All Comments on 'The Chronicles: Notomol Ch. 04'

A most excellent story!!! Ranks up there with Hvad...

Excellent! Guerrilla tactics plus a bog, a cliff and having to fight up hill make for an almost certain defeat. Thank you. 5*

Love this series

I love the chronicles of Hvad and the rich characters that you create. Wonderful storytelling

Looking forward to Notomol meeting Guenna,the timeline should be approaching Guenna's departure from nareven. Curious to find out how Vidrik will cope with another strategist on par with or even better than Notomol, that too a woman. As an aside, how many chapters have you planned for this story? Thanks for writing such masterpieces.

Glorious!

I will have to leave a more detailed comment later. Loved what I read, though! :)

Good as always!

This is so well written . This Hvad tale about a few brave young men and women . Chronicled by one young Motekin . Narrated by an even younger Kolasovets . Describing a myriad of unique characters , focusing mostly on an amazing young leader Notomol . I just love it .

Deadman's Bog focuses the battle, the harrowing, nervous and excited tempo on both Notomol's forces and the Izumyrians. What a place for a great story and outcome (88 killed out of 100, but it's assumed the 12 died too), and you kept us on pins and needles for each part of the fight. You even added two major players to the mix: Nelime and Orsho, who really own a larger role than we might first suspect. You also elevate and humanize Notomol more by having him remember the name of what's really an insignificant non-combatant: Desinda. This piece alone further establishes him as the main hero of the story, that earns one more chance to add to his following and his legend.

That said, there are two points from the above paragraph that stick out like sore thumbs, and don't seem to add up within the story's context: why would Nelime look at Kolasovets when measuring how much she and Orsho would trust NOTOMOL? Unless you employ this to foreshadow Kolasovets becoming a far more major player and leader, this makes no sense, as no other part of the story yet supports this conferred esteem. Also, with all the numerous non-combatants, why choose to save Desinda from the bog when Notomol specifically said that if someone fell in, they couldn't risk the time to save them...yet he does? If you use it to foreshadow Notomol losing a significant gamble in a later chapter, it fits; however, the rest of the story and plan revolves around NOT pushing a bad position and not losing time. Turns out the Izumyrian's blunder by lighting fires later and Notomol's forces make them pay for such an oversight...but saving Desinda proves futile, as she doesn't return later to do anything significant and IIRC, even disappears from the story. So I'd say this was a head-scratching thread presented then dropped, which really required some explanation. Did her living bring in a renowned fighter later, or did she just melt into the non-combatants that Yadha led away later? Be careful with something like this.

We indeed understand the greater contributions both Orsho and Nelime provide later in the story, so to bring them along adds both honor and sympathy to the plight of the Hvadi--and their struggle to liberate the land from the Izumyrian scourge. Just be careful of adding too many details, like Desinda, who ended up being only a confusing dead end; since the non-combatants cannot help (and it makes no sense to name them all just for fun), the better option would be to describe events happening to them like the 2 that the Izumyrians speared in the chest and they fell off the cliff.

Great story, and it's wonderful to see other readers agreeing it's so well-written--because it is. :)

This was the perfect moment to introduce Adrastas and Obran--especially after all the killing at Deadman's Bog; you timed the remark "...Harke's saddle was smarter than he was" perfectly for comic relief--and of course the encouraging news of much of the opposing forces being pulled out.