All Comments on 'The Chronicles of Hvad Ch. 09'

Totally engaged with your story and it’s characters, a wonderful tale.

...you get this in the pipeline and approved so quickly? I kept checking and found nothing in moderation! However, you managed it, thanks for such an enthralling and entertaining tale.

Loved the subtle humor: Leho's army making their "new mistakes of their own" in the forest; Lovro farting when the one prisoner exchange wasn't so smooth; Payl smacking Ljudevit upside the head and calling him an "idiot" as some examples. What was REALLY hilarious was Payl nearly killing the idiot guy that grabbed her where he shouldn't have.

I would have never thought you'd join Payl and Ljudevit, and I never thought you'd let her allow him to bathe her. It was very touching, quite entertaining and really sweet. Who would have thought you'd give Ljudevit a chance to soften up an Uplander woman? I'm impressed with those surprises! I'll quote "Major League" on this one: "forget about the curve ball, Ricky...give 'em a heater!!!"

You really balance your dialogue and sentence structure so well. Love the long, medium and then short ones that fit the situation. You've learned those quite well!

Nothing I can remotely think of except masterful. 5!!

The developing relationship between Ljudevit and Payl was fun to read. You’re a pretty talented writer and story teller.

The Chronicles of Hvad, ch 9

- "You were right." said Payl. "I wouldn't want to fight in here."

I love how you soften Payl enough, as she’s still a warrior, but she’s learning how to be a woman, too.

Her admission that I had been right was a major concession. And I caught her looking at me, with a little grin on her lips, more than once.

This is so cute that I never saw it coming. What an idea to highlight her while keeping your main story rolling. :)

- "She's the more manly of the two?" asked Payl. That made me laugh. Glad to see Kawehka hug.

Nanaidh had taken over the training, and it was she who had ambushed our enemies - twice.

We haven’t seen anyone get on her bad side--and I’m not suggesting anyone other than their enemies do so.

The Uplanders were shocked to find that our apple brandy was just as potent as theirs - and smoother on the way down.

This alone builds community and commonality. Nice touch.

"They are our allies. I expect all Lowlanders to treat them with respect. Any insult to my friends will be dealt with swiftly - by me!"

This is even bigger on measuring a leader--how he not only treats HIS people, but recognized OUTSIDERS or even enemies.

Borna embraced the Uplander, and gave him an armband of beaten gold. ThreeNipple was stunned, but his followers gave a cheer, and the Lowlanders applauded politely.

Great inclusion, although one minor point: I’m surprised you didn’t have Borna give him the “arm clasp” like in “Scorpion King,” which might have been seemed more “manly” to the Uplanders.

- "Payl?" I asked, quietly. "Are you jealous?"

I REALLY didn’t expect this one. She is!!! Adorable.

It was Lunach Kinslayer who parried the blow meant for my head.

I don’t see why if Lunach saved Ljudevit’s life, that at least Ljudevit doesn’t offer Lunach a gift of spoils through Borna for this, or extend the Lowlander/Uplander bond by some equivalent Lowlander ritual that an Uplander would understand, as you’ve already created one thing (drink) that’s common among both. You could create a ritual we hadn’t heard of yet, that would seem plausible. ;)

Borna carried through with his promise, and hanged both offenders.

Mutimir approving this justice only ensured Borna’s leadership will go unquestioned, as the Uplanders respect strength and swift action. Good idea.

Modri could prove significant. He might set an example for others to follow.

I can’t wait to see how “significantly” you use him, after he provides critical intelligence on Leho.

They repeated every mistake that Vazrig had made, and discovered several new ones of their own.

This also made me laugh.

"So tell me what you're thinking. Don't worry about whether it's fully baked."

Hilarious! Good you’re keeping this dynamic going, although it does seem Ljudevit isn’t showing his “thinking” with helping Borna attack these days.

I said I would, but that it would be more useful in writing, because then you could wipe your ass with it."

ROFL! Love it!

Yes. I saw myself. And I saw you, Ljudevit. And I wished that we lived in a place far away, with plenty of warm pools. In a different time. But we don't. So you're still an idiot."

And she kissed me.

The most touching thing I’ve read in quite some time. Payl’s actually quite the thinker and observer too. She’s really a great match for Ljudevit! :)

Lots of great surprises in this installment. I really can't wait for ch 10 now! You're very talented to make this such an enthralling tale on just the merits of the story. :)

Ah yes the good ol savage brute tsundere, don't you dare kill her off you bastard

It's kind of sad that Payl--who is really quite the thinker and realist in that one interlude--realizes she has to look "tough" to keep her image, and can't "let her hair down" without losing status.