The Conception Deception Ch. 01

"No...how about down by the lake?" she said. "The bench under the willow tree?"

"Yeah, let me grab my shoes," I said, walking away from the door.

"I'll meet you down there!" she said loudly as she walked away.

I put on shoes and grabbed a light jacket- less for the cold and more to keep bugs off me. I locked my door and trotted down the stairs. The bench was next to the small man-made lake in our neighborhood, and it was angled to look over the lake and also to have a view of the playground, which was empty at this hour.

Claire was sitting on the bench already, looking at the empty swings, rather than at the lake, which I thought was a much nicer view. She didn't notice me at first, and I took a few moments to observe her in a way I couldn't do when we chatted in passing. Her hair went a little below her shoulders and was dark and wavy. I would have guessed some kind of Italian or Eastern European heritage. Her skin wasn't as dark as mine, but she seemed like she had a natural tan all year, so maybe something Mediterranean was on the mark. Her face was small and her dark eyes usually darted around when she talked. But this evening, she was gazing serenely, with her arms wrapped around one leg pulled up to her chest. Her body was lithe and firm, from what I could tell. Her chest was small, but so was she- so overall she was pleasantly proportional.

I sat down and was about to make some chit-chat, but she said, "You thought I was in a relationship with my roommate, didn't you?" She didn't ask it in a mean way- she was almost laughing.

"Yeah. I was hoping you hadn't picked up on that. It's just..."

"It's OK, I get it. No guys around the place, two women living together...it makes sense. The funny thing is that she was a lesbian, or bi- we never really talked about it. I'm straight. But we were just roommates...or something. I own my apartment, and she was renting a room while she was in grad school."

"Oh," I said, glad that she wasn't offended. "So...is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"No," she said slowly, wrapping her arms around herself when the wind picked up a bit. "But I wanted you to know it. I want you to have a little bit of context. There haven't been guys around because I'm just...tired of relationships. It's never been a positive thing for me. In fact, it's been a few years since I had a boyfriend, and I'm actually much happier being single."

I just listened, wondering if this was going where it seemed to be going.

"And I wanted you to know that, so that when I ask you something, you don't think I'm some slut or anything. I would say 'Don't freak out,' but...I'm not going to lie to you, this'll be weird." Then she paused and looked over at me. "Russell, you seem nice, but I have to trust you on this. What I tell you here, I need you to promise you won't talk about, OK?"

She watched me until I said. "OK. Go on." I was intrigued, and maybe a little concerned.

She sighed and was silent for a minute. Then she said, "So I'm kind of done with men. No offense, I'm sure they're not all bad. But I'm getting older and don't have the time or emotional energy to keep trying to find a relationship that works. But what I'm not ready to give up on is being a mom. So...I want to try to have a baby. And you're an attractive, intelligent, kind man- from what I can tell, at least. I've had my eye on you for longer than you realize. And you've already had one kid. So you seem like a good candidate to be the father."

"As in...donating sperm?"

"Technically, yes. What would you think of that idea?"

I had a few thoughts at once and wasn't sure how to word things. My mouth was open, but I hadn't picked the right words yet. She didn't give me the chance.

"OK, let me shoot straight. I'm not paying for all the doctors and stuff, because it's not like I have fertility problems or anything- I just want a baby. Insurance doesn't cover any of it unless you have fertility problems. So, I was thinking we could skip the procedures and just see if you could get me pregnant."

I was stunned- totally at a loss for how to answer her. Really, what the hell?

"I'm serious about this part, though. This isn't a sex thing or a relationship thing. This is impersonal. Just...do what it takes to get pregnant and that's it. I don't want anything more- no money, no involvement in the kid's life, no legal or emotional entanglements. Like I said, I'm kind of done with men, so I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend or anything like that- I don't even want a father's name on the birth certificate. Just...make me pregnant."

"That's...whoa." She was right- it was weird. And saying Don't freak out would have made no difference. I sat there silently freaking out. Naturally, I was also imagining having sex with this woman.

"Wanna think about it?"

For some reason I didn't give her the answer I should have given her. I should have said no right away. But I couldn't. "I'll think about it," I said, still in a daze.

Claire stood up to leave. "The fact that you're not jumping at the chance is a good thing," she said. "Most guys would probably have tried to start right here on the bench. But that's not the kind of guy I'm looking for to help me out." I knew she was joking, but I still couldn't process anything through my stunned fog.

As she took one step away, I came back to my senses- just a little. "Claire?" She stopped and swiveled around to face me. Her arms were crossed in front of her.

"Hmm?"

"It's more complicated than you make it sound. You know that, right? There's...there are a lot of factors."

She smiled gently and said, "I know. Believe me, Russell, I know. I've got a whole list of factors to consider. But there's no point in talking details if you're not on board for the big picture, is there? "

"I guess not," I said, impressed that she actually seemed to have thought this through.

"Let me know what you decide," she said. "But don't think about it too long. I'm not getting younger," she said with a smile. "And if you say no, I need to get started finding a new candidate."

She walked away and I stayed on the metal bench for a half hour. I looked over the lake like I had a hundred times before. Morgan and I had sat on that bench after our second date. It was where we had first kissed and it was there that I had proposed to her. After a while, the hard surface was pretty uncomfortable, but as long as my mind was distracted, I didn't notice.

I felt guilty for even considering Claire's proposal. She was right, though. A part of me wanted to get started right away. She was attractive, no doubt. Maybe she wasn't the type I usually went for, but that didn't make her any less sexually desirable. What bothered me most was the feeling that, when it came down to it, I'd just be using her. She would just be a body to me, a body I used for sex. And that didn't sit right with me.

But she seemed OK with the impersonal nature of it. I realized that if I said yes, I would be guaranteed some sexual release, probably a few times a month for as long as she wanted it. And maybe that release would make it easier for me to be patient while I tried to find the right kind of girl for me. What did I stand to lose?

It seemed too obvious, too simple, like there had to be a catch. The only problem I saw was the questionable promise of "no legal entanglements." It was one thing to say that, it was another to ensure it. I got up and walked slowly back to my apartment. I could see that the light was still on in Claire's place, but I decided to not go there just yet. I gave it a good night's sleep, then in the morning I dropped a note in her mailbox.

Claire. Let's talk details. Russ.

*******

I figured she'd stop by that night, but instead she was knocking on my door that afternoon, presumably right after she had checked her mail.

I opened the door and felt embarrassed. She wasn't smiling, but she seemed excited.

"So, is this a yes?" she asked, holding up my note.

"A contingent yes. If I'm comfortable with the details."

"Walk with me?" she asked, nodding her head towards the lake. There was a jogging path around it, so we took a stroll on the mile-long path.

"I have a friend who's a lawyer," I told her, as soon as we had some privacy. "I'd like to have him make a contract or something that formalizes some of this."

"I...don't know about that."

"Look, Claire, if we do this, I need to know you're not going to hit me with a paternity suit or something."

She sighed. "That's fair. But I don't like telling someone else about it."

"He's my cousin and my best friend. I tell him everything...almost everything." I said. "I'd be telling him anyway. A contract protects both of us. You can put something in there ensuring I won't try to take the kid away or anything like that, if you want."

She stopped still and looked at me with a frightened expression. "OK, I hadn't even considered that. I just assumed the guy would want to be a part of making the kid but not actually raising it." She resumed walking. "OK, so how do we do this? Do we meet your cousin together?"

"I don't know. Let's talk about it, then write down what we want, and he'll draw something up for us to sign."

She laughed. "For some reason, that makes this weirder than it already is."

"Well, it's pretty weird to begin with. This just formalizes that."

We both laughed. After a few more steps, Claire cleared her throat then said, "So I keep track of my cycle, which is pretty regular. There's a three or four day window in the middle that would be best for...getting the job done. The plan is: every month, once a day during those 4 days, at my place. I can call it off at any time."

"Sounds reasonable." I started to get hard just picturing having sex with her. It was exciting to think about. I began to wonder what she was like in bed. Loud? Timid? Aggressive? Playful?

"I want you to get tested...just to make sure you're clean." I opened my mouth to object- but then realized she had every right to expect that.

"And this is may be the downside," she said, slowing her pace. "No other women while we're trying. I'm not trying to be possessive or anything- I just want to be safe. And it may only take a month or two, so maybe it's no big deal. You're not dating anyone right now, are you?"

"Huh? No. Not since Conner's mom left. And uh, I'll go get tested."

"OK. Well, you talk to your cousin and let me know what he says."

We talked a few more details while we finished our loop around the lake. For some reason, I felt like I should be holding her hand or something. I made a joke to that effect, and Claire got serious. "Be careful, Russell. We're not talking about friends with benefits or anything like that. Try to keep it...like a business exchange. You've had one night stands, right?" I didn't want to mention that I'd only had one- just a week earlier- and had hated it. Still, I nodded yes.

"Well just picture this like a recurring one of those. No need to talk about it later or keep in touch. We're both there for just one thing, and we don't need to complicate it."

"I suppose," I said, skeptically. "Anyway, I'll call Marco tonight. Don't worry- he's really trustworthy. And since it would be a professional thing, he wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone."

She sighed, "I guess so." Just then, we were back at our building. As we walked up the steps, Claire said in a soft voice, "We've got almost three weeks until the next time for...you know. I'll send you the dates." We swapped phone numbers, and she texted me a range of dates for three weeks later. I went home and starred those dates on my wall calendar. After dinner, I called Marco.

*******

Ten days later, in the late afternoon, Claire and I were sitting around a small table in Marco's office. The door was shut and Marco was just sitting down, papers in hand.

"OK, so before we begin, I need to say something off the record," he told us. "I want you both to know that I think this is seriously fucked up. I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for you, Russ. Claire, you seem like a nice lady, and Russ, I love you like a brother, and I just want you both to hear it from me again, that I think this is a bad idea and one or both of you is going to end up hurt."

We looked around in awkward silence. Once it was clear he hadn't dissuaded us, Marco sighed loudly and put the papers in front of us. "OK, now I included everything I could in the contract. Both of you read it very carefully. It's got everything you specified about relinquishing paternal rights, denial of the right to child support, denial of visitation rights, financial obligations for medical procedures- everything I could put in a contract of this nature." We both started reading. The contract was only a page long, but the print was small and it was in legalese, so it took some time. When I was about halfway through, Marco said, "There's no precedent for anything like this- I had to make up the contract from scratch. And I didn't even have my secretary handle it, since you wanted secrecy."

Claire mumbled some words of thanks as she continued to read. After another minute, we had both finished, and Claire said, "So there's nothing about...the act itself. This doesn't mention...that...at all."

I had noticed that, too. The contract assumed pregnancy. It didn't say anything about how we would get to that point.

"Like I said," Marco replied, "I put in everything I could. I cannot, however, make a contract that obligates someone to perform a sexual act. There's only one legal contract that can do something like that," we both raised our eyebrows- in surprise and curiosity, "and that's marriage. If you want to talk about 'conjugal rights,' you need to go get a marriage license...which you will not be doing," he said, directing that last statement at me.

"Not even on the radar, man. But can't you word it vaguely?"

"Yeah," Claire added, "like something about an agreed-upon exchange of property...or something?"

Marco shook his head. "No- because unless the nature of the 'property' is specified, it can be interpreted however someone wants. So it doesn't guarantee anything."

"Oh..." Claire and I said together.

"Besides, unless I'm wrong, you're not worried about that part of it. I mean...that's going to happen, right? It's the...ensuing issues that need legal protection."

Claire relaxed, "Yeah, you're right. I suppose this covers everything."

Marco looked at me. "Looks good to me," I said with a shrug.

Marco called in his secretary to serve as the notary, and we all signed where we needed to. Marco gave us each a copy, warning us to keep it safely out of sight. As we got up to leave, Marco walked us to the door. Putting his arm on my shoulder, Marco shook his head and said, "You just be glad I can't tell Becca about this." Claire looked at us suspiciously, and I quickly said, "His wife."

She nodded understandingly, then headed out of the office. We walked together to the parking lot, then just before we parted ways, Claire asked, "You still have the dates, right?"

Starred and circled on my calendar- hell yes, I had the dates.

"The first one is next Wednesday," she said. "Just come on over sometime after 7, OK?"

"Want me to bring over anything?" I asked, realizing I didn't know exactly how she expected this to happen.

"Just...the product," she laughed, then got in her car and drove away.

*******

A little over a week later was Wednesday, the Wednesday. I thought about it all day. I had kept myself from jerking off all week- which wasn't easy. I got home from work in the late afternoon, showered, ate dinner, and looked at the clock for the hundredth time. It was still only 6:30. I tried to watch TV but couldn't focus. I tried to clean up, but I had already obsessively cleaned my place all week, trying to find a way to redirect my sexual excitement. I brushed my teeth and shaved, not wanting to be at all offensive during our first time.

It's an odd feeling, knowing you'll be having sex soon. It's not like in the club or on a date, when you're trying to figure out Is this going to happen? Or on your way home, when you know it's going to happen soon and you're with the person already. But to know that in less than half an hour I would be having sex with a woman who was in the apartment below me...it was driving me crazy.

Guilt kept creeping into my mind, but I rationalized it away. It was her idea. She didn't ask for more details. I got all the tests she asked for. I wouldn't let this go on too long, just a few months while I readjusted my life. I wasn't technically lying to her...

Finally, at 7pm I went down the stairs and knocked on Claire's door. She let me in and I looked her up and down. She was in tight sweatpants and a t-shirt with her hair pulled up into a ponytail. She smiled and said, "Hey, come on back to the bedroom." That's about the sexiest thing a woman can say.

Her bedroom, like her apartment, was simple. She had an electric piano in the corner of her living room, and I would guess that she had some interest in pottery, judging from all the obviously hand-painted ones sitting around. In her bedroom, she had a big flat-screen TV mounted on the wall. On her nightstand was a big bowl of popcorn and a glass of iced tea. It looked like she had a movie ready to go. Seeing me looking at it, she said, "Since I'm not supposed to walk around after you do your thing, I'm just going to lay back and watch a movie."

She seemed like she was trying to be relaxed, but failing.

"Nervous?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't sound too excited.

"Of course. Nervous and excited. I really want this to work, and I've been so excited thinking about finally taking a step to have a baby that I haven't thought about the awkwardness of getting there."

"Well, I'll try not to be too awkward," I promised.

"I know you will, thank you," she said, climbing on the bed. I started unbuttoning my shirt, but Claire said, "Hold on, no need for that." I paused and looked at her, confused.

"This isn't about sex, remember?" I looked blankly at her, unsure what she meant. Claire went on. "I don't want to do anything more than necessary. So...I'll lie here on the bed, and you get yourself all worked up, and then right before you...you know...cum...just put it in me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!" she said, a little too cheerily. "I used a lot of lube, so you won't have to work at getting it in. And look!" she pulled down a flap of cloth at her crotch and opened it up, barely revealing her slit. "I custom-made some pants that I could use when we do this. This way I don't even need to pull down my pants!" She was quite proud of that.

"Oh my God," I said in disbelief. Definitely not what I had expected. I mean, I hadn't expected to be making love to her, but I at least thought it would be a quickie. I thought there would be some flesh involved.

"Would it be easier for you if I was watching the movie while you...did your thing?"

"If you're not going to be helping me, then yeah, I don't think I want you just sitting there watching me jerk off." I tried not to sound bitter about it. She had said it wasn't about sex. I just didn't take that to mean that there wouldn't be sex.

"OK. That's fine. Just...some guys get off on that, you know? They like being watched," she said casually, lying back on the bed and picking up her remote. She turned the movie on and I unzipped my pants. I felt a little foolish for having dressed a little nicer. Pajama pants with a hole in the front would have been much more convenient- I'd have to remember that the next day.