my shirt into my own hands.