All Comments on 'The Chosen One'

I think this has the potential to be very good, but it reminded me of Rhona's sex with her boyfriend: rushed and unsatisfying. Treat this more like her sex with Scott; building gradually to a huge orgasm. I like the way you develop character descriptions as part of the story. Spend more time on the relationships between the characters. It just wasn't believable for me that in less than a page she goes from meeting Scott to living with him.

I agree with the comment bellow!!! This story has so much more potential!!! Would love if you made another chapter!

Reading should bring pleasure - this one does. Sorry it was not much, much longer because I was enjoying it - and yet it "to the point" without wasted space or hurrying the story. It was only when I was into the story that I noted who was the author - it was someone whose stories I have often enjoyed. Thanks

Thank you for your criticism and praise DavidDeSade. Two things. Re 'the rushed and unsatisfying sex with her boyfriend'. You must have been panting looking for great sex, so eager you missed a definitive line that the frustrated Rhonda explained herself... 'you might be a top attorney but you know fuck-all about women'.

Perhaps you are too keen to read for your personal satisfaction David, too eager to have the story unravel how you were expecting it to unravel, as if you were writing it yourself. You, of course, would not be alone among readers with such reader-expectation. I write more for the real world Dave thought not without some fairy tale writing to inject hope, fulfil the heroine's expectations etc. You appear unhappy that Rhonda had sex with guy and began living with him within the space of a page. Well David I have news for you. In the real world it is not unknown for a young woman to have sex with a guy and never return home except to visit. In this case Rhonda was actually living on the same property and it was let's-live-together on first sight with mutual rutting in mind.

I note your comment about need for inter-character development and will work on it. Thanks.

E G is certainly one of the most consistent authors on Literotica. His principal charactors are almost always bright and intelligent and the stories are normally very interesting.

Its unfortunate that he does not proof read well.

I have read this story before, not sure where.

Poor Gavin, his wife cheated on him and everyone played him like a fiddle. Feel for the guy.

This stories dialogue was like watching a ping pong ball during a 30 second continuous back and forth being played out.