All Comments on 'The Coldness in our Souls'

You have a fine voice and a compelling ability to move a story forward. I liked the sense of gradual arousal and your descriptiveness. Well done!

Hi danseparc

This is the first submission of your that I have read. Overall, very nice, descriptive and the reader gains a sense of the emotions between the two Barbara and Marie.

There were a few areas though where I thought your style jumped out of sequence, or perhaps your use of vocabulary did not quite fit with where the story was at that time. Specifically, when the two women are in the bedroom and you use the term; "fuck me", very early on.

It just appeared to me that the tension and desire, in the prose leading to this did not convey this immediate need..maybe make love to me would have been better vocabulary?

I will look back and enjoy reading your previous submissions.

What a wonderful story. How rare to find a writer who can set the scene so evocatively, and in a way that also explained the characters so well. Thank you.