The Convertible - Hot Wheels

He seemed a little nervous at first, but relaxed as he got into his story. "OK, so I came in the door in my fireman's outfit, put on my music and did my thing with an oversized water gun where I spray down the bride, so her top is clingy. Before I got started with all that, though, the maid of honor came up and told me to make sure and spray the wheelchair girl, too, so she'd feel sexy.

I think I knew where this was going. "What was the maid of honor's name?"

"Bella something, I think it was."

"Bella McLean?"

"Yeah, that was it! Bella McLean! She was the one that booked me. All the women in the bachelorette party were wearing t-shirts that said, 'Chelsea's I Do Crew' on the front, with their names on the back and 'Bella' was the name on hers." I had to hand it to Craig, once he got rolling, he had a fantastic memory. He'd make a great expert witness, if a serious crime were ever committed by a bachelorette, that is.

"How did you manage to persuade Julia to take her top off?"

"Oh, that wasn't me, that was Bella's idea. Once I got stripped down to my thong, she told all the women there to take off their tops so I wouldn't feel alone." Then Craig frowned and held up his hands towards me.

"I didn't touch anybody, I swear, dude! Like I said, no way did I want to be accused of anything. After everybody's top was off, Chelsea and Bella had me sit on the couch, then picked Julia up out of her chair and put her in my lap. When Bella started to chant 'kiss him, kiss him' the rest of the women joined in, so Julia put her arms around my neck and French-kissed me. You can see in the pictures though, I kept my hands at my sides, dude! I never touched her."

"After she kissed you, did she say anything to you?"

"She asked me if I thought she was hot, and I told her yes, because, you know, she was. I figured I'd get a bigger tip if I did, and besides, it was true, right?"

It was all I could do to not slap my own forehead. "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, Julia was my girlfriend, remember?" Craig was really wrapped up in his story now, I don't think he noticed I'd referred to her in the past tense. "Did she say or do anything else?"

Craig's face reddened. "She asked me if I wanted to come back to her place." I could feel my anger surging again, and the gym rat must have seen it in my face because his eyes got wide. "Dude, don't get mad at me," he protested, "I told her no, you know? Like I said, I got a professional reputation to protect."

Craig was right to be cautious. I was now pissed as hell, and if we'd been alone, I would have punched his big stupid lights out, not because he deserved it -- he didn't, he was just doing a job, after all -- but just because it would have made me feel better. Instead, I took a calming breath.

After that, I took a $50 bill out of my wallet, slid it across the table, and told him "Thanks for your time, and for the information." Then I got up and walked out, leaving behind me the smell of balsamic vinaigrette and the sounds of government clerks digesting.

I sat in my car and pondered what I'd just heard. As I suspected, Bella and Chelsea were friends. Bella was mad at me because I'd dumped her for cheating -- her logic totally escaped me, but it was very on-brand for her. Meanwhile, Chelsea was mad at me because Julia didn't need her as a caretaker with me around. Chelsea's bachelorette party gave the two manipulative bitches the opportunity to set Julia up and break us apart.

On the other hand, it was completely Julia's choice to take her top off and French-kiss Craig the stripper, and even worse, invite him back to her home. Why would she do that? What was I not doing for her that he could do better? Why was I not good enough anymore? Plus, as far back as our first date, I told her if things weren't working out, I expected her to just tell me up front instead of sneaking behind my back and betraying me. Instead, she'd gone and done that exact thing.

I mean, if he'd said yes, once he got her there, I wondered how long it would have taken him to run out on her once she laid out her bedtime prep routine. I doubt if some shallow fuckboy would stick around if he had to change her diaper or massage her legs.

Even more troubling, though, was how Julia had tried to cover up her going to the bridal shower by sending her twin on a date with me in her place. How stupid did she think I was to be fooled by that? That truly added insult to injury. SHIT!

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Chapter 11 - Big Girls Don't Cry

About a week after I walked out on Julia, I got a call from Rose. Never a woman to mess about, she got straight to the point. "Landon, Julia called me and told me she'd really messed things up with you. She asked me to ask you to meet with her for a few minutes so she could explain and apologize."

My response was just as direct, "Rose, I think the world of you, but why in the hell would I do that? I told her from the start, specifically because of what Bella did, I have a zero-tolerance policy on cheating. I drew a line, she crossed it, that's it."

Rose was quiet for a few seconds, then came back with, "Landon, you know I'm an expert when it comes to being cheated on. I understand completely why you're feeling the way you do, but hear me out. My daughter already wrecked your life once, and now she's about to do it again. I think Julia's a wonderful woman who Bella put in a position to make some really awful choices that she now regrets. All I can say is, I really care about you and if I truly believed Julia was bad for you, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I'm asking you to come out to the ranch Saturday and give her 30 minutes. Please."

So, long story short I drove out to Norman's ranch on that Saturday. Damn it, Rose!

When I arrived, Julia's van was already there. I'd arrived 30 minutes early, so she must have been anxious to see me. Ugh. This wasn't going to be pretty.

I knocked on the front door of the ranch house, and Russ let me in. We shook hands; Russ wasn't a hugging type of guy, and that was fine by me. "They're in the living room. You want some coffee?"

"No thanks, Russ. I just want to get this over with."

He laughed, "Yeah, Rose can be an unstoppable force when she gets her mind set, so don't feel too bad. Nine times out of ten, I just do as she says without discussion; she's usually right anyway."

I walked in the living room, and Rose jumped up to give me a hug. I liked it in spite of myself. Julia's eyes were red, so apparently, they'd already had some girl-talk before I arrived. Rose stepped out of the room, and I sat on the couch. It was Julia's ballgame now, I was just a reluctant participant.

"Hello, Landon, thanks for coming out to meet with me." She was wearing the same outfit she'd worn on our first date - that red bare-shouldered dress with the bright red lipstick. Damn, she looked great. But as I'd found out with Bella, external looks didn't mean jack shit if there was ugly under the skin.

"That was a dirty trick you pulled, roping Rose in to persuade me," I growled.

"I'm not sorry, I was desperate, and she was my last hope. You weren't returning my calls or my messages. I love you, Landon, I can't let you go without a fight."

Oh, boy. Wrong thing to say. She told me she loved me for the first time only AFTER she made out with a stripper? Was this for real?

My anger erupted, and I had no control. I began shouting, "LET me go?!?! Julia, you fucking THREW ME AWAY! I mean, after eight months I thought we were exclusive, but I guess I'm just stupid shithead for assuming that! You're a single woman and you can do whatever the hell you want, I'd just hoped that if ever I didn't measure up, that you'd have the fucking integrity to tell me straight and not cheat on me."

Julia tried to interject, "Let me explain..." but I cut her off.

"I don't WANT a damned explanation, Julia! What I wanted was your respect, but instead you cheated on me, even when I warned you not to! And then you made it worse by trading places with your lying bitch sister Octavia!" I stopped to breath for a minute. I'd been shouting, I didn't want Rose coming in here, it would only make things worse. Silent now, Julia started crying.

In a quieter voice, I went on, "I found your stripper and talked to him. I know everything." Julia gasped, her eyes wide with shock at this news. "Chelsea and Bella set you up - it was them that got you drunk and convinced you to take your top off. And it was Chelsea that used your phone to take that picture and send it to me. But you weren't forced to do any of those things, Julia, you made those choices yourself. I know they put you on the stripper's lap. But you didn't have to put your tongue down his throat."

My heart hurt as I yelled the next words, "AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK HIM TO TAKE YOU HOME! HOW WAS I SO HORRIBLE THAT YOU NEEDED TO FUCK HIM? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?"

Then it was out; I'd said it and I was done. I put my head down, my face in my hands, and it was my turn to cry. I hadn't shed a single tear since I'd walked out, but now I had a flood on my hands. Suddenly, all the hurt that I'd compartmentalized and contained simply burst out, like that creature who busted out of that guy's chest in the ALIEN movie. I was now officially a red-hot mess. I don't know why I didn't just leave right then. Maybe I didn't want to get snot on my driving gloves, who the fuck knows?

Or, just maybe, I DID want to hear Julia explain why I was so awful.

Julia spoke in a gentle voice, as if pleading for me to listen. "Landon, you did nothing wrong. You're the most wonderful man I've ever known. Sometimes when I'd wake up in the middle of the night, I'd just look at you, not believing you really loved me. I mean, you proved it over and over again, but I had a hard time believing it. Growing up, Octavia and I were both tall and beautiful; after the accident, Octavia was the pretty sister, I was the disabled sister in the wheelchair that people pitied. I became invisible, less than a real woman. No man wanted me."

I managed to get two words out. "I did." The urge to stand up and leave was strong now, but for some reason I held off.

"At the bachelorette party, all the women were telling me how hot I was, and by then I was drunk and horny, so I kissed the stripper. Then I asked him if he thought I was hot..."

I finished it for her, "and he said yes."

"Landon, I was feeling so good, so sexy again, and that's when it slipped out; I asked him to come home with me. It was impulsive, but it was stupid. I wasn't thinking clearly. It just felt good to be like my old self again."

If I was hoping for a revelation, this fell short. Way short. I whispered, "What you're telling me is that after all the months we've been together, I'm a failure. Despite all the times we made love, despite all the times I told you what you meant to me, I never made you feel attractive. It took some cheap man-whore who's never so much as massaged your legs or done a lateral transfer with you to make you feel sexy."

"Landon, no, it wasn't like that. You were amazing, it was all me, I just couldn't allow myself to believe that you loved me and wanted me that much."

Now that I'd gotten past my emotional outburst, a calmness took over. "I adored you, Julia. You were everything to me. Everything. I didn't give a rat's ass that your legs don't work, to me you were perfect. Did your sister tell you I was going to propose the night you two switched places?"

She looked down at the floor and admitted in a small, quiet voice, "Yes."

"Congratulations, Julia. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but instead you not only broke my heart, but also humiliated me. Do me a favor, forget we ever met."

I stood up, and headed for the door. Just before I walked out, I turned back to her to give her one last parting thought. "You may not remember, but on our first date I said you were certainly hot enough to cheat. I guess I should have listened to my own damned warning." I'd regret that remark when I got home, but at the moment, it felt good. I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me.

As I walked out Rose was standing on the porch. She looked at me, hope on her face. No such luck. I said to her, "Well, Rose, it turned out your daughter and Julia have a lot more in common than I first thought. I should never have come. Feel free to lose my number, and don't ever call me again."

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Chapter 12 - Hell Freezes Over

I was really in a quandary now.

While the breakup with Bella was devastating enough, my losing Julia right before I was going to propose was real 1864-General-Sherman-marching-to-the-sea stuff: cities burned to ashes and crops ruined, you get the picture?

I didn't want to hate Julia. She was an adult single woman who had made choices she had every right to make, but the humiliation she put me through was too much to bear. On the other hand, I had no problem hating Bella. We'd been engaged, yet she cheated on me, multiple times no less. I loathed her with every fiber of my being. Although I certainly didn't deserve it, it seemed the loathing was mutual.

Since we'd broken up, although Bella and I worked in the same department we seldom spoke to each other except in departmental meetings. On those rare occasions when we did speak, we exchanged no more than a few words at a time, usually things like "That chart you're showing us is utter nonsense," or "As incompetent as you are, how is it they don't fire you?" You know, things that really make our fellow team members comfortable in meetings and boost staff morale, right?

The truth was, we were both very good project managers that did our jobs well. Fully aware of our breakup but afraid to lose either one of us, Ray Henley, the Head of the Engineering Division assigned us projects for different groups, and physically kept us as far apart as possible. He even went so far as to have our offices relocated to opposite corners of the building.

Except suddenly, I wasn't such a very good project manager. In the space of a year, I'd been betrayed by my fiancée, emasculated by my girlfriend who didn't find me good enough, and turned my back on Rose and Russ, probably the last two people in the Oklahoma City metropolitan area who qualified as my friends.

I felt lost, alone, and unfocused. I would also be the first to admit that I'd gone from being a top performing PM to being a merely adequate one - the kind of thing that could get a guy fired.

Things came to a head in a monthly department-wide meeting (which included Bella) where we were giving status reports on every development project currently in play. Since the CEO was a serious World Wildlife Fund advocate, all the projects had code names of endangered species.

Bella's current project was code-named Arctic Fox, and it was progressing both on-time and under budget. When she presented her results, a few people in the meeting even clapped. I hated to admit it, but it was impressive. My ex may have had zero morals, but she was incredibly good at her job.

Other project reviews presented, Beluga, Loggerhead Turtle, and Macaw, had medium to good status reports, but Bella's Arctic Fox project had made the most progress, hands down. I was the last presenter, and like the actual species, my project, Snow Leopard, was endangered. Of the four key performance indicators, only Quality was in the green status. Timeliness was in red status, while Budget and Effectiveness were in yellow status.

Everyone in the conference room was deathly quiet as I walked through my presentation. Under ordinary circumstances I would have had an action plan for every non-green item, but given the disasters in my personal life, I'd taken my eye off the ball and it was coming back to bite me. I had no remediation plans; I was dead in the water.

As I stood there wishing I could turn invisible, Ray Henley cleared his throat and said quietly "What I'm seeing here is extremely disappointing, Landon. These are not the typical results we've come to expect from you." He paused, then took a breath before the next question, which I knew would be coming sooner or later. "Do we need to replace you on the Snow Leopard project?"

Hearing that question, I now knew my career was over. If I were replaced, I wouldn't be reassigned; instead, I'd be gone. My boss had me dead to rights, but before I could respond in reluctant agreement a woman's voice spoke up. "It's not Landon's fault, Ray. The project is being internally sabotaged."

I looked up, and just about fell over. The woman who'd stood up and said that was none other than my ex, Bella McLean. Since it was no secret Bella and I had an ugly breakup and openly detested each other, I could hear our co-workers texting with their phones hidden under the table, informing the rest of the company about her shockingly speaking in my defense.

Our boss turned towards her, one eyebrow raised, "Explain."

"Three of the Arctic Fox programmers are also peripherally involved with Snow Leopard. Yesterday they were telling me that Eldon Breckenridge, the Engineering Lead on Snow Leopard, is deliberately making project changes without filing any ECOs. There's no way Landon would know because the documentation behind the changes doesn't exist."

Holy crap! Engineering Change Orders -- ECOs -- were the life's blood of project management. No wonder things were going sideways; that back-stabbing Breckenridge had been hiding changes and sabotaging the project, along with my career!

Aside from the sound of texting, you could have heard a pin drop while Ray processed what Bella had just told him. Finally, he asked, "What do you propose for remedial action, Ms. McLean?"

"First, remove Breckenridge from the project and promote Lars Brenner from Engineering Supervisor to Engineering Lead. Brenner's a smart guy and ready to move up, so this will be a good opportunity for him. Let me and Landon do some forensics with the programmers, read their email trails, and figure out what changes Breckenridge has been making and how to fix them. I'm guessing it will take a couple of weeks, but we'll get everything in green status again."

I'd never seen Ray Henley flummoxed before, but today was turning out to be an unusual one in multiple ways. Enunciating slowly and carefully so there was no error, he said, "Let me clarify, Ms. McLean. You're actually volunteering -- not being forced, but willingly volunteering - to work with Landon Garrett. THE Landon Garrett. That man right there." He pointed at me.

"Yes, the Landon Garrett who's managing the Snow Leopard project, that would be him." Bella nodded at me, a small smile crossing her face. My suspicions were aroused of course, but I was in no position to refuse if I wanted to save my career.

Ray still wasn't convinced. "And you think the two of you will be able to do that without ripping each other's throats out?"

Bella looked at me, "I think Landon is professional enough to look beyond any past personal differences to do what's best for the project. Don't you agree, Mr. Garrett?"

And there, in that conference room full of witnesses, I did something I never thought I'd never do again; I agreed with Bella. "Yes, Ms. McLean. We'll do this together for the good of Snow Leopard."

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Chapter 13 - Through The Looking Glass

Since Bella had basically saved my career and reputation in that meeting, it was only fair we continue the discussion between the two of us in her office, formerly known as 'enemy territory'. Everyone on our floor of the building was aware of our prior animosity, so seeing us walk into her office together - without an HR team member in tow - and close the door caused quite a stir. People saw us, but couldn't believe it; the cubicles were alive with the murmuring of gossip.