All Comments on 'The Coffee Shop'

An understandable mood to your story. Please tell us more about Peyton. She's a likable character but seems withdrawn, also understandable. I'd like to know how she got there and if "eye candy" or someone more refined will be her friend/lover? Many thanks for sharing your talent with us.

A very good begining to what could be a wonderful story. Well written and with good character build. Looking forward to the continuation.

The eternal quadrangle, girl likes guy who likes another girl, who in turn is head over heels for another guy who happens to like the protagonist who never even notices him!!

The part of the tapestry on show in also known as a tragedy but not a romance! For this reason you have fans calling for another chapter!

looking forward to more.

Very enjoyable... I want to know more !!

Can't wait to see where this goes. I was disappointed that it was only one page!

I like the tone of the story and your style, but at times it verges on "affected." Your recurring use of single line paragraphs perhaps moves the monologue quickly forward but for me they create a mildly disjointed narrative. Also, in your para. 14 the use of "ass" seems out of place amidst otherwise elegant language. As it stands, the story is complete. I join others, though, in hoping for a sequel.

The tone is slightly high and affected due to the high number of single sentence paragraphs, but not off-putting. It does indeed move the inner monologue forward and add a bit to characterization, but don't let that trick define your writing.

There is a mistake in this paragraph: But yet, every day, Peyton was back for more torture. She was careful about it, of course, arriving the same time every morning and leaving after an hour of looking through a magazine or reading a chapter of a new book she had picked up from a local book vendor. She did not go out of her way to greet him or illicit conversation; she did not longingly stare over her coffee cup at him though she was sorely tempted to.

The word should be elicit, not illicit. To elicit conversation would be to draw it out or provoke it. Illicit means illegal. One could elicit illicit conversation.

i like this introduction to this story.

curious to see where you'll take this

to an interesting story. You had me from the very first sentence. I am really enjoying this. Can't wait to see what happens next!

You have this one off to a good start. It was well descriptive and easy to read. Interested in what is to follow.

I STARTED YOUR STOREY IN CH. 5 OR 6, NOT SURE WHY. I HAD TO STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT, CHASTISE MYSELF, AND GO TO THE BEGINNING AND START PROPERLY. YOU WRITE HOW I LOVE TO READ.. I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT YOUR STOREY TELLING CAPTIVATES ME. I WANT TO SAY IT'S BECAUSE IT REALLY SOUND SO BELIEVABLE AND MAKES ME FEEL PART OF THE ADVENTURE.. I'M PROBABLY NOT EXPLAINING THIS VERY WELL, BUT IT JUST EXCITES ME TO READ YOUR STYLE OF WRITING. KRG.

Such a great start to a valuable important topic... ends at chapter 8.

So, we didn't get to know much about Peyton, or Caleb, so it was kind of confusing. The writing is good, the erotic tension is good, though I can't tell yet if Caleb is a good dude, or secretly a demon. It could go either way at this point.

Bottom line, definitely well done, because I really want to read the next chapter, if only to find out what is going on with that guy.

Was is and will be so .... Smile .... Nice written

This is another unfinished story on Lit